Teach Me To Live (Teach Me - Book One) (7 page)

Silence filled the remainder of our walk to the river. All I could hear were our breaths tumbling from between our lips. His was louder and more frequent than mine. It was almost as though he was breathless. I wondered if I made him feel as robbed of air as he made me feel. The thought was a warming and entrancing one.

Almost as soon as the river came into view the sound of splashing waves claimed the panting of our breaths. It was really beautiful here. The sun was high in the sky, spilling its rays onto the river, the rolling waves catching the rays in their prisms of liquid crystals.

The river was wide and high spruce trees towered on either side with scattered conifers, poplars, and birch trees. The land was rugged and the bed of the river was rocky and lush with growth. It was a peaceful place and I instantly knew that I would come back here, with, or without Austin. It was one of those places that ensured clear thoughts and peaceful decisions. It was one of those places that just resonated with a place deep inside of me. With my soul.

Dropping my hand, I watched as Austin shrugged from his jacket, placing it down on the grassy earth. “Take a seat.”

I narrowed my eyes. “On your jacket?”

“Yeah, why not?”

“O-kay,” Slowly, I lowered myself onto the jacket before looking up at him. “Are you planning on watching me all afternoon, or are you going to sit, too?”

“You do realize that patience is a virtue, right?”

I snorted, quite becoming, I know. “Yeah, as if I need any more virtues.”

“What do you mean?”

I shook my head. “It’s nothing.”

I could see from my peripherals that he wanted to say something, but he didn’t. That was a conundrum in itself. Austin had this bad-boy aura about him that really shocked a girl when he constantly contradicted his appearance with the charming, thought provoking personality he possessed.

For a while, we sat watching the water tumble along the rocky bed. Then, the sound of his voice interrupted my thoughts with the same chill that would have claimed my entity had he tossed a bucket of ice water over me.

“You have sad eyes.”

“Oh,” I shifted in place on his jacket. “Um, thanks, I suppose.”

“Beautiful eyes,” he assured softly, gravelly. “But sad all the same.”

He moved his body closer to mine, and even though there was a part of me that tensed inside, there was a bigger part that found comfort in his nearness. The way he made me feel was something Austin, and Austin alone, seemed capable of doing. No one set the butterflies loose inside my body like he did.

He spoke again, this time on a sigh. “So, tell me,” he paused as though for effect. “Why does a beautiful girl like you have such sad eyes?”

“I have no reason.”

I felt shame growing inside of me for not hiding the very sadness he claimed to see so easily. Usually, people were fooled by my faux smiles and prim responses. Usually, people believed that I was happy. Over the years, I had become such a talented actress that even I believed I was happy. Until recently. Recently, I began to see straight through my lies to the bullshit that lay beneath.

I continued. “I have a perfect life. I’m a lucky girl, Austin.”

For a moment, he was silent. I knew he chewed over my words, and the tone with which I had spoken them. There was an odd underlay of shamed guilt that bled from the hostility of my true feelings into words I believed, with my whole heart, were true. I did have a perfect life. I should feel guilty for my feelings of suffocation. The truth of it all was that I was a selfish girl. I wanted more from my life than the abundance I had already been given.

“I’ll be the first in line to admit that from an outsiders standpoint, your life seems pretty sweet, Miss. Audi Q5.”

I sighed. Everyone thought the way Austin thought. And, how could I blame them? I mean, really. It was just so perfect.

I did truly have a sweet life, and ride.

His words continued, startling me. “But, I’ll also be the first to admit that more times than not, appearances are deceiving,” he pulled in a ragged breath. “The kind of sadness I see in your eyes, that’s a sadness that doesn’t just appear. It’s there for a reason. And no matter what you think, a sadness that has that kind of rawness is real. If it’s real, it’s valid.”

“So?” I was trying with everything I had inside of me to keep my emotions bottled up inside. But, if he kept on talking the way that he was, I’d cry.

He tipped his head down a notch, peering into my misting eyes. “So, what’s the reason behind the sadness in those beautiful eyes, Madison?”

On a shaky breath, I demanded. “Do you always ask such personal questions on a first meet?”

“Technically, this is our second meet.”

“I’d hardly say the first counted.”

“You got my number on the first.”

I snorted. Laughter really was a brilliant defense mechanism. “You mean you practically tattooed me with your number. Against my will, I might add.”

“You could have stopped me.” His voice was gravelly and raw. “I realize you’re deflecting, Madison. Just want to let you know I won’t give up until I’ve uncovered the source of your pain.”

“Why are you so confident that I’m hurting?”

He leaned back on his palms, his eyes gazing out over the water. “Hurt knows hurt, sweetheart.”

“I’ll show you mine if you show me yours . . .” Suddenly, I wanted to know the hurt that recognized my own. Suddenly, I was confident, that I would do anything, be anything, to heal him of his pain.

He laughed, his eyes lifting from the river to my own. Then, his laughter died and he pushed up from the grass to look deeply into my eyes, his face only inches from my own.

“Believe me, the day my hurt becomes clear to you, all this—us—whatever we are, will go up in a cloud of smoke.” His intense azure eyes darkened on my face, the ebony frame of his lashes narrowing around their brilliant orbs. “I’m really liking this whole—us—whatever we are, thing. So, what do you say we leave the messy-bound-to-destroy-us bits out of it for just a little while longer?”

“You know, Austin, you really are a conundrum.”

He tipped his head. “How so?”

“Because, I think you’re the first person on the planet who can convince me, that their keeping something from me, is for the better.”

“Believe me, sweetheart,” he tucked a stray strand of hair behind my ear. “It’s for the better.”

Austin pulled his bike up to a small, but tidy looking mobile home that was surrounded by thick trees that stretched impossibly high into the sky. We passed only one other trailer from where we’d been parked by the river, on our way here. It was about a two minute drive from Austin’s house. Between the two homes was a thick patch of trees that offered the necessary privacy one who lived in such a secluded place would surely require upon purchasing the land.

As I pushed myself from the bike, I glanced back to the trees in the direction of the other home.

Obviously seeing me looking, Austin explained. “It’s my parent’s place.”

“Oh,” I couldn’t help the surprise that sounded in my voice.

I don’t know why, but I sort of expected Austin to be, well, estranged from his parents. I mean, if I looked like Austin; skin covered in tattoos, icy eyes, and black leather on a fast bike, I was certain Mom and Dad would disown me, no questions asked.

Quirking the grin I was beginning to think was his signature, he replied. “All you’ve got to say is ‘oh’?”

“Is there something wrong with ‘oh’?”

His eyes scanned my face. “In a conversation with anyone else, ‘oh’ wouldn’t be an issue. But with the girl who has an opinion for everything, ‘oh’ comes off as a bit unusual.”

“Well,” I blushed. How could one person read me so well after only just meeting me, when those who have known me for years probably couldn’t decipher a blatant fib masked as truth?

“Well?” He prompted.

I toed the gravel beneath my feet. “You just don’t look like a family man.”

“Never judge a book by its cover, sweetheart.” His eyes were teasing, but his words and tone were serious.

Lifting my chin, I said, “Everybody does.”

“Then everybody misses out on some truly great stories.”

When I didn’t reply, he reached out to take my hand into his. “Come on inside. You’ve got to be starving. We’ve been at the river for hours.”

At the mention of the river, I could suddenly hear the therapeutic rushing sounds of the water as a faint constant to the background. I knew then, that his trailer backed onto the river.

Smiling, I followed his lead to the front door. “As a matter of fact, I am starving. Are you planning to cook for me?”

“Damn straight, I am.” He winked.

I giggled. “The cover of your book really is very deceiving, Austin.”

He chuckled. “Don’t get ahead of yourself, darlin.’ I plan on making a box of KD.”

“Mmmm, a classic,” I moaned. “You realize there’s an art to KD, right? You’ve gotta get that perfect balance between cheesy cream and too much milk.”

Austin laughed a full-throated laugh that made my flesh pebble with goosebumps of awareness. They prickled my skin making every inch of my flesh hypersensitive. I could feel every thread of my clothing against my pebbled body and it was all I could do to keep from shivering.

“I think you might just be the perfect woman.” His words had the shiver I fought rocketing through me.

I mean, when Austin talked like that, shivering came as natural as breathing.

I opened the front door hopeful that my brother, Kaiden, had decided to pick up his socks and boxers from the living room floor. I wasn’t a clean freak by any means, but when I decided to bring a chick home, the last thing I wanted to look like, was a dirt bag.

Kaiden was a total shit-head. I honestly didn’t have a clue how he had so many girls throwing themselves at him every other day, but the guy was my big brother. I didn’t give two shits about what he did so long as he kept his sexual excursions out of my bedroom.

Pushing open the door, my eyes quickly scanned the space I called home, and I knew exactly what Madison was seeing. A cliché bachelor pad. I honestly hadn’t planned on bringing her home today. I’d planned on taking her to the river, getting to know her, and taking her home. However, when the time came to pack things up and take her back, I couldn’t seem to fathom the idea of actually parting ways with her. So, instead of driving back into town, I’d driven the couple minutes it took me to bring her home.

Now, I was regretting that change in plans as my eyes took in the half full bowl of soggy Froot Loops on the coffee table. Beside the couch, there was a pair of jeans on the floor alongside a dirty pair of once white socks and, lo and behold, a pair of boxers.

The kitchen sink had dishes in it, and the counter connecting with the wall was lined with beer cans, partly my fault, and partly Kaiden’s. There was dust on the television stand and the carpet could probably use a good hour with the vacuum. All in all, it looked like a frat house, never mind a house two brothers lived in.

Glancing from the mess that was my house to Madison’s face, I was pretty sure that everything I had assumed has run through her mind, actually had.

“Sorry about the mess,” I ran my hand through my long-ish hair. “I’ve got a pig for a brother.”

She smiled. “I wasn’t judging.”

“Sure, you weren’t.”

“I wasn’t,” she shook her head. “If you must know, I was thinking how nice it must be to have your own place. A place where you can just be you.” She gestured to Kaiden’s clothing on the floor and I fought my wince. “A place where you can just strip from your clothes whenever the hell you want.”

I raised a brow, feeling my lips twitch with the need to smile. This chick was awesome. “You can’t strip whenever you want at home?”

“Um, no.”

“Why not?” I asked. “Because you live with your parents?”

“Sort of,” she shrugged. “I just moved into the pool house, but I wouldn’t trust that the space is actually mine enough to just strip down in the living room.”

“You have a pool house?” She really did come from money. The thought wasn’t one I liked. Yeah, I knew she had an Audi and those wheels cost a pretty penny, but I hadn’t been thinking she was that rich. A pool house—in Alberta. Weird.