The Comedy of Errors (11 page)

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
    Come, go along, my wife is coming yonder.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS
    Mistress,
respice finem
³⁹
, respect

To Adriana

your end, or rather, the
prophecy like the parrot
⁴⁰
, ‘beware the

rope’s-end’.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
    Wilt thou
still
⁴²
talk?

COURTESAN
    How say you now? Is not your husband mad?

To Adriana

ADRIANA
    His incivility confirms no less.

Good
Doctor
Pinch, you are a
conjurer
⁴⁵
,

Establish him in his
true sense
⁴⁶
again,

And I will
please
⁴⁷
you what you will demand.

LUCIANA
    Alas, how fiery and how
sharp
⁴⁸
he looks.

COURTESAN
    Mark how he trembles in his
ecstasy.
⁴⁹

PINCH
    Give me your hand and let me feel your pulse.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
    There is my hand, and let it feel your ear.

Strikes him

PINCH
    I charge thee, Satan, housed within this man,

To yield possession to my holy prayers

And to thy state of darkness hie thee straight:

I conjure thee by all the saints in heaven.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
    Peace,
doting
⁵⁶
wizard, peace, I am not mad.

ADRIANA
    O, that thou wert not, poor distressèd soul.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
    You minion, you, are these your
customers?
⁵⁸

Did this
companion
with the
saffron
⁵⁹
face

Revel and feast it at my house today,

Whilst upon me the guilty doors were shut,

And I denied to enter in my house?

ADRIANA
    O husband, God doth know you dined at home,

Where would you had remained until this time,

Free from these slanders and this open shame.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
    Dined at home?— Thou villain, what sayest thou?

To Dromio

DROMIO OF EPHESUS
    Sir,
sooth
⁶⁷
to say, you did not dine at home.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
    Were not my doors locked up, and I shut out?

DROMIO OF EPHESUS
    
Perdie
⁶⁹
, your doors were locked, and you shut out.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
    And did not she herself revile me there?

DROMIO OF EPHESUS
    
Sans fable
⁷¹
, she herself reviled you there.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
    Did not her kitchen-maid rail, taunt and scorn me?

DROMIO OF EPHESUS
    
Certes
she did, the
kitchen-vestal
⁷³
scorned you.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
    And did not I in rage depart from thence?

DROMIO OF EPHESUS
    In
verity
⁷⁵
you did, my bones bear witness,

That since have felt the vigour of his rage.

ADRIANA
    Is’t good to
soothe
him in these
contraries?
⁷⁷

PINCH
    It is no shame. The
fellow
finds his vein
⁷⁸
,

Aside to Adriana

And
yielding to
⁷⁹
him, humours well his frenzy.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
    Thou hast
suborned
⁸⁰
the goldsmith to arrest me.

ADRIANA
    Alas, I sent you money to redeem you,

By Dromio here, who came in haste for it.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS
    Money by me?
Heart and good will you might
⁸³
,

But surely, master, not a
rag
⁸⁴
of money.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
    Went’st not thou to her for a purse of ducats?

ADRIANA
    He came to me and I delivered it.

LUCIANA
    And I am witness with her that she did.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS
    God and the rope-maker bear me witness

That I was sent for nothing but a rope.

PINCH
    Mistress, both man and master is possessed,

I know it by their pale and
deadly
⁹¹
looks.

They must be bound and laid in some dark room.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
    Say, wherefore didst thou lock me
forth
⁹³
today?—

And why dost thou deny the bag of gold?

To Dromio

ADRIANA
    I did not, gentle husband, lock thee forth.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS
    And, gentle master, I received no gold:

But I confess, sir, that we were locked out.

ADRIANA
    
Dissembling
⁹⁸
villain, thou speak’st false in both.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
    Dissembling harlot, thou art false in all,

And art
confederate
with a damnèd
pack
¹⁰⁰

To make a loathsome
abject scorn
¹⁰¹
of me.

But with these nails I’ll pluck out these false eyes

That would behold in me this shameful sport.

ADRIANA
    O, bind him, bind him, let him not come near me.

PINCH
    
More company
¹⁰⁵
, the fiend is strong within him.

LUCIANA
    Ay me, poor man, how pale and wan he looks.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
    What, will you murder me?— Thou jailer, thou,

I am thy prisoner. Wilt thou suffer them

To
make a rescue?
¹⁰⁹

OFFICER
    Masters, let him go.

He is my prisoner, and you shall not have him.

PINCH
    Go bind this man, for he is
frantic
¹¹²
too.

They bind Dromio of Ephesus

ADRIANA
    What wilt thou do, thou
peevish
¹¹³
officer?

Hast thou delight to see a wretched man

Do outrage and
displeasure
¹¹⁵
to himself?

OFFICER
    He is my prisoner. If I let him go,

The debt he owes will be required of me.

ADRIANA
    I will
discharge
¹¹⁸
thee ere I go from thee.

Bear me forthwith unto his creditor,

And
knowing how the debt grows
¹²⁰
, I will pay it.

Good master doctor, see him safe conveyed

Home to my house. O, most unhappy day!

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
    O, most unhappy strumpet!

DROMIO OF EPHESUS
    Master, I am here
entered in bond
¹²⁴
for you.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
    Out on thee, villain, wherefore dost thou
mad
¹²⁵
me?

DROMIO OF EPHESUS
    Will you be bound for nothing? Be mad, good master:
cry ‘The devil!’
¹²⁶

LUCIANA
    God help poor souls, how idly do they talk.

ADRIANA
    Go bear him hence.— Sister, go you with me.

Say now, whose suit is he arrested at?

OFFICER
    One Angelo, a goldsmith. Do you know him?

ADRIANA
    I know the man. What is the sum he owes?

OFFICER
    Two hundred ducats.

ADRIANA
    Say, how grows it due?

OFFICER
    Due for a chain your husband had of him.

ADRIANA
    He did
bespeak
¹³⁵
a chain for me, but had it not.

COURTESAN
    Whenas your husband all in rage today

Came to my house and took away my ring,

The ring I saw upon his finger now,

Straight after did I meet him with a chain.

ADRIANA
    It may be so, but I did never see it.—

Come, jailer, bring me where the goldsmith is.

I long to know the truth
hereof
at large.
¹⁴²

LUCIANA
    God for thy mercy, they are loose again.

ADRIANA
    And come with
naked
¹⁴⁴
swords.

Let’s call more help to have them bound again.

OFFICER
    Away, they’ll kill us.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
    I see these witches are afraid of swords.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
    She that
would be
¹⁴⁸
your wife now ran from you.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
    Come to the Centaur, fetch our
stuff
¹⁴⁹
from thence.

I long that we were safe and sound aboard.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
    Faith, stay here this night, they will surely

do us no harm. You saw they speak
us fair
¹⁵²
, give us gold.

Methinks they are such a gentle nation that, but for the

mountain of mad flesh that
claims
¹⁵⁴
marriage of me, I could

find in my heart to stay here
still
¹⁵⁵
and turn witch.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
    I will not stay tonight for all the town.

Therefore away, to get our stuff aboard.

ANGELO
    I am sorry, sir, that I have hindered you,

But I protest, he had the chain
of
²
me,

Though most dishonestly he doth deny it.

SECOND MERCHANT
    How is the man esteemed here in the city?

ANGELO
    Of very
reverend
⁵
reputation, sir,

Of credit infinite, highly beloved,

Second to none that lives here in the city:

His word might bear my wealth at any time.
⁸

SECOND MERCHANT
    Speak softly, yonder, as I think, he walks.

ANGELO
    ’Tis so, and that
self
¹⁰
chain about his neck

Which he
forswore
¹¹
most monstrously to have.

Good sir, draw near to me, I’ll speak to him.—

Signior Antipholus, I wonder much

That you would put me to this shame and trouble,

And not without some scandal to yourself,

With
circumstance
¹⁶
and oaths so to deny

This chain, which now you wear so openly.

Beside
the
charge
¹⁸
, the shame, imprisonment,

You have done wrong to this my honest friend,

Who, but for
staying on
²⁰
our controversy,

Had hoisted sail and put to sea today.

This chain you had of me, can you deny it?

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
    I think I had, I never did deny it.

SECOND MERCHANT
    Yes, that you did, sir, and forswore it too.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
    Who heard me to deny it or forswear it?

SECOND MERCHANT
    These ears of mine, thou know’st did hear thee.

Fie
²⁷
on thee, wretch, ’tis pity that thou liv’st

To walk where any honest men
resort.
²⁸

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
    Thou art a villain to
impeach
²⁹
me thus:

I’ll prove mine honour and mine honesty

Against thee
presently
, if thou dar’st
stand.
³¹

SECOND MERCHANT
    I dare, and do defy thee for a villain.