The Awakening (13 page)

It was a strange thought seeming from left field, but some feeling from being with Will, gave her the sense that
he
saw her as more than just a famous face. As she took the phone from Veronica it seemed more prescient than anything else. Was she actually doing as Victor had instructed, looking inside and listening to what she felt was true? Why suddenly think of Will as she spoke to Andrew?

“Hello, darling,” Andrew’s voice was clear as a bell.

“Andrew, it’s so good to hear you,” Carmen gushed, out of guilt as much as surprise. “Texting just doesn’t have the same meaning does it?”

“It’s so good to hear your voice, Honey.”

“And yours. How’s it going?”

“Brazil’s a mess really. I don’t know what Victor thinks he’s doing. Seriously Carmen, I think he’s well over the hill.” Andrew didn’t even try to hide the contempt in his voice.

“Surely not, Andrew. I mean, you said he sent you because he knew there were problems. He’s being smart sending you. He must think a lot of you.”

Carmen could sense Andrew nodding on the line. “I guess that’s it, Hon.”

“Of course. Now how are you? Is it terribly hot?”

Andrew sighed. “Pretty much. But hey, it’s part of the scene. You’d love it here – the forest is completely awesome. It really is. Being here makes me understand what Victor’s on about.”

“Perhaps that’s why you’re there?”

“To make me more a company man?”

“I wouldn’t under-estimate Victor, Andrew. He’s been at the top of his game for years. He can’t be that stupid.”

Andrew sighed. “I guess you’re right, but I didn’t ring to talk about Victor. Mother’s been on to me.”

“Does she realise where you are?”

“Nothing stops her when she’s on a mission. I mentioned dates and things to her before I left.”

“Why would you do that, Andrew?” Carmen could feel a knot forming in her stomach.

“You know we talk once a week, Hon. I love my mother, we talk. We’re not like you and Madeleine. I am the only beloved son, remember. She likes to know how I am.”

“Yes, of course she does. I know that.” Carmen could feel a pincher movement coming on.

“So she’d like to have lunch with you. Now before you say anything, she just wants to help, that’s all.”

“Oh, Andrew, I can’t do that.” Elizabeth Adams was a force to be reckoned with. Hurricane Rita wouldn’t have stood a chance if it had come ashore on the Upper East Side. She made Carmen feel young, stupid, totally inferior and incapable of saying anything remotely sensible or lucid.

“Darling, it’ll be fine. She wanted to have lunch with both of us but when I said I’m away for another couple of weeks she was so disappointed. So I said I’d call you to set it up. Don’t sigh. She really does like you, Carmen.”

“It doesn’t feel like it, Andrew.” The knot was tightening.

“Carmen, my love, my sweet, she just wants to be involved. Let her do that. Let her take you to lunch and talk about dates and venues. She’s good at that sort of thing.”

“But on my own, Andrew, with your mother?”

“It could be better without me. You two could really get to know each other. It could be the best thing.”

Carmen sighed. She couldn’t get out of this. She’d spent several weekends with Andrew’s family since they’d become engaged and it was true they were charming people. But in every way Elizabeth Adams had made it clear that she did not want an athlete as a daughter in law, as the mother of her next set of grandchildren. There was always some subtle barb about the ephemeral nature of sporting triumph, the vain, superficial nature of such people, not to mention the importance of breeding and service for one’s country. There was nothing about Elizabeth that made Carmen wish to be in her company without either Andrew or Will, who did seem to quite like her.

“So, I’ll let her know she can call you?” Andrew pressed.

“What can I say?”

“Oh, Carmen. Did it ever cross your mind that you frighten the life out of her?”

Carmen laughed. “Don’t be ridiculous, Andrew. Your mother isn’t frightened of anything.”

“Darling,” Andrew spoke with care, “you can be a very scary creature with your defiant eyes and that granite jaw, not to mention your endless silences. You do unnerve people, Carmen. And my mother is just an old lady who loves her son.”

“All right. All right. Tell her to ring me.”

“That’s my darling. I do miss you,” Andrew crooned.

“I miss you too.”

“Look after the loft for me.”

“Well-” Carmen’s hesitation told Andrew everything.

“You’ve moved back home, haven’t you?”

“You knew I was going to, Andrew. The dogs can’t cope in your place and they were ready to come home, especially after a weekend in the mountains.”

“What’s going on, Carmen?”

She was cross with herself, why had she let that slip? “Nothing, Andrew. I’ve just been up-state for the weekend with the dogs, giving them a good dose of country air. It was just what we needed. You’d have loved it.”

Andrew grunted. “I doubt it.”

“Don’t be silly, darling. I’ve just gone home, I haven’t left you. I’ll have lunch with your mother and I’m making appointments with realtors for later this week. Isn’t that what we agreed? You can be happy you know?”

Andrew sighed loudly. “I just hate being so far away from you, Carmen. I feel as if you’ll slip away from me if I’m not there. You do love me, don’t you?”

“Oh, Andrew, you are a silly man. Who else could there possibly be?” She thought about her new deadlocks, the super strength screens on all her windows and doors, the state of the art computer driven security system with its movement sensitive sensors and its lifetime guarantee and the scary man who had installed it all – some guy recommended by Josh, AA’s policeman friend. Andrew’s insistence on it all and his payment of it, which was meant to show her how much he loved her and cared about what she cared about. But somehow it wasn’t the same as being in the forest with Victor, who all ready loved her and understood her better than anyone else alive but wouldn’t make a play for her, wouldn’t steal her from AA. What would AA do if he knew he had a serious rival – after all he had been jealous of Victor as soon as Carmen took his hand. Did AA suspect her and Victor - really?

“I’m sorry, Carmen. I guess it’s the heat and the mosquitoes. You wouldn’t believe the mosquitoes.”

Carmen made her voice light and bright. “Take care, darling. Come home as soon as you can.”

“I do love you, Carmen. I do.”

“I know, Andrew. Bye now.”

She wondered if he’d realised she’d avoided telling him she loved him. She walked to the window and looked out across the city, a strange overcrowded foreign place. She closed her eyes and saw Victor’s lake, smelt the trees and the earth and felt better. She considered lunch with Elizabeth Adams and decided she would be all right. Andrew’s comments about her being intimidating herself were interesting and she thought she would ask Victor his opinion on the matter. Truly she was just searching for a reason to call into his office. Already after less than twelve hours apart she missed him. No wonder she couldn’t tell Andrew she loved him. She considered that at least not lying to him was treating him with respect. And perhaps, once the euphoria of the weekend had passed she would see that she did love Andrew. Certainly her body was missing him, or was it just sex – did it necessarily need to be sex with AA? Anyway how much love was necessary in a marriage? Not all unions were love matches; in fact many of the longest most successful marriages were not founded on romantic love. But, she smiled, she knew that was what she expected and it
was
what she had with Andrew. It was just Victor’s strange, compelling presence in her life that was unsettling everything.

“Well, hello there.” Victor was at her door. “I am wondering, Carmen, if you actually do any work. You see I only ever see you in the pool or staring out this window.”

She turned around to find him smiling widely at her. “I wonder the same thing myself. I think I am a bad buy and you should sack me.”

He laughed at her. “I’d never do that. You’re learning your job. Besides Veronica tells me how much is actually going on. So I know things are moving. And your book is selling well. It’s probably time for a spot on Oprah, give it a kick along.”

Carmen grimaced. “Do you think so? Does it really need it?”

“Despite what you might think, beloved Carmen, I am in the business of selling books and a push from Oprah is a great thing for a book.”

“Of course, Victor.”

“Besides she’s asked for you and I never refuse Oprah.”

“One of your connections, Victor?”

“Absolutely. She’s doing a week of shows in New York and she’d like you to be a guest.”

“How can I refuse?”

“You can’t. Anyway, it’s not like you’re not used to interviews.”

“I know. It’ll be fun.”

“Indeed. And I’ll be there too.”

Carmen laughed. “Well of course you will. How could she not want you on her show?”

Victor looked out the window with her. “So, how was AA?”

“Ah, that’s why you’re here.”

“In part. I wondered how you were actually?”

“I have to have lunch with Elizabeth.”

“Ah, and I bet you can’t wait.”

Victor, can I ask you something?”

“Of course, anything. You know that.”

“Andrew says I can be intimidating. Am I?”

“Of course you are. What’s wrong with that?”

“Why don’t I feel that then?”

“Because you have very little idea of the power you have. You know that part of my task is to get you in tune with who you are. It should be reassuring to you that you have that effect. But why are you surprised? You can talk to wolves; you can control them. You are so much more than you think you are. Elizabeth Adams should be intimidated by you.” He kissed her cheek and turned for the door. “I’ll take you to dinner after you’ve been to lunch.”

“As a sweetener?”

“No, so I can find out about it.” He winked like a sly fox. “Now do some work.”

Elizabeth Adams made arrangements with Carmen for lunch on Thursday at her club in Manhattan. Just a stroll from your building she’d told Carmen. She was so looking forward to just the two of them meeting without the rest of the family. It was time after all, Elizabeth implied, that they got to know each other better.

Despite her newly found intimidating manner, Carmen was not feeling optimistic about lunch with her future mother in law. She dressed with care, made sure she was on time and had rehearsed the meeting in her head several times. Was it really her destiny to be surrounded by women whom she simply found it impossible to warm to? Why couldn’t Elizabeth simply want to be her friend? Why was she so threatened by her – which she patently was with all her contempt and disdain? Was the simple fact that AA was the only beloved son and heir to the considerable Adams fortune and expectations the reason Elizabeth was so frosty? Was it, in fact, as simple as being Andrew’s fiancé, no matter who you were, was always going to cause problems for Elizabeth?

Armed with this new bit of insight Carmen felt calmer, more in possession of the situation. It wasn’t actually about her: it was about Elizabeth and her fear about losing Andrew. Carmen laughed softly to herself as she entered the restaurant. Everyone was afraid of something, it made her feel less alone and certainly less hostile towards Elizabeth who was waiting for her at the best table in the room, of course.

Elizabeth stood to greet Carmen and in a rush of blood Carmen kissed Andrew’s mother on the cheek, ignoring her outstretched arm embraced her instead. Well, it was time to take control. Elizabeth was shocked but recovered quickly.

“You must be missing Andrew, dear,” she smiled in that well practised way. “Come and sit down.”

“I’ve been keeping busy, you know.”

“As you should, my dear. And how is the new job? Andrew says you’re settling in very well.” She glanced over the menu. “A wonderful job to have. Such a good position and such a wonderful company. I so admire what Victor Bernhard does, don’t you? He’s on one of my committees, you know supporting the Central Park Zoo. You are so fortunate, Carmen.”

Carmen could feel her skin prickle but she was not going to respond. “The veal looks nice.”

“I thought I’d have the chicken. Or a salad.” Elizabeth looked Carmen up and down, lingering over the flesh on her upper arm. “Should you think about a salad?”

Carmen smiled. “No, on second thoughts I’ll have the steak. I’m quite hungry after all, Elizabeth.”

Elizabeth buried her nose in the menu.

Carmen poured herself a glass of water and gazed out the window. She was realising that one of her strengths was her ability to be quiet, to let the other person feel the need to fill the conversational void. The waitress took their order, brought a bottle of white wine, Elizabeth approved the choice and glasses were filled. All in an expanding silence. Carmen smiled. Elizabeth coughed. And finally she spoke.

“Andrew says your thinking of setting the date.”