Succumbing To His Fear (18 page)

Fear

Ben decided after the phone call that we would try and learn all we could about Shutter. I had never met the man, and the fact that he knew so much about my family was disturbing. We also decided to see what we could find out about Phil Williams. He was listed as the father on Hayley’s birth certificate and mine and I had no reason to doubt that he was my father. He was a deadbeat either way.

We were all at Max’s apartment. There were laptops and papers spread all around. John sat at the breakfast bar typing away, while Max and Ben were talking at the dining table. Alfie and I sat next to each other on the couch, him so focused on whatever was on his laptop screen that he didn’t notice me staring at him. I knew I should be working, too. I just couldn’t force my eyes away from him. At that precise moment, the most productive way to spend my time was watching my man nibble his lower lip. His concentration caused the cutest little wrinkle between his eyebrows. I wanted to run my thumb over it to flatten it out. But then, I would pretty much use any excuse to touch him at that point.

With everything else around us being unknown, I really needed something that was certain. Something I knew I could count on, that was mine without question. I didn’t want to have to guess about anything.

Alfie finished what he was reading and looked at me. Smiling, he asked, “You doing okay?” No I wasn’t. I was drowning in unanswered questions and helplessness. But I didn’t say that to him. I wanted to, but the words just wouldn’t come.

Alfie stared at me for a second and then placed his laptop on the floor and stood in front of me with his hand out. “Come on,” he said. I took his hand and let him lead me to where Ben and Max were talking. “Can we borrow the car to take a drive? We need to clear our heads for a bit.” Ben didn’t speak, just held out the keys.

“Where’re we going?” I finally found my voice to ask. Not that I cared. Some time alone with him sounded like heaven.

“We are going to have car sex,” Alfie stated matter of fact. I stopped mid step. Say what now?

“What?” I asked, because I was sure I’d heard him wrong. At the same time hoping I hadn’t. 

“We are going to drive to a very secluded spot and we are going to bump uglies, fuck, get it on, do the horizontal mambo. Although I’m not totally sure how it’ll work in the car. Neither of us is small and well, you’re the size of the Hulk, but we’ll give it a bloody good go. Come on,” he said, before turning and continuing out to the car.
Okay, this is going to be interesting.

I drove to an abandoned warehouse on the outskirts of town. No one ever went there till dark and it was mostly used by kids who wanted to drag race or show off all the mods they’d added to their cars. During the day, it was just a rundown building and a large empty field. Perfect for our purposes.

“This is great,” Alfie said. When I looked over at him, he was already undoing his belt. “Come on, this is going to take some Mission Impossible type maneuvering. We need the fewest possible obstacles,” he explained, lifting his hips, pushing down his jeans, and pulling them off after kicking off his boots.

“You’re serious about this?” I felt the need to confirm.

“Oh, yeah. We need this, a minute in all this fucking chaos, just for us. To laugh, joke, or even to get down and dirty. I vote for all three. How about you?” He was right, of course. It was exactly what I needed. A chance to forget and remember. A moment to be in the now. With that thought, I undid my pants and pulled them down my thighs. “Okay, stay there, I’m coming over,” Alfie ordered just before he moved to straddle my thighs. “Wow, this is a tight fit. Can you move the seat back some?” I couldn’t help it; I started to laugh.
Come on! Look at the ridiculousness of the situation.

“Wait, hold up, you’re going to hurt yourself, or at the very least end up impaled on the wrong thing.”

“That would be a complete let down. Where is the button or lever that moves this flipping seat?” he said, moving so he was now kneeling across me with his ass in the air and his face almost in my lap. Every wriggle and hot breath is causing my dick to get harder by the second. If he didn’t hurry the fuck up, I was going to end up causing myself some damage. 

Just when I thought the situation couldn’t get any more absurd, I looked up and dead ahead of us was a man frozen to the spot. His shopping cart, carrying what looked like all his worldly possessions, forgotten, and rolling down the hill. I realized that yes, from the outside looking in it seemed as if I was getting head and Alfie, whose naked ass was still twerking away while he was trying to hunt for the button/lever was distracting, but the expression on the man’s face looked as if he was concentrating, trying to figure something out.

Looking over to Alfie’s ass, I saw what the man was confused about and couldn’t stop the roar of laughter that erupted even if I tried. Startled, Alfie shot up, almost losing his balance, causing me to laugh even harder. I swear my guy is the best medicine for everything. Unable to stop laughing in order to answer his unasked question, I just point at the still-frozen man.

Alfie, who I thought would be utterly mortified just lowered his window and leaned out. “You okay?”

“Yeah, I was just trying to read what it says. My eyesight isn’t what it used to be.” The homeless man replied with not an ounce of embarrassment over having been caught staring. Then again, he was just taking a stroll and didn’t bargain on running into us.

Chuckling, Alfie replied, “It says, ‘If you can read this then you’re to close and should proceed with caution’.” Which, of course, caused me to laugh again. I had no idea how I’d missed that tattoo before, but I fucking loved it. The homeless guy started laughing and then continued walking down the hill after his now upside-down shopping cart.

“Go help him babe. I’m starkers, here. I need a minute.” I knew he could see the disbelief on my face when he continued without any prompting. “Aww, babe, fine. I’ll go,” he said, wriggling back into his jeans and boots. And before I could stop him, he was out of the car and crouched down helping the man put his things back in the cart. Sighing, I decided that my guy had a heart of gold but was very clearly ridiculous.

I put my now flaccid cock back in my pants, promising him that I’d make sure he got to come out to play soon. I joined Alfie and the homeless peeping Tom.

It was a while until we finally got back to the car. Alfie two hundred bucks lighter after giving Albert the entire contents of his wallet, along with his phone number and promise of a call if he ever needed anything. Plopping back into his seat, he turned to me and asked, “So, where were we?” Before leaning over and grabbing my face between his hands and kissing me. It started out slow, but quickly turned into something hotter, needier, and raw. Our teeth clashed, our tongues fought for dominance that neither of us would concede.

My hand had worked its way into his hair and was now making its way down to the front of his jeans, rubbing the thick, hard cock that had come to life. I broke away from the demanding kiss so I could focus on freeing Alfie from his pants.

Alfie pushed my hands aside and took his jeans and boots off while I worked on my own. Eager to not make the same mistake twice, I found the seat adjuster and moved it back as far as I could before hauling Alfie and positioning him above me. “Jeans pocket baby, lube and condom.” He’d thought of everything. Not wanting to delay any further, I didn’t reply. Instead, I leaned over and grabbed the lube and foil packet out of Alfie’s pocket.

I quickly slathered up two fingers and started to stretch his warm, tight hole. God, he felt good around my fingers. “Does that feel good, baby? Do you like knowing that a part of me is inside of you?” I whispered against his ear. I loved the way his whole body shook just from my touch and voice.

“That feels so good. I’m ready. I want all of you Fear. I want to feel what you feel for me.” The fact that he knew that I could show him better than I could express using words just made all the feelings I had for him grow stronger.

“Lift up,” I instructed, removing my fingers and quickly rolling on the condom. I grabbed the lube and made sure he was really ready, then lined up under him. “Help me baby, guide me home.” I felt Alfie’s fingers close around my cock and place me against him as he started to very slowly lower himself down my cock. “You feel so good. Argh, you are so hot.”

After stopping a few times to let Alfie adjust, I was completely inside him. We both stilled. Perfection. It was what bliss felt like.

“Move. I have to move Fear. Oh, fuck. I feel so full.” With his hands on my shoulders, he slowly started to raise up and push back down. Heavenly. Sex had never felt so amazing.

Alfie started to pick up speed and I couldn’t stop my hips from coming up to meet him. The force of my thrusts created the most delicious sounds from him. I wasn’t going to last very long. “Baby, you feel amazing. I’m not going to be able to last much longer… Come for me. Let me feel you come on my cock. I want to feel you tighten up on me. Show me how I make you feel. Show me that I’m yours.”

My words, mixed with the strength and power we were both exerting, pushed Alfie over the edge and me along with him.
I love you.
Fuck, why can’t I just say the words?

I gathered Alfie up in my arms and held him tight. The moment was perfect and I wanted him to know it. Snuggling deep into my arms, I hear him whisper the words that remind me he’s the other half of me. He gets it, us, me. “I love you, too.”

Alfie

By the time we get back to Max’s place we were both in need of a shower and food. Also, I really needed to check in with the Nuggets, but walking into the room and seeing the three faces there, I knew we were about to get another shit ton of problems thrown our way.

“What is it?” I asked. Directing my question to Ben, I gripped Fear’s hand tighter.

“We can’t find Shutter because all we know are his alias and not even part of his real name. We can’t locate Phil Williams anywhere, it’s like he fell off the face of the Earth,” Ben explained.

“There’s nothing? No record of him at all? DMV, taxes?” Fear asked.

“We can’t find anything. We’re still looking and I have some people trying to dig deeper. But this all takes time.” Fear’s hand squeezed mine painfully. But I wouldn’t release him for all the world. Could we not catch a fucking break?

“We’ve been trying to track down a number for Shutter, but this guy is a damn ghost. If he doesn’t want to be found, he won’t be,” Ben clarified. They were getting frustrated.

“I’m going to check in with the Nuggets. I’ll be right back,” I said, turning to leave the guys. Nobody cared though, as they were already deep in discussion on the best way to dig up information.

Mum answered the phone on the second ring. “Hey honey, how are you?” Not really sure how to answer the question, I ignored it and asked about Griffin and Lily. “They’re fine. Lily is playing with her dolly; she said she wants to be a good mummy like Hayley. Griffin is coloring and said that he wants to be the best so that Fear will hire him in his tattoo shop.”

“Can I talk to them?” I asked, and heard the rustle of the phone being passed over. 

“Hello.” I heard Griffin’s little voice. God, I missed my Nuggets.

“Hey, little brother. You doing good?”

“Yeps, I been practicing my colors. Tate said that to be a good skin painter, I haves to practice my colors. I been practicing really hard. You think Fear and everyone will be proud of me?” Griffin’s therapist said his constant need for approval was a result of the loss he felt but couldn’t express. Every time I heard the uncertainty in his voice, it just broke my heart.

“I bet they’ll be really proud of you. I know I am. Maybe you can ask Gamma to send me some pictures on her cell phone of what you’ve done and I can show them to everyone.”

“You will?” The excitement in his voice was hard to miss and made me smile. “Gamma can you take a picture of this and send it to Alfie, please? He wants to see and said that he would show Fear.” Chuckling to myself, I could picture him running around full of energy. I heard the phone being passed around and buttons being pushed and before I knew it, Griffin was back telling me that Gamma sent me a few pictures.

“Hang on Nugget, I’m going to take a look at them,” I told him.

Mum sent me four pictures. Two of Griffin’s coloring, which were actually really good. One of Griffin having drawn all over his arms and neck with pen so he could look like Fear and me. It was so cute. The last was a picture of Hayley sitting on a large couch with Lily sitting next to her. Hayley had JJ in her arms and Lily had her doll and they were both looking down at their babies.

“Griffin, they are beautiful. Well done. You stayed in the lines and the colors you choose are so bright. You did such a great job.” By the time I was finished telling how great he did, he was laughing. I knew that he would much rather hear the praise from the expert, though, so I walked back in to the main area of the apartment to Fear. “Hang on one second for me, okay?” I asked Griffin, who was still chuckling but agreed to hold on.

“Griffin has been practicing his colors to make you proud and Lily has been helping Hayley. They want you to see,” I said and handed my phone to Fear, who took it and flicked through the pictures. The moment he saw the picture of Griffin all tatted up he laughed and showed the guys, who all chuckled at my badass baby bro. When Fear got to the picture of Hayley and Lily, he fiddled with my phone. I was about to remind him that Griffin was still waiting when John’s phone bleeped and I realized what he did and smiled.

He then went to the other room so he could talk to Griffin, but kissed me on lips as he passed.

John was staring at his phone when he said, “Looks like Hayley has a little helper, huh?” The emotion in his voice could not be missed. The poor man had yet to meet his newborn son or hold his wife.

“She loves Hayley and JJ.” He didn’t say anything, just continued to stare at the picture.

He was still looking at it when Fear returned, telling me that Griffin had to go because it was dinner time but that he and Lily would call me back before bed. I took the phone from Fear and quickly texted the four pictures to all the guys. Even the one of Lily. 

Me:
Griffin wanted me to show that he is working hard to be the best skin painter there ever was. He even has the look down. My baby bro is hard-core.

The replies came back fast.

James:
Little dude has some mad skills. I’m going to get a station ready for him. It’s also good to see that Lily is giving Hayley some tips.

Drake:
He is the MAN! She is the little woMAN. Nuggets rule.

Carter:
Those are on point. I miss the little shits.

Tate:
My little protégé. Remind him not to forget us little people when he is raking in the big bucks. I miss them. Come home soon.

I showed the texts to Fear, who sent off some quick replies.

Feeling restless, I decided to be productive and walk to the pizza shop to get us all something to eat. I wasn’t very helpful with all the cloak and dagger stuff, but fetching sustenance, I could do.

I was almost to the pizza place when the hairs on the back of my neck stood up. I just knew that someone was watching me, but I had no clue who or what I should do about it. The guys thought we’d be safe for at least a couple of days, as there was no way to connect us to Max. And even if they could connect us, Max lived somewhat off the grid. The apartment wasn’t even in his name. With little choice, I quickened my pace and almost ran into someone coming out of the pizza shop as I tried to get inside quickly. Without even an apology to the person I almost ran down, I moved to the back of the shop and called Fear. Before the phone made it to my ear, it was wrenched from my hand.

“I would’ve thought you’d have made a better effort of making yourself scarce, Alfie. What with you being framed for murder and all.”
Oh, holy fuck… Think, Alfie. Think.

“Detective Unders, you’re looking well.”
That’s it Alfie, sass the man.
The shock of seeing a dead man made my smart mouth run amuck. “What brings you by?” I figured I might as well ask. I mean what the hell?

“Thought you and I could take a walk and, you know, have ourselves a nice little chat.”
Yeah, I don’t think so.

“Sorry, detective I have to get back. Maybe another time. You take care,” I said and tried to slip past him. Sadly, I didn’t get further than a step before the gun shoved into my back stopped me cold. 

“One more step and you will regret it.” I was regretting coming for pizza, that was for sure. “We are going to walk out of here nice and casual and make our way to my car. It’s parked across the street. Do not try and draw attention to yourself and everything will be just fine.”
Fine for who?
It was not fucking fine for me. The guy was supposed to be dead for fuck’s sake. I mean, I was a suspect in his
murder
.

“I would really rather stay here.” I tried to stall. Unders, who was not in the mood and had little patience, ignored me and continued herding me out the door and into the street, as calm as you like. When we got to the street, his grip on my arm tightened and was practically cutting off the circulation. The gun was still in my back and keeping me put. The tourniquet grip wasn’t necessary but I figured keeping my mouth shut was the safest course of action.  

I was shoved into the car through the driver’s side and handcuffed to the passenger door so fast I didn’t have a chance to do anything other than what he forced me too. All too quickly, we were on the road and driving. I saw the apartment complex as we passed by and felt an overwhelming sense of loss.

My phone ringing from Unders’s pocket interrupted my thoughts. I look over to Unders, who was looking at my phone. I saw that it was Ben calling. What I wouldn’t give to be able to answer that call. Unders just hits the ignore button and puts the phone back in his pocket.

“Where are we going?” I asked. The silence was making the panic start.

“Not too far.”
Thanks for that bounty of information you complete wanker.

“You know, everyone thinks you’re dead.” I felt it was important to point that out.

“That’s what I want them to think.” So he planned it. What? Fuck, I was so confused.

“Why would you want everyone to believe that I killed you?”

“Your type belongs in jail. I needed a fall guy. You associate with the wrong types of people. This is what happens.” What? What type of people?

“I have no idea what the fuck you’re talking about. What type of people? Why are you talking in riddles?”

“I’ll lay it out for you. You are a fag. I hate fags. Those are the types of people I mean.” Was he for real?

“Are you telling me that you faked your own death and framed me for your murder because I’m gay? Is that why you had those two men attack Fear?” I had to be missing something. That just couldn’t be it.    

“Do not talk to me about Hunter fucking Williams.” The anger in his voice was so powerful that it made flinch back in my seat.

“How can you hate him so much? You don’t even know him.”

“I know him. I know him,” he shouted.

My phone rang again and when Unders pulled it out of his pocket, I saw Fear’s face flash on the screen. The sneer on that appeared on Unders’s face made me feel sick. He hit the ignore button and turned it off.

After a long drive, we pulled up to a very rundown looking house in the middle of nowhere. The yard was overgrown and consisted mostly of weeds and mud. The house itself had peeling paint and boarded up broken windows. Graffiti covered all sides and it appeared almost drunk because it slanted and had a sagging roof.

Unders wasted very little time getting me out of the car and into the house. I was quickly lead to what looked to be the living room. It was hard to tell because it was just the shell of a room. The only thing there was a single wooden chair. I was pushed down into it and my hands were tied behind my back and my ankles to the legs of the chair. Once I was secure, Unders disappeared into the house, leaving me alone.

I was trying to keep from having a total meltdown, breathing deep and going to the happy place in my head. Anything to hide that I was struggling to maintain control because of the crazy motherfucker. I refused to let him see me break.

All too soon, Unders was back, his jacket had been removed, and he had my phone in his hand. I watched as he turned it back on and started pressing buttons until he got to what he wanted.

“Okay, let’s get this show underway, shall we?” he asked. Before I could formulate an answer, his fist was flying at the side of my face. The pain was instant and intense. Like a fire poker to my flesh. A second blow followed quickly and soon I couldn’t separate the blows. I was hit, kicked, and punched. The chair I was tied to had fallen in its side at some point, but I couldn’t tell when that happened. I was in so much pain that breathing was almost impossible. My eyes were swollen shut and I felt like I was floating. Half aware and half fading. Belatedly, I realized that he’d stopped hitting me and was talking.

I tried to listen, thinking he was talking to me. But I could only hear about one word out of three. Then I heard nothing. Everything faded and I passed out.