Summer of Sloane (28 page)

But I can’t do this, not in front of Luce. Not now.

I put my hand on her shoulder and look her in the eye.

“I’m so proud of you, Luce. You’ve been my best student yet, and I hope you don’t ever give up on swimming.”

She throws her arms around my neck. I can see Finn over her shoulder, watching us. Watching me.

“Can I still come over to swim even though my lessons are over?”

“You bet. Call me anytime.” I let her go and stand back up. “I’ll see you soon, okay?”

“Okay!” She heads to the car, skirts around Finn, and hops up onto the backseat.

He raises a hand in my direction like he wants to say something, but I walk back into my house and shut the door behind me without another glance.

The following evening, Mia drags me out to the beach. Our beach, not the one down by the hotels in Waikiki. There’s a small group of us gathered, minus Finn, and Mia’s reassured me it will stay that way, at least for tonight.

Shep is also here. He and my brother are tossing the football around like nothing ever happened. I wish I knew how to do that.

I still don’t know what’s going on between Mia and my brother, because neither one of them is talking about it. But to be honest, I don’t know if I really want to get in the middle of it anyway.

“Hey, you, we’ve missed you around the activities counter,” Maile says, slinging an arm around my neck. I’m pretty sure she knows what’s going on, for the most part, but she doesn’t ask any questions. “You know a job will always be waiting, if you ever wanna come back.”

“Thanks, Maile.”

She kisses my forehead and lopes off to grab a beer from the cooler.

Mia hands me a bottle, but I’m not interested in drinking tonight, so I shake my head no. When she’s busy threading her stick with a marshmallow, I catch my brother looking at her. And when Mia looks up at my brother, it’s a second too late, and he’s turned back to his game of catch.

I grab a bottle of water and make my way farther down the beach, away from the others. The sand is so warm between my bare toes. I love how easily the golden swirls slide over the tops of my feet, making them disappear. Sitting down, I pull my knees to my chest, lift my chin to the last rays of the setting sun, and close my eyes. I’m going to miss this when I go home to Seattle.

I hear voices, but with how the hair on the back of my neck suddenly stands in alarm, I know it’s not anyone already at the bonfire. When I turn, I see Shep and my brother headed our way, but they’re with someone else. And, of course, why wouldn’t that someone else be Finn?

His shirt is off, and he’s spinning the football my brother and Shep were playing with between his fingers, very much like the first night I met him. They’re laughing about something as Finn stares out at the ocean. And then his eyes lock on mine, and I watch something flicker there. It’s like he was hoping I’d be here.

“Hey, I’m so sorry, Slo.” Mia plunks down in the sand next to me and leans her shoulder against mine. “I’d heard he had other plans tonight. He wasn’t supposed to be here.”

“You’re not responsible for him.”

I hear them laugh again in easy conversation and watch as they make their way to the other side of the fire. From where he sits, he has a clear view of me. Mia bumps my shoulder, and I look back out toward the water.

“Slo, he’s obviously doing this to get your attention. A guy doesn’t bother with stares like that if he doesn’t still care.”

My laugh is short, clipped. “I think we’re well past that now.”

I manage to stick around for a few more minutes, but being mere feet away from him is more than I can take. I don’t think I could handle it if he caused a scene here at the beach, in front of all our friends. So I stand, and Mia follows.

“I can’t be here, Mia, sorry. This isn’t gonna work.”

“Let me get my stuff. I’ll come with you.”

I grab her arm before she can turn around. “Not that I wouldn’t like to hang out tonight, but I think you’ve got some unfinished business with my brother that’s more important.” I nod in his direction, and she glances at him, then bites her lip. “Seriously, Mia, go talk to him. I’ll call you tomorrow, okay? I’m gonna wanna hear all about how the two of you kissed and made up…well, you know what I mean.”

She smiles and I go to the fire to retrieve my bag. I don’t even bother looking at Finn. Instead, I gather my stuff and take off down the beach toward my car.

I’m almost to the parking lot when a hand grips my wrist and spins me around.

“Sloane, wait. Please.”

I yank my arm away. “Don’t touch me.”

I drop my flip-flops, step into them, and make my way up the beach access path. His bike is parked a few spaces over from my car. I throw my bag into the empty passenger seat and get in, slamming the door shut behind me.

“Sloane, would you please wait?” He rests both hands on my door as I start up the engine, my music blaring. “Can you turn that down?”

Turning it up even louder, I back out from the space and take off, leaving him standing there. Instead of taking a left toward my house, I decide to go right. Maybe a long drive will help clear my head.

Endless miles of beach are mere feet from the right side of my car. But as the road begins to curve, I hear the high-pitched whine of an engine screaming behind me, and I look up to see a single headlight in my rearview mirror.

Oh, you’ve got to be kidding me. Does he seriously think chasing me down will make me forgive him?

I get stuck following behind a minivan full of tourists driving ten miles under the speed limit, as one of them hangs out the window to take pictures of the setting sun. There’s not a single car in front of them, but they’re actually going slow enough that I can see Finn’s hands shift down on the gears of his bike as he rides my tail. When the oncoming traffic lane finally clears, I step on the accelerator and speed around the minivan, then cut back over and take off. I don’t wait to see if he’s behind me, because I know that even though my car has an impressive engine, there’s no way I can compete with his bike.

I fly down the road, until the traffic behind me fades and I wind around another curve. For a moment, I think he’s given up. I slow down for a red light. The beach park to my right is vacating all its tourists for the day, as car after car pulls out and drives by me, heading back the way I came. I hear his bike again, clicking down through its gears as it slows and pulls up next to me.

Flipping up the visor on his helmet, he motions toward the emptying parking lot. “Sloane, would you please pull over?”

The light turns green and I take off, but all Finn does is snap his visor closed and keep pace with my car. Then he zips in front of me and his brake lights flash as he tries to slow us both down together. Pissed, I flip a U-turn in the middle of the road and speed back the other way.

It doesn’t take long for him to catch up, and I can tell by the high-pitched squeal of his bike that he’s driving the hell out of it. He follows close and mirrors every turn I take, pulling in behind me in my mom’s driveway.

I’m up and out of the car in seconds, marching to the front door. Finn is immediately on my heels; I’m pretty sure he must’ve jumped off his bike while it was still moving. Before he can grab me yet again, I stop, turn, and level him with my coldest glare. He’s so surprised he almost walks into me.

“I don’t want you here. At what point did I not make myself clear?”

Without waiting for a response, I step through the front door and slam it behind me. I’m so tense I feel like I’m going to explode, and before I know what I’m doing, I find myself in my closet. My entire body is shaking violently, and I try to envision the pool in my head to calm myself down. Then I realize I’ve changed into my swimsuit and I’m standing there with my cap and goggles in hand.

I need to be in the water. Now.

Slipping the cap on my head, I tuck in my hair. I dip my goggles in the pool and rub both of the lenses before putting them on. I stand at the edge and stare at the water in front of me as I stretch out both of my arms. Immediately, my breathing slows down and I’m no longer shaking.

I dive in.

Each stroke is calculated, and I speed to the other side of the pool like a motor is strapped to my back. I make my turn, flipping over, then kick off from the wall. It propels me underwater for several yards as I glide along in pure silence. Then I rise up to the surface and start the process all over again. I’m not sure how many laps I do. I lose track somewhere around fifteen, which is something that never happens. I never lose track. But for some reason, I can’t get myself to focus on the number.

It doesn’t matter, though, because I know I’m swimming fast. Probably faster than I’ve ever swam. So I keep going, pushing myself harder.

It’s when I’m about to make a turn that I see him standing there. But I don’t stop.

I swim to the other side, flip, and am already on my way back toward Finn. I’m about to make my turn in front of him again, but this time, water and limbs are everywhere and my goggles get knocked loose. They rapidly fill with water, and I scramble to stand, stripping them from my head as strong hands find my shoulders.

“What the hell, Finn?”

“Goddammit, Sloane, would you stop?”

“What don’t you get? I have nothing to say to you!” I whip off my cap and fling it, along with my goggles, to the edge of the pool. “Why can’t you leave me alone?”

I’m up and out of the pool in seconds. It’s amazing what I’m capable of now that I have the use of both my arms. I storm toward the beach and the solace of the ocean beyond.

Finn is right behind me.

“God, just wait! Wait up! Please?” His breath is hot on my neck, and my chest is heaving something fierce. I’d be stupid to think it was only from the swimming, because his presence alone has this impact I wasn’t even aware of. Or better yet, didn’t want to admit. “If you would quit being so stubborn for just a second, maybe I could tell you what I never got to say before.”

I’ve made my way to the sand, and I spin around to face him, closing the short distance between us. But before I can give him a piece of my mind, he yanks me into his arms and kisses me hard.

I shove against him, but this time, I’m the one that stumbles backward because he was prepared. Then I take a step forward, jamming my finger against his chest, and look him straight in the eye.

“No, you don’t get to tell me how you think
I’m
being and then kiss me like that!” I shove him hard in the chest again. “Let’s get a few things straight. You were pissed because you never had the guts to stand up to your father, so when I did, you shut down. And then you completely lost it because you thought I left you and went running back to Seattle, when that’s not what happened at all, which you would have
known
if you had
bothered
to answer any of my calls.” With each syllable, I poke him hard to enunciate my point. “And then I’m at home and, yes, Tyler was there. And yes, he kissed me. But that’s all that happened. He was there for me when we didn’t know if Mick was going to make it. And he stood by my side when she rejected us both. It was nothing more than that.
Nothing
. Because in that moment I realized all I wanted was for it to be you, and Tyler could see it all over my face. I wanted it to be you, not him.
You
.”

I turn back around and face the ocean and clench my eyes tight, trapping my fear, my anxiety, my everything.

“But then you go and screw Gianna and God knows who else—for what? Trying to make a stupid point? Trying to rub it in?” My hands automatically find their way to my chest and press hard against my skin there. I will not lose control. Not this time.

I already see the pool in front of me, and it’s filling with water, like it should.

He comes to stand in front of me, and when I don’t look at him, he tilts my chin up until I do.

“Sloane, I didn’t sleep with Gianna. I haven’t touched another girl, not one.” His fingertips lightly brush my forehead, and he tucks a strand of loose hair behind my ear, and I want to believe him. I do. But I trusted Tyler, and look where that got me. “And you’re totally right about the whole thing with my dad. I realized I was pissed for no reason, but then when I called you the next day and Tyler answered the phone? Yeah, I kinda lost it. I couldn’t believe you went running back to Seattle. That you went running back to him. That you’d actually
left
. Just like everyone does. I didn’t think you were ever coming back.”

All of a sudden, I understand. This is
his
fear. His mother left him without a word. His brother left him in the most horrible way possible. And then I left him after only one fight. At least, that was how he saw it. He thought I’d given up on him and flown back to Tyler. In the moment that Tyler answered my phone, he had no clue about Mick—no clue why I was really there.

“And then you showed up at my place and Gianna was there and I knew how bad that looked. But you were so pissed at me, you wouldn’t stop yelling, and I couldn’t get a word in. I didn’t have a chance to tell you that nothing happened.”

He runs a hand through his hair. “I’m sorry, Sloane, I shouldn’t have automatically assumed the worst when you went home.”

He slides a hand down my arm and grips my fingers in his. His other hand cups my cheek.

“And I definitely should never have thought that you’d walk away from me.”

He dips his head, then hesitates, searching my eyes. I don’t wait for him to figure out his next move. I pull him down until his lips are on mine.

It’s frantic and desperate, like we’re both searching each other for answers. Or maybe he’s afraid he hasn’t said enough and I’m still going to walk away. Or maybe I’m just so relieved he didn’t sleep with Gianna.

Together, we drop to the sand, his legs intertwining with mine, his hands tangled in my hair. There’s a part of me that can’t get close enough to him, like even if there were a way to climb inside his skin, it still wouldn’t be good enough.

His mouth pulls away from mine, and he trails light kisses along my cheek and forehead. But then he slows, his hands on either side of my face, as he gazes into my eyes.