The Makeover (12 page)

“My
goodness.  That must have been frustrating.”

Phoenix
sighed.  “It was because Cedric could have avoided that situation if he
had simply taken the day off.  But, as always, Cedric had it
all
figured out.”

“Obviously,”
Paulo scoffed.

“Yeah.  So
to make a long story short.  He lost his job and couldn’t get unemployment
because it was his fault.   He couldn’t hold onto the room he was
renting and couldn’t pay his child support.  Of course I came to the
rescue.”

“How?” Paulo
leaned forward.

“Well…” Phoenix
gasped as Paulo’s beauty took space in her head, momentarily blocking out her
words. 

“Tell me,
Phoenix,” Paulo urged with wide, concerned eyes.

“Um…oh yeah,
lost my place for a second.  Basically, I let him move in with me even
though we had only been seeing each other for six months—and only committed for
three, mind you.  I knew it was too soon and it went against what I
believed.  I really didn’t want to move in with someone who wasn’t my
husband, or at least my fiancé.  But I loved him, was grateful to have him
in my life, and wanted him to love me back.  I convinced myself that I was
helping him, that it would be temporary.  He moved in and I paid all the
bills, gave him money for him and his son, paid the child support on time so he
wouldn’t get into trouble, and just tried to take care of him.  I took
care of him and his son along with my family and
his
family.  I did
this for over a year and a half.”

“Wait!” Paulo
jumped up to look into Phoenix’s eyes.  “You mean he is
still
not
working?” 

Phoenix looked
towards the trees again.  “I don’t know about right now, but he wasn’t two
weeks ago when I threw him out.”

“And you did
all this while you were in school and helping your own family?”

“Yup. 
Whatever they need, Phoenix is the girl to call!”  Phoenix sucked her
teeth.  “I am such an idiot, I deserve everything I got.”

“No, it’s just
like I said.  You’re a caring person, Phoenix.  That’s nothing to be
ashamed of.”

“Please, Paulo,
don’t bother with the positive reinforcement, okay?  I was a fool!”

Paulo sat back
down and patted her arm.  “Hey, don’t get upset.  I am just trying to
get you to realize that his taking advantage of you was not your fault.”

“Yes it was,
Paulo.  It was.  The man used me and pretended to love me, pretended
to want to marry me because he thought I could give him a hand in making a life
for himself and he was right.  I didn’t want to admit it to myself at
first, but I knew deep-down that he didn’t really love me, so I kept doing more
and more to please him so that he could fall for me.  He said the words
indicating love, but I knew he was ashamed of me.  I knew it, knew it deep
down in places I was afraid to explore.  He would go out and leave me
home, using my car and money.  He would only want to spend time with me in
the house unless I put my foot down.  He didn’t allow me around his
friends too often.  His boys and their women would throw events and he
would go without me, sometimes not even telling me about it until it was
over.  His excuse was that he thought I was too busy with work and school
to attend.  He never, ever complimented me no matter how hard I tried to
look good for him.  So I just gave up.  And having to pay all the
bills, and do all this work in my professional and personal life, does take its
toll.  I admit, after a while, I did stop trying to work on my outer
appearance.  I just didn’t have the energy anymore.”

“But how could
you?  You were being zapped dry, Phoenix.  It takes a lot to put
extra effort into yourself when you’re exhausted and overwhelmed.  It takes
a whole lot more to get in shape and get healthy when it’s not part of your
normal lifestyle.  If that wasn’t the case, we wouldn’t have an epidemic with
obesity in this country.  And instead of helping you, he cheats on you?”

“Yeah.  He
said that I didn’t really love him, because if I did, I would have worked out.
  He told me that I would not have put him in a position to be with
someone that looks like me if I had really cared about him.”

“And I guess
financially supporting him, getting his parental rights finalized, keeping a
roof over his head, and taking good care of him just wasn’t enough, huh?”

“Apparently
not.  But I can’t blame him.  I knew he was right the moment he spoke
the words the night we broke up—which is the same night you and I bumped into
each other in the building.  I mean he stopped looking for work
practically right after moving in with me.  I said nothing.  I was
his sugar mama and grateful to be that, or anything, with a man that
handsome.   I was practically begging him to let me take care of
him.  And he did.  It’s my fault.”

Paulo had
nothing to say to that.  He wanted to talk to her about the Word of God
and His plans for women and men and relationships, but knew it wasn’t the
time.  Instead he allowed Phoenix time to think as he digested all that
she had shared with him.

Suddenly a
question troubled him.  “Can I ask you something?  You were here
crying your eyes out today as if all this has just happened.  But it
happened two weeks ago.  I’m not saying you shouldn’t be still hurt or
that enough time has passed, but it looked like your tears were coming from a
fresh wound…”

“How…perceptive.” 
Phoenix stopped to regard Paulo again before quickly averting her eyes. 
“But yeah, it was a fresh wound.  Only it was my mother that caused it.”

Phoenix went on
to discuss how her mother had treated her just that morning. 

“Lord have
mercy on this woman!  I can’t believe she would say those things to you.”

“Me either, Paulo,
but I am sure, as she refuses to speak to me for the next few weeks to teach me
a lesson, none of what she said will come to her mind.”

“It hurts when
our parents refuse to comfort us, doesn’t it?”

“Sure as
Heaven, it does.  And it’s sad because that’s all I ever really wanted
from my mom.  For her to love herself, love me, and have my back when I
need her the most.  Don’t get me wrong, she kept a roof over my head, made
sure I got my education, always provided my needs, well, everything except what
I need the most.”

Paulo leaned
forward and gazed at Phoenix with a gentle smile.  “Love?”

“Yeah,
Man.  And support.  Encouraging words.  Sound advice that is not
based on her own bitterness and fear.  But advice that will lead me in the
right direction.  Whenever I tried to tell her, she would lash out, then I
lash out, then everything is my fault.”

“The Word of
God tells us to honor our parents, and that’s not conditional on how
they
are
either.  I don’t think He expects us not to express our issues to our
parents.  I believe God wants us to communicate with them so that these
things don’t become long-lasting issues in the family.  I just think He
wants us to watch
how
we express ourselves to our parents.”

“Well, I
certainly sinned today.  I asked for forgiveness though and I guess that’s
why I was smoking and crying my eyes out.”

“Understandable.” 

Phoenix sat
next to the gorgeous man and tried to not focus on how strong his arms
looked.  She tried not to peek at the disciplined contours of his
shirtless chest.  Inwardly, she sighed.   She froze when the
word “wow” escaped the barrier of her lips.

“Wow what?”
Paulo turned, his eyebrow arched upwards.

“Nada. 
Just thinking out loud, I guess.  Didn’t mean to.”

“So can I ask
you something else, Phoenix?”

Gosh, I love
how this man speaks my name.  His voice is so low and rough.  His
accent is making me melt.  And for him to be even more gorgeous than
Cedric? Not to mention his being more kind, more caring in the few minutes
we’ve shared, than Cedric has been the entire eighteen months I took care of
him? God, this man has to be involved with someone.

“Phoenix?” 
Paulo gazed into Phoenix’s vacant eyes.  “You know, you really bring new
heights to the idea of being lost in thought.”

She giggled, as
heat crept up onto her cheeks.  She felt as though Paulo had somehow heard
the secret
rantings
of her heart.  “What did you
just say?”

“I wanted to
ask, what are your plans now?  How do you plan on dealing with this
thing?”

“How can I deal
with it, Paulo?  I have no idea.  I’ve been trying for so long to do
the right thing.  Been trying to complete my education, take care of
everyone, and improve on my own appearance.  I just don’t think I can
handle it anymore.”

“Handle what,
Phoenix?”

“Anything,
Paulo.  I’m serious, Man.  Stick a fork in me, ‘cause I am
well-done.  I ain’t got the energy to do anything.  My life has
fallen apart, my mother doesn’t seem to think I have a right to be happy and
treated fairly because of how I look.  And now, I’ve been reduced to
sitting on a park bench, in broad daylight, telling a stranger about what a
failure I am.  What can I do?”

Paulo paused,
afraid to do anything to push this teary-eyed, frantic woman over the
edge.  But somehow, he felt it would be fine.  He trusted his
Spirit.  And His leading.  Paulo knew he didn’t have the answers, but
he felt confident in Who did have them.  Inwardly, he asked the Spirit of
God to lead him.

“I know you
don’t know what else to do, Phoenix.  And even if you did, you don’t feel
like you have the strength.  I get that.  I’ve been there. 
Maybe not for the same exact reasons, but I’ve felt lost and hurt and alone at
times in my life as well.  I know what it’s like to feel like a failure
and not know how to fix those failures.  You may not know what to do or
how to do it, but I know Who does.  Let me pray for you.”

“What?” 
Phoenix leaned away from Paulo to throw him an incredulous look.  “You
serious?”

“As a broken
engagement.”

Phoenix
paused.  No one had ever,
ever
offered to pray for her in her
entire life. 
What can it hurt?
“Um, yeah, I guess.  If you
feel like it would help.  I mean, I already prayed earlier…”

“Sometimes
there is strength in numbers.  I know you’re used to having to do
everything by yourself, and for yourself, but it doesn’t have to be that way…it
shouldn’t
be that way.  Let me pray for you, okay?”

“Yeah, but do
you really think it will—”

But the
electric feel of Paulo’s hand landing on her shoulder, even through the cotton
of her tee shirt, effectively cut off all of Phoenix’s protests.

 “Father
God, we thank You.  I thank You, Lord, for using me to help my sister,
Phoenix here, Lord.  I thank You, Lord, on behalf of this girl, that is so
heartbroken, that You are still in control.  I ask You to forgive us both
for our sins, Lord God, and overshadow our frailties and failures with the
blood of Jesus Christ, the Savior and Lord of the world.  Father, on
behalf of Phoenix, I ask You right now for strength, and for Your will to be
done in her life.  She has made some choices and gone through things that
I am sure was not in Your plan.  But the Word says that all things work
together for those who love You.  So we are going to believe You, Lord,
that this trouble she is experiencing will be turned around to become a
blessing for Phoenix that will bring glory to Your name.  

God, we thank
You for taking her out of her previous relationship.  She may not see it
right now, but I know You were rescuing Your daughter from a wolf in sheep’s clothing. 
You care nothing about man’s outer appearance, but what’s in the heart. 
And I ask, right now, that you will heal her broken heart, and put Jesus right
in the center of it as her Savior.  I ask that
Your
will, and Your plan, be done starting right now in Phoenix’s life.  I ask
also that You heal all the damage that has been done in her relationship with
her mother and all of the damage that has been done to Phoenix in her
life.  Please use Phoenix for Your purposes.  And Lord, if it is Your
will, please grant her the desires of her heart.  Please divinely help her
obtain a healthy lifestyle and body.  Lord God, Your Word tells us that
the human body is to be a living sacrifice and treated as a temple for the Holy
Spirit.  Help Phoenix to understand the proper use of the body and how to
manage it for Your glory.  Please grant her healthy relationships with her
family and friends, as well as the man You have for her to marry one day. 
We ask that You grant her the husband that is Your best choice for her. 
Most of all, grant her a healthy, loving relationship with You.  I know
Your Word says that if we seek the Kingdom of Heaven first, all things will be
added to us.  So help her to seek You first, always, Lord.  Save her
life, Lord, and her soul.  In Jesus’ Name, we pray, Amen.”

Phoenix’s eyed
flooded with tears.  But these tears were not of pain or remorse or
sorrow.  They were tears of relief.  She was in awe.  Afraid to
even move a fraction, she sat there, with her head down, filled with a peace she
had not felt in so long.  She didn’t know what to say.  Thanking
Paulo for comforting her in a way she had not experienced in her whole life
seemed inadequate.  Still she had to try.

Looking up, she
placed a hand on his forearm.  Paulo’s eyes fluttered open as he turned to
her.  She gasped at the radiance shining from his eyes, from the genuine
peace in his smile. 

“Wow. 
Paulo, thank you so much.  No one has ever—”

“Not me,
Phoenix, thank God.”

“Well I do, of
course,” Phoenix qualified.  “But thank
you. 
For coming here,
for talking to me and praying for me…”

Paulo
shrugged.  “Like I said, thank the Lord.  He is the One, after all,
who stopped my mid-morning run and told me to speak to You.”