Surviving Regret (27 page)

Macy runs her hand through my hair. “I’m scared.”

“I know, Mace, everything is going to be okay though.”

“I’m scared to bring our daughter into this world. I want to keep her in my stomach, protect her from everything.”

I turn my head in her direction. Tears are sliding down her cheeks. Reaching up I wipe them away. “We’re going to do our best to keep her safe, it is all we can do.”

Macy sniffles, “I don’t ever want her to feel the pain that we felt. I never want her to feel that, that helpless feeling, the feeling of losing your best friend.”

I don’t say anything for a few minutes because I understand, damn, do I understand. We both lived it and almost didn’t survive it ourselves. The important part is that we did though.

“All we can do is love her, do our best to always make sure she’s safe.”

Macy reaches for her hand and places it on her belly. “Promise me?”

“Promise.”

After a while Macy falls asleep while I sit and think about how strong Macy has been through this all. Think about how I hope our daughter takes after her momma and never lets anything get the way of what she wants. How much fight she’ll have to make it through what life throws at her.

Macy finally gets a few hours of sleep. Mid-morning she calls her parents and sister to tell them that she’s in labor. Her mom tells her that she’ll be on her way just as soon as her dad gets home from work. Madison promises to catch the first flight in. We haven’t seen or heard from her much. She’s been busy, I assume. We used to talk every day but not lately.

I send a text to Alexa and Cash giving them a heads up about Macy. Cash sends his best wishes and tells me he’ll visit as soon as he can. Alexa texts back and says she’s going to catch a ride with Macy’s parents to come see the baby.

The doctor checks Macy and tells her it’s time to start pushing. Macy nods and looks over at me.

“It’s all good, you got this.”

Macy nods again as everyone starts doing what they need to do to deliver the baby. Another hour ticks by as Macy pushes and pushes and pushes some more. I’ve been called more names than I could ever imagine coming out of Macy’s mouth. At one point one of the nurses gives me a sympathetic smile. I just shrug and go back to wiping Macy’s forehead.

“Okay, Macy, the next contraction give me everything you got.”

“Alright,” she answers through clenched teeth.

When she starts to push the next few minutes happen so fast I almost miss the baby coming out. I glance down at just the right second to see the baby’s head come out. It’s the most disgusting and beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. How in the hell can Macy’s tiny body deliver a baby is beyond me.

The nurse puts a blanket on Macy’s stomach preparing for the last step of the delivery.

“This should be it. Push once more and hold for the count of ten and we should have a baby.”

Macy places her hands under her knees, chin tucked to her chest and she bares down with everything she has. “Okay, here comes the baby.” The doctor stands and places a small cloth over the top of the baby’s head as she makes her way into the world. The doctor places the baby on the blanket congratulating Macy for a job well done.

I’m frozen in place. I can’t believe this just happened. I watched my daughter being born into this world. Macy places a hand on the side of our baby’s face and cries. Taking a step forward I place my hand over top of Macy’s.

“You did it.”

Macy glances up at me, tears pouring down her face. “No, Landon, we did it.”

Once the room is cleared out, the baby is washed and fed we have a few minutes of alone time. Well, not really alone now that our daughter is here but time to ourselves. Macy has the baby tucked in the crook of her arm staring down at her. “We need a name.”

“I thought we already had a name?”

“We do but I don’t think it fits.”

I look down at our daughter. The name we picked out doesn’t really fit but we both love the name. “How about we keep it for a middle name?”

Macy nods, “Yeah, okay.”

“Any suggestions on the first?”

She shakes her head. “Nope, not a clue.” She giggles.

I shrug, “Me either.”

We sit and stare at our beautiful daughter for a while commenting on who she looks the most like. To me she looks like Macy but to Macy she looks like me. She was born with crazy brown hair, thin lips, chubby cheeks, and a tiny little body. She only weighs six pounds, six ounces. She’s perfect and so is her momma. I can’t wait for the day I get to marry Macy.

I already gave Macy a promise ring earlier this year when things finally started coming together for us. It wasn’t only a promise that I would marry her when the time was right but it was also a promise that I was ready to move forward. To leave the past where it belongs, in the past. It was a promise that I was done with the drinking and smoking the weed to numb the pain. It was a promise that I would always be there when she needed me. I would no longer push her away. It was a promise that I would always take care of her and our daughter.

We talked about getting married after the baby was born. We both agreed that there was no real hurry and that we needed to finish our last year of college before worrying about taking that step. Macy, who I thought would want to get married right away, was the one pushing the idea off. She told me she wanted me to concentrate on football and earning my draft pick. I would have done this anyway but after talking about it more I agreed we’d worry about it when we both felt the time was right for us. If we both woke up tomorrow and said the time was right then I’d marry her in a heartbeat.

“What’s with that look on your face?” Macy teases me.

I shrug my shoulders, “Just thinking that my life is a lot brighter than it used to be.”

“Yeah, how so?”

I reach forward taking my pinky and rubbing it against my daughter’s cheek. “I’ve got two shining stars now. No way will the world ever get dark again.”

Macy smiles and then her smile widens even more. “I’ve got it.”

My eyebrows bunch in confusion. “Got what?”

“Star. Star Adrianna Hayes.” She looks to the baby and then back to me. “Yeah, Star definitely fits, don’t you think?”

I nod smiling. “Yeah, it does.”

I survived the biggest regret of my life because of one shining star that kept the darkness away. Always guiding me even if I went down the wrong path time and time again. Life is all about choices. Some of which I’m proud of and some of which I’m not. One regret will follow me to the day I die and that’s the biggest one. But one thing is for sure. As long as I have the two brightest stars in my life I can never have a single regret going forward.

Where there is a will there is always a way.

The End!

Acknowledgements

These things are always so hard to write. I feel like I can never say what really needs to be said. You would figure that this wouldn’t be an issue but it is and will probably always be.

This is the first thing that has been published, well re-published, since having my daughter in June. Most days I feel like I blink and it’s already a new day. Time needs to slow down just a bit so I can keep up.

First, I’d like to thank my husband. His support is endless. And to my kids, thank you for being you. Thank you for our little moments together. Thank you for understanding that mommy has a deadline even if you don’t really understand. I love you both with all my heart.

Elaine, thank you for working your quick magic on SR. You always come through for me. THANK YOU!

Linda, jeez, THANK YOU for the encouragement that I needed to get over this writing block since becoming pregnant last year. It wasn’t easy and to think this was just a re-release LOL. And I’m sorry for making you sweat with the ARCs being late, but hey, at least they were ready for the release date! LMAO #Moooooo

Emily G., my God where would I be without you keeping me afloat these last ten months. It was difficult, I know it was because I wasn’t much help. Seriously, THANK YOU, I could not have done this without you.

For all the bloggers who help me spread the love about
Surviving Regret,
thank you for everything. I can’t ever tell you how grateful I am for you all!!!

Mobsters: Thank you for all your hard work!

And last but never least, a huge thank you to the readers who took a chance on reading this.

Love,

Megan

About the Author

USA TODAY bestselling author Megan Smith is a New Jersey native who creates the memorable characters her fans have grown to adore.

Smith is a wife and mother, who makes time for her family, professional life and the creation of the characters. Fans of The Love Series -
Trying Not To Love You, Easy To Love You, Hard To Love You, Let Me Love You, A Christmas To Love You, Made To Love You
and
Need To Love You
- are captivated by relationships, special bonds and family ties pervasive in Smith’s emotional, energized, and engaging work.

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Other Books by Megan Smith

Trying Not To Love You (Book 1, The Love Series)

Easy To Love You (Book 2, The Love Series)

Hard To Love You (Book 3, The Love Series)

Let Me Love You (Book 4, The Love Series)

A Christmas To Love You (Book 4.5, The Love Series)

Made To Love You, (Book 5, The Love Series)

Need To Love You, (Book 6, The Love Series)

Stay For Me, A Love Series Spin-Off

Finding Us (Book 1, Finding Series)

Finding Ours (Book 2, Finding Series)

“All our dreams can come true if we have the courage to pursue them.” — Walt Disney

CHAPTER ONE

AGE 10

“Mom, I’m home!” I called out when I opened the front door.

“Hi, baby girl. How was school?”

I walked over to my mom and gave her a hug. We shuffled off to the kitchen to make me a snack as we did every day when I got home.

When we walked into the kitchen, my older brothers, Mason and Cooper—the twins—and Jackson were sitting at the table doing homework with the most handsome boy I had ever seen.

“Kenzie, close your mouth.” Jackson said, laughing.

I was standing there staring at him; I couldn’t pry my eyes off of him.

“Shut up!” I said to Jackson. The boy looked up to see me staring at him. He smiled.

I quickly looked over to Mom. She was grinning at me. “What would you like to eat?”

“I’m not hungry.” No way could I eat in front of him. He was causing butterflies in my belly. “Is it okay if Hailey comes over?”

I heard Mason groan and mumble, “Not again.”

“Of course she can,” Mom said while pouring sweet tea into glasses.

I reached for the cordless phone on the kitchen island, called Hailey, and asked her to come over.

I sat and watched TV until I heard Hailey’s mom pull up in the driveway. She walked into the kitchen as if she owned the place but stopped dead in her tracks when she noticed who was sitting at the table. I giggled and ran off to my room with Hailey close on my heels. Once she shut my bedroom door, she turned around and asked, “Umm Kenzie, who is that at the table?”

“I have no idea. He is cute though, isn’t he?”

“You can say that again. We need to go ask your mom.”

“No way.” I sunk into the chair in front of my vanity.

“He must have just moved here.” Hailey grabbed a brush and began detangling my hair. “I’ve never seen him around school.”

Someone knocked on my door.

“I thought I heard you girls up here.” Mom peeked into the room. “Here is your drink, sweetie. Hello, Hailey, would you like something to drink?”

“No thanks, Mrs. C. Who is that downstairs, sitting next to Mason?” Leave it to Hailey to come right out and ask.

“That’s Hunter. He just moved here with his mom and sister, Jaylinn.”