Tequila & Tea Bags (12 page)

He turns to look at us. ‘That’s the fair I’m afraid, pet.’ He doesn’t look sorry at all. ‘I don’t like coming into this village anyway.’ He looks around distastefully as if he might catch something.

So that’s what this was about. He’s a bloody village racist. What is it between these villages? What the hell happened to make them all so bitter? Either way, I’m not going to pay for it.

‘We’re not putting up with this!’ I scream, opening the door and dragging Elsie out with me. She’s like a rag doll, she’s so wasted. Apparently she doesn’t normally do shots. And tequila can take down the best of us.

I can barely see straight. It’s so dark, the only light coming from a faraway street lamp. Nothing to do with the shots. I’m almost sure of it.

‘Hey!’ he shouts aggressively.

Oh crap. He’s getting out of the car. I should run, only I’m too busy trying to keep both my feet on the ground. I feel a bit wobbly if I’m honest. His cold eyes meet mine, sending a bolt of fear to the pit of my stomach.

‘Rose, its fwine,’ Elsie slurs, barely able to stand. ‘Let’s just pay him.’

‘Now listen here girls,’ he starts, reaching into his back pocket. Suddenly the alcohol dulls, replacing it with adrenaline pounding round my body.

Oh my God. He’s got a knife! A fucking
knife!

‘Elsie, RUN!’ I scream, lunging forward and kicking him hard in the balls. His mouth drops open to form a silent O. He starts to collapse onto me, but I manage to push him off, frantically running after her.

It’s clear she’s pissed because she’s running in zig zags and not actually going anywhere. I grab her arm and drag her down an alleyway. I pull her around a corner and push us against a bramble bush. It cuts into my arm, but I can't feel any pain. Not yet. I’m too scared thinking of how we’re about to get murdered by a taxi driver. And in Belmont bloody Village! I thought we were safe here!

‘What are we going to do?’ she shrieks, her blurry eyes wide.

I can practically feel bubbles of panic riding through me. I clasp my hand around her mouth. It’s the only quick way I can get her to shut up. Something tells me she won’t be reasoned with. Her frantic breathing pushes out of her nose, onto my hand. I try desperately to listen, but I can’t hear him chasing after us. Just the whistle of the wind in the trees. Phew. I take a deep breath and start to relax. I think we’re in the clear.

I pull Elsie closer. ‘Don’t worry, Els. We’ll be home soon.’

I feel completely sober. What a waste of alcohol.

I wait until I’m pretty sure he would have given up and gone home. I release my hand from her mouth, but signal with it to keep quiet. I point at her shoes and she follows my lead and removes them. We creep slowly out onto the road, sticks prickling our heels, and turn the corner into our street. His car’s still there. Shit.

Where the hell is he? And what is it he wants? Blood?

‘We can’t go home,’ Elsie declares, her shaky hands rising to cover her face. ‘What if he’s already in our house? Waiting for us?’

I roll my eyes, faking confidence. ‘Don’t be stupid, Elsie! He doesn’t know where we live.’

I grab her arm and start walking towards our house when I see him. He’s walking out of our next door neighbour’s front door. I grab Elsie and duck down behind the wall.

‘Shit.’

‘Don’t swear, Rose,’ she berates.

‘Now is NOT the time,’ I snap, my jaw tense.

What the hell are we going to do?

‘Quickly,’ Elsie says, nodding towards Lauren’s house. She runs out of my grasp before I have a chance to slap some sense into her. How stupid is she? She’s going to be seen and murdered.

I begrudgingly follow her, crawling on my hands and knees. He’s still talking to our neighbour. All he’d have to do is glance over and he’d see us. Elsie crawls commando style to the flower pot and retrieves a key from underneath it. She snakes her body up against the door, letting us in. I’m sweating now. We crawl in as quickly as we can, my heart beating so hard I fear it’ll actually jump out of my chest and run over to him screaming.

We shut the door quietly and both collapse onto the carpet in relief.

‘Who’s there?’ Lauren shouts down the stairs.

We both look up to see her running down the stairs, crazy eyed, holding a baseball bat. Does
everyone
in this village have a baseball bat? She trips on a step and tumbles down the stairs, landing just a centimetre before us, her t-shirt up over her head, exposing her boobs.

‘Jesus!’ I shriek, pulling my head to the left to avoid taking a nipple into my mouth.

‘Don’t use his name in vain!’ Elsie snaps, already starting to try and get her rosemary beads out from her bag.

‘I think this bloody calls for it, don’t you?’ God, she can be annoying with all of her God bothering! Especially when she’s trashed.

Lauren pulls herself onto her elbows and quickly pulls her t-shirt down. ‘What the hell are you guys doing here?’

‘Long story,’ I sigh, snatching the rosemary beads away from Elsie. ‘Put the kettle on and we’ll tell you.’

***

We watch out the window as we sip our tea and eat our bacon sandwiches. Did I mention I love Lauren? He eventually drives away, after what feels like an eternity. We thank Lauren and go back home. We’re just shutting the door when a lady in her sixties comes barrelling through it. I recognise her as our neighbour that was talking to him. Oh my God, this must be Mavis.

‘There you are, my lovelies! I’ve been worried sick.’

She’s got a small, sweet face. Not the kind of face you imagine screaming about milk in her coco puffs. Ugh, just thinking about it makes me shiver.

‘There’s been an attack on a taxi driver,’ she shrieks, her jet black hair still in her rollers.

Elsie and I exchange looks before bursting out laughing. She looks at us, confused.

‘Actually…he said it was two lasses…was it…’ She lowers her voice to a whisper. ‘you two?’ she asks, unbelieving.

‘He pulled a knife on us!’ I shout in our defence, pulling Elsie behind me. If anyone’s getting in trouble here it’s going to be me.

‘A knife?’ she shrieks, her hands up to her chest. ‘Oh my goodness! And I gave him some Vaseline for his balls. The
bastard
took my Vaseline!’

Elsie looks at me and we both spontaneously collapse into hysterical giggles. This place gets weirder by the second.

***

Friday 17
th
October

‘I’m telling you, Phil, I haven’t stolen any bloody chocolate!’ I shriek the next night at work.

He’s been tip toeing around asking me all night.

‘I’m not accusing you, pet,’ he says, leaning his belly on the bar. ‘I’m just asking you. Since you’ve started, the chocolate stock take has been down.’

Who fucking cares? God, this dude needs to get a life.

‘Well then, maybe you need to learn how to count again,’ I snarl. ‘I don’t even eat that much chocolate.’

Okay, maybe more since I’ve moved here. Just from boredom. But not
stolen
chocolate. I have some self-respect. I just take Elsie’s when she’s out.

‘Okay, I’m sorry,’ he says regretfully.

He doesn’t look sorry. He looks like he believes I’m the chocolate thief. What an arsehole. I’m guessing this will be a bad time to ask if he’d donate some booze for the outdoor cinema screening.

‘It’s just I heard about the stolen polo’s.’

Oh for goodness sakes!

‘That was an emergency!’ I roar.

Damn it, you steal a few packets of polo’s and you’re branded a thief for life.

I walk over to the other end of the bar, pretending to be busy. Hopefully he’ll leave me alone now. Violet and Riley walk in looking angry. Well, at least Violet does. My stomach lurches with fear. Oh shit. This is all I bloody need. Them coming in here to accuse me of things…well, of things that I’ve actually done. I discreetly try to duck behind the bar, but they spot me. They stomp towards me, steam practically coming out of Violet’s ears.

‘Rose,’ she hisses, as if it disgusts her to just say my name. ‘Why the hell did you lie and call me a liar?’ she screams, leaning over the bar.

I stand as far away from her as possible, but with the bar I can't help but feel pinned in. Riley stands behind her, mouthing sorry. The few regulars at the bar turn around to watch the unfolding scene.

My stomach begins churning. It’s as if my insides are playing the accordion. I try to stare back confidently. ‘I…I don’t know what you mean,’ I stutter. Why couldn’t my voice be smooth? I even
sound
like a liar.

I clean down the bar, hoping she’ll drop it and leave. It’s not looking likely. I can practically feel the venom dripping from her.

‘Yes you do! You said I lied about the poo you showed me. Why would you say that?’ She narrows her blue eyes at me accusingly.

Everyone’s staring now. I suppose when you throw the word
poo
in there, you’re going to get some funny looks. I can feel their eyes on me. And most of all I can feel Riley watching behind her. I wipe my sweaty hand through my hair, trying to appear unfazed. What the hell am I going to do? Admit it was my poo? I don’t
think
so.

I try to maintain what dignity I have left. ‘Because…you clearly couldn’t be arsed to volunteer there and…and….you just came up with an excuse.’ I lean on one hip, hoping I look confident. It’s the only way. She’s going down.

‘That’s not true. I’m
not
a liar,’ she whines weakly, stomping her foot.

I smile. Did she actually just stomp like a toddler? I’ve got her now.

‘Listen, just because you’re the vicar’s daughter does not mean you don’t lie. Maybe you have a problem or something. Maybe you’re a compulsive liar.’ I inspect a fingernail, feigning boredom.

‘More like you!’ she screams, pointing her shaking finger at me.

‘Come on, Rose,’ Riley tries to reason. ‘This has gotten out of control.’ She looks so awkward, bless her. Elsie must be right about her. If she wanted to ruin me she could have joined in by now. ‘Come on, Violet.’ She starts leading her away, which seems harder than you’d imagine. That little bitch looks strong.

I wait until they’re almost out of the door.

‘Yeah, you go spread your lies somewhere else!’ I shout after them. I’m such a coward.

The door slams behind them. I look around at the customers, shrugging as if I have no idea why she’s so crazy, praying the silenced pub can't hear my accelerated heartbeat.

God, what is wrong with me? This is
so
mortifying. Talking about poo in public. I’ve hit a new low. I turn and pretend to busy myself in one of the fridges, while I attempt to slow my breathing. Whoever stocked this is an idiot. None of the labels are turned towards the front. I start re-organising, glad to have something to take my mind off the whole situation.

‘Rose, can I speak with you?’ a smooth honey voice asks. I know it’s him from the way my body tingles all over in excitement.

I swivel round to see Will leaning over the bar, dressed in jeans and a white shirt. Does he
always
wear a shirt? Shit, how long has he been here? How much did he see? Was my arse hanging out of my jeans?

‘Sure,’ I squeak, sweat immediately forming on the back of my neck. God, what now? ‘Phil, I’m just taking a quick break.’

I walk out to the front, not waiting for his approval. I hear Will following behind. The cold night air attacks my skin, sending goose bumps all over. I cross my hands across my chest, sure my nipples will be the next to react.

I refuse to look back at him, knowing he’ll look smug. He’s obviously heard from Riley about Violet’s showdown. I glance up at the starry sky instead.

‘So…you’re still going with the whole Violet is a liar thing?’ he asks, with a smile in his voice.

I sigh dramatically and turn round to face him, suddenly feeling bone tired. How can one village carry so much drama? That’s right, because
I’m
living here now.

‘Why are you so intent on trying to catch me out all of the time?’ I ask pleadingly. I just want to be left alone. I didn’t ask for any of this.

‘I’m not,’ he says, his eyes squinting with hurt. ‘But I’ve known Violet since she was a baby. She wouldn’t lie, especially about something as random as this.’ He raises his eyebrows expectantly.

‘But I would, right? You’ll take Riley’s word over mine any day.’ I’m still just a newbie outcast when it boils down to it.

He steps closer to me. So close I could almost reach out and touch him.

‘Rose, whose poo was it?’ He scrunches his face up in disgust at having to say it.

Oh God, how the hell am I going to get out of this one? I cannot, repeat
cannot
tell him it was my poo. I’ll not only look like a psycho, but he’ll think of me as gross. Girls aren’t supposed to poo. They’re supposed to shoot unicorn glitter. At least that’s what guys are supposed to think.

But I have to be honest. It's pretty clear he’s not going to drop this. And how long can I go on insisting it was Violet lying?

‘It…it was….’ He already looks disgusted, his face braced in preparation. Oh God, just say it. Just say it was mine. I take an unsteady deep breath. ‘It was…Peggy’s.’

‘Huh?’ His mouth gapes open.

What the hell is wrong with me? I mentally hit myself on the forehead. I just don’t have the energy to tell him the truth right now. Looking after Mitsy every day is exhausting me.

‘You mean…Peggy…had an accident?’ I can see him trying to figure it all out in his head.

Sorry, Peggy.

‘Yes,’ I nod frantically. ‘I didn’t want to say anything for her sake. She made me promise. She’d…even probably deny it.’

‘I had no idea.’ He puts his hand to his forehead. ‘Poor Peggy.’

Yeah, poor Peggy, getting blamed for my poo fiasco. But hey, mess with my Betty and expect to get taken down.

‘Why are you so irritable tonight anyway?’ he asks with a smirk.  

I’m so stressed I feel like I want to crack every bone in my body, in the hope that it would relieve some tension.

‘Ugh! Because everyone’s always bloody picking on me! You’re on at me about your car and Mitsy, Elsie’s on at me to stop swearing, Phil’s accusing me of stealing chocolate and no one believes that Mavis and Bernie are dirty sex freaks!’

They kept me up
again
last night. It seems that the rush of hearing about that taxi driver made Mavis horny. I had rushed in to tell Elsie, but I couldn’t wake her up for the life of me. I even sat on her face at one point. She just snored louder. No wonder she can't hear them.

‘Mavis and Bernie?’ he repeats, his face bemused.

‘See!’ I shriek in defeat. ‘Everyone thinks I’m a bloody compulsive liar!’

‘Okay.’ He puts his hand up, as if to try and calm me down.

I take a steady breath, trying to regain
some
of my composure.

‘I’m sorry, but I can't believe your story on Mavis and Bernie.’

‘But-’

‘No, Rose,’ he interrupts. ‘I’m sorry.’ This is clearly not open for discussion. He stares at me for a few seconds, creasing his chin in thought. ‘But you being accused of stealing chocolate?’ He smiles. ‘Tell me more.’

I sigh loudly, no fight left in me. ‘I agree it sounds stupid when you say it out loud, but yes.’

He pauses for a moment, presumably thinking. ‘So what are we going to do about it?’ he eventually asks.

‘We?’ I ask narrowing my eyes on him. He wants to help me?

‘Yes, we.’ He seems determined. ‘I don’t trust you to prove your innocence on your own. You’ll probably be caught with chocolate smeared all over your face.’ He chuckles at the thought.

A smile spreads on my face, but I bite my lip, trying to hide it.

‘I didn’t fucking take it! I don’t steal!’ I shout, laughing. I can't help it.

I should be worried about why everyone in this village is against me, but as I look at his eyes, warm with humour, I can't help but grin.

‘I believe you, dickhead,’ he smirks. ‘Which is why I’m going to help you prove your innocence. Just shut up and listen t’ plan.’

***

Saturday 18
th
October

So by the following evening Will’s plan is in place. My nerves are on tender hooks. Now that we’re actually putting the plan into action I feel like it's stupid. So much could go wrong. And I mean, why do I even care so much?
Because I want to prove my innocence, that’s why.

Phil’s left me to lock up as usual on a Saturday night, only I’ve locked me and Will in. We’re hiding in the alcove, where the dart board is based. According to Will, we’ll be able to sneak out back and look at the security tapes. Apparently he knows Phil keeps tapes after being broken into a couple of years back. I still can't imagine any crime in this place. Look at the drama over a packet of polo’s.

Loud echoing footsteps sound from the bar.

‘Sssh!’ I hiss, ‘I swear I just heard someone.’

Oh my God, what if it’s an animal? We are in the country. It could be a bear. Or a moose. Or a badger. Shit, I haven’t thought this danger through. I automatically stand closer to him, my hand finding his strong, broad chest. My fingers tingle at the touch.

‘You’re imagining it,’ Will whispers. ‘They’ve gone to bed. I heard them.’

I shake my head, my hand now clutching onto his shirt in terror. I’m not an idiot. I know what I heard. Unless…what if it’s not an animal? What if someone’s breaking in again? What if we’re stuck hiding here while they rob the place and then they find us? And hold us hostage? Oh shit! I’m panicking now.

A sound makes me jump again, this time so close that I practically jump into Will’s arms. I look up at him, realising that I’m pressed against his firm chest, absentmindedly stroking the muscles beneath. I try to calm down my breathing, which is suddenly so erratic I’m sure it can be heard in Watford. I’m sure it's more to do with the thought of a possible intruder and not the close proximity to his lips. He’s breathing pretty hard too. Oh, how I’d love to be the one making him pant.

A weird scuffing sound starts, coming closer. I grip onto Will’s shirt in alarm. This is it. We’re dead.

He raises his hand and for a second I think it's to push me away. Instead he wraps it round my head and pulls me further into his chest, comforting me. I relish the feeling of his warm ripped chest and inhale his sexy scent. He smells of mint and soap.

‘I can hear it too,’ he whispers into my ear, his lip brushing my ear lobe. I shiver from the intimacy.

I close my eyes and pray to God that I’ll live. If only to feel him up some more.

‘Wait…Megan?’ he blurts out.

‘What?’ I spin around to see her in her pyjamas, her mouth full of chocolate.

‘Aaaagghhh!’ she screams, a cube of chocolate falling out onto the floor.

‘What the fuck?’ I shout, running over to her and throwing the chocolate from her hands. ‘
You’re
the chocolate thief?’

Her sweet face scrunches up in fright. ‘Please don’t tell dad! I just need chocolate sometimes, okay!’

‘It's not okay when your dad’s accusing me of stealing it!’ I shout. I’m ridiculously hurt that she was willing to let me take the fall.