Teach Me To Live (Teach Me - Book One) (28 page)

“I was just moving you a little closer so you could watch the jump they make. It’s pretty cool.”

“It looks so high up,” I whispered, feeling pale and shaky.

Kaiden shook his head reassuringly as he began to take off his clothes. “It’s not very high at all. It only looks that way because you’re looking down. It always looks scarier looking down.”

“Sure,” I didn’t believe him.

When Kaiden was standing in his boxers beside Raina in her underwear, I watched as they locked hands—and they jumped. I screamed for them. Thankfully, the sound of my scream of fear was drowned by Raina’s cheer of delight.

Then they splashed into the water, both of them going under. When their heads bobbed in the water and Raina called up, “Come on in, babe. It’s nice and warm!” I felt my belly release a little of the nerves that had built up inside of me.

I called down to her. “You’re a liar, Raina.”

She laughed. “Oh, come on!” She hooted. “Let your hair down and have fun, Maddy.”

I sighed. I was so not doing this. I swung my gaze to Austin who was already standing in his boxers and I felt my eyes take in his delicious skin and the colorful tattoos that decorated him. And then I knew I was going to jump—for him.

Taking in a deep breath, I let myself feel the fear that pulsed inside of me. I let myself feel it, and fear it, and hate it.

But I didn’t let it stop me.

I tugged my loose tank top over my head and dropped it to the pile of clothing on the shoulder of the bridge. Then, I unbuttoned my cutoff jean shorts and pulled them down my hips. Lastly, I kicked off my flip-flops.

I was standing in a gentle lavender bra with matching booty short panties. I was sure my face was the color of a hot coal beneath the flames of a fire, but I didn’t care. I was doing this. I was going to stand on the edge of the bridge, and I was going to hold Austin’s hand, and I was going to jump.

There were so many things I could be arrested for right now.

Again, I shook the thought from my mind.

“Okay,” I said as though to convince myself. “Are we doing this?”

Austin nodded. “You bet we are, sweetheart.”

I climbed up onto the lip of the bridge with Austin at my side and then I felt his hand tighten on mine. “One. Two,” He counted and right before he got to three, he jumped.

“Holy fuck!” I shrieked the profanity a mere second before the cool water of the river engulfed my body, swallowing me whole.

I lost hold of Austin’s hand and swam quickly to the surface.

I’ve heard people say that once you experience a rush that claims every inch of your body and mind, your soul aches to replicate the feeling.

I had a math teacher who went skydiving every year. He was addicted to the rush of falling through air, completely helpless, just feeling. He went once and he vowed he’d never stop. Even now, I can see the clips of the videos he’d bring into class for us to watch when the class as a whole did well on a test. That was his way of telling us we did good and made him proud, I think. He was a good man. He was an odd man, but a good one.

I used to think he was positively insane.

But now, now I think I understand. Because since my first jump off that bridge, I’ve gone another three times. It. Is. A-M-A-Z-I-N-G. Amazing.

That rush is unlike anything I have ever experienced. It’s fear and wonder in one. I just love it. Every second, (and the fall is only seconds), but it’s a perfect couple of seconds. It’s a moment in time where absolutely everything else falls away and your mind clears.

I think that is what my math teacher experienced while skydiving. Even though this six-meter jump is nothing compared to jumping out of a plane, I think that eventually, some day, I would like to try skydiving. Although I’m pretty sure someone would need to push me out of the plane, I’d love it.

“Want to go again?” I asked Raina and she groaned into the towel she was sprawled facedown on. She’d taken off her bra to let it dry in the sun beside her, and was currently working on a suntan. At her insistence, my bra had joined hers on the grass.

“My panties are nearly dry,” she pouted.

“It only takes a half hour to dry after a jump.” I informed her of what she already knew. “Just one more jump—
please!
”

“You little fiend,” she breathed on a groan. “If we keep jumping, and having to wait for our shit to dry, then we’re never going to get to Jasper.”

I huffed, a little miserable that I wasn’t going to experience another jump today. “I can’t believe how fun that was.”

She smiled, shifting to face me. “I thought you’d like it—if we could actually get you to jump.”

“I loved it!” I breathed exaggeratedly, relaxing into the towel. We were both basking in the warmth of the sun that kissed the bare skin of our backs. “I didn’t think I’d jump, either.”

She laughed. “I can’t believe you swore. That was the moment it was all worth it for me. Hearing the f-bomb flying out of those Judge’s daughters lips. Priceless!”

“At least I can provide you with amusement,” I muttered, letting my eyes close. “Where are we, anyway?”

“I’m not exactly sure. But the bridge is the only way in or out of a little subdivision kind of thing. That’s why it’s such an unpopular road,” she explained. “There have been days when we’ve come down here and seen other kids swimming. It’s nice, because the river is so calm here.”

“Yeah, it is,” I agreed. “By Austin and Kaiden’s house the river is pretty rough.”

“You couldn’t swim in that part of it.” I opened my eyes to find her shaking her head. “The North Saskatchewan goes on forever and changes every few kilometers.”

“Yeah,” I nodded. “It’s actually really nice by Devon.”

She nodded. “I know. Mom used to take us kids out there before we came across this place. Devon has nicer walking trails, but this place is less busy. It’s our secret place.”

I grinned. “Noted.”

She laughed. “How are your panties?”

That was such a weird question and just hearing it was enough to make me giggle. “They’re almost dry. Yours?”

“Mine are way skimpier than yours. They were dry forever ago.”

“Well, I figure we have about another half hour before the bras are dry.” I reached my hand out to touch the still slightly damp fabric before flopping back down. And then I glanced at Raina and asked a little hesitantly. “Do you have a boyfriend?”

She raised a brow. “No. Why do you ask?”

I pointed to a shimmering ring. “You wear a promise ring,” the ring clearly wasn’t a wedding band or engagement ring, but it was still a ring on her ring finger. One had to ask . . .”You wear it on your ring finger.”

“Oh this,” she grinned down at her ring. “My Dad gave it to me for grade nine graduation. It’s a promise ring, just not the kind of promise you’re thinking about.”

“You’re religious?” I squeaked rudely. And then I realized how rude that question sounded, and I clapped my hand over my mouth. There was nothing wrong with promising God that you would wait for marriage, but Raina didn’t seem religious at all. This was definitely jack-in-the-box news to me—surprise!

She laughed, “I believe in God. I believe in the promise I made to both Him and my parent’s, but I’m not exactly traditional about it. I mean, I don’t attend church, or anything like that.” I was pretty sure this was the first time I’d seen Raina fumble with her words. “I just, I wear it because it stands for something important.”

“So you don’t believe in sex before marriage?” I couldn’t believe how easy it was to ask such a bold question. This girl made talking easy, though.

“Um,” she shrugged. “I wouldn’t say I don’t believe in it. I wouldn’t judge someone for doing it, or anything. It’s just not for me.”

“I see.” I nodded.

“What about you?” She asked. “What do you believe?”

“I’m not against it either way, honestly.” I said. “I like the thought of being with only one man for my whole life, so I would like to wait for marriage, but I just don’t know. I don’t know where life will take me yet.”

I let my eyes move past Raina to where Austin and Kaiden were sitting on the ledge of the bridge, talking about who knows what. It was nice to see that they were so close. I would hate to think that Austin and his older brother didn’t have an amazing relationship.

“You mean you don’t know where you and Austin are going yet?” She asked grinning. I blushed and shrugged. She was right. I didn’t know where we would end up—but I did know that we were moving along the train of emotions faster than normal. And I didn’t want to put the breaks on us either.

On the thought of relationships and Austin’s brother, Kaiden, I asked. “What’s going on between you and Kaiden?”

Raina raised a brow. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Yes, you do.” The very fact that Raina, the woman who inspired the word chatterbox, didn’t have much to say was enough to spark suspicion. “I see the way he looks at you. You can’t possibly think he doesn’t have feelings for you.”

She sighed and then she spoke quietly. “I think Kai thinks he has feelings for me because I’m the only stable girl in his life. But I’m also the only girl who he can’t kick out of his life. Our families are so close we’re practically family. Every Holiday, we see each other because our families are always together.” She looked so sad for a moment. “I know how I feel for Kai, but I know that I also respect myself more than to allow myself to give in to his kind of romance.” She looked down at her ring. “As I said, this means something to me. I know Kaiden enough to know that it means absolutely nothing to him.”

“But he cares for you,” I protested, confused by the fact that she wasn’t willing to take a chance on Kaiden.

“He’s a player, Maddy.” She squeezed her eyes shut and I knew that her tough flippant act was just that. An act. She was in love with Kaiden. “If I let him play me too—knowing who he is and what he does—then I’ll be just like all those other girls I hate simply because they’ve had him. I don’t want to hate myself.”

“Raina,”

“It’s okay,” she forced a smile. “I’m okay with having him be my friend. Eventually, I’ll find someone who makes me happy. I’m sure that no one will ever compare to Kai, because he’s always been the one I dream about, but the day will come when I’ve had enough of the self-depreciating torture and I’ll let him go.”

“Have you ever even had a relationship with someone else?” I don’t know why I asked this, but I did.

“No,” she looked almost ashamed. “Every time I meet a nice guy and he asks me out, I always think of Kaiden and his stupid blue eyes. And his voice . . .” she sounded utterly devastated. “I hate how much I love his voice. It’s so deep and yet so smooth. It’s like melted peanut butter.” She smiled. Her eyes were far away. “God, do you know what I’m talking about? It’s so warm and delicious and thick and smooth. I know for you it’s Austin’s eyes. And I get it, because Kai has those eyes, too. But what really gets me is his voice. God, that voice . . .”

She was so in love with Kaiden, and yet, she was very unwilling to find a way to work through his faults with him. I hated this so desperately for her, because now I knew what it felt like to love someone. I loved Austin and I couldn’t imagine that he could do anything, or be anything in his past, that could make me fight my feelings for him. That just seemed like agony. It seemed like an agony of the worst kind.

“I think you should give him a chance,” I said softly.

Her green eyes pinned on mine. They weren’t gentle or questioning—they were oddly knowing. “How many women has he had since you and Austin have been together?”

Oh, dear—she wasn’t actually asking me this question. Was she? Did she actually want the answer?

“Um,”

“It’s okay, you can tell me,” she smiled, but through the fake light behind the action, I could see the most pure and devastating of pains. “Seven? Eight? I know Kai. I know who he is and what he does. I lived here before I moved to study in Calgary, Maddy. I know who he is.”

“I’ve only seen two . . .” and that was the truth. There was Sasha and then there was another one he brought home after finding out that Raina had been delayed from arriving as planned. However, although I’d only seen two, I knew there had been more. I knew this because I heard it. And the sad thing was that Raina’s guess of seven or eight was right on the money.