The Comedy of Errors (9 page)

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
    There’s none but
witches
¹⁵⁸
do inhabit here,

And therefore ’tis high time that I were hence.

She that doth call me husband, even
my
¹⁶⁰
soul

Doth for a wife abhor. But her fair sister,

Possessed with such a gentle
sovereign
¹⁶²
grace,

Of such enchanting presence and discourse,

Hath almost made me traitor to myself.

But, lest myself be guilty
to
¹⁶⁵
self-wrong,

I’ll stop mine ears against the mermaid’s song.

ANGELO
    Master Antipholus.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
    Ay that’s my name.

ANGELO
    I know it well, sir,
lo
¹⁶⁹
, here is the chain.

I thought to have
ta’en you
¹⁷⁰
at the Porpentine,

The chain unfinished made me
stay
¹⁷¹
thus long.

Gives the chain

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
    What is your will that I shall do with this?

ANGELO
    
What please
¹⁷³
yourself, sir: I have made it for you.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
    Made it for me, sir? I
bespoke
¹⁷⁴
it not.

ANGELO
    Not once, nor twice, but twenty times you have.

Go home with it and please your wife withal,

And soon at supper-time I’ll visit you,

And then receive my money for the chain.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
    I pray you, sir, receive the money now,

For fear you ne’er see chain nor money more.

ANGELO
    You are a merry man, sir, fare you well.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
    What I should think of this, I cannot tell,

But this I think: there’s no man is so
vain
¹⁸³

That would refuse so fair an offered chain.

I see a man here needs not live by
shifts
¹⁸⁵
,

When in the streets he meets such golden gifts.

I’ll to the mart, and there for Dromio
stay
¹⁸⁷
,

If any ship put out, then straight away.

SECOND MERCHANT
    You know since
Pentecost
¹
the sum is due,

To Angelo

And since I have not much importuned you,

Nor now I
had
³
not, but that I am bound

To Persia and want guilders for my voyage:

Therefore make
present satisfaction
⁵
,

Or I’ll
attach
⁶
you by this officer.

ANGELO
    
Even just
⁷
the sum that I do owe to you

Is
growing
⁸
to me by Antipholus,

And in the instant that I met with you

He had of me a chain. At five o’clock

I shall receive the money for the same.

Pleaseth
¹²
you walk with me down to his house,

I will
discharge
¹³
my bond and thank you too.

OFFICER
    That labour may you save: see where he comes.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
    While I go to the goldsmith’s house, go thou

And buy a
rope’s end.
¹⁶
That will I bestow

Among my wife and her confederates,

For locking me out of my doors by day.

But soft, I see the goldsmith; get thee gone,

Buy thou a rope and bring it home to me.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS
    
I buy a thousand pound a year, I buy a rope.
²¹

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
    A man is well
holp up
²²
that trusts to you:

To Angelo

I promised your presence and the chain,

But neither chain nor goldsmith came to me.

Belike
you thought our
love
would last
too long
²⁵

If it were chained together, and therefore came not.

ANGELO
    
Saving
²⁷
your merry humour, here’s the note

Shows a paper

How much your chain weighs to the
utmost
²⁸
carat,

The fineness of the gold and
chargeful fashion
²⁹
,

Which doth amount to three odd
ducats
³⁰
more

Than I stand
debted
³¹
to this gentleman.

I pray you see him presently discharged,

For he is bound to sea and
stays but
³³
for it.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
    I am not furnished with the
present
³⁴
money.

Besides, I have some business in the town.

Good signior, take the stranger to my house

And with you take the chain and bid my wife

Disburse
³⁸
the sum on the receipt thereof.

Perchance
³⁹
I will be there as soon as you.

ANGELO
    Then you will bring the chain to her yourself.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
    No, bear it with you, lest
I come not time enough.
⁴¹

ANGELO
    Well, sir, I will. Have you the chain about you?

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
    An if I have not, sir, I hope you have,

Or else you may return without your money.

ANGELO
    Nay, come, I pray you, sir, give me the chain.

Both wind and tide stays for this gentleman,

And I, to blame, have held him here too long.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
    Good lord! You use this
dalliance
⁴⁸
to excuse

Your breach of promise
to
⁴⁹
the Porpentine.

I should have
chid
⁵⁰
you for not bringing it,

But like a
shrew
⁵¹
you first begin to brawl.

SECOND MERCHANT
    The hour steals on, I pray you, sir,
dispatch.
⁵²

To Angelo

ANGELO
    You hear how he importunes me — the chain!

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
    Why, give it to my wife and fetch your money.

ANGELO
    Come, come, you know I gave it you even now.

Either send the chain or send me
by some token.
⁵⁶

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
    Fie, now you run this
humour out of breath
⁵⁷
:

Come, where’s the chain? I pray you let me see it.

SECOND MERCHANT
    My business cannot
brook
⁵⁹
this dalliance.

Good sir, say
whe’er
you’ll
answer
⁶⁰
me or no:

If not, I’ll leave him to the officer.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
    I answer you? What should I answer you?

ANGELO
    The money that you owe me for the chain.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
    I owe you none till I receive the chain.

ANGELO
    You know I gave it you half an hour since.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
    You gave me none, you wrong me much to say so.

ANGELO
    You wrong me more, sir, in denying it.

Consider how it
stands upon
my
credit.
⁶⁸

SECOND MERCHANT
    Well, officer, arrest him at my
suit.
⁶⁹

OFFICER
    I do, and charge you in the duke’s name to obey me.

ANGELO
    This
touches
⁷¹
me in reputation.

To Antipholus

Either consent to pay this sum for me,

Or I attach you by this officer.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
    Consent to pay thee
that
⁷⁴
I never had?

Arrest me, foolish fellow, if thou dar’st.

ANGELO
    Here is thy
fee
⁷⁶
, arrest him, officer.

Gives money

I would not spare my brother in this case,

If he should scorn me so
apparently.
⁷⁸

OFFICER
    I do arrest you, sir, you hear the suit.

To Antipholus

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
    I do obey thee, till I give thee bail.—

But, sirrah,
you shall buy this sport as dear
⁸¹

As all the metal in your shop will
answer.
⁸²

ANGELO
    Sir, sir, I shall have
law
⁸³
in Ephesus,

To your
notorious shame
⁸⁴
, I doubt it not.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
    Master, there’s a bark of Epidamium

That stays but till her owner comes aboard,

And then, sir, she bears away. Our
fraughtage
⁸⁷
, sir,

I have conveyed aboard, and I have bought

The oil, the
balsamum
and
aqua-vitae.
⁸⁹

The ship is
in her trim
⁹⁰
, the merry wind

Blows fair from land. They stay for nought at all

But for their owner, master, and yourself.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
    How now? A madman? Why, thou
peevish
sheep
⁹³
,

What ship of Epidamium stays for me?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
    A ship you sent me to, to
hire waftage.
⁹⁵

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
    Thou drunken slave, I sent thee for a rope,

And told thee to what purpose and what end.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
    You sent me for a
rope’s end
⁹⁸
as soon,

You sent me to the bay, sir, for a bark.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
    I will debate this matter at more leisure

And teach your ears to
list
me with more
heed.
¹⁰¹

To Adriana, villain, hie thee
straight.
¹⁰²

Give her this key, and tell her in the desk

Gives a key

That’s covered o’er with Turkish tapestry,

There is a purse of ducats, let her send it.

Tell her I am arrested in the street,

And that shall bail me. Hie thee, slave, be gone.—

On, officer, to prison till it come.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
    To Adriana? That is where we dined,

Where
Dowsabel
¹¹⁰
did claim me for her husband.

She is too big, I hope, for me to
compass.
¹¹¹

Thither I must, although against my will,

For servants must their masters’
minds
¹¹³
fulfil.

ADRIANA
    Ah, Luciana, did he tempt thee so?

Mightst thou perceive
austerely
²
in his eye

That he did plead in earnest, yea or no?

Looked he
or
⁴
red or pale, or sad or merrily?

What
observation
⁵
mad’st thou in this case,

Of his heart’s
meteors
tilting
⁶
in his face?

LUCIANA
    First he denied you had in him
no
⁷
right.

ADRIANA
    He meant he did me none, the more my
spite.
⁸

LUCIANA
    Then swore he that he was a stranger here.

ADRIANA
    And
true he swore, though yet forsworn he were.
¹⁰

LUCIANA
    Then pleaded I for you.

ADRIANA
    And what said he?

LUCIANA
    That love I begged for you, he begged of me.

ADRIANA
    With what persuasion did he tempt thy love?

LUCIANA
    With words that in an
honest
¹⁵
suit might move.

First, he did praise my beauty, then my speech.

ADRIANA
    Didst
speak him fair?
¹⁷

LUCIANA
    Have patience, I beseech.

ADRIANA
    I cannot, nor I will not,
hold me still.
¹⁹

My tongue, though not my heart, shall have
his
²⁰
will.

He is deformèd, crooked, old and
sere
²¹
,

Ill-faced, worse bodied,
shapeless
²²
everywhere,

Vicious, ungentle, foolish, blunt, unkind,

Stigmatical in making
²⁴
, worse in mind.

LUCIANA
    Who would be jealous then of such a one?

No evil lost is
wailed
²⁶
when it is gone.

ADRIANA
    Ah, but I think him better than I say,

And yet
would herein others’ eyes were worse.
²⁸

Far from her nest the lapwing cries away
²⁹
,

My heart prays for him, though my tongue do curse.