The Birth Order Book (24 page)

Assessing Your Strengths and Weaknesses

Are you a lastborn? In what areas do you struggle? In what areas do you succeed? As we end this chapter, take a look at the chart “Strengths and Weaknesses of Lastborns” below.

1. Set aside a few minutes to consider each trait. Decide if each trait is a strength or a weakness for you.

2. If the trait is a weakness, what changes could you make to improve in that area?

3. If it’s a strength, how could you capitalize on that strength or develop it even further?

Strength and Weaknesses of Lastborns

Ask Yourself

1. Am I a mature adult, or are people still saying or thinking, “Why don’t you grow up?”

2. Part of growing up is learning to pick up after yourself. Do I have trouble with this?

3. Do I enjoy working with people, data, or things? Do I need to consider changing my line of work?

4. If I have a love for the limelight (attention seeking), do I let it slip over into self-centeredness, when I’m always thinking about me and not about others? How do I know? What would my friends tell me?

5. Do I use my ability to make people laugh strictly to get attention, or do I use it to make others feel good and enjoy life?

6. Do I control my tenaciousness and persistence, not letting it get out of hand? Or do I become overbearing?

7. Would people say I am a good listener? Or do I just try to “read” people and not really listen to what they say? Do I need to improve my listening skills and take time to listen to others without thinking about what I am going to say next?

10
The Winning Edge in Business
Getting Behind Others’ Eyes

M
y father had only an eighth-grade education, but he was successful in raising a family and running his own small dry-cleaning business. It’s funny, but the older I got, the smarter Dad became. Unfortunately I had to get quite a bit older—well into my thirties—before I understood his message to be concerned about making sales.

In the early years of my counseling career, Dad would ask, “Kevin, did you have any customers today?”

“Dad,” I would protest, “they’re not customers; they’re
clients
!”

“Do they pay you money?” he wanted to know.

“Yeah, of course they do.”

“Then they’re customers.”

And of course he was right. My dad had a simple intuitive knowledge of human nature. Our practical little conversations eventually helped me realize that my clients were indeed my customers. And once I had that straight, it wasn’t much of a stretch to see that what I had learned in my psychology courses, particularly about birth order, could be invaluable.

As a counselor, I was basically selling people help—help with their problems, questions, and anxieties. But the more I counseled, the more I understood that you can’t help people unless you really know them—particularly how they see life.

Fortunately because of the product I was trying to sell— counseling—I was forced into knowing my customers better and better in order to help them more and more. In fact, I soon learned that after I obtained a client (i.e., customer), I wasn’t through making my sale; I had only begun. The real job lay ahead—selling those I counseled on buying ideas and suggestions to make real changes in their lives.

Know your customers, and selling your product will take care of itself.

So as a psychologist, I have constantly been in the business of sales. And that’s why I can state the following with confidence: know your customers, and selling your product will take care of itself.

I’m convinced that a little basic knowledge of birth order can be of great help in the business world, particularly in regard to sales.
1
But can a basic knowledge of birth order literally increase a sales representative’s effectiveness? I’ll let Harvey Mackay, one of America’s top CEOs and writer of many business bestsellers, answer: “When you get right down to it, the salesperson who hits the top of the charts is the one who understands human nature the best.”
2

Obviously I believe that a working knowledge of birth order is one of the most effective ways to know your customers. Am I saying that birth order will
always
work and guarantee you a sale? Of course not. No method
always
works. As I counsel, I don’t always “make the sale” in trying to get people to change their dysfunctional and destructive ways. But that doesn’t stop me from learning all I can about them—what I call “getting behind their eyes” to see the world as they see it. If I can do that, I can sell them the ideas I have to offer, which can make a difference in their behavior and their lives.

Every single one of us is a salesperson in some arena of life. We can all benefit by getting behind others’ eyes.

Part of learning about people includes learning their birth order. When a client sits down with me for the first time, I can ask about his or her birth order, as well as a lot of other “psychological” questions to gain insight into this individual’s personality. The average person, however, doesn’t have this luxury, and frankly, it’s not advisable to ask customers direct questions about their birth order. For example, do not say something such as, “You’re always so well dressed and nicely groomed—tell me, are you the firstborn in your family, or at least the firstborn male (or female)?” This kind of question will make you sound like either a first-year psychology student doing research for a term paper, or a mental case.

Every single one of us is a salesperson in some arena of life. We can all benefit by getting behind others’ eyes.

A much better approach is to engage the other person in conversation and ask casual questions such as, “Where did you grow up? Where’s home for you?” As you get the customer talking about where he grew up, you have him talking about his family. From there you can ask what his family did. Were they farmers? Was there a family business? Did he have any brothers or sisters? Was it a large or a small family?

The other person may respond, “It was just me and my sisters and my kid brother.”

To this you can comment, “I’ll bet the kid brother got away with murder.”

More than likely the other person will say, “Yeah, he did, as a matter of fact.”

How to Buy a Car

If you’re a firstborn

Read Consumer’s Report and Car &Driver magazine, search the Internet for months for specs on the car of the year, go to the annual car show downtown to check out the possibilities, visit at least four dealerships, get price quotes, and then go home to methodically think it all over and study in detail the various luxury/comfort packages offered.

If you’re a middleborn

Do some research (mainly ask friends which cars they like the best, read a few magazines, or search online), walk into a dealership, fall for the pitch given by the celebrity the car manufacturer has hired, and leave with that model of car.

If you’re a baby

Decide you want a car, walk onto a car lot that day, and say something profound such as, “Shazzam! Do you have a teal one? . . . You do? . . . And it’s got gold trim? . . . I’ll take it!” Then, fifty-nine car payments later, you wonder why you bought that stupid car.

“So you had to do most of the work?” you say. “Tell me, who was oldest in the family—you or your sisters?”

With this kind of an approach, you always want to be casual, with your goal being to form a relationship first and get birth order specifics later. Keep making mental notes as you build a case for whatever birth order this person may be.

Another approach is to bring up something about your own family rather casually. For example: “I saw my older brother over the weekend. He and his family came down for the holidays. Do you have any siblings who descend on you at holiday time?”

As you engage in discovering a person’s birth order, you will learn all kinds of other things: hobbies, favorite sports, favorite teams, favorite restaurants. The possibilities are almost endless.

The more personal knowledge you can gain about a customer (or someone you hope to make a customer), the better, because it will all help give you some clues about that person’s “private logic.” All of us have a private logic—how we see life, how we see others, and how we see ourselves. It’s part of our total lifestyle.

Our private logic is more or less our personal agenda. Each of us views life differently. If you doubt this, call two or three of your siblings or close friends with whom you have shared a memorable experience in the past. Simply ask, “Do you remember the time . . . ?” Describe the experience in a few words, then sit back and listen as you hear amazingly different views on what happened.

All of us have a private logic—how we see life, how we see others, and how we see ourselves. It’s part of our total lifestyle.

Always be aware of your customer’s private logic. As you try to understand his or her point of view, you will really get behind your customer’s eyes. It is here that you learn about the person’s real biases, preferences, and desires.

As you call on your clients, keep making mental (and later written) notes about their birth order characteristics. Soon you will have an invaluable record in your Blackberry that will remind you of how they think, what they like, and how they want to do business. This information can become a gold mine, but of course the bottom line is how you mine that gold—that is, how you use the information in actual sales situations.

I have used the following “secrets” for years as I’ve dealt with firstborns, middle children, and lastborns. Whether I’m selling myself as a speaker or counseling a client about how she can change if she chooses to do so, I use these simple, commonsense concepts. You can use them to “sell” anything. Just try them, and you’ll see what I mean.

Secrets to Selling to a Firstborn

Selling to a firstborn (or the only child who is a super firstborn) is a little like clearing a minefield. You need to proceed with caution, but you want to get in and out as quickly as possible.

Keep in mind that when talking to a firstborn, you’re talking to Mr. Nuts and Bolts, Ms. Specifications Page. They are not likely to be overly impressed with flashy four-color brochures and lots of bold claims. The firstborn basically wants to know: What is your product or service going to do for me? How much will it cost?

Proceed with caution with firstborns and watch out for red lights.

Keep in mind that when talking to a firstborn, you’re talking to Mr. Nuts and Bolts, Ms. Specifications Page.

Getting in the Door and off the Ground

All right, you have arrived a few minutes early (never even a minute late) for your appointment with Mr. Hennesey. The moment has come, and you are being ushered into his office. To grab his firstborn attention switch, you must be prepared. Remember that Mr. Hennesey is a very direct, no-nonsense, bottom-line kind of guy. If you don’t get right to the point, he may just point you to the door.

So have your sales pitch planned and follow it to the letter. Don’t ramble; don’t try to fake it. Just say your piece— preferably in five minutes, but three would be even better.

Why a Firstborn Hates
Why

As you give your presentation to a firstborn, you may hear him asking questions such as “Why?” along with “What?” “When?” “Where?” and “How much?”

Be ready to answer all those questions, of course, but whatever you do, try not to ask the firstborn any questions beginning with
why
. Naturally, you’re probably wondering,
Why not?
It’s because the question
Why?
is confrontational and puts the other person on the defensive, at least a little bit—but sometimes more than a little bit.