The Language Inside (37 page)

I introduce myself to the girl

and say that I work with Zena on her poems

and she says
oh, the new poet

I’m Sarah, Zena’s daughter

my aunt couldn’t come

and I try not to look so surprised

I had no idea Zena had a daughter

Samnang and Serey introduce themselves

and I look at Zena and say

your daughter is beautiful, like you

Zena looks up, then toward the letter board in Sarah’s hand

and I watch Sarah, too slowly

like she doesn’t do this often

run through the colors and letters

for Zena to spell
c-o-l-l-e-g-e . . . 

Sarah rolls her eyes

I’m supposed to brag to you that I go to BU

and I’m studying public health . . . 

then she squints hard at me

I thought you were supposed to be from Japan

I am
I say
lived there nearly all my life

Samnang goes out for another chair

so I can sit beside Sarah

Serey sits on the edge of Zena’s bed

Samnang leans against the windowsill

and we chat and Zena seems to glow

with all the company

I hold up the plastic pumpkin

and the paper bag and say to Zena

Happy Halloween!

I brought your costume—

do you want to try it on?

Zena looks up and growls

so I set the pumpkin on her table

take the costume from the bag

and Serey helps me place the half camisole

over her blouse

then Sarah helps arrange the purple satin

over her legs

and I fan the mermaid’s tail

over her feet

and finally I pin the shell barrette

in her hair

Zena looks awesome

and Sarah is laughing and clapping

did you make that? you MADE it?

and Serey pushes the chair

before the mirror

and Zena looks up so much

she’s crying

I wipe her tears with a tissue

and we take pictures

               me with Zena

               Zena with Sarah

               me with Zena and Samnang and Serey

               Serey with Zena

               Samnang with Zena

and then we get an aide to take pictures of all of us

before wheeling Zena out to the nurses’ station

in the hallway

everyone we pass

claps

and gives her a
wow!

or
way to go, Zena!

and Zena’s face is stuck

in that broad grin

I’m holding the letter board

and she spells

39

and Samnang and I

glance at each other

and smile

when we leave it’s 1:30

and Samnang and Serey

have to be at dance by 2:00

so I tell them to go on

I’ll get a bus

               or walk

                         or call my grandmother or father

Serey looks at Samnang

and raises her eyebrows

and when Samnang lifts his chin

she says
why don’t you join us?

where? dance practice?
I ask

yeah, you can watch

then come out with us after

no, no, I don’t want to be in the way

and I mean not so much

at the practice

as afterward

but Samnang says

come on

then I’ll give you a ride home

around six

so finally I say okay

and from inside the car

in my place in the backseat

on the way to Lowell

I call YiaYia’s

Dad answers and I realize

this is a mistake, me going out

considering Mom is recovering

considering everything

but he says
go ahead, you need a break, have fun

just text me when you’re leaving Lowell and . . . 

he drops his voice

call if you need me to come pick you up

then I wonder

               if this is a drinking thing

               but somehow with Samnang I seriously doubt it

then I wonder

               if it might be just Samnang and me leaving Lowell

               but somehow I seriously doubt that, too

on the way into Lowell I ask

so who will be there?

and Serey and Samnang name the other dancers

how long they’ve been with the troupe

who are the strongest dancers

who teaches younger kids now

who dances with other dance groups

and how the director is the grandson

of a royal dancer and that he taught dance

in the refugee camps

they ask about me and dance

so I mention ballet with Madoka

the studio where I’d just started hip-hop

the
yosakoi
dance team I joined

and the
soran bushi
dance with movements

of hauling fishing nets and tossing fish

and I promise to show them videos sometime

then I tell Serey she should show Zena

her mermaid dance sometime

and at the exact same moment

Serey and Sam say
yeah!

Samnang parks

we walk to the dance center

               an old brick building

               once a boardinghouse for mill workers

and climb up a few flights of stairs

we weave through little kids

and even though they’re speaking English

it’s like suddenly I’m somewhere in Asia