The Girl You Lost: A gripping psychological thriller (25 page)

I tug my arm away and shake my head. Then I remember something. ‘You knew the road name where Lucas’s flat is all along, didn’t you?’ I should have realised at the time it was strange she wouldn’t know it after seeing Lucas for weeks. But I was so focused on finding Grace, this detail slipped by me.

She nods. ‘But I couldn’t tell you, or you would have gone without me. I’m sorry.’

So I’ll ask you one more time. Have you seen Lucas?’ I am shouting now, but my voice is drowned out by the traffic. ‘Why were you in my house? What the hell are you up to?’

Charlotte flinches. ‘I’m sorry! I’m not up to anything. Nick was lying!’

I have known Nick was lying to her since she began her story. ‘But what happened? How do you know that now?’

What she says next shocks me to my core.

‘Because he’s dead! Lucas is dead!’

H
er name was Tia
, and close up she looked even better than she had from our seats in the corner. I offered to buy her a drink, and her bright white smile told me this would be easier than I expected.

‘A Malibu and Coke,’ she said. Her tight curls sprang from her head as she flicked it back, and I caught a waft of coconut shampoo. She smelled fresh and clean, this girl, and I felt a frisson of excitement. But it was nothing compared to what came later.

We chatted for a while, and I could feel their eyes on me the whole time. I knew they would be anticipating this as much as I was. I asked her about herself, pretending to be interested that she was taking a year out to travel. Wasn’t everyone? But girls liked to think you were listening, so I nodded and smiled at everything she said.

It took several drinks to get her tipsy; she was obviously used to drinking. But by closing time, she was unsteady on her feet, and gratefully accepted my offer to walk her home.

She said she lived only twenty minutes away, and while we walked I glanced around to check they were keeping up. She, of course, was oblivious, happy in her drunken stupor.

But it was nearer to forty-five minutes by the time we got to her flat, and I couldn’t hide my irritation. She didn’t notice I had grown quiet.

Although small, her flat was modern, clean and tidy; she obviously took as much pride in it as she did her appearance. She turned on the radio and lit some candles. ‘I hate bright lights,’ she said, but I knew she was doing it to make the place sexy.

But all her effort was pointless. I would not be kissing her slowly, undressing her carefully, and waking up with her in the morning.

She poured us both some vodka, but said she had nothing to go with it. That was fine with me: the stronger the better. She didn’t notice me sipping mine slowly – taking one sip for every three of hers – because she was so intent on topping up her alcoholic high before it vanished.

We sat together on her cramped couch, and I tried to keep my hands off her. I was under strict instructions to wait. So instead I watched her while she giggled at nothing, expectation swelling within me. She got up and danced around, giggling when she tumbled to the floor. Then came the knock at the door. Tia was too busy rolling around on the floor to notice, so I got up and answered it.

And let them in.

She didn’t react to the fact we had company, even when they were standing right over her, instead she continued giggling to herself, making no move to get up from the floor.

‘You don’t mind if my friends join us, do you?’ I smiled down at her.

He stood at my side. ‘How much have you given her? She’s so wasted we probably don’t even need this.’ He held up the small bottle, waving it around.

‘But isn’t that risky? What if she remembers in the morning?’

He brushed off my concerns. ‘You worry too much. Just enjoy this. Watch.’ Standing over Tia, he grabbed the half-empty bottle of vodka and began pouring it over her face. I expected her to flinch, to roll out of the fountain, but she barely moved. ‘See. Told you. Completely wasted.’

I looked at them and back at Tia, and knew I could relax. I had waited all evening for this, I wasn’t going to waste it.

‘You can go first,’ he said. ‘You did all the hard work.’

They sat watching as I tore off her clothes and forced myself into her, their cheers adding to my excitement. She wasn’t protesting, but I covered her mouth with my hand, enjoying her squirms beneath me.

‘Hurt her,’ he said, crouching down beside me. ‘Really fucking hurt her.’

I rammed myself so hard into her that her body jolted and her head smacked against the TV stand, drawing blood.

And then his hand was around her throat, squeezing it, but I couldn’t tell how tight. ‘Hurt her like this,’ he said. ‘She’ll like it, she won’t know she does, but she will.’

I have often thought about what happened next, relived it over and over. But not for the reasons you may think.

He didn’t remove his hands, and I began to panic. She was jolting violently now. What if he never let go? I moved off her and let him take my place. But he still didn’t let go, in fact, now I could see she was struggling to breathe.

I shouted out, but he was oblivious, too caught up in what he was doing. And Daniel was no help – he was enjoying every second, filming it all. Perhaps he didn’t quite realise what was happening, but either way he didn’t care.

When he finally finished and released his grip, she lay motionless beneath him, her wide eyes staring at the ceiling.

I waited for panic to set in, but his face was calm, the pleasure he’d just experienced still visible.

And I knew then we would all be tied together forever.

I
t takes
a moment for Charlotte’s words to sink in. I’ve spent a lot of time looking for Lucas, and even after Grace’s story, haven’t truly considered the possibility that he is actually dead. Beside me on the bench, Charlotte is once again distraught.

‘Charlotte, calm down and tell me what’s happened.’

Through her tears she manages to speak. ‘I … after I locked you in the room I called Nick and told him what I’d done. He told me I’d done well, but when I asked him about Lucas he said he’d call me later.’ She wipes her face with her sleeve and shakes her head. ‘He didn’t call, but he texted a few hours later telling me to disappear for a while. He said not to speak to anyone, but to go somewhere safe until he called. So I took a train to Portsmouth and got a hotel room. I waited for him to call but he didn’t. I tried his mobile loads of times but he never answered.’

She doesn’t acknowledge that this is probably because he was too busy trying to work out what to do after leaving Ginny for dead.

I want to ask her how she could have anything to do with the man who had repeatedly raped her but I already know and fear the answer. The pull of Lucas meant she would put up with anything, just to be with him.

Charlotte tells me that she finally got hold of Nick late that night and he was furious with her. ‘He shouted and cursed down the phone, telling me to stop calling him. I was shocked. I mean, I knew he was nasty and evil but he had always seemed so calm, so together. This time he was really flipping out. And it scared me even more.’

It’s not hard to work out why Nick verbally attacked Charlotte. His plan had gone wrong, he was badly injured and the police were hunting for him. He’d got away with depraved acts, but now he knew his time had run out and he was in serious trouble. He also must know his family would want nothing more to do with him.

Charlotte begins to shake. ‘I asked him about Lucas and he started laughing. His exact words were, “You stupid bitch, he’s dead. You will never fucking see him again. And now you have to live with knowing he’s been right under your nose the whole time.” And then he cut me off. But not before he told me I’d end up the same way if I said anything to anyone or contacted him again.’

If this is true, Charlotte is taking a huge risk speaking to me. I think about what Nick told her about Lucas. It is an odd thing to say. ‘What do you think he meant about Lucas being right under your nose?’ I ask, reaching in my bag to pull out a tissue.

With a trembling hand, Charlotte takes it when I hand it to her, but only stares at it. ‘I don’t know,’ she says. ‘I just don’t know. Unless …’

‘Unless what?’

‘Oh God, I think … I think I know where Lucas is!’ She jumps up. ‘We have to go to the police now. I was going to tell you that I’m turning myself in today, but they’ll need to know … where he is.’

I think I understand what she’s saying, but I have to be sure. ‘Charlotte, are you saying you know where Lucas’s body is?’

She breaks down again and I can barely understand her, but she manages a nod.

‘Come on, try to keep it together. We need to go now.’ I am closer than ever to finding Grace, of that I’m sure.

W
e sit
in the waiting area of Wood Green police station. To save time we jumped on a tube at East Putney, but it still took us almost an hour to get here. On the journey I tried to get Charlotte to confirm where she thinks Lucas is, but I could get no sense out of her. It’s almost as if she couldn’t tell me the words, couldn’t bear to think of it. I only hope she will be able to tell the police.

There are four others in here, all staring at their feet or the walls, avoiding eye contact, and I wonder what they are here for. Are they victims of crime or perpetrators? Perhaps it is better not to know. Charlotte joins them in staring at the floor, red-eyed and anxious. She will be considered an accessory for helping Nick, and that will undoubtedly mean a harsh sentence, years of her life wasted. I am still furious about what she did, but I’ve come to realise she too is a victim; she would have had no way of knowing exactly what Nick was planning, but proving that to the police would be another matter.

It is almost half an hour before Charlotte is called by a police officer. He isn’t dressed in uniform, so must be quite high up in the investigation. This is a good sign. She turns to me before standing up, her eyes pleading, but I shake my head. ‘They won’t let me in there with you,’ I whisper. ‘Plus, I need to call my husband and tell him where I am. I need a car to follow the police; they’ll never let me go to the crime scene and I have to be there. I have to see for myself.’

Charlotte seems about to protest, but then she nods, slowly following the officer.

‘Don’t worry, I’ll be right here when you finish,’ I say.

She offers a faint smile and then she is gone.

Outside, I call Matt’s mobile, but there is no answer. I don’t usually bother the receptionists at the practice when he doesn’t pick up, but this is an emergency. My stomach is twisted into knots and I don’t want to think about why. Dialling the surgery, I immediately recognise Abigail’s voice.

‘Oh, hi, Mrs Porter. Dr Porter’s with a patient at the moment, I’m afraid, but I can give him a message as soon as he’s finished? He’s running late with his patients but I’m sure he’ll be able to call you back as soon as he can.’

I tell her not to worry, and just to let him know that I’m fine and will try again later. There is only one option now, and somehow it feels right.

Abbot picks up immediately, as if he’s been expecting the phone to ring. ‘Sim, hey, how are you? Is everything all right?’

I tell him I’m fine and ask where he is.

‘I just got home from work. Why? What’s going on?’

He listens while I give him the briefest possible explanation, and by the time I’ve finished he is already in his car, ready to make his way to Wood Green.

For ten minutes I pace up and down the car park, too anxious and too cold to keep still. I will finally get answers about Lucas Hall today, and they are bound to lead us to Grace. When the fierce wind gets too much for me, I head inside to wait.

It is nearly an hour and a half before Abbot arrives, striding into the police station and making a beeline for me. ‘She still in there?’ he asks, keeping his voice low.

‘Yep,’ I say, wrapping him in a hug. ‘Thanks for coming. I know it’s asking a lot. You know, after everything.’

‘Shhh,’ he says, ‘no, it’s not.

I squeeze his hand but can’t manage any words.

‘So Charlotte’s telling the police everything?’ Abbot asks.

‘Yes, let’s hope so. Whatever she’s done, she really fell for Lucas. But infatuation can feel like love to a young girl, and she just lost her head. Hearing Nick’s words must have shocked her into action, though, because she’s turned herself in.’

‘But are you sure you can trust her? After everything she did?’ A deep frown appears on Abbot’s face.

‘No. But what can she do here? Nick’s hardly likely to stroll through those doors, is he?’

Abbot fetches us each a cup of water from the machine in the corner and when he comes back I can tell he has something on his mind. ‘Um, does Matt know you’re here?’

‘I couldn’t get hold of him. He’s at the surgery seeing patients.’

‘I see.’ Abbot rubs his chin. ‘Did you tell him … you know … what I said?’

With so much else going on I haven’t even entertained the idea of telling Matt that Abbot has feelings for me. We both have enough to deal with at the moment and even if I felt the same I would never act on it. ‘No. I won’t tell him. There’s no need, we haven’t done anything, have we?’

Abbot leans forward in his chair. ‘And I never would. You’re married. I just … shouldn’t have said anything.’

‘Let’s just—’

The inner door is flung open and Charlotte appears. Her eyes are more bloodshot than when she followed the officer, and she wraps her arms around herself in a defensive stance.

I stand up and rush towards her. ‘Are you okay? What did they say?’

Spotting Abbot, she shrinks back. ‘Who’s that? Why is he here?’

I tell her not to panic, and explain that he is my friend, and is going to drive us.

She seems to accept this and as I make introductions she visibly relaxes. ‘The police will be going there now. Are we going? Please, Simone, let’s go now. I need to see. I need to know.’

‘So they said you’re free to go?’ I ask. ‘I thought they might be questioning you for longer.’

‘They said they’ll need to speak to me again, but were happy I came here today. They explained I was being interviewed as a witness about Lucas, not a suspect. But I’m not sure about the other stuff. You know, helping Nick.’ She glances at Abbot again. ‘Please, Simone, can we go now?’

From his seat Abbot nods, and the three of us head out of the police station.

When we get in the car, I turn to Charlotte and warn her she shouldn’t expect to be let anywhere near Lucas when they find him. ‘It’s a crime scene,’ I point out. ‘They won’t let us near in case we contaminate it.’

‘I need to see Lucas. Let them try and stop me,’ she says.

T
here is already
a swarm of police officers – some in uniform, others in suits – on Belsize Avenue when we arrive, and crime scene tape surrounds the house. We stay in the car after Abbot parks up, all of us knowing we won’t be allowed any closer than we already are. Thankfully, we are far enough down the road that nobody has noticed us.

Abbot is the first to speak. ‘So what’s the plan?’

In the back seat Charlotte whimpers and stares through the side window, her eyes wide and glassy.

‘Hey,’ he says, turning round to face her. ‘We don’t know for sure he’s in there, do we? Nick Gibbs could have just been trying to get at you and he knew this would hurt. Let’s just wait and see.’

Although his words seem to have little effect on Charlotte, I appreciate what he’s trying to do. And I want him to be right because I’m still convinced Lucas can lead us to Grace. But if Lucas is dead, the question still remains whether Grace is responsible. After all, Nick Gibbs might have told Charlotte that Lucas was dead, but he didn’t exactly admit he’d killed him. I struggle to believe Grace is responsible, but if she did kill him that night in his other flat, somebody else must have helped move him here, surely she couldn’t have managed it alone?

‘But I know he is,’ Charlotte says. ‘When the police were questioning me, they did a check on flat A and Lucas owns it. They told me.

‘I don’t know how I didn’t think of it the other times I was here,’ she continues. ‘I just thought they were two completely separate flats with different owners. But I should have thought it was weird that I never saw anyone leaving or coming in. Why would he lie to me? Why did he have separate flats?’

Beside me Abbot opens his mouth to speak and I know without a doubt he’s about to tell Charlotte the whole truth about Lucas and what he does to women.

‘Let’s just see what happens,’ I say, before he can say anything. I still don’t know why I am protecting her feelings, allowing her to keep thinking she meant something to Lucas, after what she did, but perhaps it’s because she is close to Grace’s age.

But Charlotte doesn’t let it go. ‘I did ask him about who lived there once. He just said he didn’t know them. And I didn’t think to question him.’

‘This is London,’ I remind her. ‘How many people are friendly with their neighbours?’

She falls silent again, and we all go back to waiting.

For hours we sit there, all of us staring at the street – dark now from the setting sun – as more officers arrive. It is only when I see the crime scene officers arrive I know for sure they have found something.

Rubberneckers have gathered on the pavement, speaking in urgent whispers, their bodies shuffling with excitement. For them this could just be another television crime drama.

‘I can’t stand this anymore,’ I say. ‘I need to ask what’s happening.’ Without waiting for agreement or disapproval, I jump out of the car and head over to the officer standing by the crime scene tape. It is only when I get within a metre of him that I recognise him as the officer who came when I escaped from that bedroom. PC Millbank.

‘Hi,’ I say. ‘Sorry, do you remember me?’

‘Yes, Simone Porter, isn’t it? You know I can’t let you in there.’

I’m impressed and pleased he remembers my name, but he’s clearly not going to make this easy for me. ‘I know that, but I was hoping you’d be able to tell me what’s going on. Please.’

‘I can’t do that, I’m afraid.’ His voice is not unkind, but I am suddenly tempted to run past him, even though I know I wouldn’t get very far.

‘Okay, but do you think you could get the Detective Inspector? I try and remember the name of the man who interviewed me on Thursday, but it doesn’t come to me.

PC Millbank sighs, but then beckons his uniformed colleague over from the front door. ‘I just need to speak to DI Holbrook,’ he tells him, and disappears inside.

Turning to the car, I see Abbot and Charlotte watching, both of them unable to hide their anxiety. Minutes tick by and I pace the pavement, trying to keep warm while I wait. Finally, after what seems like hours, but is probably only minutes, DI Holbrook comes out, and I am relieved to see he is the same officer who interviewed me.

‘Mrs Porter,’ he says. ‘You know I can’t give you any details at the moment, but you can call your Family Liaison Officer later and she’ll give you an update.’

‘Please, can you just tell me what you’ve found?’

DI Holbrook shakes his head but then his words surprise me. ‘Actually, there is something you can help us with. I’m afraid we’ve found two bodies in there, one of which we can identify as Lucas Hall. The other has no ID on her.’

‘Her?’ I say, feeling my stomach clench.

‘Yes. Now we don’t like to do this but the sooner we can get an ID the better. I know your friend’s daughter is missing, so would you mind helping us? I can’t let you in there but I’ve got a photo I can show you.’

Bile rises to my throat and my legs weaken beneath me. An image of Grace flashes in front of me, her large eyes shining. It can’t be.