The Darker Side of Mummy Misfit #2 (33 page)

Told Ned about Max’s comment to Gestapo and he chuckled, “That’s my boy!  Seems she’s been behaving herself lately though.  Not got herself into any more scrapes to give H&B the opportunity to kick her out, has she?”

Told him that no, apart from irritating the arse off
me
, she seemed to be keeping a fairly low profile.

“Of course, Lib, it
could
be her that’s sending the texts, couldn’t it?  Have you thought about that?  She’s never really liked you has she?  Remember your run-in with her at the ball last year, ‘Mrs Bloody Perfect’?”

Told him I’d already considered her as the culprit but didn’t think she was
that
stupid.  And how could I forget the incident with her last year?  She was paralytic in the ladies loos, bum and sparkly G-string on show as she threw up, telling me how much she envied me.  It’ll be a long time before
that
image fades!

“No, Ned, I really don’t think she’d do something like that,” I continued.  “She only does stuff if there’s something in it for her.  What would she gain from the texts?”

“Seeing ‘Mrs Bloody Perfect’ suffer, of course.  Think about it, Lib.  It makes sense. And if it
was
her, it would give H&B the final nail in the coffin to get rid of her.”

Went to bed with Ned’s words resounding in my head, but I’m still not convinced.

Saturday 6
^th
June

Back to school on Monday to limp through to the summer.  This term seems to be dragging already and, quite frankly, I can’t wait to see the end of it.  Our Tuscan retreat has never seemed so inviting - we all need the break and the thought of being text-free with my second mobile is wonderful.

Fenella and Josh are going to join us with the kids for a few days while we’re out there and I’m so excited to see what they’ll think of our place - it really is quite special and I regularly put up silent thanks to Auntie Maisie for making it possible for us.  What a difference she made to our lives.

PM

We’d received an invite to a cocktail party at Shergar’s tonight, but we Anti-Meemies decided to boycott it.  Well, we didn’t actually
say
as much - we just decided we couldn’t be arsed to go and we’d have our own little party at Fenella and Josh’s.

Methinks we must be learning!  ‘Stay away from that which winds you up’.

Sunday 7
^th
June

Feeling a little liverish this morning and serves us all right.

Fenella really is the most dreadful influence on all of us.  When she says “drink”, we all say “how much?” and
that
is a question that should never be put to Fenella.

Really should go through my notes in preparation for the big CCL handover - no more school fundraising for us.  It will be ‘Mummies to Mikhail’s Rescue’ next term and I’m thoroughly looking forward to it.

The only notes I can actually think of handing over to the next CCL head wouldn’t be of much use anyway:

MY TIPS ON FUNDRAISING AT MANOR HOUSE

Never expect anyone to do anything they say they’ll do - it will only lead to disappointment.

When monies are promised don’t expect to receive them - the ‘offering’ of charitable funds makes parents look caring (and affluent).  The act of actually extracting the money is like getting Bollinger from a Swarovski crystal.

Expect meetings to drag on, as every topic other than those on the agenda will be discussed.  You can learn to be strong but you still won’t shut them up.

Find an ally and partner in crime to keep you sane - stock up on booze and fags and you’ll be fine.

Don’t think I’d manage to sell the position to
anyone
with that advice.

Oh well, not my problem.

Monday 8
^th
June

Back to school

Actually managed to put together a
proper
folder for our CCL successors.  Hinge & Bracket have said that they’ve had no offers to take over the positions, which doesn’t surprise me in the least.

Half of the school don’t even approve of CCL and the other half are too far up their own backsides to give a toss about fundraising.

Still, whatever happens, I won’t be doing another year.

PM

Ned and I shared a bottle of rather yummy Aussie wine and chatted about my handing over the reins.

“You’ve done a great job, Lib.  You should feel really proud of yourself and I bet you’ll do just as good a job for Mikhail.”

Told him that I was slightly panicked by the idea - not so easy to fundraise outside of the safe confines of a captive (and affluent) school audience.

Ned helped himself to another of the delicacies I’d made earlier and said, through a mouthful of Nigella’s ‘Moist Mound’, “Ah, I’m sure Fenella will come up with heaps of ideas and Olga is already hard at it.  You’ll be fine, Lib.”

And I think we probably will.  We’re practically experts now and we can always get Fenella out busking or doing a stint at Spearmint Rhino - with her whip …

Tuesday 9
^th
June

Had lunch with Fenella and she said that Josh’s company are happy to get involved with Mikhail’s fundraising in any way they can - apparently the MD has a nephew suffering from the same condition and he wants to support any further research.  Looks like we might have a Christmas Ball to organise and several other evenings designed to coax City gents into parting with their money.

Ned was right, Fenella always delivers the goods.

Wednesday 10
^th
June

Final CCL meeting - Hooray!

I was chatting to Fenella and Patience at the school gates this morning when we saw Gestapo hauling her lycra-clad bum along with her personal trainer.

And it was just as she passed us in a cloud of foul perfume that I received a text.

YOU’VE NEVER BELONGED.  I WANT YOU GONE.

Don’t even think Gestapo could be that sneaky to be able to jog and text surreptitiously - it’s definitely
not
her making my life hell.

Burst into tears there and then.  It was a text that was just slightly too threatening for my liking.

Fenella and Patience bundled me into the car and we set off for emergency coffee (and fags for me and Fenella).

Told them I just couldn’t take it anymore and, as Fenella added a hefty slug of brandy to my coffee she said, “Libby, if you feel intimidated - and I must admit that last one was pretty heavy - you should go to the police.  You did nothing to be ashamed of - a quick snog or two - you don’t deserve to be going through hell like this.”

Patience agreed as she handed me another tissue.  “Fenella’s right, Lib.  The texts
are
getting nastier and I think it’s time for formal action.”

Decided I’d talk to Ned after the CCL meeting tonight - and I want to go to
that
like I want a Brazilian.

Thursday 11
^th
June

I’ve only just got up and it’s gone eleven.

Ned took Max to school and Fenella will collect him.

I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to show my face at the school again.

I don’t even want to relive last night’s events, but I
have
to just to convince myself it wasn’t all a bad dream.

I arrived, slightly late, to find H&B, Shergar, Barbie, Dress-up Mummy and Letchy in a whispered discussion which ended abruptly upon my entrance.

Dan joined us just after and sat in the only available seat, next to me.

It was then that I noticed that the seats had been set up deliberately and we appeared to be facing judge and jury.

H&B looked rather embarrassed and unwilling to kick off the meeting so, in my capacity as head of CCL, I stood and addressed the group.

“The talent show was clearly a great success.  Perhaps our treasurer would be able to give us the final tally up for the night?”  I gestured to Shergar and sat down.

I’ll never forget the accusatory look on her face or the words which sprang from her mouth as she stood to speak.

“Sadly, I’m unable to give you
any
figures for the year as there has been a theft.  There should have been in the region of seven thousand pounds in the school safe but, when I went to collect it on Monday, it had been taken.  All of it.  From my recollections, the last people to have access to the safe were Libby and Dan.  I’m sure you will remember I asked you both to place monies in the safe on the night?”

We both nodded, speechless.

She smiled smugly and continued to address the captivated assembly.  “I’m not sure if anyone here is aware, but our Head of CCL has been staying behind for a spot of ‘detention’ with Mr Rooney here, haven’t you Libby?”

H&B took an audible intake of breath and Letchy sprung to attention.  Smut!  His favourite topic was on tonight’s agenda.

I couldn’t formulate an answer - it simply wouldn’t come - and the relief I felt when Dan took to his feet was so immense I would have hugged him if I didn’t think it would go even further against us.

Dan cleared his throat.  “I admit that Libby and I became friends - close friends - but nothing happened between us.  She was going through a bad time and I helped her come to terms with it, I hope.”  He looked at me and I nodded.  “But to imply that we’ve stolen charity money is an absolute insult.  We’ve been framed.”

Shergar stood to speak again but Hinge took over.  “I thank you for your honesty, Dan and I accept your explanation.  Libby, I’m sure this is deeply embarrassing for you and I feel that we should go no further with this issue tonight.  We shall make our own investigations into the matter and re-adjourn next Wednesday with our findings.  The meeting is closed.”

Shergar looked most put out - she’d clearly hoped to prolong our agony and for the police to arrive and make an immediate arrest.

Left the meeting feeling very shaky and desperate to get home to Ned.  Dan tried to talk to me as I left but I didn’t want to look the fool by bursting into tears.

I had to get home.

Friday 12
^th
June

Still unable to face the school and, if that makes me look guilty, I don’t give a flying fuck.

Fenella has been great, dropping and collecting Max and also offering moral support.

“We know you didn’t do it, Sweedie.  That’s all that matters.  The truth will out, trust me.”

I was just scrubbing the floor for the third time when a fleeting thought came to me.

I know
I
didn’t take the money but I’d left Dan at the safe.

I don’t know
he
didn’t take it.

Saturday 13
^th
June

Oh, this is just all too horrible.  I can’t believe that Dan could be capable of taking the money, and I
certainly
don’t want to drop him in it by telling H&B I left him at the safe, but I really can’t think of any other plausible explanation.

Had F&J round last night for ‘cheer me up’ drinks and I shared my thoughts.

Fenella was quick to answer and I might have seen a hint of ‘Cagey Fenella’ - I can’t be sure, but I’ve seen it often enough and should be aware of the signs by now.

“No, Sweedie.  I think you’re barking up the wrong tree there.  Dan’s too decent.  You were
both
framed.  But I’ve told you, it will all come out in the wash.  We won’t be visiting you in Holloway just yet!”

Still not convinced, but if Fenella says it will be OK, who am I to argue?  She’s usually spot on.

Just hope her radar’s right this time.

Sunday 14
^th
June

Boring, lazy day.  Drifted through it with a heavy cloud of gloom hanging over me and wishing Wednesday would just get here quick - I want this over.

Max did nothing to brighten my mood when he calmly said in the bath, “Do I
have
to go to school tomorrow?  I don’t like it anymore and neither does Todd.”

WHAT??!!

Instantly thought that word had got out that his mother was a thieving tart and it had filtered through to the kids.

Managed to stay very contained and not put any words in his mouth.

“What’s brought this on, Hun?  Why have you gone off school?”