The Honor Trilogy: Books One, Two, and Three of the Honor Trilogy (35 page)

Book Three

Ethan:

I will never forget the moment my heart opened for the first time. It may have been the thought of losing her for good. Or it may have been the thought of losing her to Storm. Whatever the reason, healing Honor had become my priority.

**

Honor is finally going home. Living in that hospital room for the past month, everyone involved is happy to see her leaving. But Honor is especially. Not that I’m patting myself on the back, but if I hadn’t done what I did, Honor would still be there dying of wounds she could have easily avoided. But unlike when Honor had saved her mother from a heart attack, the doctors and nurses are suspicious of
why
she made such a miraculous recovery. They also have their eye on the fact that Honor saved a plane load of people from dying in that plane crash.

How many times have I told her to shut them out?
The pain of everyone else is not worth killing her own heart.
I know I told her that a hundred times.

But she was never willing to listen to me, and now her heart is so weak, she needs another. At least she’s able to come home and wait for the heart. The doctors say as long as she’s resting, she doesn’t need to wait it out in the hospital.

“Thanks again, Ethan,” Honor says from her couch about an hour after her parents bring her home from the hospital. “Are you feeling all right? I mean, how come you’re not like weak and lethargic? You saved my life. How come you’re still strong enough to stand up?”

Storm, standing over Honor like a gargoyle on a cathedral, laughs. “That’s about all he’s strong enough for.” I know he’s trying to make a light joke, but his presence around Honor twenty-four hours a day irks me, and so does his joke.

Sitting down on the floor in front of the couch, I pat her forearm, too afraid of Storm to let my hand linger there. I can’t stand that I’m scared to ruffle Storm’s feathers. But I’m working on that.

“I guess,” I say in answer to her question, “because I don’t go save every suffering person I see.” Trying to keep my tone light, because I do not want to offend Honor, I continue to say, “You can’t save everyone who needs saving, Honor. It just doesn’t work that way.”

“Maybe because you’re
immortal
,” Storm says, the word immortal sounding like it tastes bad in his mouth, “you’re not prone to the weaknesses that Honor is.”

I know he’s trying to defend Honor’s reason for saving a plane load of people from dying, but come on, he feels the same way I do. We’ve discussed it. He’s just trying to get her to choose him and not me to be her boyfriend. Well two can play at that game.

“Yes, of course I’m not prone to the same weaknesses that Honor is,” I respond, making sure I don’t sound too snide. That would just turn Honor off. “But I also think, Honor,” I turn to her, because I don’t want it to seem like we’re talking about her as if she is not right here in the room, “you wouldn’t go down for the count every time you tried to make someone feel better if you would just avoid it most of the time.” I smile, making sure she knows I have only her best interests at heart.

“I know,
Eeth.” Honor sighs. “But I can’t help it. Their pain is just so real to me.” Storm starts sliding his hand down the back of her head.
Uggh.
“It’s like if I don’t do something, I feel like I’m gonna die. Like the teenage girl who’s skin was burned off. She was in so much pain. And her mother, who was screaming because her baby was dying? How could I not have saved her daughter? How could I let her die…and in so much pain? Ethan, I felt those burns all over my body. She was dying from that pain. And it made me feel like I was dying too. Literally.”

“Well,
literally
, you will.” I love her, but I have to tell her the truth.

And why the hell is Storm staying so quiet? Ever since the accident, he’s been so cautious with what he says around her. I’m not sure why it’s pissing me off, but it’s like he’s a different person since Honor nearly died. The obnoxious Storm I came to understand has just disappeared, leaving an empty shell of who he once was.

“I’ll be fine,” Honor says, barely forming the words separately, as if she knows she speaks a lie.

I look to Storm for some type of reaction, but he stares down at Honor and continues stroking her hair.

“Dammit, Honor, you won’t be fine. You need a goddamn new heart. Storm, back me up here. You know I’m right. Her actions are killing her.”

“What do you want me to say, Ethan?” he asks from his perch on the arm of the couch. “She’s heard this all before. I’m not going to upset her anymore. Her heart can’t take the stress, so…”

“So,” I interrupt. “When she gets a new heart and she does this again, then what?”

“Ethan, please,” Honor says quietly. “I’m sorry.”

Her apology breaks my heart. Moving my hand from her forearm to her hand, I clasp it in mine. “No, I’m sorry, Honor. I don’t mean to be stressing you out, I just don’t wanna see you like this. You’re young. You should be healthy.”

“I feel fine,
Eeth. Really. Thanks to you. I mean, that was so cool. Thanks.”

“I just wish I could have saved your heart.” And I mean that. Why I was able to heal all of her physical wounds and bruises but not her heart makes no sense. Uncle Tom says it’s because her heart has just taken on so much in just a short amount of time that some things are just incapable of healing fully. But that’s not good enough.
What if they can’t find a heart in time? What if her heart gives before someone gives her one?

Mrs. Stevens makes us leave. She says Honor needs to rest. So after dinner, Storm and I say goodbye to the one girl we are both in love with, and then we walk out together.

“I’m sorry I didn’t back you up there, Ethan. I should have, but I’m just so scared to lose her. I can’t risk putting strain on her heart with things we can’t control anyway,” Storm says with clenched teeth then balls his hand into a fist and plugs the side of his car, leaving a softball size dent in the space behind his window.

“Yeah. I get it,” I say dryly, in no mood to be all chummy with him. Not now. Not when he’s still fighting to win Honor’s heart. Then I chuckle. One of those hard ironic laughs that aren’t at all funny.

“What’s so funny?”

“We’re both trying to win her heart right?” I shake my head. “Yet when she gets a new one, she may not love either one of us.”

The truth hits us right in our guts. Storm’s pained expression mimics my feelings of having the breath knocked out of me.

“That’s true, isn’t it?” Storm finally says when he’s able to catch his breath.

“Yup,” I say so disappointed at the truth of it. The feelings of love come from the heart. Without her own heart, will she even love us anymore? ‘Cause right now I know she loves us both. Figuring out which one she’s
in love
with is probably a moot point now.

“Well then,” Storm blurts, “I think we should start being brothers for a change.” He holds out his hand for me to shake, but I cock an eyebrow at him and he drops it. “But I’m not racing you for her. I made up my mind in Nassau that I would let you have her if that’s what she wanted. I love her too much to cause her all this strain. Besides, like you said, when she gets that new heart…well, we’re just going to have to be happy to be her friend.”

“And you believe that?” I ask callously. It’s still hard seeing this other side to Storm.

“Believe what? That she’ll be our friend? Why wouldn’t she be? She’s not having a brain transplant. It’s not like she won’t remember we were in her life.”

“No asshole, I mean, you actually believe that we’re just gonna stop fighting over her? Because I’m sorry, I won’t.”

Storm drops his shoulders and sighs. “I said I was done. You do what you have to, but I’m not going to fight over her. Especially if it means killing her before she gets the transplant.” He opens the door to get in his car.

“Oh. So now you’re the good guy? What’s up with you anyway? When did you become such a pussy?”

“Forget it, Ethan. You wouldn’t understand.” He goes to shut his door, but I won’t let him.

“No. This is your way to win isn’t it? You go all soft in the hopes Honor falls for that. Well I’m not buying it.”

“Then don’t. I’m too exhausted for this, little brother.” He stands behind his open door. “This whole thing has knocked the fight out of me. The only thing I want. No, the only thing I
need
is for Honor to come out of this whole. With or without me at her side. You want her, take her, but you better only have good intentions towards her and you better never hurt her. Or I’ll rip your throat right out of your mouth with my bare hand.” He sits in his car, shuts the door, starts the engine, and peels out of her driveway. Leaving me to feel like the lowlife I’ve become.

**

At home in my now empty apartment, since Uncle Tom took Hunter and Eli and bought a house on White Rock Boulevard, I sit on the couch and stare at the blank TV screen.
The only thing I want. No. The only thing I
need
is for Honor to come out of this whole. With or without me.
I mock Storm to myself. As if
I
don’t need the same thing. Just because I’m angry that Honor uses her power to save every living thing that’s hurting, doesn’t mean I don’t love her just as much as
he
does. Didn’t I prove just that by placing my hands down every inch of her bruised body so that she could heal? I don’t
heal
anyone. Haven’t since my parents left us orphans when we were young. I vowed to myself then that no one--ever--could make me do what my parents had done. They were selfish when it came to their boys. Sure, they were heroes to everyone else – saving children from bicycle accidents, curing cancer from young mothers, rescuing the mentally ill from a lonely life – but what about their sons? What about us?

From the moment I took that vow, I had shut down my heart to the world. Storm may have been the one who lived life on his own – the lone teenage runaway. But I had been the one that ran away from my own heart. It may have taken up residence in my body, but my brain had no connection to it. Its only purpose was to pump blood to my veins.

Until I met Honor.

The walls of my heart slowly crumbled.

Until one day, I noticed they were gone.

And when I got the call from Storm that Honor was being transported via helicopter to Morristown Memorial Hospital, in the state of congestive heart failure and unable to breathe on her own, I had realized there was nothing left surrounding my heart to protect it. It hurt worse than any pain I had ever endured. Even at the distance from Nassau, Bahamas to Jefferson, New Jersey, Honor’s pain had entered my body at the speed and force of a freight train.

At that moment I had known what I needed to do, and so I did. For the first time in my life, I used my powers to heal. But it wasn’t good enough. I could not heal Honor’s heart.

And now she needs a new one.

Because Honor’s parents do not want her taking on everyone else’s emotions anymore, Honor is being home-schooled again. Honor isn’t happy about it, but she knows it’s necessary. She feels bad she’ll be missing prom and graduation though. But her parents insist, saying that emotions will be at their highest during those two events, and they won’t allow her to take the risk of straining her heart even more.

Prom is this coming Thursday night.

And I have a plan.

If only Storm will leave her alone for more than a minute.

For now, I flick on the television and surf until I’m too tired to stay awake.

Then I’ll go to school in the morning missing Honor’s presence there and sulking because Storm gets to be with her all day long. Storm thinks it’s no longer important to show his face at school since the whole Mr. Moore fodder has settled down. Which leaves me with seeing her half that time.

And working double-time to win her heart.

A heart that won’t even be hers much longer.

Honor emerges from inside her confined walls into the setting sun that shines on her front porch. Her lavender sundress makes her eyes a brighter violet. She is beautiful. The long braid that drapes over her shoulder teases me the way it covers her left breast, accentuating her cleavage. Closing my eyes and taking a deep breath, I focus on her flawless face.

“Ethan.” Her smile is huge and captivating. “How was school?”

“The same. Boring without you.” I wink and give her a chaste kiss on the top of her head.

Then Storm walks out.

“Brother,” he addresses me quite formally.

“Storm.” My voice is equally formal, but then I feel bad. We had made such strides becoming friends, and so easily we become disaffected with one another. I think this bothers me more than I thought it would, because my stomach suddenly has a knot in it the size of my fist.

It occurs to me that I could also be taking on Honor’s or Storm’s emotions as well, and because they may be Honor’s, I promise myself to knock it off. She does not need the stress of our sibling rivalry. So instead, I swallow some pride and shoot him half a smile.

“Storm,” I say much more amicably. “Sorry about yesterday. You just caught me in a bad mood.”

“It’s fine, brother.” He holds out his hand, and this time I shake it.

“It’s been an emotional few weeks,” I add.

“You
ain’t kiddin’.”

Storm takes the seat next to Honor, and I sit on the porch railing across from her. It’s okay, though, because a few seconds later, Honor straightens out her legs to stretch and I grab one. I rub my hands gently around her ankle, and she visibly relaxes. Storm actually does too. That’s when I realize that he really is more concerned with her health and well-being then winning her over me. He loves her unconditionally – whether she loves me or not – and I’m not sure I can compete with that. My love for her seems purely selfish when I think of it, and I vow that I will take a good hard look into my feelings before attempting to play a game of tug of war with Storm. And I’m pretty convinced he’d let me win anyway.

Inwardly I laugh.
It’s up to Honor anyway, and I don’t even think she’s thinking about either one of us in that way now. Her only concern is surviving. And that makes me feel so small.

“You got a game we can play, Hon?” I ask. “Scrabble maybe?”

“Yes,” she drags the word out, “you know I have Scrabble. You wanna play?"

Storm shakes his head, though a smile plays on his face.

“Yeah, I do,” I say. “I’ll go get it.”

“No, Ethan,” Storm says. “I’ll get it. You just got here. Spend some time with Honor.”

After Storm closes the door, I look at Honor and question her with my eyes.

“He knows you probably want to spend time alone with me. He asked me if I’d like that too and I…I said I did miss hanging with you, so…” she shrugs her right shoulder, “he said he’d leave us alone after school every day if we…uh…wanted.”

“Wow. But he’s going to get the Scrabble game? Is he leaving?”

“Only if we want him to.”

“Do you want him to, Honor?”

She shrugs her shoulder again. “I like when we all just hang out. It…it takes my mind off of being home-schooled again. I hate home-schooling.”

“Yeah, I would too. Hey, I got an idea. Why don’t I text Eli? Maybe he and Tam will come over too.”

“Okay.” She looks down at her phone and starts texting away.

“Who ya texting?”

“Tamlin.”

“Oh.” Okay. “Do I still text Eli?”

“Yeah, silly. They may not automatically be together."

“Oh, I think they are.” I laugh.

She laughs too.

When her cell dings, Honor says, “They’ll be right over. They’re at the store getting snacks, so they’ll just bring them here.”

“’
kay.”

Storm comes out with the game and places it on the dining table on the side of the porch.

“Tam and Eli are coming,” Honor tells him.

“Great. Then…I should stay?” he asks Honor.

“Yeah,” I answer instead. “You should stay.”

He nods, but it’s much more than a nod. It’s an understanding – no more fighting to win Honor’s heart. We fight to keep it for as long as she needs it until someone is ready to offer her their heart.

When Tamlin pulls up in her silver Civic, she parks the car cockeyed in the driveway and hightails it up the steps to give Honor a huge bear hug. I watch Eli shaking his head in disbelief.

“Tam, give me your keys,” I say. “I’m going to park the car the right way.” Because Eli isn’t sixteen until next week, I figure it would be better if I move it.

“I can do it,” he says.

“Nah, you might hit a mailbox or something.”

“Funny. I turn sixteen next week you know.”

“Yeah. And you’re dating a girl almost two years older than you.”

“Lucky me.”

I sigh. He
is
lucky. Not ‘cause his girl is older than him, but the girl he likes actually likes him back. But then I think –
there is so much more going on than just trying to hook up with my ex-girlfriend. My girl is dying. So yeah, he’s lucky.

“Why the long face?” Eli asks when I walk back up on the porch after parking Tamlin’s car.

Out of my peripheral vision, I see Honor snap her head in my direction. Following Storm’s lead, I avoid causing her extra stress by saying, “No long face, I’m just waiting on those snacks you brought. Unpack ‘em already.” I laugh and notice that Honor does too.

She wants things back to normal. I don’t blame her.