The Honor Trilogy: Books One, Two, and Three of the Honor Trilogy (38 page)

Tamlin throws the anchor into the lake. It’s time to swim. Watching Honor pull her shirt over her head and her shorts off those long lean legs of hers makes my blood pulse quickly through my body. I feel all sorts of shivers running over my skin. Her milk-white complexion looks beautiful against her mint green bikini, and out of the corner of my eye, I see Storm sit up straighter. He’s looking at her too. Most likely having the same reaction that I am. A guttural sigh escapes him. It echoes my own sigh.

When Shelby exposes her little body, I’m taken by surprised when my body reacts to her as well. Those cartwheels and backflips she does as a cheerleader have done remarkable things to her body. She’s so tight and toned, and I’m feeling guilty about looking at her the way I am. I mean, I hate the little bully. I turn to look at Storm and notice that he only has eyes for Honor. Her body hasn’t left his gaze, and he still has that longing expression on his face.

“You swimming, Storm?” Shelby asks him, intentionally ignoring me.

Bitch.

“Nah.” Storm answers..

“C’mon,” Hunter calls as he dives into the lake.

Elijah follows him.

Tamlin walks out from the front of the boat still in her shorts. “You’re not swimming, Tam?” I ask her.

“Of course,” she says, pulling her top over her head. As she shimmies out of her shorts, I notice that her body is amazing too, but I don’t have the reaction I had had with Honor and Shelby. Probably because she’s my brother’s girl. Then again, that doesn’t seem to affect Storm and me where Honor is concerned.

“You coming, Storm?” I ask while I take off my own t-shirt.

“Nah. You guys go, I’ll just lay down and take a nap.” He says this with almost no emotion at all.

“Those pills are making you sleepy. Stop taking them.” I say before diving off the edge of the boat myself.

After coming up for air, I look around and notice that everyone is in the lake except for Honor and Storm. Of course, this makes me curious – jealous –, so I swim closer to the boat to see if I can hear if they are talking to each other.

“Why do you keep pushing me away?” Honor asks him. I hear the hurt in her question.

“I’m not.” That’s all he says.

“You are.”

“Princess, go have fun with your friends. Don’t ruin your day by spending it questioning me.” Storm sounds so detached. It doesn’t make sense. Is he distancing himself from Honor to spare himself pain if she doesn’t make it? Well that’s just cowardly.

Something wraps around my ankles and pulls me down. I barely struggle out of its grasp, or rather, someone’s grasp, when I see Shelby under the water next to me. She pops up with a big grin on her face.

“What the
hell
?” I say, annoyed, then push my palms through the water to splash her in the face.

“You’re an ass, Ethan.”

I practically growl at her I’m sneering so hard. “And that’s why you’re pulling me under?”

“No,” she says, “I’m pulling you under to give them some privacy.” She lifts her chin in the direction of Honor and Storm on the boat.

“What is it with you and telling me what to do?”

“I’m not telling you what to do. I just think they need to work things out, and you’re constantly watching them.”

“What are they trying to work out?” Again, I’m annoyed.

“They’re hurting right now.”

“Hurting?” I’m totally annoyed right now, so I swim away from Shelby and toward the shore.

She follows me.

“What is your deal, Shelby? You don’t like me, yet you insist on following me and telling me to mind my own business. A little ironic, no? Since you’re not bothering to mind
your
own business.” I sit on the beach and dig my feet in the sand.

Sitting her tiny ass next to me, Shelby punches me in the arm. “You deserve that,” she says. “Listen, Ethan. Can we call a truce?”

I nod, not really wanting to admit I’ll call a truce out loud.

“I know you’re hurting too right now, but I also know that you and Honor seem to have a healthier relationship than she and Storm.”

I close my eyes and massage them with my thumb and middle finger. “What are you talking about?” I ask, keeping my eyes closed.

“Well you seem to be handling Honor’s situation fairly well. From what Tamlin says, you have a good attitude about it. Even Honor is handling it okay when she’s with you. We’ve been talking on the phone, and she says she feels safe when she’s with you. But with Storm…she’s afraid.”

This has me popping my eyes open. “Does he hurt her?”

Shelby laughs. “Of course not. But he
is
hurting himself. Tamlin says he’s not only taking all those pills, but he’s been drinking too – after he leaves Honor. And Honor feels it.”

“I don’t want to talk about Storm anymore. Are you done now?”

“Fine,” she says with a frown, her voice clipped.

I don’t understand why I’m finding her wildly attractive. I can’t stand the girl.

“Ethan.” She interrupts my thoughts. “Is the only reason you don’t like me because I was a bitch to Honor when she first started school?” Her question is laced with compassion and remorse.

I find it hard to keep up my contempt. “Yes.” I answer with a genuine reply, free from sarcasm or anger.

“So even though I’ve apologized over and over, and even though Honor and I are now friends, you still feel the need to hate me?”

Shelby’s sincerity fills me with guilt. Maybe I haven’t been fair. Recalling Storm’s words from earlier, maybe I am taking out my uneasiness with Honor’s situation on Shelby. “I’m sorry,” I say, looking her directly in the eyes. “I think I needed to be angry at someone, and so I chose you,” I admit, resentfully.

“I get that. Boy do I get that.” Again, I think of what Storm said before and realize he has a keen insight on people. I won’t admit that to him though. “So can you stop being an ass now?” she asks, patting my knee.

This time when I look at her, I actually smile. Mockingly patting her on the knee too, I say, “I’ll stop being an ass.” Then I try to ignore the slight charge I feel when I touch her.

“Let’s get back,” she says, looking out toward the boat. “It looks like everyone is getting back on.”

“Yeah.” I get up off the sand and pull her up with me.

“Race ya.” She tears out into the water and swims effortlessly out toward the boat.

As I climb the ladder into the boat, I hear a commotion.

“You don’t get it, do you?” Storm is yelling at Honor.

Everyone’s jaws are dropped while they watch.

“What don’t I get, Storm? Tell me. What don’t I get?” I’ve never heard Honor raise her voice before. “You’re giving me mixed signals. One minute you’re all sweet and protective, the next, you’re cold and telling me to leave you alone. Then I see you all detached and on something. So tell me what I don’t get? Because you’re right, I don’t get it.” Honor stands face- to-face with Storm. They’re inches apart and yelling like no one else is around.

I want to step in and stop them, but after my conversation with Shelby before, I’m thinking that would be a bad idea. They probably do need to work some things out. Otherwise, Honor wouldn’t be this upset.

“You’re killing me, Honor.” He runs his hands through his hair and shakes his head. “You’re
killing
me.” Storm is on the verge of tears, and I think he is yelling to cover up that fact. “Why the
fuck
did you have to save all those people? Why couldn’t you leave them the fuck alone?” His voice hitches, and it’s only moments before the tears follow.

Honor’s rigid stance loosens, and her face drops.

So Storm
does
feel the same way I do about her saving that plane load of people.

“You’re not the fucking Savior, Honor. And now…now you’re dying…and there’s nothing I can fucking do about it.
Fuck you
for doing this to me.”

Storm grabs onto Honor’s shoulders and yanks her against him, before wrapping her so tight he looks like he’s trying to hurt her. But her arms wrap around his waist and she begins rubbing his back. Her face is buried into his neck, and I can’t help but fill with fury over the scene. Just last night she was holding onto me like that.

But she wasn’t crying like that when she danced with me.

Tamlin looks at all of us and shrugs her shoulders. “What should we do?” she mouths.

Not that the boat is all that big, but we all jam into the front of the boat, leaving Storm and Honor to work through whatever it is they’re feeling. Though all
I
want to do is rip them the fuck apart.

“Don’t go and think that hug makes everything better. I’m still pissed at you.”

Because I never really took my attention off of Honor and Storm, I hear him say this to her. I walk slowly back toward them to
eavesdrop
again, thinking this
is
becoming a bad habit of mine.

“I love the hell out of you, princess, but I can’t take this anymore,” Storm says as he backs away from her. “You care about all these other hurting people, but you don’t give a fuck about the ones
you’re
hurting. The people who
love
and
need
you
. It’s just not fair to us, the ones you’re leaving behind. It’s bullshit.”

Honor sees me, and a knowing expression crosses her face.
She finally understands what I’ve been telling her all along – it’s a selfish thing she is doing…at least in the eyes of the ones she’s leaving behind.
Just like my parents did to my brothers and me.

“I don’t know what to do anymore, Honor.” Storm continues. “Short of killing myself and giving you
my
heart, I don’t know what to do anymore. I can’t…I can’t be around you knowing you’re dying. I can’t be around you if you live, because you’ll just keep on being you.” Storm doesn’t hide the fact that he’s crying now. He doesn’t even wipe his tears away.

But he does wipe away Honor’s tears. He cups her face in his hands and wipes at her tears with his thumbs. “Maybe Ethan knows better what he can do for you, but I’m fucking scared to death, and when I’m scared, I run. You know that about me. Well I’ve never been this fucking frightened in my life.”

With his two large hands still cupping her face, he kisses her hard on the lips. They passionately make out right in front of me. Turning my head so I don’t have to watch, I’m startled to hear a splash. I look back, and Honor is standing alone. Crying. Storm has jumped overboard.

Honor looks at me and shrugs her bony shoulders. “I’m sorry,” she whispers.

Dropping my own shoulders, I walk over and take her in my arms. “It’ll be all right,” I whisper in her ear.

“I’m doing the same thing your parents did to you. I’m so
so sorry,” she sobs.

“
Shh. You’re just being you. I get it.”

“But now I’m hurting all of you. Oh my God, what have I done?” She pulls back to look at my face. “I’m dying,
Eeth. Oh my God, I’m dying.”

“No,” I reply adamantly. “No, you are not dying. They
will
find you a new heart. I promise. They will.”

Tamlin comes running over to Honor and hugs her from behind. “Oh sweetie, you’re not dying. Please. I know you’re going to get a new heart.” Honor turns to give Tamlin a hug.

I’m feeling guilty that I even put those thoughts in Honor’s head. She was only acting on what comes perfectly natural for her – healing the hurting. Now she is hurting because of the abilities God had given her. A natural empath is born to feel. Now she is being punished for it. I get what Storm is so angry about, but I also finally get what Honor is all about.

Hunter, Eli, and Shelby have all gathered around us.

“Honor,” Hunter says softly. “It’ll all be all right. You’ll see. Storm will come around too. Just give him time. He’s never loved
anyone
in his entire life. He doesn’t know how to deal with the kind of emotions he’s probably feeling right now.”

“She’s not worried about Storm, Hunter,” I chime in. “She’s upset because she needs a new heart.”

“No, Ethan,” Honor rebuts. “I
am
worried about Storm. The only reason I’m worried about dying is because of him. Because of all of you. I didn’t mean to do this.” She wipes at her eyes with her knuckle. “What if he never comes back?”

Eli laughs. “It’s Lake Hopatcong, Honor, not the ocean. If he doesn’t come back to the boat, he’ll find his way home, babe.” He walks over and rubs her back. “Let’s forget about Storm right now. Like Hunter said, he needs to cool off. He’s upset enough that he’ll probably jog all the way home. Tam,” Eli addresses her. “Start the boat. Let’s go for a ride again.”

Eli rides up front with Tamlin, while Shelby and Hunter sit towards the middle of the boat. I sit at the back with Honor in my arms.

“I’m scared, Ethan,” Honor says so no one else can hear. “I want them to find me a heart, but I hate to think someone has to die for me to have it. What if it’s a child?”

I really don’t know what to say to that. “I’m sure God knows what He’s doing. You just have to believe that He has a plan. I really don’t know what else to say about that. It doesn’t seem fair – to have one person survive at the death of another – but you have to try not to think about that.”

She nods on my shoulder.

Honor’s pretty silent after that, so I look around the lake, enjoying the scenery. White puffy clouds are scattered generously across the bright blue sky. The cool breeze ripples the water, while the sun paints shadows across the lake. You’d never know it by the appearance of the day that hearts are hurting. People are suffering. It’s an irony that causes a lump to form in my throat. When I turn my attention to Shelby, her face mirrors my emotions. Could she be coming to the same realization that I am? The incongruity of this perfect day? Hunter doesn’t seem to have the same thoughtful expression on his face. He’s too busy playing with his smartphone.

A small smile appears on Shelby’s face when she looks at me. I respond without thinking by smiling back. Something changed today. On the sand, somehow, Shelby had earned my respect. And maybe I had earned hers.

**

At the end of the day, Tamlin invites all of us to her house to play cards. Because no one wants to end the day yet, we all agree – until Honor tells me in the car that she would rather just go home. I can’t say I am not disappointed, but I do understand. Her weakened heart causes her to fatigue a lot faster than the normal teenager. Plus, I know she’s bummed about Storm taking off. When she found his phone sitting on one of the cushions in the boat, she nearly started crying again.

I take Honor’s hand and walk her to the door. “I can stay if you want,” I tell her.

“Thanks, but I just want to go to bed.” Even in the fading sunlight, Honor looks so drawn and pale.

“Ok. Do you want me to come by tomorrow?” I ask, still holding her hand.

“Please,” she says.

I kiss her quick on the lips and say goodnight.

Everyone else had driven with Tamlin, so I contemplate just going home myself. But being alone is not very appealing to me tonight, so I drive over to Tam’s house, stopping first to get some chips and dip at the store. When I get there, they’re all sitting around a table in her basement.

“Hey,
Eeth,” Eli calls. “Honor didn’t want to come?”

“Nah. She’s beat. I’ll check on her tomorrow.”

Tamlin comes down with the chips and dip I gave her when I walked in. She sets the bowls on the table and hands Eli a deck of cards, pulling out a suitcase full of poker chips.

“Poker?” he asks.

“Strip?” Hunter asks.

For some reason, I immediately look at Shelby, who is looking at me and blushing.

“Keep dreaming, Hunter.” Tamlin laughs.

Since I’m not great at poker, I fold one too many times and quit, taking the bowl of chips with me when I sit on the couch.

“
Breakfast Club
is in the DVD player if you want to watch it,” Tamlin yells from the table.

“That eighties movie?”

“Yeah. It’s really good. You can watch it if you want.”

There’s nothing better to do, so I turn it on. The red-headed chick on the screen is sitting in the car talking to her father when Shelby sits down next to me. “Mind if I watch?” she asks me.

“Sure.” I move over to give her room and hand the bowl of chips to her.

“No thanks.”

A strange feeling comes over me while watching the movie. I’m getting turned on. By Shelby. It’s one thing making amends and being friends. It’s quite another to have intimate feelings for her. The thought disturbs me. Without being too obvious, I shift my body so I’m not so close to her. But the whole time the movie is on, I can’t stop thinking that she’s sitting on the couch with me. Of course, she has no clue I’m feeling this way – her eyes haven’t strayed from the screen. But I am all too aware of these feelings of mine that seem like a betrayal to Honor.