The Fading Trilogy: Fading, Freeing, Falling: Includes 2 BONUS short stories: Hoping and Finding Forever (17 page)

Nodding my head, I softly say, "Oh," when she walks off. I turn around and walk into my room, closing the door behind me. How could I not know she's dating someone? Sadness washes over me at the realization that Kimber and I are hardly friends anymore. She has a boyfriend, and I had no clue. I just figured that guy she brought home with her the other night was a one-night stand. I never thought I would drift so far from my best friend. How can we live in the same house and not know each other at all? What's worse—this is all my fault.

The night is cold and misty, and Mark and I are sitting by the fire pit in my backyard roasting marshmallows while we wait for Jase to come over. I am curled up in a blanket as we sit and eat our sugary treat and share a bottle of red wine.

"Where's Kimber?" Mark asks, as he stabs another marshmallow onto his skewer.

Looking over at him, the only light coming from the glow of the fire, I say, "At Seth's, probably. She spends most nights over at his place, so I've been here alone for the most part."

"Does that bother you?"

"Not really...well, kinda." I grab my skewer, loaded with two marshmallows, and place them directly into the flame. I watch the glow of the fire brighten as my marshmallows ignite into a mini fireball. Pulling them out of the yellow crackling blaze, I blow out the flame on my now scorched confection.

"That's disgusting," he says while eying my bubbly, charred marshmallow.

Sliding off the burnt shell and leaving the remainder of the uncooked marshmallow on the skewer, I shove it in my mouth and crunch down. "It's fabulous," I jokingly say with my mouth full.

Mark laughs and shakes his head at me. "So...?" he questions, still wanting a confirmation to his previous question.

I shove the remainder of the marshmallows that are left on my skewer back into the blaze to repeat the process. "I mean, I like that I don't have to feel awkward when she's around, but at the same time, it makes me sad that she's not around and that we hardly speak." Eating the last of my marshmallows, I lay the skewer down and continue. "It hurts. Kimber has never been serious with a guy, and now she has a boyfriend I know nothing about. She's seems really happy, and I wish I was a part of it."

"So, why don't you just talk to her?"

"Because she knows I'm hiding something and lying to her. She told me that she doesn't want to be friends with someone who can't be honest." Shrugging my shoulders, I take another sip of wine and tighten the blanket around me.

"Maybe you should…"

Mark is cut off when the door opens and Jase comes outside to join us.

"Hey, guys," he says as he walks over and kisses Mark, then turns to me and kisses my cheek. "What are you guys doing out here? It's cold."

Mark holds up the half-eaten bag of marshmallows and says, "I'm fattening up your rail-thin girl over there." He eyes me with a smirk and winks.

"Good luck, fatty," I respond playfully.

Jase sits opposite me and starts, "So, I want you to come out with Mark and I Saturday night."

"Jase," I say as I slowly shake my head. I don't go out. I never go out.

"It'll be low key, promise. Spines is closing early to have a private concert, and I was able to snag three tickets for us."

"You want me to go to a concert?"

"Candace, seriously? It's at a book and music store. It's a private show, but forget about that. You won't turn me down when I tell you who's playing," he says as his smile grows. He reaches in his back pants pocket and pulls out a ticket. He hands me the solid black ticket with two white X's on it.

"Are you serious?" I ask as a snatch the ticket from him. "How did you get these?"

"A friend of Mark's," he says.

"Who?" Mark asks.

"Ryan. I ran into him at the gym earlier today. We got to talking about music, and he mentioned the show. When I told him my best friend is a huge fan of The xx, he gave me a few extra tickets that he wasn't using."

Looking at Jase, I ask, "Who's Ryan?"

Mark answers for him and says, "He owns the bar that my band has been playing at."

Holding the ticket, I really want to go, but I am nervous. I sit there quietly, staring into the bright fire, when Jase reaches over and takes ahold of my hand.

"I really want you to go. You'll be with the two of us. Nothing will happen," he assures me.

Looking at him, I let out a sigh and say, "I don't know. It makes me nervous."

"I know," Jase whispers. "But nothing will happen. You have to start trying."

I look back at Mark, and he shrugs his shoulders and nods in agreement. Letting out a slow breath, I turn back to face Jase. "Okay," I say with a shaky voice. I need to do this. I know I do. I'm just scared. Paranoid really. I tell myself everyday that I need to function, so I will push down the fear that is already rising inside of me, and try.

Sitting back, Jase quietly says, "Thank you."

I stare at the black and white ticket that lies on my desk. Every time I walk past it, I try and reassure myself that I can do this. Jase and Mark will be picking me up shortly. I walk into my closet to find something to wear. Looking around, I decide on simplicity: jeans, a long sleeved white V-neck shirt, brown knee-high boots, and my brown crew-collar leather jacket.

I hear the guys when they come inside the house and shout, "I'll be out in a sec. I'm just finishing straightening my hair." Taking a huge gulp of the wine I've been sipping, I look at myself in the mirror. My eyes look a little glassy, but I'm not surprised. I've been drinking since I got home from work a little bit ago, hoping the alcohol will help calm my nerves.

I turn off my hair straightener, grab my cell, and slide it in my pocket along with my ID and credit card, and I walk through the house to the living room where the guys are.

"You look great," Jase says with a smile. "You ready?"

I nod my head, grab my leopard scarf that is lying on the couch, and tie it around my neck before walking outside. I don't say much on the drive; I just listen to Mark and Jase talk about school and football. When we arrive at Spines, a trendy book and music store, I begin to panic when I see all the cars.

"I don't know about this," I say quietly.

The guys get out of the car and Mark opens my door. Holding his hand out for me, he says, "No worries, okay?"

I slide my hand into his and step out of the car.

When we walk inside, there is a gathering of around one hundred or so people. There is a bar set off to the side that is serving drinks with tables and chairs scattered about. The lights are set low and there are candles everywhere. I stay with Mark, still holding his hand tightly, as Jase goes to the bar to get us drinks.

Mark and I browse through the section of vinyl records. Flipping through them and admiring the artwork on the old cardboard cases, I am starting to feel a little more at ease. Jase finds us and hands Mark and I each a bottle of beer.

"Come on, they're about to start playing," Jase says. We walk over, and decide to stand next to another group of people by a low shelf of books. I set my beer down and lean my elbows on the bookcase as Jase and Mark stand on either side of me. I watch as the band takes the small stage that has been set up for them and starts getting their equipment ready. I have loved The xx for years but have never seen them live before.

The strum of a guitar fills the dark room as they ease into their song 'Infinity.' Listening to the slow soothing sounds, I lean into Jase—a non-verbal
thank you
. He wraps his arm around me and pulls me in closer, and I know exactly what he is telling me with his actions.

After a few songs, I am ready for another drink. I go with Jase to the bar to get another round for the three of us. When we walk back, I see Mark talking to some guy who has his back to me. When we approach, the guy he is talking to turns around, and I nearly choke on the beer that I just took a sip of.

He looks shocked to see me as he stares at me with his clear-blue eyes. He doesn't say anything to me, so I decide to speak up. "You again."

"You two know each other?" Mark asks.

"Not really," he responds as he blinks his gaze away from me.

I look at Mark and add, "He's come into Common Grounds a couple times to get coffee. How do you guys know each other?"

"He owns Blur, where the band has been playing lately," Mark says.

"And the guy who gave me the tickets," Jase says to me before turning his attention to the guy, whose name I still don't know, and adds, "Thanks, man."

"No problem at all."

I stand there awkwardly as the guys continue to talk, so I turn my back to them and focus in on the band as they begin to play 'Missing.' I haven't heard this song in months, and it begins to affect me. What I used to consider a desperate love song now breathes new meaning when I hear the words about how the heart beats. Sadness creeps through me, and my body tenses up as I try desperately not to cry.

"Hey, let's go sit down," Jase whispers in my ear, and I am snapped out of my tormenting thoughts.

Looking at him over my shoulder, I nod, not sure if I am able to speak just yet. He lowers his head and looks me in the eyes. I know he sees it—the hurt—so I quickly shake my head and give him a reassuring grin that I've got this under control. He takes my hand and leads me to a table where Mark and his friend are already sitting.

Taking a seat and setting my beer down, I say, "I'm sorry, but I never caught your name."

Giving me a half smirk, he says, "Ryan. Ryan Campbell."

I give him a slight nod and introduce myself. "I'm Candace." Eying his cup of coffee, I add, "Ever drink anything besides coffee?"

"I work a lot of late nights," is his vague response to my question.

"So, Ryan," Jase says, "Candace will be graduating this year as well. She's a dance major."

What the hell is Jase doing? I look over at him and give him a snide look, but he just grins at me.

"Dance. What kind?" Ryan asks.

"Ballet," I say and then take another sip of my beer.

"Can't say I know anything about that," he responds with an honest chuckle.

"It's okay. Nobody ever does."

"So, I take it you're the best friend who loves this band," he says as he nods his head towards the stage.

Feeling odd about this interaction, I reply with a simple, "Yeah." I start to feel the need to close myself off. It feels weird talking to someone new. My life is very secluded, and I like it that way. It's safe. So being here, out, listening to music, talking to a new person, suddenly makes me want to run back home.

I know I can do this. I have to do this. I reach under the table and rest my hand on top of Jase's leg, in a way, using him as my anchor while I try to pull my thoughts together. He looks over at me as he lays his hand over mine and gives me a reassuring squeeze. I keep repeating in my head:
Get it together, Candace. Just function.
I say it over and over in a desperate attempt to will it to happen. I tell myself to act normal, but I'm not even sure I know what that is. I push the uncomfortable feeling aside, knowing that nothing will happen because Jase and Mark are both here with me. Everything is fine.

I'm peeling the label off my beer bottle when Ryan starts to talk. "So, Candace, what do you plan on doing when you finish school?"