The Longest Holiday (25 page)

He walks me back to the house. He knows well enough when to call things a night. It’s been a pleasant day; we’ve effectively called a truce, and it’s a relief. But there’s no need to push it. So we say goodnight outside the gate. I know he wants to kiss me – not passionately, just a peck on my cheek – but he hesitates, not sure how I’ll react. I lean up and kiss him on his cheek instead, and then I say goodnight and go through the gate.

I feel nervous as I approach the kitchen. There’s someone inside. Urgh, it’s Carmen.

‘Hi,’ I say as I enter. I can hear knives and forks clattering in the dining room. They’re having a late dinner.

‘Hello,’ she says without smiling as she grabs a few beers from the fridge. ‘We weren’t sure if you were going to be back in time.’

‘I’ve eaten,’ I tell her.

She nods.

‘Do you want a hand with those?’

‘No, it’s okay. I’ve got them.’ She makes to leave.

‘Have you heard from Leo?’ I blurt out.

She turns around and stares at me, coldly. ‘No.’

I shrink further into myself.

She sighs. ‘He’ll be back. Don’t worry about him.’

‘I do worry about him,’ I find myself confessing.

‘Yeah, well, he’ll be worried about you, too.’

It’s the nicest thing she’s ever said to me. I don’t think she meant to say it.

She frowns and stalks out.

I feel rude about going up to bed so I pop my head around the dining-room door and say a quick hi and goodnight. The room falls into uncomfortable silence when I appear, and it makes me feel like shit. Jorge gives me a falsely bright smile.

‘How’s it all going?’ he asks.

‘Fine. It’s okay, you know …’ My voice trails off. ‘I’m tired so I’ll see you in the morning.’

‘Okay. Goodnight.’

I don’t hear them resume their conversation until I’m halfway up the stairs.

I’m the first one up and out of the house the next morning. It’s Saturday, so no one is at work. I’ll be quite happy to avoid being there today – it’s just too awkward. Matthew rented a car at the airport so we conserve our energy and drive to Blue Heaven for brunch.

‘This place is wicked,’ he says, looking around.

It’s a sunny morning so we sit outside at a stone table underneath a green umbrella. The sunlight is filtering through the canopy of leaves dotted with pink flowers, and there are a couple of chickens pecking about.

‘It’s eclectic,’ I say with a shrug.

Leo was at that table just over there, on the morning he took me on a mini tour around Key West. I keep looking at the chair he sat in, remembering him lazing there, reading his newspaper and drinking his steaming coffee. A thrill goes through me as I recall how much I wanted him then, how much I still want him. I picture us in bed together and my face starts to burn. What the hell am I doing, thinking these things in Matthew’s company? I’m a terrible, terrible person.

I go for the pancakes today, while Matthew chooses bacon and eggs. He eats better than he did that first day I saw him, but he still seems to have lost his appetite for good food.

‘I wish you’d eat properly,’ I lament, watching him put his knife and fork together on his plate.

‘This is the best I’ve eaten in weeks,’ he tells me with a small smile. ‘You look better,’ he comments sadly.

‘I feel better,’ I admit.

He nods and looks down. We don’t want to dwell on why I’m feeling better, or eating better, but I have put on a little weight since I’ve been with Leo, and I know I look vastly improved for it.

Matthew is staring at the table. ‘There’s something I need to tell you.’

‘What?’ An uneasy feeling settles over me.

He looks awkward. ‘I knew Tessa’s sister when I was at university.’

‘What do you mean? You’ve been with her, too?’

‘No!’ He looks aghast. ‘No, I just met her once!’

‘How?’ I ask edgily.

‘You remember Lukas?’

‘Well, I never did meet him, but I remember you telling me about him. He was a college friend, right?’

‘Right. Well, he was going out with Alice, and Tessa’s older sister, Lizzy, was Alice’s best friend. She came to visit once.’

‘That’s weird,’ I say.

‘I know. It freaked me out when Tessa introduced us.’

I feel instantly queasy. ‘When she introduced you?’

‘Yeah.’ He shifts uncomfortably.

‘That sounds very cosy. A proper family affair,’ I say, and he sinks into his seat at the sarcasm in my voice.

‘It’s not like that,’ he says helplessly. ‘She was all set to treat me like the proper bastard that I am, so she was shocked to see it was me.’

Something about his tone makes me soften. ‘You’re not a bastard.’ His eyes light up. ‘I know you didn’t mean to do this.’

‘I didn’t,’ he interjects quickly.

‘But you did it,’ I say with a small shrug.

I put my own knife and fork down. He stares at my half-full plate with dismay.

‘I wish I could make you feel better,’ he whispers.

‘Let’s get the bill,’ I say.

I’m avoiding the house and everyone in it today, so I’ve packed my swimming costume in my bag. We go back to the hotel to chill out for a bit. Matthew shows me his room. It’s nice, a lot smaller than ours was, but it has room for a small fridge and a coffee machine. He makes me a coffee and I slump down onto his nice double bed and close my eyes.

‘Here you go,’ he says after a minute, perching on the bed next to me.

‘Thanks.’ I sit up. ‘I’m so tired.’

‘Didn’t you sleep well?’

‘No.’ I shake my head and blow on the coffee, my eyes stinging.

‘You could have a kip here?’ he suggests. ‘I’ll go and read my book on a hammock,’ he says swiftly.

‘Really?’

‘Of course.’ He puts his hand on my shoulder and rubs it tenderly, before quickly letting me go.

He didn’t need to. It was a nice gesture.

I suddenly feel sad. I put my coffee on the side table and fall back onto his pillows, watching as he gathers his things together. He’s wearing navy-blue shorts and a pale patterned shirt today. I wonder what Tessa thinks when she sees him. I bet she still fancies the pants off him – how could she not? Jealousy surges through my veins and I eye him with irritation as he walks out of the room.

I sigh and close my eyes. This is so confusing.

I turn on my side and allow my thoughts to lead me back to Leo. He’s holding me in his arms as I drift off to sleep.

‘How’s it all going?’ Marty sounds on edge.

‘It’s okay,’ I say hesitantly into the phone.

‘Has he convinced you to come home with him?’ she asks.

‘He’s not going to do that.’

She sighs loudly and I run my fingers through my hair, trying to detangle it. I didn’t brush it last night. I ended up staying late at Matthew’s, watching old movies together on the television in his room. The others were in the garden by the time I returned. It was awkward, and I went straight upstairs. I bet they feel like they have a stranger living with them at the moment. A stranger who has pushed their beloved Leonardo out.

Oh, Leo … I wonder what you’re doing in Miami.

I fill Marty in on the events of the last couple of days.

‘Hmm,’ she says. ‘Maybe he’s letting you go, putting you out of his mind.’

‘Marty!’ I exclaim, because that’s the last thing I want to hear, and she should know that.

‘Come on, Laura, where is all this going to lead? You have to stop it now before it goes too far, before Matthew doesn’t forgive you.’

For a moment I feel utterly helpless. I shake my head, even though she can’t see me. ‘I … I can’t give him up,’ I tell her.

‘Can’t or won’t?’

‘Can’t … Won’t … What’s the difference?’

‘You don’t love him, do you?’ she asks wryly.

‘No,’ I reply quickly, although inside I’m not so sure. My emotions are not that clear-cut and I’m not quite sure how to separate love from lust. I guess I don’t know him well enough to love him.

‘Then what on earth are you doing?’ she demands to know.

I sigh heavily and try to explain. ‘I just know that I don’t want to go home yet. I don’t want to say goodbye to Leo yet. I can’t let him go.’

‘Maybe it will be a good thing if he lets you go, then,’ she says.

‘Would you stop saying that?’ I raise my voice.

‘Dammit, Laura.’ Uh-oh, no-nonsense Marty is here. ‘Your holiday visa is going to run out in, what? A month and a half? You’re going to have to go home then, so what on earth are you doing screwing up all your chances of making things work with Matthew? I know he messed up big time, but he’s sorry. He made a mistake. He still loves you and I know that you love him, so stop screwing him over!’

‘So now you’re on his side?’ I cry.

‘I’m not on his side,’ she cries back. ‘I’m on your side. Both of your sides – the two of you as a couple!’

‘But, Marty—’

She interrupts. ‘You know, we did sit there, all your friends and family, in that church under the eyes of God, while the vicar asked us to support the two of you and help you through difficult times.’

‘Under the eyes of God?’ I say with disbelief. ‘Since when have you been particularly religious?’

‘Watching you get married was the most religious I have ever felt, if you want to know.’ Her voice goes up a notch to drive home her point. ‘There was something about that service … something so serious. You had been through so much.’ Now she sounds choked.

‘Don’t cry,’ I say sadly.

‘It’s true!’ She is crying now. ‘Seeing you standing up at that altar with him, seeing the look in his eyes as he promised to love and honour you, in sickness and in health and all that other stuff … It brought tears to my eyes. It still does. Matthew loves you, Laura. You’re not going to find another man like him. I know you fancy Leo – God knows, I fancied Leo and Bridget sure as hell did – but where’s your future with him? You can’t base a relationship purely on sex, you know. However good it is!’

‘It’s not just the sex,’ I say firmly.

She laughs at me, a hostile laugh.

‘It’s not!’ I exclaim, trying not to let my temper take over. ‘There’s more to him than that.’

‘Come on, this is short-term and you know it! We’re not eighteen anymore! This is not Ibiza!’

‘No shit, Sherlock. I’m twenty-nine, not some idiotic teenager.’ This snub is meant to irritate her. ‘I’m just saying that maybe this is not temporary. Maybe I do have a future with him, here in the keys.’

‘You’re not a bloody banyan tree!’ she practically shouts. ‘You can’t put your roots down wherever you like.’

‘Shut up, Marty,’ I snap. ‘Now you’re really pissing me off.’ I told her about the banyan trees and now she’s using the damn things against me.

‘Good.’

‘Has he put you up to this?’ I ask with sudden clarity. ‘Matthew?’

‘No.’ But she sounds guilty.

‘He has, hasn’t he? When did you speak to him?’

She doesn’t answer for a moment.

‘Marty?’

‘We’ve talked a couple of times,’ she admits sulkily. ‘A few times.’

‘A couple of times? A few times? Make up your mind. Has he called you?’

‘Yes.’ I know there’s more to that reply.

‘And you’ve seen each other, too, right?’

‘Mmm.’

I sigh heavily. She’s supposed to be my friend.

‘Don’t be mad.’ Now she’s conciliatory. ‘I’ve met him for lunch a couple of times. He really is so sorry. He misses you so much. I miss you,’ she adds. ‘We all just want you to come home.’

‘Did you tell him to come and get me?’

‘That was his idea.’

‘But you thought it was a pretty good one.’

‘Of course. Look, Laura, if he’s willing to forgive you for this … thing you have with Leo, then surely you can forgive him?’

‘It is not the same,’ I say angrily.

‘No, no, no, I know it’s not,’ she says hurriedly. ‘Of course it’s not. I just mean, maybe you can move on from this?’

I squeeze my eyes shut.

‘Just think about it, okay?’ she says gently. ‘I’ll speak to you later. Call me anytime,’ she adds.

We ring off, but it’s a while before I can mobilise myself enough to go and see Matthew.

The house smells of fresh paint, I notice, as I step outside. I look back up to see that the others made huge progress yesterday. This side of the house is completely painted and it looks beautiful. I didn’t realise that last night when I came home as it was so dark. I feel a swell of pride as I walk across the garden. This beautiful home will be restored to its former glory. I’ll make sure of that before I leave, if nothing else.

Matthew is showered and dressed and waiting for me on a hammock when I appear. He looks happy to see me, but I’m still feeling affected by the phone conversation with Marty.

‘Are you okay?’ he asks with concern, trying to climb down from the hammock, which is not as easy as you might think.

‘I’m alright,’ I tell him. ‘What do you want to do today?’

‘Whatever you like. Although, I was wondering about going on a boat ride later. A sunset cruise, maybe.’

I snigger. ‘Those things are so touristy.’

‘Oh, and you’re not a tourist anymore, hey?’

He says this teasingly and for a few seconds I’m full of adoration for him. He could have sounded bitter and nasty. Matthew has rarely sounded bitter or nasty. I’ve never been scared of him or scared around him.

‘Hey,’ he says gently, seeing my expression. I feel like I’m about to crumble. He guides me into his room and closes the door.

‘What’s wrong?’

‘Just … everything,’ I say, sitting down on his bed.

‘Can I …’ He holds his arms out to me, asking for permission to hold me. I edge closer to him and he wraps his arms around me and holds me tenderly. He feels so different to Leo. Slighter, not as broad, not quite as tall. I pull away and scan the room for a tissue. He goes to retrieve one for me from the bathroom.

‘I spoke to Marty,’ I tell him, taking the tissue gratefully.

‘Did you?’

‘She’s thinks I’m mad, staying out here.’

He smiles sadly.

‘I bet everyone does.’ I shake my head. ‘I can only imagine the conversations my mum and dad have been having.’

‘They’re worried about you,’ he reveals.

‘Have you talked to them?’