Teach Me To Live (Teach Me - Book One) (14 page)

I was waiting for him at the end of my driveway, sitting on a groomed patch of grass. I had a beach bag with some extra clothes in it sitting beside me. I didn’t want to take the chance of having my parent’s catch me crawling into Austin’s truck after midnight. I had a feeling that the tension between us would then escalade into a full-blown war.

I wasn’t really upset with my parent’s anymore. I understood that I’d ripped the carpet out from beneath them when I decided to find a level ground for myself to stand on. I was simply living the life I had the way that I wanted to live it. And this summer, I intended on spending my time with Austin. I was almost nineteen years old and there was no reason I shouldn’t spend time with my boyfriend. He was kind and patient and good. I considered myself lucky that I was with a man like him as my first official boyfriend. If my parent’s knew him, and really knew him beyond his bike, long hair, and tattoos, I truly believed they would think I was lucky too. Austin might look like a devil, but he had the patience of a freaking saint. I knew because I had felt his desire for me more times than I could count on both hands. But he’d never once pushed for more. Even though it had only been a short while, things with Austin felt serious. When I was with him, my feelings were always so intense.

Pulling my cardigan tighter around myself, I regretted once more the fact that I’d walked out here in only my pajama shorts and a tank top with a long knit cardigan. The air was a lot cooler now than it had been earlier today, and I’d just gotten out of the shower to write about my day, when Austin had texted me. My hair was still damp, but I’d raced into the darkness, preferring to freeze my butt off when the alternative was the possibility of my father catching me sneaking out.

The sight of headlights made my heart race. When they stopped in front of me and the sound of a door opening sliced into the quiet night, I rose from where I was seated on the grass.

“What the hell are you doing out here, Madison?” Austin growled low and I froze at the restrained frustration in his voice. “You’ve barely got any clothes on.”

I watched as he leaned down to pick up my beach bag before pushing me toward his truck. As I climbed into the passenger seat and he placed my bag on the floor at my feet, I tried to fight my shivering. Austin leaned over me; placing one hand on what I was sure was a cold thigh as he cranked the heat. With a blue-eyed glare, he closed the door.

When he settled in beside me, he pinned me with a glacial stare. “Are you trying to catch pneumonia?”

I shook my head, frustrated with his attitude. “No, Austin,” I rolled my eyes. “I was trying to make sure my Dad didn’t catch me sneaking out to meet you.”

“You’re eighteen years old, Madison. You don’t need to sneak out anymore. Stop tiptoeing around them,” he dragged a hand through his hair. “For Gods sakes, you’re hair is wet.”

“Austin,” his name on my lips was harsh. “Settle down. I’m not even that cold.”

He shook his head. “Could have fooled me. You’re shivering.”

I tensed. “Do you want me to go back home?” His jaw hardened but he didn’t reply. I continued. “I don’t want to fight with you. I agree I was foolish and it’s cold outside, but I wasn’t thinking. I’m sorry.”

His eyes softened and he leaned forward, shrugging from his jacket. Handing the leather that smelled like him to me, he commanded, “Wrap this around your legs.”

I did as he asked before looking up at him. He still looked so tense. Taking a deep breath, I slid slowly across the bench seat of his old nineteen something Chevy truck, snuggling up against him.

“I’m sorry,” I said again.

He placed his arm around my shoulder, tucking me in even closer against him. “Me too.” He looked down at me sheepishly before he began driving. “For acting like an ass.”

I smiled. “I kind of like the protectiveness in you.”

He raised a brow. “Really?”

“Yeah,” I grinned. “It’s actually kind of hot.”

“In that case,” he leaned down to kiss my temple. “Never put yourself in pneumonia’s grasp again.”

I grinned. “Cross my heart.”

I’ve never been what one would call the possessive kind of protective. I’ve never been so angry with someone for their actions, that I could potentially harm them emotionally, or that I was brought to a point of yelling. I’ve never wanted to shake someone the way I wanted to shake Madison for sitting outside as she waited for me in clothing that I considered barely there.

Not only was I worried about the cold, because really, the girl’s goddamn hair was wet. She was basically asking to get sick. And the thought of her becoming ill, with anything, was devastating. The thought did something to me I couldn’t explain or even come close to understanding. It hurt and enraged me. I knew better than anyone what it felt like to be helpless against the plans crafted by the divine. I knew, that in this grand scheme we call life, we really have no choice at all. Our existence was written in the stars well before our souls ever graced this earth.

It is our duty to fulfill our destined path without quarrel. Because fight or not, once our story was written, it couldn’t be erased. There was no backspace button in the stars. What will be, will be, and as insignificant as we are as souls, there is no fighting or changing the plans of the divine.

But shit, the thought of her putting herself so thoughtlessly into illnesses hands was just—it shook me down to my core.

On top of that, it was the middle of the night and she was sitting on the curb with barely any clothes on. What if I hadn’t been the only one to stop? She lived in a good neighborhood, but I’d been raised in a world where I knew not everyone was who you thought they were. What if one of her neighbors wasn’t the picture perfect person she’d always assumed them to be? What if they’d taken it upon themselves to hurt her?

The thought alone set my hands to curling into fists, my nails biting into my flesh. If anyone ever hurt her, I knew what I’d do, and it wasn’t pretty.

Madison walked from the bathroom adjoining to my bedroom. She rocked on her heels, a blush spilling into her cheeks as she looked from my bed to me.

The innocent nervousness lighting her features was enough to banish all the bad thoughts I’d been entertaining while she’d been behind the closed door of my bathroom. Closing the door to my bedroom, I moved to the lamp on my bedside table. I flicked it on. I could feel her eyes on me as she watched me cross the floor to turn off the main light.

As the room dimmed with only the light from the little lamp, she inhaled sharply. It was all I could do to keep from smiling. I loved her innocence. I loved that she was so fucking pure. There was no doubt she was tortured and a little fucked-up, but she had a beauty that pulsed beneath the surface and that was all she needed to hook me.

Yeah, like it or not, I was hooked.

“Breathe,” my voice was soft as I moved toward her, gently running my knuckle over her cheek where the deep red of her blush had stained her creamy skin. “You have nothing to fear.”

“I’m not afraid—of you,” she whispered hoarsely. “I just . . .”

When she didn’t continue, I asked, “You just?”

“I—I don’t really know what to do now.”

I smiled. I couldn’t help it. Shit, she was just so cute. “Are you tired?”

She nodded. “But I don’t really want to sleep.”

“What do you want to do?” I cocked my head, aware that she was aware of my hand moving slowly from her cheek to the nape of her neck. My fingers stretched into her hair, but she didn’t move from my grasp. She didn’t stop my wandering hand.

“I want,” she breathed in deeply. She looked confused and sweetly frazzled. “I’m not sure what I want.”

I couldn’t remove my eyes from her face as she struggled with her wants, her needs, and even her fears. As much as I wanted to kiss her, I didn’t. I wanted her to feel comfortable with me. I sensed that kissing her would do anything but make her comfortable.

“How about we watch a movie?” I pointed to the TV on my dresser with my free hand. I felt the need to keep one hand on her, something solid, to ground her. “We can get comfortable in the bed and whenever you fall asleep, you fall asleep.”

She breathed a sigh of relief. “Okay.” She nodded almost like she was trying to convince herself. Again, I thought she was cute. So adorably cute. “I think that’s a good idea.”

I offered her a smile, untangling my hand from her hair. I walked to my dresser. “You care what movie?”

“Not really,” she shook her head. “I’m not too picky.”

“Something scary?” I winked and she frowned.

“Do you want me to sleep?”

“You can cuddle up against me. I’ll protect you,” I said it as a joke, but as soon as the words were out there between us I knew I wasn’t playing around. This was serious business. I knew I was most definitely choosing a scary movie if it meant she’d want to be in my arms all night long.

“I don’t know about that, Austin,” She leaned over my shoulder to look at my collection of movies that I’d devoted an entire two dresser drawers to. “I don’t think your arms can save me from nightmares about the,” her finger landed on a movie. “The Blaire Witch.”

Raising a brow, I scowled. “Have you seen that movie?”

She shook her head. “No.”

“It’s not scary at all.”

She shrugged, plucking it from the dresser. After reading the back her little nose scrunched and she announced. “It looks scary.”

I stole it from between her fingers to place it back into its place. “Not scary enough,” I pulled Paranormal Activity from the drawer because I was pretty sure watching something like Insidious or The Conjuring was taking this a little too far, before pushing the DVD into the PlayStation.

“I heard this movie was stupid.” She moved away from me, tightening her cardigan around her body. “I don’t think we should watch it.”

“You heard it was stupid or scary?” I asked with a grin. “Because you look scared.”

The girl looked terrified. But I could also see defiance burning in her eyes and I knew she wasn’t about to admit she was afraid of watching a movie. And again, I thought she was cute.

She shook her head adamantly, folding her arms defensively over her chest. “I’m not afraid.”

“Really?”

Lifting her chin determinedly, she confirmed, “Really.”

I couldn’t help but laugh at her as she glowered up at me. In spite of her words, there was a light in her eyes that challenged everything she was saying. She was afraid. And this was going to be an awesome night.

I don’t know how many times I watched this movie with Kaiden, picking through everything that made it obvious and ridiculously unfrightening. However, as she seemed to be a romance movie kind of girl, I knew she’d be freaked right out of her skin, and hopefully against mine.

I was aware of my total douche-bag-ery, but really, I just wanted an excuse to hold her all night long without her thinking I was trying to get into her panties. She had a thing for reminding me she wasn’t ready, even when I had no intention on taking it any farther. I was content with how things were between us. Besides, I wouldn’t take the next step until I was certain she wanted it. Or until she knew all the ways I could, and would hurt her, if we crossed that line. I was a lot of things, but I wasn’t cruel. Sex, her first time, was most definitely a line. I didn’t cross a line without knowing where I’d end up on the other side and the damages I’d cause.

I’d evaluated my relationship with her progressing and the risks were worth it all. But taking her virginity when I knew I’d hurt her more than anything else in this world, I wouldn’t fucking do that. I just wouldn’t. Now, I’m not saying playing around and exploring are off my list. They aren’t. Just no sex. Not until she knew. And when she knew, she’d leave me.

I shook the thoughts from my mind. They were fucking with my mood and I really didn’t want that for the first night I spent with her. So, gesturing to the bed, I spoke, “Climb on in, sweetheart.”

She looked hesitant. “Which side?”

“Whichever side you want.”

She quickly chose the side that was closest to the lamp, which was also incidentally furthest from the bedroom door. It was the side I normally slept on, but I couldn’t say I was in any way disappointed. I wanted her in my bed where I always slept. I wanted her scent to coat my sheets and her warmth to remain even after she was gone.