The Heart's Ashes (52 page)

“
Me too. I would’ve sooner—if I’d known about
them.”

“
There’s no way David would’ve allowed it. I know he had
approval, I know he came back for you on your wedding day, but Ara,
this is David we’re talking about. If he wanted you immortal, what
you wanted wouldn’t have mattered—not after what you went through
last year.”

“
What are you saying?”

“
I’m saying that—he doesn’t want you to be Lilithian. He wants
you immortal, but the only reason you stayed human all this time is
because the only other option repulses him.”

“
So, he’s going to hate me when I change?”

“
He loves you—he’ll always love you, but...it’ll be like the
way you felt about him when you first found out he’s a vamp. You
were grossed out, right?”

“
Yeah.”

She shrugged.
“Lilithians aren’t only a weaker species, they’re the minions of
vamp society; they’re vile and evil—they torture vampires without
any mercy, do horrible, irrecoverable things. Vulgar things.” She
shuddered.

“
Like what?”

After her
mouth opened, it closed, snapping the words inside. “Can’t
tell.”

“
Why?”

“
You know what David’s like.”

“
So, he told you not to tell me?”

“
Told—threaten me with torture.” She rolled her wrist around,
addressing it so casually.

“
You’ve got to be kidding me.”

“
Sorry. All I can tell you is that they enjoy what they
do.”

“
Like you enjoy killing humans?”

Emily toyed
with a strand of her hair. “Yes.”

“
So, I’m gonna turn all vile and mean, and want to hurt you
and David?”

“
Well, we’re hoping that it’ll work like it does with humans,
how, if you love one, you—”

“
Have compassion for their race?” I nodded. “I hope
so.”

“
If not, it won’t matter. You can’t hurt us. We’re stronger
and faster, and you can still die. He’ll just kill you if you get
out of hand.”

“
He would not.”

“
Wouldn’t he?” She was joking, I could tell, but there was a
hint of fact under her tone, like she believed it. “If you escape
and start creating a race of Lilithians, it could mean real trouble
in the supernatural world—maybe even war.”

“
Then why are the Lilithians risking that by allowing him to
illegally change me?”

“
They
aren’t.
One
is.”

“
Who?”

“
Don’t know. All he said is an old friend owes him a
solid.”

“
Must be rock frickin solid.”

Emily nodded,
keeping her eyes on the roof.

“
If they catch us, that’s where they’ll send him, isn’t
it?”

“
Who send who?”

“
The Council will send David to the Lilithians—to be
tortured?”

“
Yes.” Her shudder came from way too deep for comfort—the kind
of place that experience rests. Whatever David told her, it must’ve
been some story.

“
Em...what will happen if I bite him?”

“
Not much. Major pain. Possible coma, or temporary paralysing.
That’s pretty much it.”

“
Then, if that’s all, why the shuddering?”

“
Because the bite and the venom isn’t the problem. It’s what
the Lilithians do...after.”

“
And you think I’ll do that?”

“
No way.”

“
How can you be sure?”

“
Ara, you’re not going to give just enough venom to lock his
limbs down, sensation remaining, then cut him in places guys don’t
want to be cut.” She pushed up on her elbows. “Are you?”

A numb
tingling in my head erased the smile from my lips. “God, no!”

“
Then there’s not much to worry about. Except a mighty pissed
off vampire waking from a venom-coma with a mass hangover.” Emily
cackled at the idea.

“
Not funny.”

“
Yes, it is.”

“
Well, it’s immortality—in whatever form. We’ll just have to
deal with it.” I shrugged.

“
It’s a pity you can’t be a vampire like David and I. We’re so
much cooler. We have better powers, we’re faster, stronger—we
rule.” Emily grinned, but it quickly fell away as she dropped her
hands over her belly and sighed, looking at the ceiling
again.

“
What is it, Em?”

“
I still can’t believe Jason did this to me.” She traced a
finger down the clear vein in her arm. “I can’t believe he’s such a
monster. I used to cry myself to sleep over him—nearly every night,
you know.”

“
Why did he do it?” I asked cautiously. “What did you say to
him to make him that mad?”

“
I slapped him.” She absentmindedly rubbed her hand. “Told him
he’s a beast—that no matter what he does in this world, no matter
how he tries to absolve himself, I’d make sure I hate him for the
rest of my days.”

I closed my eyes, seeing Jason’s face, the way those words
would’ve wounded him so, so deeply. The way he said to me
Everyone, Ara, everyone I love turned against
me
rang through my soul. But my mind
rejected the compassion with a figurative, internal regurgitation.
“And what did
he
say?”

“
He said that maybe I just need some more time to think about
it—and he grabbed me.”

“
Was Mike there when Jason attacked you?”

Emily nodded,
wiping a tear from her cheek. “He tried to save me. He fought him,
but Jason just pushed him aside, told him to back off.”

“
And Mike backed off?” I sat up, my arms straight behind me,
holding me up.

“
God, no.” Emily scoffed. “Jason pushed him out and locked the
door.”

“
Really?”
He could’ve killed him,
rendered him useless, paralysed, but just...locked him
out?

“
Yeah. Weird, huh? I don’t think he wanted to kill me, Ara. He
only bit me once. I mean, he tore my whole damn throat out, but if
he wanted me dead, he sure as hell could have and...would
have.”

“
So, you think he deliberately turned you?”

“
That’s the only conclusion I can draw.” Something in her tone
suggested she’d thought about it many, many times.

Neither of us
said a word for a few minutes. I imagined her mind raced with
confusion, while mine raced with empathy—for Jason. When he lost
Emily, when she turned on him as well, he would’ve been shattered.
In some small way, all I want is to help him, restore his faith
that people can love—unconditionally.

“
Em?” I hesitated. “I know you’re mad at him, but Jason’s
still a good man.”

She looked at
me; her eyes alight with confusion. “What?”

“
I’m not supposed to tell you this, but…he saved
me.”

“
Saved you?” She rolled over and propped her head up with the
palm of her hand—her face just in front of mine.

“
Yes. A few weeks ago, Eric took me to Karnivale. You heard of
it?”

“
Yeah. David told me about it.”

“
Well, when Eric went to get a drink, I sort of got in
trouble. Jason found me there—fought for me, then he...he took me
home.”

“
What!”

“
I know. I was totally weirded out.”

“
So...I mean, did he say anything to you. I—I can’t get my
head around this.” She touched her temple. “Why? I mean, why would
he save you?”

Oh, awkward moment
. “He saved me,
because he never really wanted me dead.”

“
Ara, he tried to kill you.”

“
No. He set out for revenge on David. My death was a part of
that, but, he couldn’t do it. He told me he wants revenge still,
but not by hurting me.”

She swallowed hard, her eyes glassing. “That sounds more
like
my
Jason.”

Sounds more like my Jason, too
. I
watched her expression go from thought to sadness to
crumpling.

“
I’m sorry, Em.” I tried to pull her hands away from her face,
but she shook her head.

“
I’m okay. I’m—I’m okay.”

“
He was a good guy, wasn’t he?” I said
sympathetically.

She nodded,
taking a breath and wiping her hands down her face. “He was. That’s
why I never understood his leaving me.”

“
Really?” My brows arched, humour stealing my compassion. “You
haven’t caught on yet?”

She shook her
head.

“
The Set—leaving for winter...rules.”

“
Oh.”

“
Yeah, oh.”

“
Oh.” She sat up, thought completely changing her face. “My
God. Why didn’t I put that together?”

“
You’ve had other things to think about.”

“
So—he—” She looked at me. “Do you think he felt the same as
me? Do you think maybe—”

I took her
hand; she shushed. “Em. I know it killed him. I know he tried to
fight for the right to change you, bring you with him or get leave
for eighty years, but...he was overruled.”

“
But...his own brother was on the council!” She looked at my
door. “Couldn’t David have helped?”

Gulp. “Em, it
was David who overruled him.”

She shrunk,
her mouth simultaneously getting rounder and bigger; she hugged her
knees, looking down. “David?”

“
He just saw you as a human—nothing more.”

Emily slid her
tongue between her lips, taking a breath that made her spine
straighten. “Damn it.”

“
What?”

“
Damn David. I have a right to be mad. I
want
to be mad, but God dammit! I
get that! I get why he didn’t help. It’s not fair. He always
escapes me being mad at him.”

I laughed. “I
know. He does it to me all the time.”

“
God. Well, now I’m mad that I can’t be mad at
him.”

Oh, I know that feeling too well.
“So, how does that feel?” I said. “To wake up and just
suddenly not care about us anymore—to lose all human
compassion?”

She smiled to
herself. “It was...relieving.”

“
Really?”

“
Yeah. Until I saw Mike, and I’ve never, ever been in so much
pain in all my human years. Jason’s bite, breaking up with
boys—none of it hurt anywhere near as much as falling in love in
that one moment; losing yourself completely and then having it all
ripped away when he...when he...”

“
When he refused to acknowledge your existence.”

She nodded,
hugging her knees tighter. “I know now what David’s gone
through—loving you. You should feel what I go through loving you,
and I don’t even love you in that way.”

I laughed,
rolling my head back.

“
So many things have been fitting together since I found out
David’s a vampire,” Emily said. “I had barely any time as a human
to process it, but, I mean, all that weird behaviour; the popping
up unexpected thing, the knowing what I was thinking.” She shook
her head, smiling. “Do you know how many times he answered thoughts
I hadn’t said?”

“
He did it to me, too,” I said with wide eyes emphasising my
frustration. “He told me he had to bite his tongue every time I’d
have one of my, what he called
silly
thoughts
about not being good enough for
him. He said he nearly picked me up and shook me so many times.” We
both laughed.

“
Yeah. You were pretty silly.” Emily took my hand and traced
my new engagement ring with her thumb. “That boy loved you from the
minute he saw you—there was never any doubts about it.”

“
Do you still love Jason now? Now that you know about
him?”

“
No.” She shook her head with certainty. “I did. Even while I
was with Mike that first night. But now I know what he did to
you—what he’s capable of…”

“
I feel sorry for him.” I flicked the safety chain on Emily’s
sliver padlock bracelet.

“
Really?” She looked at me, her lip turning up in disgust.
“Why?”

“
I don’t know. I can’t say it’s rational. But he saved me. He
hurt me, yes, but I understand what the monster in him is, and that
the part of him that’s truly Jason...never wanted to do
that.”

“
Whoa, Ara,” Emily said. “How can you even say
that?”

I rolled onto
my back and rested my hands behind my head. “He’s David’s brother.
I feel for him. Kind of...as if he was David, too—an extension of
him. I don’t know, it’s like we have a connection.”

“
A connection?” she said, but her tone screamed
really freakin worried here!

“
Don’t worry, Em. I’m not about to go be his friend or
anything. I just find it hard to hate him.”

“
So, you forgive him then?”

“
I wouldn’t go as far as to say forgive—but understand?” I
shrugged.

Emily’s eyes
widened and she opened her mouth, her words stopping when Mike
popped his head in the door. “Em, you coming for a run?”