The Girl You Lost: A gripping psychological thriller (23 page)

G
iving
up Becky hit me hard. It should have made me resent him, turn my back on him and everything we’d done, but it didn’t. Instead, I threw myself deeper into our depraved world, wanting and needing more of a buzz than ever.

And he needed something more too. It was just like he told me – we were truly cut from the same cloth.

We didn’t plan what happened that night, and none of us had mentioned how far we would ever go, but there was something different that evening. A fever we would all catch.

The four of us sat in Harry’s bar, discussing the end of term. Our exams were nearly over and the promise of a long, hot summer stretched out before us. Planning how to spend it was almost as exciting as experiencing it.

‘We should go away somewhere,’ he suggested. ‘Like Greece or Turkey. Spain even? There’re some hot girls over there. I’m getting a bit bored of the skanky ones here. They’re no fun, they don’t know how to enjoy themselves. Think what we could get up to out there.’

I disagreed with him about the girls over here, but kept quiet. Becky knew how to live; her idea of fun was just different, that was all. It didn’t make her boring. I missed her more than ever, but tried to fling thoughts of her from my head and focus on the friends I was spending the evening with.

As a distraction, I offered to buy the next round, and headed to the bar, leaving them to continue the conversation.

Leanne hadn’t worked at the bar since the night I’d gone to her flat, and I still didn’t know what he had said to keep her quiet, but whatever it was had worked. Her replacement behind the bar was a guy called Stu. He claimed he was a gigging musician, but seemed to spend every night working at Harry’s, so I wasn’t quite sure when he was playing these gigs. His dark hair flopped across his face and he was constantly flicking it back, only for it to happen again. I wondered how he didn’t tire of it and cut the whole lot off. But I suppose he had an image to keep up.

I liked Stu, and found him easy to talk to. He always asked how I was doing, and I was beginning to wonder how different my life would be if I hung around with him instead of the others. But that wouldn’t change who I was inside, would it? It wouldn’t stop my cravings.

Stu and I chatted a bit while he poured our pints, and I carried them back to the table, the glasses balancing precariously in my hands.

They fell silent when I reached them and it was obvious they’d been talking about me. ‘What’s going on?’ I asked, not caring if their conversation had been private.

‘Oh, nothing. We were just talking about that girl over there.’ He flicked his head towards the bar. ‘The one with the red top. Do you know her?’

I turned around to see who they were talking about, and there was only one girl dressed in red. She leaned across the bar, counting out change to hand to Stu, a skinny black girl with shiny skin and a thick plait falling down her back. I hadn’t seen her before, but could understand their fascination. ‘Nope, never seen her before. But she’s cute.’

He chuckled. ‘That’s what I said. I knew you’d like her. I think you should go and talk to her. She’s definitely one for you to get things started with. Don’t think she’s a student, though. Could be older than us.’

Excitement stirred within me. I tried hard to fight it, to think about Becky instead and wonder what she was doing at this moment, but all I could do was imagine the black girl naked, helpless, her head lolling around, unable to move and stop me doing whatever I wanted. Whatever we all wanted. My whole body felt as if it would burst from the anticipation.

‘So what do you reckon?’ he said, a grin spreading across his face. ‘I’ve got what we need in here.’ He patted his pocket.

Without another word, I walked over to the girl and introduced myself.

I
get
up at six a.m. and it is still dark outside. I don’t know what time Matt finally fell asleep so I try not to disturb him as I ease myself out of bed. Although it is early, the drive to north London will take me a while, and I need to visit Ginny before the police do.

The thought of eating turns my stomach, so after a shower I have a quick cup of coffee, and then I am ready to face what lies ahead.

Despite my early start it is nearly nine a.m. by the time I arrive at the hospital and find Ginny’s room, although, thankfully, visiting hours have only just started. I almost don’t recognise her when I see the fragile state she is in. Drips feed into her arms and her left arm and leg are covered in casts. Her face is swollen and purple, battered beyond recognition.

The blinds are still drawn so it’s dark in the room, but I can see Ginny has her eyes closed. I don’t want to wake her, but the police could be here any minute and we need to get our story straight. I need to let her know I haven’t told them about Grace being my daughter.

I sit on the chair beside her bed and lean across to gently touch her right arm. ‘Ginny, are you awake?’

She begins to stir and gradually her eyes open. It takes her a moment to register who I am, but when she does, it is only relief I see in her expression. ‘Simone, I’m glad to see you.’ She turns her head to face me. ‘I didn’t know what had happened to you and nobody could tell me anything last night. I was out of it before that. Are you okay? What happened?’

I am touched by her concern when she is the one lying in the hospital bed, lucky to be alive, and I am fit and well. Perhaps it is tied up in her guilt over Grace. ‘Don’t worry,’ I say. ‘I’m fine. I got away from him before he could do anything. I needed to get help for you so I called the police.’ I shove the memory away. ‘I can’t believe what’s happened to you. What … what did he do to you?’

‘It all happened so fast, I barely remember. I know that sounds crazy, but maybe I’ve blocked it out. I just remember him pounding his fists into me and … smashing me against the wall. I think I blacked out after that, but I’m sure he thought I was dead.’

‘Oh, Ginny, I’m so sorry. I should never have dragged you there, I—’

‘Don’t you blame yourself. This is my mess to clean up, not yours. None of this is your fault. Anyway, my broken bones will heal. I’m alive, that’s all that matters.’

When I tell her I admire her positivity, she says it’s only thinking of Grace that is getting her through this.

This time hearing her words, I no longer feel a stab of jealousy. I can accept that Grace and Ginny have an eighteen-year relationship, no matter how it came about. We will find a way to work this all out.

Ginny asks what happened after she’d been dragged from the room and I repeat the story as quickly as I can. The police could be here any second. ‘You know Nick Gibbs, don’t you?’

‘Yes. He was a friend of Daniel’s. From university. Before the funeral I hadn’t seen him for years.’ She stares at the ceiling. ‘But what’s he got to do with that girl, Charlotte?’

I wish I knew this, because somehow it all leads to Grace, I just can’t put all the pieces together. ‘I don’t know yet, but listen, Ginny, we need to talk about the statement I gave the police. They’ll be here soon.’

She closes her eyes. ‘It’s okay, I understand you had to tell them. I’ll deal with the consequences. Finding Grace is all that matters.’

I take her hand. ‘No, listen, I didn’t tell them about that. Or about what Grace said she’d done to Lucas. It’s not important right now. That’s what I came here to tell you. As far as they know, Grace is your daughter and I’m a friend of yours. That’s our connection.’

‘You lied for me,’ she says, struggling to smile. ‘I can’t believe you’d do that for me.’

I have to be honest with her. ‘The truth is, Ginny, I mainly did it for Grace. I want them to focus on finding her, not arresting you for something you didn’t do. But I did have to tell them about Daniel and the video. Please understand that.’

She closes her eyes for a moment and then manages to nod. ‘I understand. But still, thank you.’

‘I can’t promise the truth about Grace won’t come out in all this. I mean, Nick Gibbs surely knows, so when they find him, what’s to stop him telling them? But we’ll deal with that when it happens. Also, they’ll be taking a blood sample from you to test against the Converse trainer, but obviously it won’t come back a match. There’s just no way around that without admitting the truth.’

Ginny nods and asks for some water. I refill her glass and hold the drink to her mouth so she can sip from the straw they have given her. With a broken arm and leg, I don’t know how she will manage for the next few months. I make a silent vow to myself to help her as much as I can.

For the next half hour we try to come up with a cover, and decide the most convincing way we could have met is if Ginny contacted me to try to get some work experience for Grace. ‘It would have to have been last summer,’ I explain, ‘but that’s enough time for us to have struck up a friendship. We’ll just have to say that I couldn’t get Grace any work last summer but was hoping to this year, which is why you and I kept in contact.’

Ginny agrees and half closes her eyes. ‘Do you know what hurts more than this physical pain? Aside from Grace being missing? It’s the fact that my brother betrayed me. I mean, he must have known the truth could come out any time and that I’d suffer because of it, but that didn’t stop him.’ She takes a deep breath. ‘I don’t even care that he did it for me, because look what he did to that woman in the video.’ Her voice is louder now, almost a shout, and I turn around to ensure nobody is coming in to check what’s going on.

‘Ginny, just try to stay calm. Grace is the only person that matters now, but you have to let the police find her. You just need to concentrate on getting better. Whatever Daniel’s done, you need to put it behind you and try to move on.’ She may think this is easy for me to say, but I’m speaking from experience. I had to make a life for myself without my baby, and she will have to say goodbye to her memories of her brother.

She opens her mouth to speak, but the door opens, stopping her in her tracks. Two police officers walk in, flashing their badges at us. I immediately stand and tell them I was just leaving, but before I head to the door I throw a quick smile at Ginny, hoping to convey to her that everything will be okay.

O
utside the hospital
, I sit in the car and start the engine, but don’t drive away. I feel uneasy, and it’s not just worry over how Ginny is doing with her statement. A car pulls up behind me, the driver gesturing towards the exit. I shake my head and hold up my parking ticket, even though he won’t be able to read it from where he is. He says something I can’t hear and drives off, revving his engine. ‘Jerk,’ I shout out, but I know he can’t hear me.

Reaching into my coat pocket, I pull out my new mobile and call Abbot’s work line. Thankfully it is a number I know by heart, as all my other ones are now lost with my old phone. No doubt Charlotte Bray has already hacked into it and snooped through it, reporting back to Nick Gibbs, wherever he is.

Abbot answers after two rings, his voice comforting and familiar. ‘How are you doing?’ he asks, when he realises it’s me. ‘You’re not coming in, are you?’

‘No, not today. I’m guessing the big story is Grace’s disappearance, though?’

He sighs. ‘Yeah, sorry. But nobody’s connected it to Helena, so don’t worry. Anyway, I’m not working on it, but I’ll keep you up to date with what’s happening.’

I thank him and tell him I need Tamsin Bray’s number, holding my breath as I prepare for a lecture.

‘Sim, what are you up to? I don’t like the sound of this. You shouldn’t contact her – just let the police deal with it all now.’

‘I am, I just need to talk to her, explain what happened. Something about the whole Charlotte thing just isn’t sitting right with me.’

‘Of course it isn’t – she set you up, didn’t she? What more do you want to know?’

‘I just think she knows something about Grace, and I want to know what that is. Look, I’ll be careful, but I’ll get Tamsin’s number with or without your help, so please spare me the lecture.’

Abbot falls silent and I hear the muffled sound of him covering the receiver. When he speaks again it is to give me the number, along with a warning to be careful and to call him if I need any help.

That call was the easy one. Now I have to deal with Tamsin Bray, and I know she won’t be happy to hear from me. I dial the number Abbot has given me, my heart thudding in my chest.

‘Hello?’ she says, sounding out of breath.

‘Tamsin, please don’t hang up – it’s Simone.’

She says nothing but I can still hear her breathing so she hasn’t cut me off yet.

‘Tamsin, look, I really think we should talk. Can you meet me this morning? Somewhere like a coffee shop? I need to explain everything.’ I hope she can’t see through my lie, that she is the one I want to explain things.

‘You shouldn’t be calling me,’ she says, her voice sharp and hard, a far cry from the softly spoken Tamsin Bray I’ve met before. ‘I’m sure the police would be interested to know about this harassment.’

I knew this wouldn’t be easy, but part of me hoped Tamsin would remember how much I supported her when Charlotte was missing. ‘Just see me this one time, for five minutes, and I promise you’ll never hear from me again if that’s what you want. You have my word.’

Again I am faced with heavy silence, for so long this time that I almost give up and end the call myself. But then she finally speaks again. ‘One hour. Caffè Nero on Kilburn High Street. Don’t be late, I won’t hang around.’ She disconnects the call, leaving me staring at the phone, wondering whether I misheard her.

T
he north circular
has emptied out by the time I leave the hospital, so I make it to Kilburn with ten minutes to spare. But parking is another matter, and when I finally get to Caffè Nero it is already past eleven a.m.

I see Tamsin immediately, sitting at a table in the corner, cradling a large mug. She looks up and fixes me with a hard stare, but I ignore it and buy a bottle of water at the counter before joining her.

‘I shouldn’t be here,’ she says, before I’ve even sat down. She avoids eye contact but vigorously stirs her drink, keeping the spoon in her cup as she lifts it to take a sip.

I have to approach this softly; she looks as if she is ready to dart for the door any second. ‘Thank you for meeting me.’

‘Well, what exactly is it you want? I thought you were helping our family but you forced Charlotte to take you to that house.’

‘You’ve got it all wrong! I didn’t make Charlotte do what she did. She locked us in that room and told Nick Gibbs where to find us. Do you realise there’s a woman lying battered in a hospital bed because of this?’

Tamsin finally looks at me, her eyes narrowed. ‘Well, Charlotte tells a different story. She said you forced her to tell you where this Lucas lived, and then once you got there she was lucky to get away from that man, whoever he is. And now she’s disappeared again. Probably scared for her life.’

So this is the story Charlotte has told her parents. I find it hard to control my anger, but I can’t let this situation get out of control; I need Tamsin to listen to me. ‘Do you know where she’s gone?’

‘No, I don’t. And why would I tell you if I did? You’re the reason she’s gone.’

I want to scream at her that the only reason Charlotte is missing again is because she’s on the run from the police. ‘Look, Tamsin, you’ve got this all wrong. Even after what she did, I would never wish any harm on your daughter. I just need to know if she’s told you anything at all about Lucas Hall or Nick Gibbs.’

Tamsin pushes aside her empty cup. ‘Lucas was her boyfriend, that’s all I know. I didn’t know about him until yesterday. But Charlotte said people would be after her and that she’d explain when it was safe to come home.’

More lies. And Tamsin has no idea what her daughter is involved in.

‘But at least this time she texts me when she can,’ Tamsin continues. ‘From different numbers, so I know she’s safe.’ She picks up her cup, but then remembers it’s empty and places it down again. ‘I don’t know why I’m telling you all this, after what you’ve done.’

Nick Gibbs must have warned Charlotte we’d got away and that the police would be looking for her. ‘Tamsin, please listen to me. If you do have any idea where Charlotte is, you need to tell the police. I think she could be in danger, and I’m sure she knows something about my … my friend’s daughter. Her name’s Grace and she’s been missing for over a week now. We think Lucas took her, which means Charlotte could know something.’

I am expecting some empathy from Tamsin once I’ve said this but all I’m greeted with is a blank stare. ‘Charlotte knows nothing about this girl. Why won’t you just leave us alone? The police are already involved, and know she’s missing again, so stop harassing us.’

‘Tamsin, please listen; my friend Ginny is in hospital with serious injuries, her only daughter missing. You’re a mother yourself, you know what that feels like, how can you have no compassion for her? Please, just tell the police if you know anything. You don’t have to tell me.’ I push my water aside, too angry to even open the bottle.

Across from me, Tamsin falls silent, spreading out her hand in front of her and studying it. ‘I have to put
my
daughter first,’ she says, her voice too loud. ‘And I shouldn’t be here talking to you. You manipulated her, forced her to go with you to find Lucas. All you cared about was finding your friend’s daughter, you certainly didn’t spare a thought for mine.’

Several people turn to stare at us, but I don’t care. Tamsin is being unreasonable, and I’m wasting my time. And now it is my turn to increase the volume. ‘Firstly, Charlotte is not a child, she’s a grown woman, capable of making her own decisions. And if anyone has manipulated her it’s the man she got involved with, not me. Do what you want, Tamsin. Lie and keep things from the police if you like. I just hope you can live with yourself if anything happens to Grace.’