Teach Me To Live (Teach Me - Book One) (25 page)

“When do you think Raina will arrive?” I asked, trying not to sound too interested—or too afraid.

“You never know with Raina. She’s an odd one. She walks to the beat of a drum only she can hear.”

“Ah,” I nodded, but I didn’t like this. It only made me more nervous. Because if there was anything that told me she was confident, it was that. Confidence intimidated me. Probably because I wasn’t confident in myself. “Um, can you tell me a little about her?”

He looked up at me now from where he was focused on the bike. “What do you want to know?”

“Well, anything,” I shrugged, wishing I’d never asked in the first place.

The corner of his lip lifted. “Are you nervous about meeting her?”

I blushed. “Maybe.”

“Why?” He cocked his head and I knew he was confused and curious. I didn’t like this, but I pushed ahead regardless.

“I’ve never been one of those girls who had girl friends,” I admitted and he nodded as though he already knew this. That made my spine straighten and I had half a mind to ask if I came across as antisocial. I shook my head and continued. “I’m not really sure how to make friends and since she’s going to be spending August here, I was really hoping that we could maybe be, well, friends.”

“Don’t worry about it, sweetheart,” he assured. “Raina will love you.”

“How do you know that?” I frowned, still not convinced.

“Because she loves everyone.”

“Oh,” I didn’t really like this either, because if Raina was one of those girls who loved everyone, (which was impossible because no one person can love everyone), then I feared I was in for a month of time spent with one of the girls I had avoided at all costs from high school.

“She’s not like that,” he announced, reading my thoughts. “She’s just fun and kind. If you’re nice to her she’ll be nice to you—no matter who you are.”

Again, I didn’t see this as a good sign. “Okay.”

He sighed, moving from the bike to me. “What are you afraid of?”

“Nothing,” I was quick to reply.

“You’re lying.”

“Austin,” I huffed. “I don’t know what I’m afraid of. I guess I’m just—I’ve never really had a girlfriend and I’m just,” I settled on what was honestly nagging at me. “I’m afraid I’ll really like her and she’ll be one of those girls who talks behind their girlfriends backs.”

“Wow.” He shook his head, his blue eyes stern on my face. “Someone really hurt you.”

“No,” I announced, because it was the truth. “I’ve never let anyone get close enough to actually hurt me.”

His eyes narrowed. “You’ve never had a friend?”

“Not one that was serious. I had acquaintances and people I gravitated toward through school, but I never went out of my way to be a constant in their life. I doubt I’ll ever talk to someone from school now that it’s finished.”

His hand moved to cup my face, his thumb gliding gently over my lips. When he spoke, my heart lurched. “That’s sad, Madison. You’re keeping people at a constant arms length and in turn you’re missing out on so much. Relationships with people are the foundation of a good and full life. If you’re determined to keep yourself from building relationships, you’ll inadvertently keep yourself from living any kind of life worth living.” His eyes were dark and sad. “That devastates me for you because you have so much to offer this world. You have so much life and love to give.”

He sounded so horrifically devastated it broke my heart. Suddenly, I wanted to do all that I could to banish whatever it was that had hurt him from his eyes. Hell, I would go and make a hundred friends if only that darkness gave way to the familiar light in his beautiful eyes.

“Austin,” I shifted onto my knees so I had a better angle to look into his eyes. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean I don’t want to connect with people. I just haven’t,” I leaned into his caress, committing the feel of his thumb against my lips to memory. “Until you.”

He closed his eyes and the action was so pained, I was for a moment, robbed of all breath. I literally could not breathe. “Madison . . .”

“I don’t know what to say, Austin.”

“Say you’ll try to build relationships with others. Say you’ll give them a chance.” He paused and when he continued his voice was rough. “Promise me you’ll give yourself a chance, Madison.”

I nodded even though his eyes were closed and he couldn’t see me. “I promise.”

He opened his eyes. “You’re a beautiful girl, sweetheart. You have a big heart and it’s worth sharing.”

“Is sharing my heart worth it when those I share it with hurt me?”

He flinched so hard I wondered momentarily if I had hit him and forgotten. “Loving and hurting come hand in hand. If you don’t love another, you’re safe from the possibility of pain. But if you never let yourself love for fear of being hurt, what kind of life will you be living?”

“A safe life . . .” I breathed, because that was the only answer.

“You’re not living a life at all.”

“But,”

“If you don’t allow yourself to love and be loved, Madison, then breathing becomes pointless. I promise you that the beauty of experiencing love is worth the risk of the pain that comes with the possibility of losing it.”

Even though there was a part of me that longed to argue this point, I knew in my bones he was right. Loving was worth it all, even if in the end, there was pain. I knew this because I knew now what loving felt like. I loved Austin with the entirety of my heart. I was in love with him, and I knew, that even if I lost him and we went our separate ways, this summer, and this love he ignited in me, was worth it all. Every pain I experienced, every heartbreak, and insecurity, was worth the warmth I felt in my heart for Austin.

I would willingly offer myself to any pain this world saw fit to throw at me if only it meant loving him for the rest of our lives.

“You’re right, Austin,” I breathed, letting my words fall into a breathy silence. “Loving is worth the pain. I know that now.”

His eyes burned as though taking in the deeper meaning of my words. “I do too, sweetheart.”

It was almost 3:00 pm when a lime green Mazda2 came zooming down the gravel drive. I knew without having to ask that this was Raina. Beside me, Kaiden stiffened and his eyes locked on the little car, but more importantly the little blonde behind the wheel. There was a warmth in his eyes that reminded me of the melted way Austin looked at me, and I knew in this very moment that Kaiden was definitely carrying feelings for Raina that were a whole lot more intense than plain old friendship. I couldn’t deny that I found this very interesting.

Kaiden was the biggest player in town, (not that I knew many players), and he was all googly eyes over little miss Mazda2.

I almost forgot my own fear of meeting Raina at the sight of Kaiden’s tense excitement. Almost—but not quite. My heart was still beating an absolute mess in my chest as I watched the car pull to a stop beside mine. She turned off the car and pushed open the door, and my goodness, the girl was stunning.

She had long blonde hair that was impossibly straight and full. It stretched down to the middle of her back, like mine. Her eyes were a bright green that popped much more than the light blonde of her hair should have allowed, and she had that golden tan I instantly envied her for. She was taller than me but not by much more than two inches. Her lips were full and they were currently stretched into a wide smile.

She lifted her hand and waved, calling loudly. “Hey! Come help me with my crap, why don’t ya?”

In response to this I heard Kaiden chuckle. I half expected him to call back and tell her to get her own crap, but he didn’t. He moved instantly to her, but rather than grabbing for a bag, I watched him pull her into his arms. His face moved instantly into the nook between her shoulder and neck and I could have sworn he was inhaling her. Again, interesting. Very, very, interesting.

Raina pulled back as though completely oblivious to the need Kaiden had displayed for her. She smiled up into his face before giving him a much too friendly punch in the shoulder. “Put those arms to good use and grab a bag, yeah?”

Oh, my goodness—she had no idea he wanted her.
How could she be so blind?

“Not here five minutes and you’re already bossing everyone around,” Kaiden complained, but as he dropped to pick up a suitcase from her hatch, I saw his grin. He loved having her bossing him around.

“No, just you,” she quipped with laughter that rang out on a throaty sound.

She hiked a duffel up onto her shoulder, leaving Kaiden to bring the other bags into the house. Beside me, Austin sat watching the scene unfold with just as much amusement as me.

“Sweet ride!” Raina beamed at me and Austin. Automatically, Austin replied.

“Thanks.”

She grunted. “Not you, bike boy,” she lifted her chin to me. “Miss Audi,” she cocked her head. “I’m assuming it’s yours, yeah?”

I nodded. “It’s mine.”

“Sexy as hell,” she moaned, looking back at my car. “You’ll totally have to take me for a spin. I’ve never been in one.”

Okay, maybe I could like her. She was eccentric. I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone like her. “I could probably do that.”

She winked. “Great. I’m totally looking forward to it.” She took a step toward the door, but stopped. “I’m Raina by the way. And you must be Madison, but are you tight with me calling you Maddy? I like Maddy better.”

Oh, my wow! I’m pretty sure she was born without a filter. Who asks if they can change someone’s name upon meeting them? So odd. Or bold. Or whatever. Beside me, Austin chuckled, warning, “Raina.”

I shook my head. “No, it’s all right.”

“Great,” she never stopped smiling. “Well, Maddy, I’m going to ditch my crap in Kai’s room and then we’ll steal away for some chick time, yeah?”

Not quite knowing what to do, I nodded. “Sure.”

She giggled and then she flounced—yes, I said flounced, through the door.

I sat in stunned silence as Kaiden moved past us, close behind her. When they were both out of earshot, Austin asked. “Was that so bad?”

“She is—definitely different, but . . .”

“But . . .” He let the word hang between us, prompting me to continue.

“But she’s actually kind of awesome.”

“You only think that because she says your wheels are better than mine,” he muttered. “But sweetheart, my wheels are the shit.”

I laughed. “I happen to agree with her, although your bike is nice, my wheels really are
the shit.
”