The Broken Parts Of Us (2 page)

But the voice in the back of my mind keeps telling me different things. If it was just him being weirded out by two men coming together, then I can’t change that it happened. I haven’t come that hard before ever; that’s something I don’t want to address either. I just hope he’ll drop it and move on soon.

I never did see that woman again; maybe she wasn’t so open to my voyeurism, judging by her screech and arm waving I think that could’ve been it. I don’t get it. I fucking love all types of sex and I’m open to new things; threesome, foursome, orgy, kinky or vanilla, dirty or clean, slow or hard. As long as I come, I’m open to give it all a go.

I toot the horn and wait for Hannah to come out of the dance Studio River owns. I met her in a deli when I stopped to pick up sandwiches for Sammy and me one afternoon. We both reached for a bottle of water and both let go when we realized the other had hold of it. It fell right on my foot. She was really apologetic and bought my sandwich, so I bought her dinner. She was flirty and seemed up for only having a good time until she turned up with her pregnancy test, then out came her real personality. She was controlling and self-involved and moody. One innocent stop for a sandwich. Now look where I am.  Hannah had decided to take her little sister along today when I told her River owned it. Coming to the dance studio is like slow torture for one reason. Kyra. She's a dance instructor here...

She stirs something inside me, primal and deep, that I refuse to give knowledge to. She's also my wet fucking dream. I want inside that tight little body so bad, but she's important to River, and as bad as I want her, I know I won't want her for longer than my needs take to be satisfied. So I don't pursue her, even though when she smiles at me, all nervous and coy, my dick strains against my jeans. I have to hold him there to stop him from tearing through and slithering up her leg. Now look at me, fucking locked into a relationship I don’t want to be in with a kid on the way I had never planned on having.

My thoughts vanish when the door to the studio opens and Kyra steps out with
fucking
Hannah and her sister in tow. Kyra's eyes find mine and she offers a timid wave. She looks so sweet in her skin tight leggings and tank top. Fuck, her body is lean, but she still has curves in all the right places. Her dark red hair looks like the colour of the fancy wine Derek drinks; her pouty red lips would look so perfect around my dick. It twitches to life with my thoughts, but it’s her eyes that do it for me. They’re dark green like the grass in winter, and they have a sparkle like small pieces of crystal embedded in an emerald.

Fuck!
What a pussy I’m being. Crystal in emeralds? What the fuck?

I tilt my head to get a good angle of her ass; that’s the Jasper I’m comfortable with. I watch Hannah say bye to her sister; she’s sending her home in a car with a driver, no one else. I jump from the car and walk over. Kyra folds her arms over her chest and looks down at the floor.

“What the fuck, Hannah? You can’t send her home on her own with just a driver.”

“Do you have to say the ‘F’ word?” She glares at me.

Is this chick for real? I’ve been saying the “F” word the whole eight weeks we’ve been together and I’ve been doing the “F” word to her. I see Kyra’s body gently shaking and I know she’s laughing.

“Something tickling you, Ky?” I inwardly groan at my own choice of words. I have something to tickle her with.

“Not yet, but things are looking up.” She smiles and waves to someone pulling up behind us. No fucking way! Derek pulls up, and Kyra strokes Hannah’s sister on the head before taking off into Derek’s car. That shifty motherfucker! What the fuck is he doing with Kyra?

 J
asper’s nightmares, and the frantic call from River telling me Michael pushed her down the stairs, her sobbing cries telling me he was Danny’s, left me really not feeling up for company tonight.

Danny still haunts us after six long years. I would never change the family I ended up with from the rubble of Danny’s earth-shattering actions, but I'm so angry that they're still suffering, and would give anything to take away the damage he inflicted.

People don’t realise trauma stays with you. It may fade, it may become easier to cope with, but it’s like scar tissue; it’ll always be there and no amount of healing can rid you of it.

Not all scars are visible. Sometimes the worst are the ones you can’t see; they’re the ones that hold your mind hostage in nightmares. They’re the ones that manipulate your emotions, making guilt crawl into your mind, polluting reasonable thought. Guilt can be so hard to live with; consuming and painful.

People think death is the worst thing that can happen, but it’s not, it’s the living that other people have to go on doing once someone we love is taken from this world. It’s the
what ifs
that constantly replay in our minds. It’s the
did they know I loved them
? What would they be like if they were here now? How do I get up today and live with this agony?

The only thing that makes it slightly easier is having family to live for, to love, to get up and go on coping for. River has become like a sister to me. She fills a void left by my own sister; her death still plagues me and I feel responsible for her taking her life. River and I share this same grief. We’re bonded by a shared misery; a painful sorrow that is a part of us.

Sammy has become like the brother I never had. We share a love for River, but also we are survivors. We’ve both looked the devil in the eye and lived to breathe another day.

Jasper; he’s a different story. I struggle with how I feel about him. At first, he was just part of the River/Sammy package, and his constant string of easy whorish women grated on my nerves. But over time, I noticed subtle changes in him; the way he adores River and listens intently whenever she speaks; not like a boy with a crush, but like a child worshipping an enigma. He’s fiercely loyal to Sammy, a trait I respect. He’s loving, caring, funny, and so handsome I want to tear his clothes off, but although I’m comfortable with my bisexual sexuality, I don’t think any of them know I like both men and women. I'm not sure if it would affect the relationship we have. Although I'm not ashamed of who I am, I can't risk losing them if they do have a problem with it. What would Jasper think if he knew I want more than friendship from him?

* * * * *

I pull up at Twinkle Toes, River’s dance studio. I’m here to pick up Kyra, a dance instructor at the studio. I know Jasper is interested in her, and rightly so, she is pure beauty. She’s timid and has an air of innocence about her. I wouldn’t usually date a victim of an ongoing investigation, her stalker one or any other, but Kyra is a friend of River’s. I've run into her a few times because of her association with River and I tried to stay clear of her before this.

I
remember the first time I saw her. I thought straight away that Jasper would be in her pants by the end of the first week. She's stunning; deep red locks of hair falling over her petite shoulders, but when her demure eyes met mine, they told me she was innocent. Too innocent for the likes of Jasper or me.

“This is Derek, the guy I was telling you about!” River said.

I narrowed my eyes at her. I've heard that sentence roll off her tongue a few times in the last few years, and not once had I taken her up on the numerous dates she had tried to send me on.

I wasn’t looking for a girlfriend. I wasn’t sure I could offer anyone what they would clearly need from a guy and unlike Jasper, I wouldn’t just take one of River’s set up dates to my bed, then ditch her. River had chased Jasper around my house for an hour straight when he took one of her dance instructors to bed and then made her take the walk of shame. She couldn’t face River, so she quit her job. River lectured him on respect for her and the women he meets through her, finishing up with how his manhood would turn green and fall off if he wasn’t careful.

I had managed to avoid most contact and date set ups with Kyra until fate decided to push us together when Twinkle Toes flagged up on the system.  I remember that day two weeks ago as if it was yesterday.

“Hey, Jefferson. Your girl’s studio came up when we ran a check on this new stalker complaint.” A uniformed officer named Greer said, approaching me at the coffee pot. I followed his eyes across the precinct and they collided with the green emeralds of Kyra’s. She was chewing on her bottom lip and swirling a strand of her red locks around her index finger. Her foot tapped against the tile floor; she looked nervous and unbelievably pure and stunning. Every dominant man fibre inside me awoke and wanted to march over to her, throw her over my shoulder, and hide with her in a cave just so no other man could be graced with the vision of her beauty.

When realisation of what he said sank in, I had an almost possessive need to protect her and keep her with me so she could never face harm, and that feeling unsettled me. My head space was a mess already with the increasing lust I had for Jasper driving me insane without Kyra adding to my messed up thoughts, but it was too late. Some sick pervert was preying on young women; two had been beaten and one sexually assaulted in their homes after filing stalker claims. This was unacceptable. We had nothing on this guy, no DNA left at the scene or on the victims. No description, just notes he left them, all along the same lines:

I’m watching you.

I will strike and no one can save you.

You are my message.

His victims are in their early twenties, which is all we have to connect them. No other pattern, which leaves us with nothing to chase, no one to investigate. Kyra is convinced her note is from an ex-boyfriend who we haven’t located yet, but it fits the case and I won’t take the risk. So I decided Kyra was going to be glued to me until we find who’s sending her the notes.

Being around her has only intensified the need to keep her with me always and safe from harm.  River doesn’t need any more darkness in her life. She loves deep and cares for her friends. She gave her friendship to Kyra, therefore I will too. That’s why I’m doing this. I tell myself that same thing every day.

* * * * *

Kyra lives in a shitty part of town and doesn’t drive, that’s why I’m here tonight picking her up to take her home to change before our family dinner night back at mine.

She’s already outside the studio when I pull into a parking spot. She’s standing next to some woman in a cashmere sweater and pencil skirt; the woman’s hair is pulled back so tight it lifts her eyebrows and she seems to be having a debate with…
oh great, that’s Jasper
.

I leave the car running, so Kyra knows I’m not getting out. I still can’t look at Jasper without picturing him sitting on the arm chair opposite me, rubbing his impressive cock while Caroline, the secretary of my lawyer’s office, rode me. She had been flaunting her ass at me for months before I was drunk enough to eventually take her home one night after bumping into her at a bar. She was as boring as I knew she would be. I struggled to keep hard until Jasper walked up behind her, took his cock in hand and took a seat. I shivered when he stroked himself. He was so smooth and effortless, gliding his closed fist up and down his shaft. I had fantasied about being with him in sexual situations so often that I wasn’t sure if I was imagining him sitting there or not. Caroline bounced in a mundane rhythm, no hip twists, just up and down while moaning.

“
Ohhhh.”

God, she was stale, but Jasper's grip and firm thrusts into his fist had my body on fire. I know he doesn’t realise I want him, but he sure looked like he was putting on a show all for me.

Living with him over the last five years has been bittersweet; bitter because I want to pin him against the wall and fuck him till he roars my name, but he has no idea I play both sides and I know he definitely doesn’t. I’ve only ever seen him with cheap sluts and as hard as it is to deny myself the release I crave from him, I wouldn’t want to not have him in my life. So that’s where the sweet comes in. We’re close friends and I know he doesn't understand why I’m acting off with him. It’s not for the reasons he thinks it is, it’s because he makes it hard, literally, and I can’t look at him at the moment without seeing him in the height of coming.

“Hey, thanks for doing this. I could have gotten the bus,” Kyra says with a shy smile. Slipping into the passenger seat, I was too busy recalling Jasper that night to notice the door open. She’s gorgeous, bewitching. “It’s no problem.” I lift the corner of my mouth in a brief smile before backing out. Kyra looks at Jasper with longing in her gaze. Join the club, beautiful Kyra.