Sunlit Shadow Dance (11 page)

“
You are the most beautiful and precious thing I have ever
known and I want you so much in every way that a man can want a
woman. Now seeing your sad face I cannot bear to see you
hurt.

“
But I have been entrusted with my own knowledge of what came
before which I must honour too. So I must find a way to bring those
two things back together before we go further from
here.”

As he spoke he
could feel her begin to relax, and the hurt washed out of her face,
replaced by an intensity of her own. She nodded, for them both
further words seemed inadequate to match their feelings.

He drew her
back in close and they lay very still, barely touching. After a few
minutes her breathing slowed to an even and regular pattern. He
knew she had fallen asleep, still trusting and touching him. He
felt so blessed. Soon he slept too.

Next day,
after breakfast, Jane found herself making beds with Thea. She
wanted to broach the subject with Thea about how a man and woman
should be together, but did not know how to begin.

It seemed too
unbelievable to admit that she, a woman with two children, did not
know about intimate things between a man and a woman, but it was
true. Thea was her friend and she needed to find these things out,
but yet she could not find a way to broach the subject.

She must have
seemed distracted because suddenly she realized that Thea was
talking to her and she had not been listening. Thea snapped fingers
in front of her face, “Hey you, Jane, you seem to be off with the
fairies this morning. I was asking you something; well really I was
making an offer. But if you are too busy to listen I will stop
talking and save it for another day.”

Jane brought
her attention back to the now, “Sorry, I was trying to think of how
to ask a complicated question. What were you saying?”

Thea said, “I
suggested that I pay you back for the couple times when you minded
my children, when I had to go out. I thought, maybe, I could mind
David and Annie for the night so you and Vic could have a night out
together, perhaps go to a movie of something. What do you
think?”

The idea
sounded really exciting to Jane. She said, “That sounds great, I
will say it to Vic. What night is good for you?”

Thea said,
“Why not tonight?”

Jane said she
would check with Vic at lunchtime as he was working around the park
today and would be back then.

So, when he
came home for lunch, she said it to him.

Vic agreed
with a wide grin, she suspected it was as much to please her as for
himself, but he had told her before how he had loved going to the
pictures with his friends when he lived in Alice Springs.

So tonight
they decided they would go to the picture theatre in Caloundra,
just the two of them, and she felt thrilled. She said to Vic that
even though they had been together for months it felt like a first
date.

When Vic went
back to work she told Thea they would go and asked her for any
suggestions about what to see. So, over a cup of tea, they sat down
and looked at the paper together which listed the movies.

Thea pointed
to a movie called “Once”, saying she had seen it a couple years ago
and loved it; it was a sweet romance about an Irish busker and a
European immigrant. Now the musical of it was coming to Melbourne
and the movie was being re-shown as part of the publicity. So Thea
said perhaps Jane would like it. Then Thea pointed to a couple of
other movies and said Vic might prefer them, they were more action
movies.

They each went
their own way once they had confirmed arrangements. Tonight, once
Vic got home, about half past five, Jane and he would get ready to
go. Thea would come to their unit at 6 pm so she could mind David
and Anne in their own place; feed them and put them to bed once
they were tired. Then Thea would bunk her children down on the
lounge next to her while she watched TV until they got home.

So Jane
dressed up, washing her hair, putting on lipstick and perfume the
way Thea had shown her. She could feel happy anticipation within
her.

Then Vic was
home and in fifteen minutes he was ready too. So they sat and
enjoyed a beer until Thea came. Jane felt the excitement; it was
her first remembered date. Tonight would be special, she would make
it so.

As they were
finishing their drinks there was a knock on the door and Thea with
children in tow, came in. The children settled down in front of the
TV to play while the three adults chatted for a few minutes. Then
Thea shooed them out telling them to go off and enjoy their night.
She said not to hurry, to go out for some supper after, because she
would just fall asleep if she was tired.

As they walked
out to his car Vic took Jane’s hand, which she really liked, and
then told her how beautiful she looked, which she liked even more.
He asked did she know what she wanted to see, and she said that
Thea had suggested a movie called ‘Once’ which was on at seven
o’clock, but she was happy if he wanted to choose something
else.

Vic said,
“Once sounds great to me.”

They parked
the car in the town and walked up the road to the theatre. Other
people were gathering in the foyer, creating an excited buzz. Vic
went to the sign called “Box Office” and bought tickets, then
handed one to her.

She read;
“Once – Cinema 3”. They walked into the dim room and she chose a
seat towards the front, just off to the side, it was as if her mind
had unconsciously known where she wanted to sit.

She felt a
thrill as the lights dimmed and then watched with fascination as
the ads for local businesses and a series of what turned out to be
previews to other movies came on, all looked really exciting.
Unconsciously she slipped her hand into Vic’s and snuggled into
him, her head resting in the space under his neck.

Then their
movie was on and she settled into the story. There was a man
sitting on the pavement playing music and this girl came along,
drawn to him and fascinated by his talent. They went to a place to
make music. Now they had started singing a song together.

Jane was
entranced, and as she listened to the words she could feel tears
running down her cheeks. It was as if the song had been written
specially for her and Vic.

“
I don’t know you

But I want
you

All the more
for that.”

When it
finished she looked at Vic through tears. “That was a song about
you and me, especially about me and how I feel with you.”

It burnt into
my brain and inside I am singing it just for you.

She sang a
part quietly in a voice that only he could hear.

“
Falling slowly, eyes that know me

And I can’t go
back.

You have
suffered enough

And warred
with yourself

It’s time that
you won

Raise your
hopeful voice you have a choice

You’ll make it
now”

She continued
speaking softly. “This song says what is important to do.

“
Even though my mind does not know you from before I want you
all the more for that. Your eyes look at me and know me and I can’t
go back. We have both suffered enough, we will not war with
ourselves. It is time that we win and have what we want. I will
raise my hopeful voice and make a choice to have you and only you
from now.

“
It means we must have our full life together from now. I
choose to give you all of myself. I know you want to tell me who I
am before I decide about us. But, as the song says,
I don’t know you but I want you all the more for
that.
I don’t need to know anything that
came before. It is sufficient to know where I am now. Being in this
place with you is the only thing I want. It is more than enough to
have this.

“
So, from tonight, let there be no more talk of needing to
know the past to decide. I know you now, I want you now. That is
all that matters, that is enough for me.”

Vic felt
overcome by emotion, this beautiful girl, with no knowledge of her
past had chosen him now. It was more than enough for him too.

So they sat
and shared the movie in solitude together. Others were there in the
theatre too, but their world had only space enough for two.

They went out
for supper together. It was a crowded place, but again for Jane it
was a place only with space for two. She sat snuggled into Vic,
feeling total trust, knowing tonight she would discover the woman
within herself with this man. She told him so.

He said he was
totally happy to just live in this place with her, to let the past
take care of the past.

They came home
to a quiet house, five people asleep. Thea woke out and stumbled
off back to her own house, Vic carrying one child and Thea the
other, asleep in their arms.

Then it was
just the two of them. They went and stroked and cuddled their
children, both asleep in their own room.

Then Jane
said, “It is time. Now show me how to become the person who really
is married to you, you have chosen me and I have chosen you.”

So he brought
her to their bedroom. He lifted off her dress. She stood there in
the half light, wearing only her underwear.

He said. “God
you look beautiful, Take of the rest of your clothes too. I want to
fill my eyes with you.”

She nodded,
self-conscious under his eyes, but her whole body tingling with an
unknown feeling of aching desire. She turned her back to him so he
could unclip her bra and then slid off her panties and turned to
face him.

He led her to
the bed and she lay there while he took off his own clothes. Now
they lay naked, side by side. Then he gave her a long and lingering
kiss before he took her breast in his mouth and stroked and
caressed all her body, until finally, when she could wait no
longer, he came inside her.

Slowly he
moved and brought her to a place where her body was rising and
falling with his, like waves in a sea. As he did she hugged him
tight and kept her eyes, brimming with tears, locked on his. In
that moment of pure adoration she felt him let himself go. His
whole body shuddered in time with hers and as it did she was in a
place of ecstasy too. It was like a first time for both of them.
The physical pleasure was almost unbearable, but most wonderful was
the joy she felt as their joining went on and on, she was riding on
the crest of a wave in the ocean that went on and on forever.

After, as she
lay dreamy in his arms, she said. “Now I understand what a man and
a woman do to give pleasure to each other. That was far more
wonderful than anything I could ever have imagined or dreamt. Can
we do it again, soon? I am glad you showed me, it would be
difficult to ask Thea about that. If this is part of being married
to you, then I want this part most of all”.

Vic did not
answer; he just kissed her then made love to her again. After that
they both slept until sunlight and children’s chatter woke them. It
was good to be a complete family. As they lay together with their
children Jane said, “I would like to know my parents, just as my
children know theirs.”

Alan had spent
two months going round and round in circles with the lawyers and
the police, trying to figure out a way to get somewhere with this
case so that Susan could re-emerge without her whole world
imploding.

The judge who
had heard the original murder trial was sympathetic, the police
commissioner was sympathetic, as he knew there was lots of public
sympathy for her following Anne’s program’s on TV, But the
prosecution was playing hard-ball, there was a legal minefield in
Susan’s conviction for murder that had never been overturned.

Alan felt his
life was more and more caught up in endless meetings with lawyers
who all had opinions for sale and big egos about how their view of
the world was correct. But none had a way forward to get this mess
of legal process resolved, other than something like a new hearing
and a retrial.

He did not
want to go there, even if he could get Susan’s or her family’s
cooperation. Without her having memory of what had gone before the
whole thing seemed futile, even without considering the further
damage it may cause her if it reopened all those wounds again.

Anne, using
David’s money, had retained the best barrister that money could
buy. He seemed to have the best ideas about how to unscramble this
omelette, but even he seemed to have no concrete way forward.

Then there
were the ever present leaks that were coming out. There was a mole
in a key place inside either Police and or the Attorney General’s
department, someone with access to not everything, but enough to
keep stoking the fires of a campaign against this girl. It seemed
to centre on one English tabloid or web-news service, where a black
journalist, by-line Jake SS, whoever he was, seemed to keep digging
up juicy morsels. that this girl had run away and gone into hiding
to escape the consequences of her actions, that she really was the
evil and conniving bitch as portrayed in the papers of a year and a
half ago, when she had disappeared. This journalist was based in
England, but he clearly he had an NT source that was feeding
him.

The one thing
that Alan was pleased about was that he had been able to calm
requests for a full scale search for Susan led by the Queensland
Police, as it was believed she was living there. He had stuck to
the line, which was true, that he had no direct knowledge of
Susan’s location. He had just been advised by an intermediate
source of her existence and the need to secure a legal guarantee
that she would not have to return to jail before she or her family
could agree to her return or assistance with inquiries.