The Definitive Book of Body Language (21 page)

“Have I got a deal for you!”

Always remember context: a person who rubs his palms together briskly while standing at a bus terminal on a cold day may not necessarily be doing it because he's expecting a bus. He does it because his hands are cold.

Rubbing the thumb against the index finger or fingertips is commonly used as a money-expectancy gesture. Its symbolism is that of rubbing a coin between the thumb and fingertips. It is often used by the street vendor who says, “I can save you 40 percent,” or by the person who says to his friend, “Can you lend me fifty dollars?”

“We can make money out of this!”

This gesture should be avoided at all times by any professional person who deals with clients, because it carries negative associations about money

At first, this gesture can seem to signal confidence, as some people who use it often also smile. On one occasion, we observed a negotiator describing the deal he had just lost. As he went further and further into his story, he had not only taken the Hands-Clenched position, his fingers were beginning to turn white and looked as if they were welding together. The Hands-Clenched gesture shows a restrained, anxious, or negative attitude. It's also a favorite of Queen Elizabeth when she is on royal visits and public appearances and it is usually positioned on her lap.

Hands clenched in raised position reveals frustration, even when smiling

Research into the Hands-Clenched position by negotiation experts Nierenberg and Calero showed that it was also a frustration gesture when used during a negotiation, signaling that the person was holding back a negative or anxious attitude. It was a position assumed by a person who felt they were either not convincing the other person or thought they were losing the negotiation.

The Hands-Clenched gesture has three main positions: hands clenched in front of the face; hands clenched resting on the desk or on the lap; and, when standing, hands clenched in front of the crotch.

Hands clenched in center position

Hands clenched in lower position

We discovered a correlation between the height at which the hands are held and the degree of the person's frustration: that is, a person would be more difficult to deal with when the hands are held high, as in a center position, than they would be in a lower position (see illustrations). As with all negative gestures, you need to take action to unlock the person's fingers, by offering them a drink or asking them to hold something, or their negative attitude will remain in the same way it does with any arm-crossing position.

So far, we've emphasized that gestures come in clusters, like words in a sentence, and that they must be interpreted in the context in which you observe them. Steepling can be an exception to these rules, as it often occurs in isolation. The fingers of one hand lightly press against those of the other hand to form a
church steeple and will sometimes rock back and forth like a spider doing push-ups on a mirror.

We found that the Steeple was frequently used in superior-subordinate interaction and that it indicates a confident or self-assured attitude. Superiors often use this gesture position when they give instructions or advice to subordinates and it is particularly common among accountants, lawyers, and managers. People who are confident, superior types often use this gesture and, by doing so, signal their confident attitude.

Confident he has the right answers

Those who use this gesture sometimes convert the Steeple into a praying gesture in an attempt to appear God-like. As a general rule, the Steeple should be avoided when you want to be persuasive or win the other person's confidence, as it can sometimes be read as smugness or arrogance.

President Chirac and Gerry Adams sometimes appear God-like

If you want to look as if you are confident and have all the right answers, the Steeple position will do it for you.

Picture this scene—you're playing chess and it's your turn to move. You move your hand over the chessboard and rest your finger on a chess piece, indicating you intend to move that piece. You then notice your opponent sit back and make the Steeple gesture. Your opponent has just told you, nonverbally, that he feels confident about your move so your best strategy is not to make it. You next touch another chess piece and see your opponent assume the Hands-Clenched gesture or Arms-Crossed position, signaling that he doesn't like your potential move—so you should make it.

The Steeple has two main versions: the Raised Steeple, the position often assumed when the Steepler is giving his opinions or ideas or is doing the talking; and the Lowered Steeple, which is normally used when the Steepler is listening rather than speaking.

The Lowered Steeple

Women tend to use the Lowered Steeple position more often than the Raised Steeple. When the Raised Steeple is taken with the head tilted back, the person takes on an air of smugness or arrogance.

Although the Steeple gesture is a positive signal, it can be used in either positive or negative circumstances and may be misinterpreted. For example, let's say you are presenting an
idea to someone and have seen them using several positive gestures during the presentation, such as open palms, leaning forward, head up, nodding, and so on. Let's say that toward the end of your presentation the other person begins to Steeple.

If the Steeple follows a series of other positive gestures and appears when you show the other person the solution to his problem, it's likely you've been given the go-ahead to “ask for the order.” On the other hand, if the Steeple gesture follows a series of negative gestures such as arm folding, leg crossing, looking away, and hand-to-face gestures, he may be confident that he
won't
say yes or that he can get rid of you. In both these cases the Steeple registers confidence, but one has positive results and the other negative consequences. The gestures preceding the Steeple are the key to the outcome.

Your hands are always in front of you, revealing your emotions and attitudes. Many body-language gestures can be difficult to learn, but hand gestures can be practiced and rehearsed to a point where you can have fairly good control over where your hands are and what they are doing. When you learn to read hand gestures you'll look more confident, feel more successful, and win more chess games.