The Dream Sharing Sourcebook: A Practical Guide to Enhancing Your Personal Relationships (35 page)

BOOK: The Dream Sharing Sourcebook: A Practical Guide to Enhancing Your Personal Relationships
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The communication between Denise and her mother had been strained for a long time, something she felt sad about but too intimidated to try to change. She had this dream shortly before going to visit her parents. She was so moved by it that she resolved to make a special effort while there to let her mother know "how much I love and admire her despite our disagreements." She followed through on this, and their relationship has improved steadily ever since.
Even if you don't share your dream with a family member, your own dreamwork related to your feelings about that person often leads to new insights and improvements in your self-image and in the relationship itself. Such was the case for Arthur, who had an abusive upbringing.
The Coins
I'm walking through a store that my mother owns. I find some sandwiches and cakes. I take little bites, then wrap them up again so no one can tell they were opened. I decide to buy something. As I'm counting my change, I realize some of the coins in my hand have greater value than their face value. I keep these and spend the ordinary ones.
As a child, Arthur's mother often spanked him severely and showed no consistency in punishments and rewards. In working on "The Coins" dream, he noticed that he was beginning to nurture himself (with food), even if it was only surreptitiously and in "little bites." In keeping the valuable coins, he came to see himself as being open to extracting something useful from his childhood. He saw the change in his hand as representing his desire to confront and deal with his past, so that he could ''change" himself and his life for the better. Arthur's father is a coin collector, and the dream helped Arthur to recognize the things he learned from him that held meaning
 
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beneath their "face value." Arthur said, "This insight created a new possibility for discussing some of these issues with my parents and for acknowledging them for the 'extraordinary' value they contributed to my life." Arthur could add to this insight a vision statement, such as "I value my parents,'' to empower his taking action to follow up on the dream. Without some kind of resolution, the most significant insights can be relatively useless. Creating a vision and restating it can often get you to say or do something that might otherwise just remain a "good idea."
Dealing with Death
Having an intimate discussion with your parents is not always easy. But if you are willing to risk shaking up the old patterns of communication within your family, dream sharing can lead to greater closeness and understanding at many levels. That was the experience Justin had when dreaming about being at the funeral of his father, who, though ill, was still very much alive in waking life.
My Father's Funeral
I'm somewhere in Eastern Europe. I walk into a room that I come to realize is a synagogue. The rabbi is elevated above the congregation. There is a wooden pulpit and a sounding board above the dais. I realize this is a funeral, and the rabbi is eulogizing the person who has died. The scene changes to a party. There's music and violins, and food everywhere. People are laughing and crying. I feel everything from euphoria to grief. The scene changes again. All I can see is my feet. It looks like I'm walking in a cloud, with smoke and blackness all around. Slowly into focus in front of me, I see a man walking toward me, wearing a Western-style business suit.
 
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He's carrying his jacket over his shoulder. I get behind him and say, "Excuse me." He turns around, and it's my father. It hits me that I've just been to his funeral. I say, "But Dad, I'm not ready for you to be dead yet!" I wake up sobbing uncontrollably, thinking my father must be dead.
Justin shared this dream with his wife in the middle of the night. At 6:30 in the morning, he called his father. His father answered the phone, and Justin blurted, "You're not dead!" After telling him about the dream, Justin told his father that he loved him very much. His father then told Justin that he loved him. It was a very moving moment for both of them that, a year later, Justin still describes with intense feeling. His father, whose Jewish heritage Justin has not followed, remains ill, and Justin waits for that eventual phone call that everyone dreads. In the meantime, both men have had the experience of facing the reality of death through Justin's dream, and of expressing their love for each other before it was too late. To make good use of the lessons of this dream, they could make a proclamation, such as "We express our love for each other," or "We are a loving family." This statement could continue to serve as a reminder of the power of Justin's dream and of the expression of love that came from it.
Dealing with Divorce
As Justin discovered through "My Father's Funeral," dreams can often alert us to unconscious fears or desires about our parents that we may be ignoring or avoiding, and which, if expressed or acted on, can lead to increased closeness. This is often the case when divorce is involved. Thirty-five-year-old Bruce had the following dream nearly twenty years after his parents' divorce.

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