Stay (17 page)

Chapter Ten

              The remaining days of the week went the same as they always did…predictable, boring, and more often than not, violent.

             
The night after I almost killed Zac for taking advantage of my vulnerability, he came back the next morning pretending like nothing had happened. So I did the same since I had already taken care of the possible problem. I also just didn’t care enough to ask what the hell he did when I threw him out and he didn’t care enough to tell me, so that was that.

             
We fought as usual, most of which ended up with one of us having bruises somewhere on our bodies. I was proud of myself because he was getting just as much as I was receiving. He may be bigger than me, but I can still fuck someone up with my boney self.

             
Other than that, we had to mingle at some work parties because Zac is opening up his own office soon, so that was a drag as always.

             
All of the preparations I was doing for Magda’s wedding kept me pretty occupied so I didn’t really get to be at home that often which was excellent. Zac talked a whole lot of shit, but that didn’t keep me from helping out.

             
The main things I had to do while Magda was away this past week were: getting her dress, making some phone calls to the caterers, and I had to arrange their honeymoon in Germany.

             
I don’t think Magda really wants to go there but Jesse is desperate to meet her parents and so they thought they would get it over with, killing two birds with one stone.

             
Being a part of their wedding has made me realize how lucky they are to have each other. It’s wonderful to see what a real couple in love looks and acts like. I envy them but I’m still very happy they were able to find each other. 

             
It’s the Saturday of Magda’s wedding and I’m sitting at the main table a couple of chairs away from the two love birds at the reception.

             
The ceremony was very quick but still romantic enough that it made me shed a few tears. It was held outside by the water at St. Norbert, where they met.

             
It was a beautiful day and the gazebo in which they read their vows in, was decorated with all different kinds of white flowers. The white roses were my favorite.

             
Magda looked beautiful in her form fitted silk gown with her long blonde curled hair hanging around her face.

             
She showed more skin than any traditional bride, but let’s be serious, Magda is anything but traditional.

             
The men couldn’t keep their eyes off her very large cleavage. But I think Jesse didn’t mind because those were officially considered his today, so if anything, he was proud that his new bride was getting ogled.

             
Zac, of course, acted as if he had more important things to do than be there but he still managed to be fake as shit with everyone so they wouldn’t notice.

             
I take a look around at everyone dancing and I see him out of the corner of my eye talking to the bartender while he’s eye raping her…
ugh!
At least he’s not going to come after me tonight.
Thank God!

             
As the DJ starts playing ‘From this Moment on’ by Shania Twain I hear Magda coming closer to me.

             
“Aren’t you going to dance with your handsome devil of a husband to this song, Alex?” She asks sliding into the chair next to me at the table.

             
I look out onto the dance floor and notice that every couple here is dancing to this song and I can’t get myself to think about dancing to this with Zac. I don’t want him anywhere near me.

             
The only person I can think about when listening to this is Jason and I’ve promised myself not to think about him anymore. But as hard as I try I can’t stop my head from going there.

             
I wish we could dance to this song together and I could tell him that every lyric to this song is about my feelings for him. I know that no matter how hard I try to let him go—it’s just not possible.

             
A part of me is still waiting for him, maybe it’s pointless, but it seems like I will never stop waiting for him to come back to me—come back for me.

             
If he only knew how much I still want and need him or how he changed my life, maybe we would be here together but those are the things I shouldn’t be thinking about.

             
I stop my thoughts from going any further by turning in my chair to face Magda. “Nah, I think he’s pretty busy right now and you should be out there yourself…”

             
What I don’t say is that he’s busy trying to get into the bartenders pants but if nobody can see that, then they are even more blind than I thought.

             
She gives me a sideways glance. “Jesse’s mingling with our guests and I needed to ask my BFF if she’s happy? Are you, Alex...like really happy?”

             
I am taken aback by her question so I give her a quizzical look. “What’s going on here? You going all Oprah on me, now?” I laugh trying to lighten the serious mood she wants this to turn to.

             
“No, I simply want to know if my best friend is as happy as she wants everyone else to believe. I saw you sitting here lost in thought…looking sad…I just—want to make sure you’re happy, that’s all,” she says sadly.

             
I swallow. Hard. How do I respond to this without breaking down and telling her that I have been miserable for the last five years of my life? Since Jason decided to walk out of my life forever.

             
How do I tell her that the man she and everyone else thought would be my savior turned out to be my worst nightmare? I can’t tell her because I can’t ruin her day and no one put a gun to my head to make the choices I made.

             
So instead of spilling my guts to her at her own fucking wedding I pretend like I always do, “Fuck yeah, I’m happy. My best friend got married today and I plan on getting shitfaced to celebrate!”I say faking enthusiasm.

             
I try laughing on the outside but I’m disintegrating on the inside because if she only knew that I have no one to turn to or more than anything no one to
run
to, she would pity me and that’s the last thing I want.

             
She takes my hand in hers and looks into my eyes like she means business, “I want you to know that I’ve always wanted you to be happy. You’re like a sister to me and I would never want you to get hurt by anyone. When J—“

             
“Stop. I don’t want to hear it. I know you care and I care about you too. That’s never going to change. You never have to worry about me, all right? I’m fine. I can take care of myself, always have.” I state adamantly, not letting her continue.

             
I don’t let her finish because I know she’s going to start talking about Jason and that’s just going to bring on the waterworks for sure and I can’t do that anymore, not for him or me. That’s in the past and I should have moved on by now.

             
She lets go of my hand and I see her eyebrows furrow as if debating on whether to say what she’s about to say or not. “Alex, listen I know you don’t want to talk about
him,
but there’s something that I didn’t tell you and I think you should know before you find out on your own in a little bit,” she says nervously.

             
I panic because I have no idea what she’s talking about and this is the second time she says she has something important to tell me.

             
I grab her hands and try to get her to look at me, “What is it Magda? Just let it out, what’s so important?” 

             
She sighs and looks at me sympathetically. “Jas—”

             
I feel my arm getting tugged on a little too hard to be someone nice so I automatically know its Zac.
Great
.
Now I have to deal with this drunken asshole.

             
I wonder if he got some from that bartender. Sick fuck, I bet now he wants to gloat.

             
He tugs on my arm again. “Come on, pretty girl, let’s dance.”

             
I can tell he’s tipsy because his eyes are red and he looks like he’s about half asleep.
Tool.

             
I jerk my arm from his grasp and look back at Magda when I sarcastically respond, “No thanks, pumpkin. Maybe later. Now what were you saying, Magda?”

             
I can see him straighten his posture and tense up so I know he’s about to make a scene.

             
He bends down to talk directly in my ear. I can smell his vodka breath on me
. Gag!

             
“You better fucking get up from this motherfucking table and dance with your motherfucking husband right now or you will pay for it when we get home you little Bitch! You will not make a fool out of me at this trashy wedding because if you do, I will fucking show your loser friends who owns you. Got it? Now get up before I make you,” he whispers harshly.

             
I stare at Magda the whole time without so much as a flinch because I know she’s going to know something’s up if I do.

             
She stares back at me with what looks like so many questions running through her mind but I don’t have time to decipher them because Zac pulls me up from my chair roughly.

             
He presses me closer to his chest.

             
I fake a smile and look down at Magda who’s about five seconds away from figuring out what my life is really like and I can’t have that. I have to control Zac right now.

             
“I’ll be back. I think Zac here needs to talk about something important regarding his new office opening,” I lie giving her another fake smile.

             
I turn and look at Zac, “Lead the way, sweetheart,” I say grinding my teeth.

             
He drags me to the dance floor and I don’t dare turn back to see Magda’s reaction to the little scene we just made back there because I know I’ll see that she finally gets it and I can’t bear to see the pity in those eyes. I can’t, not from her or anyone.

             
“What the fuck is the matter with you? I expect you to act like a fucking normal human being around my friends like I do to yours and not be the fucking Neanderthal I know you are,” I seethe quietly.

             
He harshly leads me on the dance floor and holds me close to him while the DJ starts playing Mona Lisa’s ‘Send me an Angel’.

             
Ugh!
Talk about needing an angel, where’s mine right now?
Fuck!
I’m so sick of this asshole, so sick of this life. Just thinking about it is making my blood boil.

             
How in the fuck did I get into this mess?
Oh! That’s right, you did it all on your own because you wanted to forget, but look at how well that turned out.

             
Here I am wanting to forget someone that didn’t even care enough about me to write to me or fucking call me to see how I was doing or what I was doing with my life. Maybe, just maybe if he would have, I would have never married this dipshit.

             
What a fucking joke I am. Hanging on to a guy that didn’t give two shits about me and now he’s probably married with children and has no fucking clue who I am. I wish I could say the same.

             
We stand motionless, glaring at each other until Zac slowly lowers his head towards my ear, “I could give less of a fuck about any of these fuckers especially your little skanky friends that decided to get married. So when I ask you to dance, I expect you to comply,” he says angrily.

             
I pull away but he holds onto my waist tighter, making it hard for me to get some space between us.

             
At this point I know we are getting stared at because no matter how much I want this to look like a normal conversation, it doesn’t and it isn’t. Even I can sense the animosity radiating off of Zac and me so I can just imagine what we look like to others.

             
I get on my tiptoes to get near his ear so only he can hear me, “I don’t have to comply with anything you say, remember that, Zac. I’m not your Bitch or your puppet so watch what you’re saying or everyone here will finally know who you really are and I’m sure you don’t want that since it will taint your pristine reputation,” I whisper harshly.