The Fading Trilogy: Fading, Freeing, Falling: Includes 2 BONUS short stories: Hoping and Finding Forever (74 page)

The next couple of days are pretty much the same. Candace is still at my place, taking the week off from school and work. She emailed her professors to tell them she was out sick, and Roxy didn’t question her when she called to tell her the same thing earlier this week.

I spoke to Candace last night about calling the doctor to see about getting something to help her sleep. I thought she’d put up a fight, but she didn’t. I think she’s just so sleep-deprived that she would do anything to get some rest. Last night, I woke up to see her still awake; I know she was fighting sleep. She told me she was scared to dream. I hurt so much for her, but have been keeping everything bottled up. I feel like I’m at my breaking point.

I’m driving home from my last class before the weekend starts. Candace mentioned going home on Monday, but I wish she would stay with me. She says that she needs to get back to her normal life. I know it’s her way of avoiding, and I didn’t question her. She still hasn’t talked about that night, and she refuses to see a therapist. I wish she would talk, but she doesn’t.

When I walk in my living room, I’m shocked to see Mark sitting on the couch with Candace.

“What are you doing here?”

“Just hanging out,” he says as if this is a normal thing for him to be here while I’m out.

“Oh, I didn’t know you were going to be here.”

“Is that a problem?” he asks, concerned.

I smile as I walk over to Candace, kiss her head, and then look to Mark, saying, “It’s never a problem. I’ll be right back; I’m gonna go change.”

I toss my bag in my closet and grab some clothes to go for a quick run when Candace walks in.

“How was your afternoon?” I ask her.

“It was okay. Mark’s been here to keep me company.”

Walking over to her as she’s sitting on my bed, I look at her cuts then kiss her cheek, “Your face is looking better.”

She nods and runs her hand down the side of her cheek when I continue, “Well, I’m glad he had time to stop by.”

“Me too. He came by a couple of times yesterday when he was in between classes as well.”

I turn around and slip my shirt on when she says this. “What?”

“What?” she questions in confusion.

“He was here yesterday too?”

“Yeah, I thought you knew. I thought maybe you told him to check in on me.”

“No.” I can’t believe he’s been coming over here to spend time with her. The fact that he would do that, on his own because he wanted to and not because I asked him to, surprises me. It’s apparent that he cares for her, and knowing that she has him, the only other person who knows what she’s going through, gives me reassurance that he’s different—he’s special. I’ve always known he is, but realizing he cares that much about me, to care that much for her, fills something inside of me I wasn’t aware was empty.

“He really likes you, you know?”

Lacing up my shoes, I say, “I really like him too.”

When I stand up and look at her, she’s just staring at me.

“What?” I ask.

“If you feel that way, then why did you kiss me and not him?”

“When?”

“Just a minute ago when you walked in.”

I drop my head before I look up at her. “It’s not that easy for me.”

“What’s not easy?”

“Having people see me this way. Having
you
see me this way.”

She shakes her head at me. “How do you think I see you?” When I don’t respond, she says, “You don’t have to hide from me. I love you.”

I go ahead and take this moment to open up to her a bit more about this and confess, “He held my hand when we were walking through the quad the other day, and I froze up. I’ve never done that before with a guy, but now that I think about it, I’ve never really held hands with a guy.”

“I don’t understand.”

“What I have with him is so different than what I’m used to. It’s one thing for me to screw around with guys, but to be with Mark the way I want to be, like holding his hand, in front of others . . . it just makes me uncomfortable to know what people might be thinking.”

She stands up and walks towards me. “It doesn’t matter what people think. You should be able to hold your boyfriend’s hand without having to worry about what other people are thinking. Mark is great. Don’t let that stuff get in the way of you guys.”

Taking her hands, I draw her into me and hug her. “I know. I’m trying to get past it.”

“It’s another reason why I should go back home. I feel like I’m intruding on your time together.”

Looking down at her, I insist, “You will never be an intrusion. I want you here,” before kissing her forehead.

“Why are you wanting to eat so late?”

“Because today was the first day that Candace went back to work. I just wanted to have something to distract her when she gets home in case it didn’t go so well,” I tell Mark as he walks through the apartment. Candace has been at work all evening, and I have a feeling that what she was hoping for by getting out and going back to work is not what happened. I know she expects everything to go back to the way it was by going back to her normal routines. I tried talking to her about it last night, but she’s determined and completely shut me out.

“When is she supposed to be getting off?” Mark asks, coming into the kitchen and leaning up against the counter as I finish chopping the tomatoes for the bruschetta.

“A little after eleven.”

“Can I help?”

Looking at him, I smile and say, “Yeah, could you turn the heat down on the sauce and stir it?”

I watch him as he walks over to the stove and fiddles with the knob. I laugh to myself because I can see that he isn’t comfortable in the kitchen.

Adding the oil to the tomatoes and onions, I look over at Mark and ask, “Will you go turn up the music?”

“Yeah, sure,” he says, and then comes back to the stove to stir the sauce again. I know he hasn’t a clue what the hell he is supposed to be doing, but I find it sweet that he’s trying to be helpful. I come up behind him and start nipping along his neck. When he turns in my arms, he looks over my shoulder and says, “Hey!”

I turn to see Candace standing in the middle of the living room and the look on her face tells me everything that I feared. She looks upset and starts walking to my bedroom. Leaning my hands against the counter, Mark slides his hand over my shoulder and says, “I’ll go talk to her.”

I want to say something, but it’s taking everything in me to keep myself in check. I hate seeing that look on her face. She tries to be so strong, and I could see that she was fighting hard not to cry.

I nod my head and Mark kisses the center of my neck before heading back to my room, and I try to keep myself busy by finishing up dinner.

They are back there for quite a while, but when they return, Candace is smiling. I walk straight to her and bring her in for a hug before kissing her. “Hey, sweetie. How was work?”

“Weird at first, but it wound up being a busy night, which was good,” she says as she picks out a bottle of wine and starts to open it.

I quickly slice up the baguette and set it on the bar with the bruschetta. Candace and Mark sit and eat while talking. It’s great that they have become friends. It makes me feel more content, knowing that Candace has him to lean on as well as me.

“Hey, didn’t your band have a show last night?” Candace asks Mark.

“Yeah, we played at Blur. It was a great gig; the place was packed.”

“I’ve never been there before.”

Looking over at her, I tease, “Candace, you haven’t been anywhere.” She scrunches her face at me, which causes me to laugh. “You should really hear them play sometime. You’d like their sound.”

There’s a knock at the door, and Mark hops off the barstool to go answer it. I rush to Candace’s side when I see Kimber walk in.
Crap.
Both Candace and I have been avoiding her calls and texts, and she looks pissed.

“What the hell is going on?” she barks.
Fuck, she’s mad.
“You two have been avoiding me all week, and I have no clue what I did to piss you guys off!”

“We’re not pissed at you,” I try and convince her. I know she doesn’t believe me, so I try to cover for Candace because I know she’s freaking out by the shock on her face. “Candace just wanted a little time away, that’s all.”

“From me? I’m supposed to be your best friend!” she says, looking at Candace. “Why won’t you talk to me?” she demands.

“I’m sorry,” Candace says, and Mark walks back into the kitchen. Candace looks scared as shit, and I would say just about anything to get Kimber to leave her alone, but when Candace sits on the couch, she starts talking. “Jack and I got into an argument at the party. I was upset, he was drunk, so I called Jase to come pick me up.”

I help her out by adding, “I suggested she stay here in case he showed up at your house. That’s all.”

“So why couldn’t you just call me and tell me?”

“I didn’t want you getting involved. You can sometimes overreact, and I just wanted everything to die down without any drama. It’s no big deal, and I haven’t heard from him. It’s over, so can we just drop it?” Candace says, and when I look down at her hands, I see that she’s shaking.

“Bullshit!” Kimber snaps and starts walking out.

“Kimber, wait. Please don’t be mad at me. I’m coming back home this week. It’s not a big deal, please don’t make it into one.”

She walks up to Candace, and I am back at her side, holding her hand when Kimber says, “You’re the one who made it such a big deal when you decided to avoid me all week. We have always been honest with each other, but if you really want me to believe your story, then fine. I believe you.”

Candace drops back down to the couch when the door slams shut and begins to cry.

“I don’t know what to do.” She looks up at me and pleads, “What do I do?”

Sitting down next to her, she falls into my arms and cries. Mark comes in and sits opposite her and rubs her back, trying to calm her down.

“She’s so mad at me. She’s never been mad at me.”

“Just give her some time,” I tell her. “We’ve both been avoiding her, so you can’t blame her for being upset.”

“It’s all my fault.”

“It’s not your fault, Candace,” Mark assures her, and I listen as he continues. “It’s just the shit situation you were dealt, but it’s not your fault. You can’t blame yourself for this, for any of this.”

She pulls back from me and turns to face Mark.

“What do I do?” she asks him.

Wiping his thumbs across her cheeks, he tells her, “You do whatever you need to do to get through the day. You do what you need to do to protect yourself. That’s all you can do.”

“Even if it hurts her?”

“I don’t think you can do anything else, sweetheart, when you’re trying so hard to just hang on.”

Hearing them talk, hearing his words to her . . . it’s near perfect.

I’m supposed to take her back home tomorrow morning before her classes, but I can’t have her leave with Kimber so mad. “I want you to stay,” I tell her.

She leans back on the couch, Mark and I on either side of her. “I can’t stay.”

“You can. Give Kimber a few days to cool down at least.”

“But I feel like I’m just interfering with you guys.”

Letting out a sigh of irritation, I tell her, “You’re not. I already told you this the other day.”

She turns to look at Mark and eyes him for his input.

“Jase is right. You should give her a little time to calm down.”

You home?

Yeah. AutoCAD is going to be the death of my laptop.

I’ve been trying to get some work done on my project while Candace is in class. It’s her first day back, and I’ve been worried about her all day. My phone chimes again with another text from Mark.

Mind if I stop by?

Never.

Mark and I haven’t spent a whole lot of time together, just being alone, so I shut down my computer and pour a cup of coffee. I don’t have to wait very long before he gets here.

“Hey, what have you been up to?” he says as he walks up to me and gives me a hug.

I pull him in for a quick kiss before I respond. “Just trying to get some work done, but my computer is running slow as shit today.”