The Definitive Book of Body Language (22 page)

The Face Platter— presenting her face for a man to admire

This is not a negative gesture—it's a positive one used in courtship. It's used mainly by women and by gay men who want to attract a man's attention. A woman will place one hand on top of the other and present her face to a man as if it was on a platter for him to admire.

If you are going to use flattery—sincere or not—this gesture gives the green light for it.

The Duke of Edinburgh and several other male members of the British Royal Family are noted for their habit of walking with head up, chin out, and one hand holding the other hand behind the back. This gesture is common among leaders and royalty and is used by the policemen patrolling the beat, the headmaster walking around the school playground, senior military personnel, and anyone in a position of authority.

Back and front views of the
superiority-confidence gesture

The emotions attached to this gesture are superiority, confidence, and power. The person exposes their vulnerable stomach, heart, crotch, and throat in a subconscious act of fearlessness. Our experience shows that, if you take this position when you are in a high-stress situation, such as being interviewed by newspaper reporters or waiting outside a dentist's surgery, you'll begin to feel confident and even authoritative, as a result of cause and effect.

Our work with law-enforcement officers showed that officers
who don't wear firearms use this position regularly and often rock back and forth on the balls of the feet when standing, to gain additional height. Police officers who wear firearms seldom use this gesture, preferring to let their arms hang by their side or to have their thumbs tucked into the belt. The firearm gives the officer sufficient power that Palm-in-Palm behind the back is not a necessary display of authority.

The Hand-Gripping-Wrist gesture communicates a different emotion to Palm-in-Palm behind the back. It's a signal of frustration and an attempt at self-control. One hand grips the other wrist or arm tightly behind the back, as if in an attempt by one arm to prevent the other from striking out.

The Hand-Gripping-Wrist gesture

The higher up one hand grips the opposite arm, the more frustrated or angry the person is likely to be. In the illustration below, the person is showing a greater attempt at self-control than in the previous picture, because the hand is gripping the upper arm, not just the wrist. This gesture shows the origin of the expression, “Get a good grip on yourself.”

The Upper-Arm Grip

Wrist-and-arm-gripping behind the back can often be observed outside a courtroom when warring parties are face-to-face, in salespeople standing in a customer's reception area, and in patients waiting for a doctor. It's an attempt to disguise nervousness or self-restraint and, if you catch yourself doing it, change to the Palm-in-Palm behind the back and you will begin to feel more confident and in control.

As mentioned earlier, thumbs denote superiority. In palmistry, the thumbs represent strength of character and the ego, and body-language signals involving the thumbs also show self-important attitudes. Thumbs are used to display dominance, assertiveness, or sometimes aggressive attitudes; thumb gestures are secondary gestures and are usually part of a cluster. Thumb displays are positive signals, often used in the typical pose of the “cool” individual who uses them to show superiority. A man will use Protruding Thumbs around women to whom he is attracted, and people who wear high-status or prestige clothing also display their thumbs. You will rarely see a low-status individual, such as a vagrant, doing it.

The Waistcoat Thruster

Thumb displayers also often rock on the balls of their feet to give the impression of extra height.

This gesture is common to men and women who feel they are in a superior position to others. It's one of Prince Charles's regular gestures and reveals the in-control attitude he feels at the time. In a work environment, the boss will walk around the office in this position and, when the boss is away, the person who is next in charge will walk around using it. But none of the subordinates would dare to use it in front of the boss.

Prince Charles using his Thumb-Protruding-from-Coat-Pocket gesture

Thumb displays can become obvious when a person gives a contradictory verbal message. Take, for example, the lawyer who turns to the jury and in a soft, low voice says, “In my humble opinion, ladies and gentlemen…” while displaying his thumbs and tilting back his head to “look down his nose” at them.

A lawyer pretending to be humble

This can make the jury feel that the lawyer is being insincere or pompous. If a lawyer wanted to appear humble, he should approach the jury with his coat open, with open palms, and stoop forward to appear smaller.

Thumbs sometimes protrude from the back pockets (see below) as if the person is trying to hide their dominant attitude. Women were rarely seen using Thumb Displays until the 1960's when they began to wear trousers and take on more authoritative roles in society.

Thumb displays revealing
confident, authoritative attitudes

Arms-Folded-with-Thumbs-Pointing-Upward is another common thumb cluster. This is a double signal, showing a defensive or negative attitude (folded arms), plus a superior attitude revealed by the thumbs. The person using this cluster usually gestures with his thumbs when he talks, and rocks on the balls of his feet when standing.

Closing himself off but still feeling superior

The thumb can also be used as a signal of ridicule or disrespect when it is used to point at another person. For example, the husband who leans across to his friend, points toward his wife with his thumb and says, “She always nags,” is inviting an argument with her. In this case, the shaking thumb is used as a pointer to ridicule her. Consequently, thumb-pointing is irritating to most women, particularly when a man does it. The Thumb-Shaking gesture is not common among women, although they sometimes use the gesture to point at people they don't like.