The Honor Trilogy: Books One, Two, and Three of the Honor Trilogy (37 page)

Today I wake up with a smile. All night I’d dreamed about dancing with Honor, and this morning I can still smell the coconut scent she was wearing last night. I grab my pillow and hold it across my chest, longing for the day I’ll hold Honor in my bed. I let my thoughts linger for a while before getting up and showering. Because most of the senior class is headed for the shore this morning, I decide to bring bagels to Honor and hang with her for the day. Maybe we can even go for a drive. I’ll let her decide. It may not be the shore, but at least she won’t be alone.

When I show up at her front door, Mrs. Stevens tells me she’s out back with Storm. I’m not going to lie, my bubble is burst. I go around back from the outside instead of going through the house. She’s up in the tree with Storm. The exact same place I found them when he was begging for the elixir. It almost seems a lifetime ago. They don’t hear me approach, but instead of alerting them that I am in the yard, their conversation causes me to halt.

“So he really made a playlist?” Storm asks Honor.

“Yeah. He was so sweet.”

I feel guilty listening in on them, but I know they are talking about last night, and I’m really curious about what she says.

“Were you happy at least?” There’s a tone in Storm’s voice that tells me he is genuinely concerned about her happiness.

“Yes. I was happy. It was nice to go out like that.”

“He’s a good kid,” Storm says – so uncharacteristically.

“What’s up, Storm?” she asks.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean…why the turnaround all of a sudden? You don’t call him loser anymore…and…well…you seem like you…I don’t know…like maybe you…
want
me to be with him.”

“Is that so bad, princess?”

“Well…you’re not the same. You’re…you’re not you.”

Storm struggles to laugh. “Then who am I?” I can tell he’s trying to make light of it.

“Storm, stop…you’re not the same. You’re too…you’re too calm or something.”

“Angel, please, I’m fine.”

“Are you eavesdropping?” I jump, startled by the voice behind me.

“God, Tam, you scared me.”

“You
are
eavesdropping, aren’t you?” she whispers.

“No.”

“Come ‘ere,” she whispers again, pulling me back to the front of the house.

“I wasn’t eavesdropping. I was just…”

“Cool it. I really don’t care,” Tamlin interrupts. “I just wanted to ask you what your plans are today.”

Sticking my hands in my pockets, I shrug. “I don’t know. I just figured I’d hang with Honor today, but I see that someone else already had that idea.”

“Storm?” she asks.

“Uh, yeah,” I reply, shaking my head.

“Nah, he’s just checking up on her. He’d leave you alone if you wanted him to.”

“Yeah, what’s his deal? Before the accident he would never have let me alone with Honor. Now he’s encouraging it. I don’t get it.”

Tamlin gives me one of those pity smiles, but I think she’s feeling sorry for Storm, not me. “He’s a mess, Eeth.”

“As in?”

“As in he is so afraid of losing Honor that he won’t do anything to stress her out. He’s popping Xanax like they’re candy, just so he’ll have no emotions around her. It’s crazy.”

“I don’t understand,” I tell her, because I don’t.

“He’s trying to just zone out. He doesn’t want her to feel his fear or sadness or anything at all, because he thinks she’ll feel it and stress herself out. I don’t like what this is doing to him. He’s like a…like a zombie or something.” Tamlin clicks her tongue in disappointment.

“So…what? Are we not as good friends to Honor because we’re not hiding our feelings?” I say, knowing I’m being defensive.

“No, Ethan. That’s not what I’m saying at all. I’m saying Storm’s crazy. Honor is worried about him anyway, so it’s not doing any good for him to be doing this.”

“He sounded fine to me.” Maybe not, but I’m not going to act all concerned about him. I’m still trying to figure out his angle.

“Then you weren’t eavesdropping long enough.” She crosses her arms in front of her chest.

“I wasn’t eavesdrop…”

“Yeah, I don’t want to hear it. Listen. The reason I asked what you were doing today is because my mom is letting me take the boat out and I thought we could go for a drive on Lake Hopatcong.” She uncrosses her arms and rubs her neck.

“You have a boat license?” I don’t believe her.

“Indeed I do, bud. So…you wanna go? Your uncle called Eli and Hunter out sick from school today and Shelby said she’d like to spend some time…”

“Shelby? No fucking way. Talk about upsetting Honor. She’s the one who put her in this position in the first place.” I rub my hands on my jeans. I’m getting very tense.

Tamlin knocks me on the arm. “Stop. Shelby and Honor are friends. They were awkward at first, but in class and stuff, they were always laughing together. Shelby cares about Honor. She owes Honor her life, and she realizes that.”

“Yeah, but why today? Isn’t she going down the shore with the rest of the prom crew?”

“Nope. She was at the prom last night, but she went alone. Hung out with Eli and me.”

“Eli. Was he the only sophomore at the prom?” I joke.

Tamlin chuckles. “Yeah. He loved it.” She yanks my forearm and leads me to the backyard. “C’mon, let’s go tell Honor and Storm about the boat.”

“Storm?” I stop in place.

“Yes, Ethan, Storm. We’re all friends. C’mon. For Honor.”

Shaking my head, I head again to the back.

“Yo, tree people,” Tamlin yells when we reach the yard.

“Hey,” Honor says with a smile and climbs slowly down the tree. But not before I see her give Storm some kind of secret look – maybe a look of apology, maybe a look of regret.

Shaking it off, I approach Honor and give her a hug and a soft kiss on the cheek.

Storm stays up in the tree and leans his head against its trunk.

“Tam has a surprise,” I say, taking Honor’s hand momentarily.

Honor looks at her best friend. “Oh yeah? Hey, how was the prom?”

“Boring. How was yours?”

Honor smiles at me and blushes. “Wonderful.” Looking back at Tamlin, she says, “So what’s your surprise?”

“Wanna go on the boat?” Tamlin is beaming.

“Your mom’s letting you take it out?”

“Yup. So how ‘bout it? You up for a ride on the lake?”

The sun dances off of Honor’s huge smile. She seems genuinely excited to go for a boat ride. “I’d love to.”

“Great. Go get ready.” Tamlin gives her a big huge hug again before Honor skips inside.

“Boy, didn’t you just make her happy,” I tell Tamlin.

“What are friends for?” Tam answers me, but keeps her gaze on Storm. “So what about you, Storm? You coming too?”

“Storm. She’s talking to you,” I yell up to him.

“Oh. What?” Storm jumps down from the tree.

“You want to come on my boat today? Mom’s lending it to me.” She’s practically dancing, she’s so full of life. So opposite from what Honor has been these days.

“Thanks. But I’ll hang back,” Storm says in a monotone voice.

Because I really have nothing to say about the whole thing, I sit on the picnic table, propping my feet on the bench. But I do watch Storm’s actions, which are very sluggish. If he’s not popping Xanax, he’s sure on something.

“C’mon, Storm. This could be her last…” Tamlin stops herself from finishing that sentence, but Storm tenses. His eyes get big, and his face turns red.

I hop off the table because I’m afraid he’s going to rush Tamlin.

“I…I didn’t mean that,” Tamlin apologizes, her voice shaky. “Honestly, I just…it’s been on my mind, and I’m trying not to act it, and I just, I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking when I said that.”

Wrapping my arm around Tamlin’s shoulder, I try to console her. “It’s okay. It’s on all our minds.”

When I look at Storm, he’s relaxed a bit, but he’s staring into space.

“Hey,” I say and poke him in the shoulder. “You okay?”

His eyes move to mine, but his body doesn’t.

“Storm,” Tamlin says. She leaves my side and takes his arm. “Storm, you need to get a grip.” Tamlin walks him to the picnic table and pushes him down on the bench. Her pale blond hair flips in the wind. That’s when I realize she’s down. She may act all chipper, but when she’s depressed, she bleaches her hair back to its normal color.

“You know, Storm,” I start to say. “She’ll be okay. I’m sure they’ll find her a heart in time.” I do believe that. I do.

Again, he just looks at me, but this time, he closes his eyes. He keeps them closed, even after Tamlin sits on his lap.

With her finger under his chin, she brings her face close to his. “You need to get off that stuff you’re taking. You’re not supposed to pop Xanax like they’re M&Ms.”

Storm’s eyes are still closed, so Tamlin shakes his arm.

“Stop this,” she screams in his face. “You’re making Honor hurt even more.”

This got his attention. His eyes jerk open and he stares at Tamlin, who’s nearly nose to nose with him. There are tears pooling in his eyes.

She stares at him nose to nose. “I’m sorry, Storm, but it’s the truth,” she says much softer now. “She’s worried about you.”

Storm’s hand slips around Tamlin’s waist. I find it odd to see him so fragile and distraught. Though I can be jealous of him, I do hope Tamlin is able to get through to him.

“I don’t know what else to do,” he whispers, and the shakiness in his voice tells me if it weren’t for the Xanax, he’d be crying harder than he is.

Tamlin keeps looking at him while she caresses his face. “Just be her friend, Storm. That’s all we can do. Pray that someone…well, that she gets a heart soon and…”

“Pray someone dies soon. That’s what you’re telling me?” Storm quips.

“Well, no, but…”

“You think I care if someone has to die for Honor to live?” His laugh is sardonic. “Think again.” His eyes roll up behind his head for a second. It’s freaky. “Someone better die, and soon.”

“That’s the Storm we’re all missing.” Tamlin gives him a kiss on the forehead. “Now go home and get what you need to go diving off the boat. Ethan and I will pick you up in about thirty minutes.”

“I don’t know.”

“I won’t take no for an answer. Now go. I’ll tell Honor.”

Storm looks at me and I just shrug.
There’s no use fighting with a girl on a mission.

With Eli and Hunter in the car, I follow Honor, Storm, and Shelby in Tamlin’s car to the marina. Eli’s yapping all the way there about being the only sophomore at the senior prom. Hunter teases him about going with a cougar. He takes it all in stride. I’m too busy thinking about Honor and the fact that I had wanted today to be just about her and me. Instead, we’re spending it with everyone else. At least she’ll have a good day. That’s all that matters.

When we get to the marina and out of the car, it doesn’t slip by me that Shelby had ridden shotgun and Honor had ridden in the back seat with Storm. Yes I’m jealous. I’d love to have sat in the back seat with her, possibly holding her hand or pulling her close in my arms.

“Hey, Eeth,” Tamlin calls. “Help us untie the ropes from the cleats.”

Like I know what a cleat is.
“Sure.”

When I walk past Shelby, it’s all I can do not to sneer. She’s cute, but she rubs me the wrong way.

“Hi to you too, Ethan,” Shelby says as I walk right by her, keeping my eyes on the dock ahead of me.

I ignore her. It’s hard for me not to blame her for Honor’s fate. She started this. There is no way I can ever forgive her.

I watch Elijah and Tamlin untying ropes from these horn looking things on the dock, so I follow their lead and start untying one. From my peripheral vision, I see Honor, Shelby, and Hunter standing together chatting. When I look for Storm, I find him untying the rope behind me, so I finish what I’m doing and go over to him. Putting my hand on his back, I ask him how he is.

“Fine,” he says with no emotion at all.

“Really?” I ask, sitting down in front of him. “Because you don’t look fine.”

He finishes untying his rope and tucks it away before he sits down next to me and answers. “Are you surprised by that?”

Shrugging, a hmph sound escapes from my throat. “I guess not. But what are you doing, Storm? Tamlin says you’re taking drugs?” I push at his leg with my hand. “That ain’t cool, bro.”

He rolls his eyes. “I’m not taking drugs. I’m taking Xanax. There’s a difference.”

“Not really. Xanax is legal, but you’re taking a ton of ‘em a day, she said.”

While shaking his head, he says, “Tam should mind her own business. She’s got a big mouth.”

I rub my hands on my jeans. “She’s worried about you. What’s up? Are you really that scared?”

When he turns his head to look me in the eyes, I see a man in tremendous pain. The only life in his eyes is the suffering he’s bearing. “I’m fucking petrified, Ethan.”

Yeah. I’m upset too, but petrified? Not exactly. I feel pretty confident that Honor will find a heart in time. And I trust my feelings over Storm’s. I am an empath after all. “I wouldn’t be too scared. I know they’re going to find a heart for her soon. I
feel
it.”

Storm cracks his knuckles and shoots me a smirk. “Since when do you start
feeling
anyway? I mean, wasn’t it you who said you would never turn out like your parents? Then you go and save Honor from…I mean, don’t get me wrong, I am so grateful you did heal most of her, but why? Why all of a sudden?”

“You’re not the only one who’s afraid of losing her, Storm.” I run a hand through my hair. “Before, I mean, there wasn’t this risk, but when I saw her there with all those tubes and unconscious…well, I didn’t have to think twice. I had to save her.”

“Thank you.” Storm still has a look of defeat, but at least he’s smiling.

“C’mon,” Tamlin calls to us. “Y’all ready to ride?”

She’s funny at the front of the boat. So confident and cute. And such a good friend to Honor. Even though I had wanted to spend time alone with Honor, I’m glad Tam thought this day up. It’s much better for Honor to be among a lot of people.

The wind whirls through Honor’s hair, carrying her coconut scent through the air, reminding me of how close I held her last night. That probably wouldn’t happen today with all these people around, but at least I can admire her while she enjoys being on the lake. Taking the initiative, because she is currently sitting alone – Eli is up front with Tamlin, Hunter is talking with Shelby, and Storm is brooding alone at the back of the boat – I move to sit next to Honor.

“Hey, girl. This seat taken?”

Honor chuckles and pats the white cushion next to her. “Hey,
Eeth. I barely got to talk to you since last night, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. This was a nice idea, no?” I’m so nervous, I don’t even know what to talk about.

“Yeah,” she says with a big smile on her face. “Tamlin’s too funny…planning this. But I’m glad. Cookie?” she asks, holding out a bag of Pepperidge Farm Milano cookies.

Sticking my hand in the bag, I say, “Thanks.”

When I go to continue the conversation, Tamlin calls Honor to come up front by her.

She looks at me for permission.

“Go. I’m not going anywhere.”

“Thanks,” she says with a huge grin, patting my leg and tossing the cookies on the cushion next to me when she leaves me for Tamlin.

That’s when Shelby comes walking over to me.

“Hi, Ethan,” she greets me apprehensively.

“Shelby.” I can’t help but keep the disdain out of my voice.

“Can I sit?” she asks quietly.

Without looking at her, I say, “Yeah, go ‘head.”

She’s quiet in the beginning, but then she turns toward me. “Ethan,” she says softly. “I know you don’t like me, but I wish you’d give me another chance.” Her voice is weak, not at all like the voice I remember in the lunch room a few months ago.

I turn to look at her. “Okay,” I say, but I don’t mean it. Why should I give her another chance? Honor may not get another chance at a healthier life.

Her eyes look sad as her teeth nibble on her bottom lip. I guess this softens me a little – not much. “I
am
sorry about what I used to do to Honor. I know it was wrong. And I know that’s why you don’t like me very much.” She keeps looking me right in the eyes while she talks, and it makes me feel like a heel. I force myself not to cast my eyes downward. It’ll only make me seem guilty of something.
Am I?
I’m guilty of judging her on behavior from her past. She has made amends with Honor. Honor’s forgiven her. I’m guilty of holding on to my anger towards her. And I’m guilty of not forgiving her. But I ignore the better side of me and give her a cold look anyway.

My stomach knots up when I look at her fumbling with her hands on her lap. I don’t mean to be this cruel, but I can’t help it. She was nasty. And Honor helped her anyway.

While Shelby sits quietly next to me, I see Honor slowly making her way to Storm.

“Hey, princess.” I
hate
when he calls her that. But at least he’s backing off of her.

“Hey.” Her smile can actually be heard, and I can only see her back. “Mind if I sit?” she asks him.

“Of course.” Though he’s still quite emotionless, he perks up when she sits down right next to him – practically on his lap. “You having a good time, angel?”

“I am. But you’re not.” Her hand slides effortlessly over his thigh.

He naturally covers her long, slender hand with his large one. “I’m fine, princess. Please. Stop worrying about me.”

“How can I stop worrying about you?” she whispers it to him, but I’m good at reading lips and so I
hear
her anyway.

“It’s easy. Go have some fun with your friends.” His words sound forced, almost as if he’s holding something back – maybe a good cry or something.

“I want to stay here…with you,” she whispers again.

I’m trying not to stare at them, but I’m reading every expression on their faces. Especially Honor’s.

“Well, I’d rather you go be with them right now.” He says the words, but he doesn’t mean it. He’s looking down, playing with her hand with both of his.

Honor looks like she’s about to cry – her lower lip trembles, and with the hand Storm’s not holding, she curls her fingers and brings them to her lips. She’s trying to hold back tears.

“Ethan?” Shelby’s voice interrupts my spying.

Pretending to look out at the lake instead of Storm and Honor, I ask her what she wants without looking at her.

“Give them some privacy. They need to talk.”

This infuriates the hell out of me, and causes me to finally look her in her eyes willingly. “Who the hell are you to tell me what to do?” My words come out louder than I expected them to come out.

She shakes her head and gets up. “You’re a bastard. I should never even have tried to make amends with you.”

Now that’s the Shelby I know.

But I don’t let it go. Instead, I stand up. “Whoa there, chickie,” I grab her by the elbow and turn her around. “What the fuck you doing on this boat? We don’t need you as a friend. We’ve got plenty.”

“Whoa, Ethan, man, give her a break,” Eli says, coming to her rescue.

Honor seems to have forgotten about her broken heart, because she jumps up and runs to Shelby’s side. “You okay?” she asks her.

“I’m fine, Honor.” Shelby is sweet and soft-spoken, but when she looks at me, her eyes could slice me in half. “Don’t. You. Ever. Lay. Your. Hand. On. Me. Again.”

“What’s your problem, man?” Eli asks.

“
She’s
my problem.” I look at Honor. “How can you be friends with her?”

“Ethan. That’s so unfair.” Honor is disappointed in me. It’s written all over her face. “You don’t even know her. You don’t even give her a chance. I’m just so…” she clenches her fists as well as her jaw, “I’m just so mad at you right now.”

I drop my shoulders and turn away, turning right in Storm’s direction. He’s expressionless. But I walk over to him anyway. “You don’t find her infuriating?”

He looks at me a little amused – as amused as Storm can be these days. “She’s not bad,
Eeth. Try talking to her.”

“What? I thought you of all people would hate her as much as I do for doing what she did to Honor.” I pound the side of my fist down on the edge of the boat behind me.

“What? She was dying and took it out on Honor. When she was well, she apologized. Don’t tell me you don’t take your anger out on the wrong people?” He smirks and raises his eyebrows.

“I don’t,” I say, grabbing the bag of chips that are sitting beside me.

“Bullshit. You’re taking your anger about Honor’s weak heart out on Shelby. I’ve been watching you.” Storm sticks his hand in the bag of chips and takes a bunch.

“Yeah, well, at least I’m not a pill popper.”

“Fuck off.” He reaches in for more chips, so I hand him the bag.

“I’m going crazy, Storm.”

“Tell me about it. I can’t feel my body, but my friggin’ chest is killing me. I just want to…I wish I could rip my heart out and give it to her for chrissake. I’m telling you, I’m thinking about it.” His eyes are dark, and I can tell by his expression he’s serious.

“Storm, you can’t do that. Honor could never live with that. She’d rather die than know you killed yourself for her. I don’t even like you very much, and
I
couldn’t live knowing you’d given me your heart.”

“Well lucky for you, I have no intention of giving you my heart,
asswipe.”

“I’m serious, Storm. Don’t do that to Honor. It’d kill her.” Even
I
know Honor loves Storm too much for that – as much as I hate to admit it. “Promise me you won’t do that.”

“Yeah. Whatever,” he says flatly, before sticking a handful of chips into his mouth.

Now I wasn’t only scared for Honor, I was scared for Storm. He’s too unstable these days to make rational decisions. I’m afraid for his life that Honor will get that call.

And it’ll be his heart they plant into her chest.