The Bitter End (15 page)

“Go to the back,
” I said and he did as I reached in and Fathers gaping mouth was close to my face.

“Fuck.
” I said as I held the wheel and Ryan started to push as I did. I let the umbrella drop and the car started to move quicker until I turned the wheel sharply and it veered off of the edge and I stood there with my hands trembling. I felt like this was his true death. Not the ashtray to the back of his head. But this, being tossed like trash over the edge of a cliff with little to no feeling by a daughter who despised him. He had not only killed Mother, he had killed me along with her so long ago when he impregnated her and gave me his bitterness and self-hatred. I turned back and looked at Ryan and smiled.

“This is what you were meant to do for me all along Ryan. You were to help me finally rid myself of him forever, but the funny thing is, I can’t. He lives in me and always will
and so do you.”

****

Time went by and the car was discovered. Miko simply “disappeared” and no one cared much. She was a whore and ruthless and no one in the upper levels of our circles gave a fuck that she was gone. The story matched up as money made that a certainty with the small staff that night. Miko had left him and he went on a drinking binge and wrecked his car. Simple as that. The body had rotted as it took them months to find him and they questioned us, a few times but I have this way of not showing any emotion anymore, not unlike my mother had been. All the while I had moved into my house, the one I had grown up in and had always known, the one with the sharp edges and hurtful tone, cold steel and stone, heartless and unforgiving. A house built on misery and the true understanding of it. My mother came to die here, my father too. He was born here, as was I. My blood lay in the stone itself and claimed me as I had fallen many times over and bled into it only to be stitched up and mended like a doll. I often feel that way, like I am soulless and never ending. Pain is like that and heartache. When you love, you weaken your heart and when it breaks, you build a wall no one can climb over. There is nothing to be said for the golden crown I inherited, nothing at all as words would cheapen it almost as much as Ryan did. In fact that is what he is, the crown. It means nothing.

Ironically enough I was named “protector” of the twins in case anything were to happen to Father and Miko. The irony continued on as the will was read to me by one of the demon lawyers
in my father’s employ and I signed the papers agreeing to become exactly as I should be, a mother to two young boys needing guidance. I signed two sets of papers that day, both meant the same and held as much love and validity as the other as Ryan and I married one another. Him to reap the benefits and me, well, to torture and exact my demonic spite on him. I slipped the red ruby and diamond ring from hand to the other as he kicked back his drink and walked out after signing the papers. I let him go, drunk and miserable as I planned to keep him. Marriage is not love, it is a business proposal meant to benefit both parties and I understood that now more than I ever had before.

I stepped out onto the large patio
with a small hand in each of mine and looked down to see Cas and Auggie, tiny and pale and needing protection. Ryan stepped out behind me and I barely glanced at him as he looks pale too. He drinks often and heavily and I ignore him as I have come to be an expert at, but from time to time I allow him in to fuck me. Separate rooms, two homes in one. Two hearts, tied together with a secret and two small kings to protect and teach to be strong. Ryan’s soul belongs to me now, a trophy, something I own and I am very good at owning things as my Father taught me to be.

“Did you kill Holland yourself or did Miko?”

Ryan looked out and said nothing to me as I expected.

“I would
have fallen into the grave for you, I am glad that I didn’t,” I said.

Ryan shook his head.

“What do you think this is Beth, if not a fucking grave?”

I picked up Cas and held him close to me as Auggie ran to Ryan and he looked down at him
, not unlike my Father had always done to me. It was then that I believed in God, and the existence of heaven and hell, as Ryan and I took our rightful places in this Roman Empire at the bitter end.

Preview of Book Two

“The Twin Dragons”

Golden Crown Series

I looked out the large bay window and then adjusted in the leather chair as Cas sat on my lap and August stared out into the garden. He slowly traced his fingers along the glass as the water rained
down in thick streams. He turned to me and grinned and looked so much like Ryan it pained me. Both of them do, with an obvious injection of Miko in them and it bothers me some days and not others. I guess it depends on what meds I am taking or the drink in my hand. Today the doctor came early and resupplied me and so now I am feeling relaxed but completely in control of my senses. I never come near the boys when I have been drinking, or at least I try not to. I remember my mother, right here in this house. Walking around in white, not unlike I do now with a drink of some sort in her hand. I would hate to think that I am now her. I cannot be certain. I do know that the last eight years had not been easy but somehow you settle into a quiet march to the grave regardless of your station in life. Mine is that of a mother now as I took it on when the boys became my own and call me Mommy, much more personal than I ever had with my own mother.

I held the book open as Cas watched it with wi
de eyes. He is the curious one. August, as we call him now after he explained that “Auggie” would not do, well…he is impatient and a bit more distant than Cas is. They both seem to have a darkness lurking in them that I try my best to beat back with the love I never received in this tomb of a house. I still try my best to pretend that this is a home although the ghosts of my Father and Miko live within these walls as well as my Mother. I wake many a night in my room, alone and frightened, thinking I heard someone call out my name. Then there is Ryan. What can be said for him really, but he is a fucking train wreck. He loves to pretend we are loving at the parties we host and sure, in public, we seem to hold the attention of everyone around us and he uses it to his advantage. He has taken many to his bed since we married and I find it hard to fucking care for him or anything we may have once had. He claims he stays for Cas and August. I know he stays for what he has always been a slave too…money. It is money that binds us and money that will place us in the grave. I guess the game is to see who goes first. I plan on it being him.

I eyed the dragon on the page, painted so beautifully and breathing fire as Cas touched it and grinned. He loves dragons, as does August and I find it fitting as I often see them as just that. I cleared my throat and started to read out loud although Cas is totally capable of doing it himself. He prefers to be read to by me and I am more than happy to do it.

“The Chinese Dragon is often associated with water and rain and lakes and rivers. Chinese Dragons are divine mythical creatures that bring with it ultimate abundance, prosperity and good fortune.”

“Prosperity?” Cas asks me and I grinned down at him.

“Money.” August says as he walks towards us and then sits down Indian style and places his small chin on his hands as if to say he is bored but there is nothing else going on so he will endure it.

“Very good August, it is money, or acquiring it.”

“We have money?” Cas asks. August laughed as I glanced at him. Sometimes I swear his 10 year old frame houses the body of a man.

“We have all the money in the world.”

I paused and lowered the book a bit. “Who told you that?”

“Dad,
” August said as he smiled at me and I shook my head.

“We do not have all the mone
y in the world, but quite a bit,” I said to be clear we are not rulers, but mere humans.

I waited as I normally do. August is notorious for starting a conversation and then going on and on, not unlike Ryan had so long ago it seems. I mean it had almost been a decade and yet it seemed like yesterday sometimes when I thought of his smile. I took a deep breath and raised the book up and started to read again.

“Unlike the negative aspect associated with Western Dragons, most Eastern Dragons are beautiful, friendly, and wise. They are the angels of the Orient. Instead of being hated, they are loved and worshipped.”

“We should be worshipped,
” August said as he leaned back and stared at Cas and I stopped and looked at him.

“Humans are not to be worshipped.”

“But we are dragons,” August said as he smiled at me and I laughed as Cas looked at me waiting for an answer.

“Well, you are not dragons
, August. You are boys, human boys.”

“I want to be a dragon; Dad says we can be whatever we want to be.”

“Your Dad has moments of grandeur,” I said and August smiled as his intelligence and obsession with reading the dictionary knew what I meant, but Cas was confused.

“Asshole,
” August added and I shook my head and Cas laughed at him and the curse word.

“August, please don’t.”

“That is what you meant,” he said as he stood back up and walked to the window again. He started to trace the lines of water on the inside of the glass and a flash of the heart on the window of the Bentley popped into my mind. I hate remembering shit and I wish that the meds and alcohol would dull it all but once in love, you tend to find yourself always going back to the well of memories, good ones anyway. I blinked a couple of times as Cas tapped the book and I started to read again.

“The Chinese Dragon, or Lung
, symbolizes power and excellence, valiancy and boldness, heroism and perseverance, nobility and divinity. A dragon overcomes obstacles until success is his. He is energetic, decisive, optimistic, intelligent and ambitious.”

August started to tap the glass with his fingernails and I looked up at him. He sighed and I watched him closely until he turned and looked at Cas.

“See, the dragon symbolizes power.”

“Yes it does but a dragon is a mythical creature August and you are bound by flesh and bone of a mere mortal.”

He stared at me for a moment like I insulted him and then he went back to tracing lines of water. I have to read into him to deeply sometimes, I mean a child of 10 could not possibly be this mature, could he? I often wonder what Ryan was like as a child, more like August…cold and hard, or more like Cas…loving and needy. I wonder if they each took on the trait of one parent and if August is doomed to be Miko’s forever.

“Mommy,
” Cas said and I looked at him and then kissed him on the forehead.

“The Dragon brings upon the essence of life, in the form of its celestial breath, known to many as sheng chi. He yields life and bestows its power in the form of the seasons, bringing water from rain, warmth from the sunshine, wind from the seas and soil from the earth. The Dragon is the ultimate representation of the forces of Mother Nature.”

Thunder rumbled in the sky above us and Cas jumped slightly as did I, but August stood right by the window and watched the sky. He seems to have no fear, none at all and has always been the one to take chances. Walking first, falling first, cutting his knee first and offering his blood to the front steps as I had done many times over. Cas likes to stay close to me, often holding my hand and showing affection. I think since August turned 5 he has hugged me maybe 10 times in the last 5 years. His distance is disturbing but I keep trying to remind him that I am here for him always. I looked back to the book and smiled.

“The Chinese Dragon is often seen as the symbol of divine protection and vigilance. It is regarded as the Supreme Being. It has the ability to live in the seas, fly up the heavens and coiled up in the land in the form of mountains. Being the divine mythical animal, the Dragon can ward off wandering evil spirits, protect the innocent and bestow safety to all that hold his emblem. The Chinese Dragon is looked upon as the ultimate symbol of Good Fortune.”

Cas smiled and tapped the listing of the dragons, his favorite part of the book as each one was accompanied with a picture of the dragon matching the description.

“There are nine major types of Chinese dragons.

The Horned Dragon

The Winged Dragon

The Celestial Dragon

The Spiritual Dragon

The Dragon of hidden treasures

The Coiling Dragon

The Yellow Dragon

And then
The Dragon King”

“The last of the nine is the Dragon King, which actually consists of four separate dragons, each of which rules over one of the four seas, those of the east, south, west, and north.”

“See.” August said and I stopped and looked at him.

“Four Dragons, just like us.” He said and I kept my eyes on him for a moment and then the lightning struck outside of the house and hit one of the trees. It split the thick trunk in half and a fire started as I stood up quickly and pulled Cas with me. We both ran to the window and watched as the tree burned and August watched it as if he controlled the fire in the sky that had rained down on it and I swear to you, sometimes I feel as if anyone could, it would be him.