Spilled Milk: Based on a true story (26 page)

“Little boys?”

Gina silenced
herself with a gulp of wine.

“What little
boys?”

She looked away
from me.

“Gina, tell
me.”

“Oh God.” She
covered her mouth. “I promised I wouldn’t say anything. It’s the wine.”

“Gina!”

“Please don’t
tell anyone I told you. Please don’t. There’s a reason why the defense won’t bring
up the fact that you passed out and couldn’t remember certain things. They
can’t open that bag of worms.”

“I don’t get
it.”

“You had a
witness. Your brother, Thomas, he walked in on it.”

My mouth
dropped.

“He went into
your parent’s room to use their bathroom because someone was in the other one.
He saw you passed out on the bed and tried to leave the room before Earl saw
him. Oh, the wine.”

She pinched the
bridge of her nose before continuing. “Earl ran after him, chased him into his
bedroom and pinned him up against the wall, asked him if he liked what he saw.”

She waved her
hand. “He was raped too. I’m so sorry. I’m sorry no one told you, we wanted him
to tell you when he was ready.”

 “No, Gina. Oh
my God.”

She pulled my
hand away from my mouth as she wrapped her arms around me. “I’m so sorry. I
shouldn’t have told you.”

“Why isn’t the
D.A doing something about this?” My voice carried louder than I expected it to.
“Why can’t we let Thomas testify too?”

“He’s been in
and out of detention centers. He’s having trouble passing his classes and gets
in trouble all the time, he’s lashing out. He’s a textbook example of what an
abused child acts like.”

“Exactly!”

Gina handed me
a tissue. “He doesn’t have the credibility you do. He didn’t get the help like
you did. Do you really think he could sit up there and have a lawyer tell him
he was making it up? Or imply that what he was saying was a lie?”

I shook my head
as I blew my nose. “Thomas would jump over the stand and kill him.”

“Exactly. Your
testimony alone is enough to put him away for a great length of time, Brooke.
And if and when he’s ready, there is a long statute of limitations. He can be
thirty when he decides to press charges. He’s not there yet.”

It all made
sense. Thomas was always asking when and if Earl would be coming back home. He
wasn’t asking because he missed him or because he didn’t believe what I was
saying. He was asking because he was petrified that he would have to live under
the same roof as him again. Thomas and I shared the same nightmares.

Gina bent down
beside me. “You have a chance to get justice for you and your family. You can
put him away, I know you can. You’re smart and you’re ready. If you can do it
one time, you can do it again and again. You won’t let him beat you, not like
this.”

She was right.
This fight had always been about keeping my siblings safe. I failed to do that
by sacrificing myself to Earl. It was a bunch of smoke and mirrors I let myself
believe that I was protecting them. He would win if I backed down now, and
everything I’ve gone through up until this point would have been for nothing.

I nodded at
Gina. “When can we meet with the jurors?”

Two of the jurors
met with the D.A’s office for over a week. They hashed out what they thought
needed clarification: Was my grandmother in the room like the defense suggested
at one point? Where exactly was my mom during all of this? Why didn’t I tell anyone,
and when I did, what brought me to do that? Why
were
my grades so high?
They assured Rob that once they clearly delivered the answers to those
questions to the next jury, there would be no room for reasonable doubt and a
guilty verdict was imminent.

I had some
questions of my own for Heather and Rob. “Who do I look at when I’m answering a
question? I want to look at the person who asks but I don’t want to look at
David. I can feel the jury looking at me, so I don’t know where to look.”

“Talk to the jury,”
Rob said, “They’re the ones that need to understand, not myself, not David’s
lawyer.”

“And you can
always look at me,” Heather suggested. “I’ll be sitting with the previous
jurors and family members who are supporting you.”

“Can I use
words like penis and rape? Can I say that?”

“You can use
whatever words you need to give the jury as much detail as you can. There’s no
right or wrong way, you won’t get in trouble in that court room. Not even if
you curse, or cry. It’s expected. There’s a lot of emotion,” Rob said.

“Don’t feel
like you need to answer a question right away either. If you need to think
about it for a few seconds, then do that. There are a lot of dates and
specifics that they’ll try and confuse you with. Listen to the question
carefully, ask them to repeat it if you need another minute to think.” Heather
smiled. “You’ll be okay.”

“I didn’t want
to do this again.”

“We know.” Rob
rubbed the scruff on his face. “But we’re really glad you are.”

When I walked
through the white door of the courtroom again, it wasn’t any easier. I knew
what to expect though, so the stares from the jurors were not so intense and I
managed to completely ignored Earl when I took my seat on the witness stand.

Rob started
first, and we channeled through his questions like we were old pals catching up
on each other’s lives. We established that I bought my own car and anything
else I needed from working and that I wanted to sleep at my boyfriend’s house
because I was scared to go home, not to be rebellious. “Brooke can you please
explain to the jury, in detail, what happened during the two incidents you were
raped.”

Too ashamed to
make eye contact with any of the jurors, I spoke to the wall behind them. My
eyes burned when I tried to explain how I was grabbed and pinned down on the
bed. By the time I started to explain the second rape, an unfamiliar warmth
shot across my chest. I was angry.

I gripped the
edge of the witness box, the tone in my voice articulate and betrayed, not
caring anymore about the tears that soaked my face. When I finished, I glanced
up to make sure the jury was still there, that they had heard me. I caught
sight of an older black man with a bald head. A hand covered his mouth, his
brow wrinkled in fury.

I steadied
myself for the defense to start. Earl had a new lawyer, again. He struggled to
get out of his seat and smoothed his jacket over his protruding belly.

“Brooke, I’m
Mr. Solak.” He approached, his eyes told me he wasn’t going to let me go
easily. This time, I was ready.

Okay Brooke,
here we go. Be precise. Be strong. Be truthful. Be yourself.

Mr. Solak edged
his way around a poster board he had on display in front of the jurors. “Brooke,
on this diagram of the upstairs of your house, could you please tell me what
room this is?” He pointed to my parent’s room.

Be precise.

“That’s the
room I was raped in.”

He nodded at
first, undoubtedly not expecting to hear that, then frowned and glanced at Rob
who’s face tried not to give away that he was smirking.

“Please tell me
who
slept
in this room.”

“Oh, my
parents.”

“And what room
is this alllll the way down here.” He dragged his finger to the other side of
the hallway, stretching out his words as if to say ‘
See how much distance is
between each room?’

“The room I
would hide in. My bedroom.”

The corners of
his mouth dropped. “So you expect the jury to believe that Mr. Nolan
carried
you
all the way to his bedroom?”

Be strong.

I looked down
at my diminishing figure, and then up at the jury. “Yep. All 95 pounds of me.”

On cue, the
jury glanced across the room at Earl, studying his stocky, more than two
hundred pound body. Exhilarated that they got my point I positioned myself for
more.

Mr. Solak
pulled out my grades from high school and asked me to read them out loud. When
I was finished he turned to the jury with a smug look. “So your grades actually
increased
during the time you claim to have been raped.”

It wasn’t a
question, or even directed to me, but I spoke up. “Because the only time I was
allowed to keep my bedroom door locked is when I was studying. So guess what I
did all the time?”

I knew I didn’t
fit the classification of what everyone thought a sexually abused child acted
or looked like. My coping skills just happened to be funneled into productive
outlets instead of destructive ones.

Mr. Solak
didn’t even have the patience to object. Instead he fired off another question;
one he thought would corner me for sure. “Miss Nolan, if this was going on for
so long, why didn’t you tell anyone?”

Be truthful.

“I thought I
was protecting my brothers and sister.” For the first time I made eye contact
with the jury. “I thought that if I let him hurt me, he wouldn’t hurt them. But
I wasn’t protecting
them
, I was protecting
him
. I thought that
what happened in my house was normal, I didn’t know anything else, it was all I
knew. But when I found out…” I shook my head, still in disbelief that I
actually thought this happened in every household. “When I knew that my house
was different, I knew it had to stop.”

“And what is it
you’d like to see happen to David?”

Be yourself.

He wanted me to
show a malicious side, Rob told me earlier. The truth was it didn’t matter to
me if Earl ended up in jail. I didn’t care if he strutted around in anklets and
never saw the outside world again. It wasn’t about that, this was not revenge.
I didn’t have a mean bone in my body, even after everything he’d put me through.
There was really only one response I could give.

“I just want to
make sure that he can never hurt anybody ever again. It doesn’t matter what
happens, I just don’t want to see other people get hurt.”

“No further
questions, your Honor,” said Mr. Solak. He waddled over to his table and huffed
as he sat down.

Rob had one
more point to prove. “Brooke, you testified earlier that the reason why your
grades were so high was because you studied a lot?”

“Yes.”

“So when Mr.
Nolan was trashing the house, or abusing your brothers or sister, you coped by
distracting yourself…with studying?”

“Yes.” The tone
in his voice was disbelief. I got uneasy about what he was trying to say.
Wasn’t he supposed to be my lawyer? Wasn’t he on my side?

“You can tunnel
your stress, your worry, and forget about everything else except what you’re
trying to memorize?”

“Yea.”

“Brooke could
you please empty the contents of your pocket for the jury?”

“Objection your
honor, relevance?” Mr. Solak didn’t want any more surprises. He shook his head
at Rob and waited for the judge to make a call.

The judge
looked as surprised as I was.

“I assure you,
Your Honor, the relevance will be revealed momentarily.”

The judge eyed
Rob. “I’ll allow it.” She leaned forward on her bench to get a closer look.

Three index
cards fell out of my pocket and onto the stand in front of me. I realized where
Rob was going with this and grinned.

“Brooke, please
tell the jury, what the contents of your pocket are.”

I picked up the
note cards and turned them over in my hands. “They’re chemical reactions, for
my organic chemistry class. I have an exam in two days.”

“You’re here
today to testify against your father for
raping
you, and you have
organic chemistry equations stuffed in your pockets?” His grin was ear to ear.

“Yes.”

My explanation
resonated with the jury. I had testified for over three hours for the defense.
Every direction he tried to pull me in I changed it around. I hated that I cried
so many times in front of strangers, but as I took my place in one of the wooden
chairs outside the courtroom when I was finished I realized I wasn’t ashamed
anymore. I was hurt and I was betrayed, but I was not ashamed.

The trial
lasted two days, just like the first one. Both lawyers gave their closing
arguments, and the judge charged the jury with what they needed to do to come
back with a verdict beyond a reasonable doubt.

“What does that
even mean, beyond a reasonable doubt?” I asked Heather.

“Just means
that we have the burden of proving he did it, he doesn’t have the burden of
proving he didn’t do it. They need to believe, all of them, that without a
doubt based on what we told them, he’s guilty.”

I thought that
since there was only verbal testimony as evidence for both sides, automatically
there would be doubt. The pub we frequented to wait just like last time was
just getting ready for dinner hour as I crammed in next to my Aunt Jean and
Gina. Rob loosened his tie and heather replayed some of Earl’s testimony that
she could remember.

“So David says,
As soon as Brooke mentioned sexual abuse, Aunt Jean just took it and blew it
out of proportion
so Rob says
She blew the sex abuse…out of proportion
?
And David says
Yes
.”

Aunt Jean
gasped, “I absolutely did not…”

Heather held up
a finger. “Hold on it gets worse. So Rob says
So she made the sex thing a
big thing?
David says,
A really big thing.
Rob turns to the jury
with a look of surprise and goes
That should have been kept small I guess?
I never heard a lawyer call out objection so fast!” Heather shook her head as
she laughed.

“Yea, well
there are a lot of charges against him. It would carry out a heavy sentence, so
the longer they deliberate the better it looks for us.” Rob bit into a corned
beef sandwich as his phone rang. “Excuse me, probably my wife.”

“How you doing,
you doing okay?” Gina stroked my head, “Can I order some wine? I need a drink.”

“No time.” Rob
shut his phone and pushed his plate away in disgust. “The jury came back. They
have a verdict.”

“Already?”
Heather sounded panicked. “It’s been forty five minutes Rob.”

“I know.” He
grabbed his briefcase and we shuffled out of the booth.

Everyone tried
to keep their composure as we scanned through security in the lobby but there
was an undeniable sinister cloud that followed us down into the court room. Since
the jury came back so soon, we could only assume that they did not decide on a
guilty verdict.

We were the
last ones to file into the courtroom and I slid into a bench closest to the
door. When the jury walked in and took their place, the room slowed like a
movie scene as the judge asked the foreman, the bald black man, if the jury had
reached a verdict.

“We have, your
Honor.”

“Very well. On
the count of rape by forcible compulsion, how do you find the defendant?”

Gina fell to
the floor in sobs as the foreman read out the first guilty.

“On the count
of incest how do you find the defendant?”

“Guilty.”

“On the count
of corruption of a minor, how do you find the defendant?”

“Guilty.”

Cries of joy
and pain rose from the benches where I sat. Gina, Mom, Heather, Aunt Jean, all
trying to squeeze me as I hung my head, relief washing over me like the parade
of guilty verdicts.

“On the charge
of indecent assault without consent how do you find the defendant?”

“Guilty.”

Judge Wilkin
interrupted the verdict process and pointed to a bailiff. “Could someone please
remove that woman?”

Gina refused to
hold back her sobs. “Oh you did it, Brooke. You did it.” The bailiff approached
and Gina stood up voluntarily. “I’ll go, I’m sorry, I’ll go.”

“Now then.”
Judge Wilkin cleared her throat. “If we can continue. On the count of
endangering the welfare of a child, how do you find the defendant?”

“Guilty.”

In total, when
the foreman sat down, they had found him guilty of nine felonies and twelve
misdemeanors. Twenty one charges in all, found guilty on every single one of
them.

Not one time
did Earl flinch, yell out, or otherwise change his expression. I watched him
stare straight at Judge Wilkin as if she were telling him his shoe laces were
untied. Unfazed, somber even, he must have realized that he had been caught.
His secret was out, and the jury had believed me.

It was over.

Judge Wilkin
thanked the jury and spoke to Earl as the officers bound him in handcuffs.
Chaotic chatter filled the elevator and Rob smiled and nodded to me. “No, no don’t
thank me. She’s the one who blew this thing out of the water. I’ve seen grown
men crack under the pressure that defense attorney put on you.” He winked at
me. “You’re gonna be just fine.”

While everyone
crowded around Heather’s office, I reached for another tissue. “Mom, I need to
go home. I need to tell Thomas.” I paused until Gina looked at me. “And Adam,
and Kat. They need to know he’s not coming back.”