Succumbing To His Fear (15 page)

Fear looked up at me from playing with the kids, and the smile I received made all the ribbing worthwhile.

Fear

Three hours, that was all the uninterrupted time we got. All I wanted to do when I woke up was stay in bed with Alfie and forget everything that was happening on the other side of the closed bedroom door. I knew I couldn’t when I started hearing signs of life throughout the house. I extracted myself from Alfie’s grip and quietly left the room.

I took a quick shower and walked stiffly into the kitchen. Last night with Alfie, I’d forgotten all about my injuries, but this morning they were front and center in my mind.

Sheridan was the first person I saw. The woman was a complete enigma to me. The love she had for her family shone so bright from her that you couldn’t help but be swept into its gravitational pull. Having Tula and then the group home as my only guidelines of what a parent was, I wasn’t prepared for and didn’t really understand her relationship with Alfie. I mentioned it to him casually the previous night and he told me very matter-of-factly that his mother was one of a kind and no one could understand how her mind worked. Including him and Ben.

“Morning honey, can I get you a cuppa?” she asked with a big, beautiful smile.

“I’ll take a coffee, thanks.”

“Where is that boy of mine? Still sleeping, I expect. You probably wore him out.” I had no idea how to respond, so I went with silence. I did, however, notice the mischievous glint in her eyes.

It wasn’t long before everyone else started to wander into the kitchen. The Nuggets, who’d spent the night with Sheridan and Ben at the hotel, were full of energy. Hayley and I decided to take them into the backyard and tire them out a little.

We were discussing a plan for lunch when Ben’s phone rang and the little peace we’d managed to muster disappeared in an instant.

Ben asked Sheridan to take the kids back to the hotel and tried to convince Hayley to take JJ and go with them. But my stubborn sister was not about to leave her home. I understood her reasoning and I wanted her to have some time to herself. She was a new mom for fuck’s sake.

After Sheridan and the kids left, we all sat in the living room waiting to hear whatever news had been passed to Ben.

“Okay, the news from the police is that they are currently looking for Detective Unders. According to my source, the two guys who jumped you were paid to do so by him. This has split the opinion on your case. Half of the officers, detectives, and whoever, are saying that the two guys are just passing the buck and trying to pin it on a good, hardworking detective. There are those, though, who question why he would be named. How would your assailants know he exists to say it was him who paid them? Unders apparently keeps to himself and no one knows much about him. He doesn’t have a partner and hasn’t for a long time. ”

“If there people who doubt his sainthood and believe he paid for the attack, why is this even a conversation? Surely they should arrest him, or at the very least fire the fuck,” Tate asked.

“My guy says that they do want to question him, but as of right now, he cannot be located.”

“Shit. This is such a cluster fuck,” I exclaimed. It felt like we were digging and digging and getting nowhere.

“I knew that guy was wrong from the second I met him. None of this makes sense. The evidence seemed staged; the witnesses were all plainly lying. When Fear was questioned, it was more of a character assassination than a murder enquiry. Mr. Curtis even said Detective Dickhead was a homophobic arse. Fear gets put inside, supposedly held for ‘further questioning’, and two ARMED men manage to open a locked room and attack a sleeping man? All while the video cameras in that portion of the building miraculously shut down. I’m not a lawyer, but come the fuck on, even I could make a case for wrongful arrest, harassment, pain and suffering, police brutality. I’m sure there’s a ton more, but I can’t think right now.” Alfie got progressively louder as he spoke. I rubbed his back when he started shaking. His breathing was coming fast and his skin was turning ashen and clammy. 

Ben jumped up from his seat and knelt in front of Alfie to get him to try and slow his breathing.

“Sorry, I’ll do better,” he wheezed the words, looking at me.

“Hey, you’re doing just fine.” I took his hand and placed it over my chest so he could feel it moving and he could breathe in time with me. It didn’t take long for him to regulate his breathing and pull back from what could’ve turned into a full-on panic attack.

Ben returned to the chair across from us. No one made any mention of Alfie’s near attack and I could tell he was grateful for that.

“He’s right. Your stabbing was a clear case of neglect at best and an example of how poorly things are run at the jail. My worry is that they’ll look for a scapegoat instead of the perpetrator in hopes that they can stop anything from leaking and spiraling out of control if the public finds out,” Ben explained gravely.

I nodded, knowing exactly what he was saying. Hayley, seeming confused, looked at me for an explanation. “Rather than finding and charging Unders for his part in the attack, or finding Tula’s murderer, they’ll pin it on me or the two guys who jumped me or some other random person. So the press and higher-ups don’t question this or any other investigations. Because, from what Ben said about Unders, they should look into all of his previous cases. I’m sure I’m not the first person who got screwed over by him. What we need to figure out is whether Unders is dirty or just really shitty at his job.” Hayley looked scared, the guys looked pissed, Alfie was just plain angry and Ben nodded gravely at my explanation.

“The good thing about this situation is that no one knows who I am here. That means I can get into places and ruffle some feathers, try to get a better understanding of everything. I’m going to call Curtis and make sure he is up-to-date and push him to make some waves, too. I’m going to keep Sheridan and the Nuggets out of here for the time being. I’m sorry Hayley, but you and JJ as well. I don’t like that none of this is adding up the way it should, and I would feel better knowing that you’re all safe.” I knew that Hayley wanted to refuse Ben’s request, but looking down into her son’s sleeping face, she simply nodded and leaned back in her chair.

The rest of the day was a blur, the kids and Sheridan, along with Hayley and JJ, had left to stay with one of Sheridan’s friends in New York. Both Ben and Sheridan assured me that they would all be safe. Ben even assigned a couple of his men to stay on them to make sure.

The guys and I sat down and set up a schedule for the shop. We discussed again the possibility of shutting down altogether, but it was Alfie who reminded us that it wouldn’t benefit anyone to do that. It would only serve to put another mark in the win column for whoever was trying to fuck with me. But it wasn’t just me; it was affecting all of us.

Ben asked that I write down everything that I could about Tula and our relationship. Sadly, it didn’t take long. Yes, she was my mother, but she was also a stranger. The bits of information that I did know, I hated. Yes, she was gone, brutally killed. But the pain I felt from her death wasn’t caused by grief, at least not for me. It was anger that even gone, she managed to drag my life into the shit with her.

With each of us having our jobs to do, the day quickly turned into night.

I’d just finished writing when I received a phone call from Hayley letting me know that she had arrived, and Sheridan was taking good care of both her and JJ. At least that was something positive. I knew Alfie felt better knowing the kids were safe and happy with his mom.

“I’m starving,” Tate whined.

“Me, too. Who’s cooking?” Drake chimed in.

“We sent away everyone who can cook,” James said, entering the room.

“I can make a mean take away. Gordon Ramsey has nothing on my dialing finger,” Alfie replied helpfully.

Pulling Alfie against my side and kissing the top of his head, I decided. “Okay, so Alfie is cooking. What’re you making, baby?”   

“Well I can make Chinese, pizza… Oh, oh, oh, I know! How about some nice, juicy burgers and fries. Yummy,” he said, while rubbing his tummy and looking up at me.

“Burgers sound good,” I pronounced, grabbing his face and quickly losing myself in a mind-numbing kiss. Just because I fucking could. Let’s face it, we hadn’t had much opportunity to be just us, and I needed my Alfie fix.

About an hour later we all had full stomachs and were back at trying to piece everything we knew together. We had things narrowed down to bullet points.

1)
    
A witness had seen Tula and me fighting outside of the shop. – No one could have seen that so late at night. And the whole thing lasted only a few minutes.

2)
    
A man of my description was seen leaving the scene where the body was found. – No way that could have been me, as I was with Alfie all night.

3)
    
Unders was already practically accusing me of the murder when I went to identify the body. – No witness had yet made a statement that really incriminated me, according to the information Mr. Curtis had.

4)
    
I was arrested and charged without any real evidence. – Their witness accounts were recorded later that night.

5)
    
Unders disliked me because of my sexuality.

6)
    
I was detained overnight and attacked by two other prisoners while in police custody. – No security footage could be found, but the attackers said they were paid by Unders.

7)
    
Unders hadn’t been brought in for questioning yet.

Alfie

My brain hurt. Every issue that was raised in our numerous talks just led to more questions. We had yet to find one answer. Why was someone trying to frame Fear? Who was Unders protecting? Was he just a homophobic arse? And who was the target? Was it Tula and the police were just looking for someone to pin it on? Or had it always been Fear and Tula was just a way to get to him, a piece to move on the board in a game someone was playing?

“I’m going to bed, my brain is about to dribble out of my ears, and nothing is going to change before tomorrow morning. I’ll call Mum and make sure the kids got to sleep okay and then call it a night.” I bent down and kissed Fear before heading for the bedroom. I knew the guys and Ben would be at it for a while yet. I also knew that I was not actually doing anything productive. I still hadn’t caught up from the sleep I missed when Fear was away and I was just so wrung out.

Grabbing my phone and slumping down on the bed, I called the one woman I knew would make me feel better. She answered on the third ring.

“Hello honey. How are you holding up?”

“I’m good. Just going over and over everything trying to figure out how the mind of a psycho works. Did the Nuggets get to sleep okay?”

“They dropped of straight away. They’re fine. It’s you I’m worried about.”

“I’m okay, Mum. Promise. Are Hayley and JJ alright?”

“They’re both fine. Please tell Fear that I’m taking good care of them.”

“I have no doubt that you are, Mum. Well, I’m dog-tired, so I’m going to get some shut-eye. I’ll call you in the morning. If Lily or Griffin needs me, they can call anytime. Same goes for all of you. Love you, Mummy.”

Chuckling at the endearment, she told me that she loved me too and we both hung up.    

       After taking a quick shower and putting on a pair of sweats to sleep in, I curled up and was out before my head hit the pillow. At some point in the night, I felt Fear come in and wrap his body around mine. I couldn’t help but snuggle back into him. Knowing that he was there and safe, I was back to sleep in seconds.

I was awakened by a noise outside the bedroom window. At first, I thought it was my imagination, but then I heard it again. Turning slowly, I shook Fear awake. It took a lot longer than I would have liked. When he was finally awake, I spoke quietly, “There’s someone in the garden.”

He was up and out the room in the blink of an eye. I crept slowly after him as Fear maneuvered down the hallway and into the kitchen toward the back door. Not knowing what Fear was about to face, I quickly woke up Ben who was asleep on the couch, and pointed to the kitchen, telling him there was someone outside. He was up and gone just as fast as Fear had been.

I couldn’t hear anything, but my legs wouldn’t move. I was frozen to the spot. I had no idea what I was supposed to be doing. Should I go and try to help them? Knowing me, I would only have been in the way. Should I wake up Tate or whoever else had stayed? Should I call the cops? I let that last idea go as soon as it entered my mind. It might
be
the cops out there the way things were going.

I finished sorting through and rejecting all the ways in which I could help. There were raised voices in the kitchen.

“Where the fuck is Hayley and why is my key not working on my own fucking house?” His own house. Shit, that meant it could only be one person.

“John, man, come sit and we can explain everything,” Fear said soothingly, as Ben, Fear, and a man who must have been John entered the living room. I’d seen pictures of him. There were quite a number of them all throughout the house. But the person standing in front of me was nothing like he’d been in any of those photos. His time overseas had taken its toll on him in more ways than one.

He had a full beard that was as dark as the hair on his head. His eyes, once bright and full of life were now dull and empty. He was alert and wired. His large six-foot-two frame, which was undoubtedly lethal when required to be, looked tired. Overall, he looked worn out.

He slumped into the closest chair, leaning forward and resting his head in his hands. Jeeze, the poor man. I was sure all he wanted was his wife and a chance to meet his newborn son, not to be faced with chaos.

Fear sat on the coffee table across from him, worry on his face. “Hayley and JJ are fine. They’re with Alfie’s mom in New York.”

“What the fuck, Fear?” The confusion in his voice could not be mistaken. Neither could the anger and pain.

“You know about Tula?” John nodded, so Fear continued. He explained everything that had happened since the last time they’d spoken, and all the things we were investigating ourselves. He left nothing out. Surprisingly, it didn’t take very long, but I may have blacked out a few times while listening. I knew the story and I didn’t need to go over it again.

“How are you back? I thought you had a few more months left on your tour,” Fear asked after John was done with his questions. Huh, I hadn’t even thought of that. My man was so smart. Okay, sleep deprivation had my brain muddled. If I kept the same line of thinking up, I’d be in a cheerleader outfit with a giant F on the sweater shaking pompoms before I knew it.

“I got injured and the wound got infected. I was shipped to Germany for recovery. I didn’t want to worry Hayley, what with the pregnancy. When I did finally call, I was told about everything with Tula. I couldn’t lay my injury out there on top of that. I just got well enough to get medically discharged and came home.”

“Fuck, are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m good now. Bullet tore me up pretty good.” He didn’t look good at all.

“You back permanently?” Fear asked. I was sure it was more for Hayley than him.

“Yeah, it was my last tour anyway. Didn’t expect to get sent home early, but I’ll take it.” John’s statement was met with silence, and we all know I don’t do well with uncomfortable silences. So into the breach I went.

“You want me to call my mum so you can talk to Hayley? I would call Hayley, but I don’t want to wake up JJ.” John just stared at me.

“I’m Alfie. Forgot to say that part. Hi.” I even added a little wave.
Way to be masculine for the big bad soldier, Alfie.
Still nothing. I was starting to think he’d fallen asleep with his eyes open when his head swung back toward Fear with one eyebrow raised.

“This your guy?” Did I detect a hint of amusement in his voice? I knew I wasn’t a stunner like Fear, but hey! What the ever-loving fuck?

“John, leave it.” Leave it. Leave it? What was there for him to leave? I was beginning to work myself up. There was enough going on at the moment and I did not need a man who didn’t know me passing judgement. I mean okay, he’s had a lot thrown at him. But no, no, no.

Before I could pull myself from my inner diatribe, John spoke. “I thought you said that the day you settled down it would be with an average Joe. Less trouble or some shit, you said.” What?!

“John,” Fear started, but didn’t get to finish.

“This guy is the furthest thing from an average Joe as you can get. A tall, muscled, tatted up model-type. And that was an accent right? Oh, Fear, man you are so fucked. This is going to be fun.” Oh, well that was nice. Model was a bit much, but flattering all the same. I shot Ben a smug smile.

“Thanks. Trust me; he isn’t getting the better end of this deal. I’m a bit of a basket case and come with two kids. Well, mini-siblings. I, of course, mean that they are young and not mini people that would fit in your pocket. They are three and seven. So really, I’m the one who lucked out. I mean it’s not every day that you turn gay. He’d have to be something special. Right?” I contemplated Fear, who now had his head down and eyes closed, but I could see the tiny smile he was trying to hide. From him I looked to Ben, who was somewhat fascinated by the ceiling.
Hmm, maybe I should shut up.
I finally brought my gaze back to John. He now had a shit-eating grin on his face and it was good to see some of the sparkle back in his eyes. “Clearly I have a problem. I’ll shut up now and go call Mum.” I turned to leave the room and mouthed a quick “Sorry” in Fear’s direction. He was smiling outright.

As I was walking down the hall to find my phone, I heard Fear say, “Yeah, he is perfect.”