Spinster? (26 page)

"Contessa Warner, I'll have you know that I would never make an asshole the godmother of my baby, so stop beating yourself up." Willa grabbed Tess's cheeks, moving them to the last part. "You-are-a-good-person."

"Wah?" Willa let go of her cheeks. "Did you say baby?" Tess's eyes went wide and she jumped off of the couch, spoon clattering on the wood floors. Willa nodded and they bounced and squealed while hugging each other.

"When? How far? Who, what? Just...what?"

Willa laughed. "We only found out a few days ago. Ben is walking around like he has magic sperm."

"Men. They're contribution lasts about three minutes. The woman, nine months' worth."

"It's more like ten actually."

"What? I thought it was nine months. Movies, books, they all lied?"

"I know, right? Bastards...Anyway we're not telling everyone yet, it's so early. But we have discussed it and would love for you to be the godmother."

"Oh, Wills, I'm honored, but wouldn't you prefer someone less self-centered and prone to verbal violence? I mean, I'm kind of a hot mess."

Willa laughed. "You're so not, and you know it. You have a heart of gold, my friend, and you would take a bullet for any of us."

"Especially little Tessy," Tess crooned to Willa's non-existent baby bump.

"I love you, but the name won't be Tessy. We haven't gotten that far yet. I'm still wrapping my brain around the whole growing a human thing."

"Well, I couldn't be happier, and that little shit is going to be spoiled beyond belief!...See? Horrible choice." They both laughed. "Thank you. For the fattening treats, for listening, for the picking me...just—" Tess stopped, tears pooling up again. Willa wrapped her arms around her friend. "You'll figure it out. You can't let a guy like Wes go. I think he could be the one."

"You know I think all of that 'the one' crap is nonsense."

"I think it's more you find the one you want to share your life with, not that they're the only one in the world you could love, ya know? There's a difference, you just have to make your choice."

"How did you get to be so wise, huh?"

"Oh, I'm no wiser than anyone else. I think I tapped into mine earlier than most, that's all."

'You know what's weird? I think I'm the one," Tess replied.

"For him?"

"No, for me. I'm my own 'one,' but having someone else to share my life with wouldn't be all bad. I don't need anyone else."

"Tess, that's the wisest thing I think I've ever heard."

"I have my moments."

CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE

   
cheesy way.

And sometimes he'd cut the crusts off of her toast before putting them on her plate. Brown nose much?

He knew how she liked her coffee...actually that was pretty cool.

He hummed to himself while tying his shoes...kind of endearing, if you liked men who could carry a tune.

He could bring her to her knees by the flick of his tongue...no, not important at all. Who needs mind blowing orgasms? Not this girl. She was quite content with her little velvet hammer. That reminded her she was out of batteries...

There were a bunch of little things she didn't really appreciate until they were gone. So the song goes, thank you random hair band for your astute observation about relationships.

She looked at the clock and rubbed her eyes. Damn, it was late. How had she not heard everyone leave? It was seven o'clock, surely she was the only one left. Everyone else had a life. She vaguely remembered Willa asking her to come have dinner with her and Ben, but as much as she loved them, their soon to be parental bliss was not on her list of things to endure at that moment. She packed up and turned off her desk lamp. Each step she took felt heavier. Maybe she had PMS or something, because the last few days had been worse than usual. She hadn't heard from Wes, like at all, and that hurt her on a level not yet reached by anyone in her life. Was she so easily forgotten? Was he too wrapped up in his new life with his former wife? With renewed vigor, her steps quickened. She was tired of wondering.

 
There was only one way to find out...

And that's how, a month after their break up, she found herself creeping around the bushes outside of Wes's house. How had she sunk so low?

"And stalker ex-girlfriend? Here!" she hissed to herself, raising her hand answering roll call.

She was in a gray pencil skirt, cream silk blouse, and heels, not exactly the chosen dress code at Peeping Tom, Inc. Not to mention she was getting scratched to high hell by an overgrown holly bush. Maybe she was the one that needed meds? She was feeling more and more unhinged with each step that sunk into the wet grass.

The house was ablaze with light, so she knew he was home—an optimal situation for a jilted lover attempting to spy. A rabbit sat stock still a foot away it's one beady eye watching her. "Don't judge me...What am I doing here?" She griped, clenching her fists. She knew why—she just had to see for herself.
 

Would he be sulking on the couch broken hearted? Stroking the picture he took of her while she was sleeping? There could be a picture...Or would he be taking Mila from behind by the kitchen sink? Mila's dark locks slung across her face as she howled like an animal? She dry heaved at the thought. When she heard voices she made her way to the window that looked into the living room.
 

Oh, no...it was much, much worse.
 

"I spy a happy family," she whispered.

 
Mila and Wes, Kate and Ella, all surrounding what looked to be a game board. They were laughing. Kate was clutching her favorite stuffed pony. Ella was telling a story, her gestures wild and overt. Mila was smiling at them, then turned to say something to Wes, pushing a wave of hair away from his eyes. He grinned and finished the job, tucking it behind his ear. Tess remembered that piece was always falling in his eye. Her vision tunneled as she took in his face. She could almost smell his skin. She knew just under his shirt, on his collar bone, a lone freckle sat. That could have been her sitting there moving his hair from his face. That could have been her kicking everyone's ass at CandyLand. But noooo, she had to pick at a good thing. Oh, look, there a hornet's nest. Where's my stick? Tess couldn't have gift wrapped Wes more perfectly for Mila. She's still in love with you...you're a family...you should give it a chance...blah blah blah!
She wished she could go back in time and tell herself to shut the fuck up.

This was probably Mila's evil plan all along. Be sweet, act like she liked her, then give Wes a weird look of longing only Tess could see. Spurring confusion and self-doubt.
 

The scheming bitch!
 

She backed away, making certain not to trip. Although, ending ass up in his shrubs
would
 
be a fitting finale in her tour de pathetic loser.

Tess walked into the hole in the wall Spanish restaurant. The lights were dim and there was a old wiry fellow strumming his acoustic guitar in the corner. She hadn't wanted to go anywhere except home, but her friends had been quite adamant. Two friends in this instance. She made a point to avoid her coupled friends these days. She knew it was an asshole move, but she couldn't help it. It would pass, but for now she needed her single, bitter friends. The whole misery loves company bag. Speaking of, she spotted Marin and Emma at a small square table in front of the window.

"Hi guys, sorry I'm late. I had an errand to run." Tess sat and ordered a Sangria.

"Did this errand involve a trip to the forest?" Emma asked.

"What? Why would you say that?"
 

Emma leaned over and pulled something from Tess's hair. "You have a leaf in your hair."

Tess laughed. It was stiff and awkward. "Huh, not sure how that got there. I must have walked too close to a tree or something."
 

"Tess, what's up? You're acting weird, even for you," Emma pushed. Tess had two choices—bottle up her excursion never to speak of it as long as she lived, or spill her guts while drinking too much wine, resulting in a hangover and regret.

Ten minutes later...

"I can't believe you stood outside his window like a perv. Nice," Emma approved.

"All time low, girls, all time low...I really thought at my age, I had my life together, that I was mature. My own place, a career I love. Little did I know I was one heartbreak away from shuffling the streets in my bathrobe." Emma and Marin laughed. Tess was overjoyed that her misery was providing them entertainment.

"So, you think they're together?" Marin asked.

"Looked that way...una mas," she said to the approaching waiter.
 

"Me, dos."

"Me, tres." He nodded and walked towards the bar.
 

"When he comes back I'm going to order some dishes. I can see where this is going and we're going to need some food in our stomachs," Marin advised.

"It's tapas. I doubt four olives and a piece of oxtail is going to do the trick," Tess snipped.

"Spying makes you cranky," Marin teased.

Tess gently laughed. "Guys, I'm sorry. This night has been awful. I don't even think I can stomach alcohol at this point." Well, the first two glasses went down pretty smooth, but the third glass, that would be like razor blades. In her defense, the drinks came in really small glasses. Lots of ice.

"Man, I'm sorry. That really sucks. So...do you regret breaking up with him?" Emma asked.

"Yes, and no. Seeing them tonight, it was obviously the right thing. He practically skipped into her arms."

"You don't know that. Maybe they're just friends." They gave Marin a look. "What? It's possible."

"Then why, my beaver lovin' bestie, has he not called me?"

Marin shrugged her shoulders "Who knows? Maybe he thought you were better off without his baggage. You sure cut out when it got complicated." This bitch was making way too much sense.

"Marin, I told him Mila still loved him and he just sat there, like he was contemplating his options, maybe even dreaming of a three way! The point is, he didn't fight for me, not even a little. Like a bear cub swatting at a butterfly." She pawed at the air.

"Did you fight for him, girl? Sounds to me like you gave him the boot. And it seems like he's a man with pride, soooo..." Emma also had a point. Why did she think her single friends would be the safer bet?
 

"Do you think you guys could be friends at some point?" Marin asked.

Tess shook her head. "I don't think so, at least not for the foreseeable future. It would be too weird."

"I know what you mean. There are people you can't be friends with—like an ex... and your gynecologist," Emma added.
 

"What?" Marin asked, shaking her head with a chuckle.

"I love my gyno," Tess protested.

"Sure, you love her when you go in for a check up, but could you grab a coffee with her knowing she's been aaaaawwwll up in your bidness?...Think about it," Emma suggested.
 

Tess pondered that statement for a second. "Okay, I guess I couldn't. I would be too worried she'd be picturing my labia, while pretending to listen to my rants about work."

Emma nodded. "See?"

"That's silly. You can have coffee with guys your sleeping with. How is that different?" Marin asked.

"It just is. When I'm dating a guy, I want him thinking about my vagina," Tess said.

"Do you guys notice we talk about sex, or our vaginas in almost every conversation?" Marin asked.

"And?" Tess said.

"Aaaand, don't you think we should diversify a little?"

"Like stock options and boring shit like that?" Emma asked.

"No, no. I'm just saying let's try to hold one conversation without talking about sex, or our gynies, okay?"

"O-kay...what about animals? Is that on your approved list of conversational topics?" Emma asked.
 

"Yes, animals would be great," Marin approved, nodding her head.

A thoughtful look crossed Emma's face. "Well, the guy I went out with last week had teeth like a beaver. Does that count?"

"Uh, I guess." Marin spared a glance at Tess, who shrugged her shoulders.

"He went down on me and I thought he was literally gonna nibble my clit off." She made rapid chopping motions with her teeth.

Marin groaned. Tess spit out her drink. They all ended up in a fit of laughter.

When Marin caught her breath, she shook her head. "I give up."

"You're a lesbian. You'd think vaginas would be your favorite topic," Tess teased.

"Do you guys sit around talking about dicks all the time? Never mind." She was probably remembering the convo thirty minutes earlier. Girth versus length.
 

"Ugh! I just felt like Wes was it, like I'd finally found my lobster. It's official—I'm gonna to be single forever."

"If we were in a Jane Austen novel, we would be considered spinsters. Unwed, past our prime, and dead weight." Marin said.

"Yeah, our only prospect would be to become a governess, or live our days as a companion for our rich old aunt," Tess added.

"Fuck Jane Austen. She died an unwed virgin. The closest thing she got to a diddle was dropping her quill in her lap. I'd rather go out an unwed woman who has gotten hers with a variety of quills."
 

"Emma's right, except the hating on Jane Austen part. We can be single and fabulous. Sleep with who we want to, do what we want to. We are masters of our own destinies." Tess took a sip of her sangria.

"But if we find someone to love and spend our lives with, then that's great too," Marin said hopefully.
 

"Of course. We're not anti-relationship. We're just anti thinking we have to be with someone to be happy," Emma added. "I'd love to get married and have kids. Unfortunately there
is
an expiration date on my uterus."

"That's true, but you have plenty of time," Tess assured her. Emma was the baby of the group at twenty-nine.

Tess sighed. "I
would
love to see the girls again. I know we dated less than a year, but it was long enough for me to get attached. Why would they need me though, when they have their mom?" She dipped her bread in extra virgin olive oil, feeling extra sorry for herself.