Spinster? (27 page)

"Were you trying to be their mom?" Emma asked.

"No."

"Then what the hell? You were their friend, so I'm sure they got just as attached to you. Shit! Quit the pity party. You had a choice and you made it. Now you have to live with it and move on."

"Emma, you don't have to be so direct about it. Damn," Marin chastised.

"No, she's right. She's rude and bitchy, but she's right," Tess said, bumping Emma with her shoulder.

Tess guessed it was Rebel's shift in the make sure Tess wasn't face down in a vat of Nutella, since she was standing on her front porch at three o'clock on a Sunday afternoon.
 

"You're up, huh?" Tess asked.

"What? Can't I just come see my friend?" She pranced across the threshold, wearing short denim shorts and a tank top, filling out every inch of cotton like a wet dream. Tess looked down at her own shabby t-shirt and leggings. Was that egg? She scraped her nail on the crusty spot. "If you've come to make me feel better, the least you could do is look like shit, for once," Tess said, walking back into her bedroom. Rebel followed on her heels.

"I do look like shit. I have like zero makeup on...well, just a little mascara and lip gloss."

Tess shook her head and plopped on her bed longways. Rebel sat behind her, putting Tess's head in her lap, and started to pull her fingers through Tess's hair. It felt nice. She used to do it when they were roommates in college. In turn, Tess would always paint Rebel's toenails.

"Remember when Blake Meyers hibachied my little heart sophomore year?" Rebel asked.

"Vaguely."
 

 
"What did you tell me after I stayed in my room for a week, crying and eating peanut butter out of the jar with a spork?"

"Get out of bed, fat ass?"

"Ha ha, very funny. No. You threw me in the shower and said, 'two tears in a bucket, fuck it.' Remember?"

"Nineteen-year-old wisdom at it's best. It's a wonder I didn't have my own talk show."
 

Rebel ignored her bad attitude. "So, now I share those same words of wisdom with you. You've put your tears in the bucket, now it's time to say fuck it....Come on. Say it. You know you want to," Rebel said in a babying voice, tickling Tess in the rib.
 

"Stop."

"Come on...come on." The baby voice continued.

"If I say it, will you stop using that annoying ass voice?"

"Yes." Rebel replied, giving her an expectant look.

Tess huffed. "Fine...two tears in a bucket...fuck it." Flat and monotone.

"That sucked. Again, with some enthusiasm!"

"Two tears in a bucket, fuck it."
 

"Louder!"

"Two tears in a bucket, fuck it!"

"LOUDER!" Rebel screamed, pulling her up from the bed.
 

"Two tears in a bucket...FUCK IT!" They both said it over and over again in unison, linking their elbows like partners in a demented square dance, then fell onto the floor out of breath and smiling. "You are one crazy B. You know that, right?" Tess said, smiling for the first time all day.

"Takes one to know one. Why do you think we bonded at first sight?"

"I thought it was because we were the only ones at rush not eating a string of pearls and a sweater set."

"Well, that, too.

"Thanks, Rebs. I needed that." Rebel winked and pulled Tess into a hug.

Tess
had
needed it. She'd tried several heartbreak recovery methods over the last few weeks. Getting drunk...hangover. Yoga...thoughts looping in her mind over and over again, while trying to ignore the camel toe downward facing dog was causing. She couldn't stomach much, so food was no consolation. She usually went out and had herself a little hair of the dog sex after a relationship ended...but the thought of another guy even touching her made her ill.
 

So, like most things, there wasn't a simple cure all. It was like soldiers who had to have a limb amputated when all the morphine had run out. Bite on a stick and feel the pain.
 

CHAPTER THIRTY

She was getting better, feeling more like herself as the weeks progressed, which was the only reason she decided to accept the invitation for Sunday dinner with her parents. She'd skipped the last three weeks and knew that was about the limit before her father hired a private detective, or came over and threw her over his shoulder. She'd missed the dinners...missed them. Maybe after being a pseudo mother figure to two little girls for months gave her a newfound understanding towards her own parents.
 

"Hello. Anyone home?" Tess walked in to the large foyer of her parent's house and was immediately wrapped in the alluring scent of roast and fresh baked bread. She felt her shoulders relax, which was unusual, considering she'd crossed into her mother's domain. But, things had been better between them. They'd even had a few conversations on the phone. Pleasant ones that didn't involve all the ways she could improve her life. She thought maybe her mother had finally decided to get the stick out of her ass, or perhaps she finally found the right hormone replacement pill.

"Tess, is that you?" her mother called from the other room.
 

"No, it's a Jehovah's Witness. Yes, it's me."

Laughter. Her mother laughed at one of her snarky quips? Hmmm. She didn't see any airborne swine on her way, nor had she felt a chill from the underworld. Her mother glided towards her and wrapped her in a warm hug. After a second, Tess returned it. "Hi, Mom," she said into her shoulder. Her mom always smelled the same, like rose water and the mild French soap she loved.

Her mom pulled back, keeping her hands on Tess's shoulders. "You look beautiful. We've missed you."

She doubted the beautiful part, considering her hair hadn't been washed all weekend and she was wearing stretch pants and an oversized tank top that said "Will run for Wine." Which was total BS, she wouldn't run for anything.

"I look like crap, but thank you for saying so...I actually missed you guys, too."

"Don't sound so surprised, young lady...now run in there and kiss your father. He's been worried about you."

Tess did as she was told, crossing over the Persian rug that led into her father's study. As usual, he was in his worn leather chair, reading the paper, crystal glass filled with scotch on the small side table beside him.

"Is that my Tessy? It can't be because she's abandoned her father to do bigger and better things."

She leaned down and wrapped her arms around his shoulders, placing a kiss on his cheek. She felt more bone than meat beneath his oxford. "Now, Daddy, I would never abandon you, you have all the expensive booze."
 

He laughed. "Help yourself."

She walked over to the mirrored bar cart, added three cubes of ice to a short tumbler, and poured the amber liquid from the lead glass decanter. She walked to his library, which took up a whole wall, and gave a casual glance to his collection. She'd seen them a million times, but there was something about their worn binding and gold lettering that comforted her.
 

"So, where have you been? Too busy romancing young Caraway, hm?"

She sighed, her eyes landing on the ancient copy of the
Count of Monte Cristo
. "We're aren't seeing each other anymore."

Her father set down his paper and removed his wire reading glasses. "I see."

She turned towards him. "It's okay. I'm fine, really."

His only response was "Mmhhmm."

She stood silent. Was he disappointed she hadn't been able to make it work? That she'd let a primo catch like Wes slip through her fingers? "I'm sorry, daddy. I know you like him." Her voice was soft, almost childlike.

He stood and came to stand in front of her, "You have nothing to apologize for, and I don't like anyone who hurts my little girl."

"I think we kind of hurt each other."

He kissed on the top of her head. "Well, I'm sorry to hear that, but I'm glad you're here."

"I'm glad I'm here, too." They hugged for a few minutes, then pulled apart.

"I don't know about you, but I can't spend another second smelling that roast. I'm starved."

She chuckled and squeezed his side as they walked into the kitchen. Tess noticed the table was set. "We're not eating in the dining room?" They always ate in the dining room.

Her mom brushed past her with a serving dish in her hands, placing it in the center of the table. "I thought we'd eat in here tonight, less formal." That was it, her mom had officially been abducted by aliens. "Tess, don't give me that look. I'm trying to be less...how did you word it, William?"

"Snooty and frigid."

"Yes, snooty and frigid. I guess you get to a certain age and think to yourself, life is too short. Now sit."

They did as she commanded, said grace, and dug in.

After dessert, which was a flaky apple tart with homemade vanilla bean icecream, they sat and talked. The dinner was amazing. Really, if she could marry Greta, she would.

"That was delicious. Where's Greta, anyway?"

"She actually had the weekend off," her mother answered.

"Did she fly in the dinner or something?"

"I cooked it."

"What? Mom, you did this? I didn't know you could cook."

"Of course I cook, young lady! Who do you think fed you guys before we had the big house and the cook, hm?"

"Wow, I just...I'm impressed."

Her mom glowed from the compliment. Tess was surprised her opinion made a difference.

"Well, you ladies sit and have a chat. I have some things to take care of." He said that every time, and things to take care of was a snooze in his chair. They watched him go with love in their eyes.

"Do you want some coffee?"
 

"No, thank you, Mom. I'm full as a tick." Her mother tsked, giving her a look of disapproval. Tess was glad to see some of the old Tiffani was still in there. "Pardon, me. I couldn't possibly," Tess amended. Her mom raised an eyebrow, but Tess could tell she was amused.

"So, you want to tell me what happened with Wesley? I know you've been hurting...a mother knows."

"I'm okay...it just didn't work out."

"Oh, I'm sure. I heard all about his mentally unstable wife waltzing back into town, like she owned the place."

Great. The rumor mill had been spinning. "That's not exactly what happened."

"Well, enlighten me then." Her mother leaned back into her chair, tucking the longer pieces from her golden bob behind her ears.
 

"Things were going really well, Mom. Like really well. We were getting serious...I was happy." Tears pricked her eyes. "Really happy...you know how hard that is for me sometimes."

Tiffani Warner gave her daughter a gentle nod, then placed a soft, cool hand on top on hers. "I know, baby. But you have to let yourself experience it, even if it means pain."

"You don't understand, Mom. You don't know what it's like to be single in this day and age. It's freaking rough out there. You have to sift through layers and layers of turds, just to find one that's quasi-normal."

Her mom huffed in amusement. "I can imagine...I had a life before your father, I'll have you know."

This was news to her. "Mom, going to a cotillion or two with boys from the country club doesn't really count," she teased.

"Very funny, smarty pants. For your information, I was in love before your father."

Tess's eyes went wide with that confession. "What? Who? Does Dad know?"

Her mother cleared her throat. "I've built a life with your father, he's my world. But, there are some things you hold so dear, to share it with anyone else would diminish it's sanctity...although what we did would fall more under the category of scandalous."

"Mom!"

"Oh, hush. Surprised to know I have a wild side?"

"Impressed and relieved is more like it." They both laughed. "Was he from the wrong side of the tracks? Forced to meet in secret, where he'd whisk you away on the back of his motorcycle?...Forbidden love is the best."

Her mom laughed. "Tess, you've always had such a vivid imagination. Even when you were little, you'd sit for hours surrounded by your dolls and stuffed animals. They all had names and backstories. Baxter Bear was quite the scoundrel."

Tess smiled, she hadn't known her mother watched her play. Funny how selective memory can be, especially when you've painted a person to be a certain way.

"No, he wasn't from the wrong side of the tracks. Milton was the son of one of your grandfather's friends."

"Milton? Yech."

"Yes, Milton. Trust me, he might have had a nerdy name, but he was anything but. He was so gorgeous. And his butt, oh my lord!"

"Mom!"

"What? I notice those things...Anyway, we grew up together. We were best friends, in fact. Then, one Fourth of July, things shifted.
 
I was fifteen at the time, we'd been watching fireworks by the pond behind our neighborhood. God, it was so hot that summer. No breeze and so humid your clothes stuck to your body. I was a gangly thing. Legs too long, arms too skinny, but the way he looked at me," she sighed, "it was like I was the most beautiful girl in the world. He kissed me that night. It was my first. It was awkward...and perfect. I remember it like it was yesterday."

"What happened? It sounds like you two were meant for each other, and in love."

"We were. I always will in a way. Our love was intense. It made my parents very nervous. They thought I was too young to be so obsessed with a boy. But when someone loves you that hard, it's difficult not to submit mind, body, and soul."

Tess was now leaning on her arm, entranced by her mother's tale. "I feel a sad ending coming on."

Her mother looked down at her hands. "We dated all through high school. When we were about to graduate, he was accepted to Pepperdine, with a scholarship. My grades weren't very good, so there wasn't any way I was going to get into that school, nor could my parent afford the out of state tuition. He offered to stay, but I couldn't let him give up his dreams for me. So, I hatched a plan. I would have to make him leave. But I was a selfish thing. I needed something to keep with me, so I let him have one night, all of me. That was probably a mistake because once we'd made love, he was even more determined to stay...to marry me."