The Makeover (15 page)

With that, Phoenix slammed out of the building, with
something churning within that she had not allowed herself to feel in a very
long time:

Rage.

And Rage began to flip and maneuver and expand and
fold and twist until it wore a different outfit.

Rage, disguised as Motivation, is what prompted her
to pull out Paulo’s business card and begin to make the call.

On the third ring, Paulo answered with a strong,
“Hello, Phoenix, I’ve been praying for you.”

Phoenix stumbled at his warm voice speaking those
words as she walked to the train station.  “How’d you know it was
me?  You don’t have my number.  Did God tell you?”

“Nope.  Caller ID.”

Sweat popped out on Phoenix’s forehead from the heat
that crept up her neck.  “Oh.”

“So,” Paulo said.  “Are you ready?”

“For what?”

“For all that God has for you?”

“I’m ready to be ready.”

“It’s a start.  Want to meet right now?”

“Sure…where?”  Phoenix ran to the nearest
corner to hail a cab.

“
Our
park.  Thirty minutes.” 

Paulo hung up and Phoenix tried not to swoon at
Paulo naming anything between her and him “our.”

Chapter
10

What then,
brothers? When you come together, each one has a hymn, a lesson, a revelation,
a tongue, or an interpretation. Let all things be done for building up (1
Corinthians 14:26).

An hour later,
Paulo was walking to where Phoenix was seated on the bench where they had first
met. 

“Hello,
Phoenix” he called as he neared her.  “How are you?  I am so glad
you’re still here.  I didn’t drive and there was an issue with the
trains.”

“As always,”
Phoenix rolled her eyes to emphasize her general feeling of being fed up with
the New York City Metro Transit Authority.  “Funny thing is, the more they
increase the fares, the lesser the quality of the service.”

“People expecting
more for less is the sign of the times we live in,” Paulo said as he sat next
to Phoenix. 

Phoenix
finished her cigarette and tossed it away in disgust as she thought about her
ex-fiancé, her mother, and her ex-best friends.  “Yeah, you got that
right.” 

“And speaking
of expecting more for less…” Paulo edged his chin towards the cigarette that
was still smoldering on the concrete before them.   “What’s with the
smoking?  Do you expect to achieve more results with the goals of your
life with less effort? You can’t expect to achieve the goal of healthy, active
living if you’re smoking.  What’s the point of slimming down and getting
in shape if you can’t breathe?” 

Phoenix stood
and held up her hand.  “Please, no lectures, Paulo.  I know.  I
quit for five years and started back the day you saw me on the bench smoking.”

“Hmmm. 
Seems…weird that a behavioral specialist, such as yourself, would go back to a
behavior you’ve already overcome.  So after we do this, are you going to
go and gain fifty pounds after losing it?”

“Of course
not!  It was stress that—”

“Yes. 
Stress.”  Paulo stood and walked right in front of Phoenix, his eyes
bearing down on her.  She felt like a suspect in a police investigation,
who was forced to answer hard questions, under the harsh glare of police lights
in the interrogation room.

Paulo
continued, “It’s always stress.  Stress can make you smoke after five
years of being smoke free and eat the wrong foods again after eating
healthy.  Stress can make you lonely enough to go back into relationships
we escape from or cause us to lose the great relationships we already
have.  Stress can no longer be your excuse because the first thing we are
going to look at is how you deal with stress.”

Phoenix felt
the indignation rise swiftly from the place in her belly that housed
Pride.  Rage, disguised as Motivation, began to have a conversation with
Pride and suddenly thoughts of being spoken down to and perceptions of Paulo’s
condescending tone, began to fill her mind.  “Look, maybe this isn’t a
good idea, Paulo.  Thanks for meeting me, but…”

Paulo cocked
his head to the side.  “And just how is it that I’ve offended you when I
said we’re going to examine your source of stress and how you deal with
it?” 

“I don’t know
if this is a good idea,” Phoenix quietly repeated what Pride shouted in her
mind.

Paulo’s eyes
widened, communicating to Phoenix just how baffled he was.  “What did I
say?”

Pride continued
speaking through Phoenix.
 
“Just what do
you think I am?  Some dummy who watches Dr. Phil to understand the
workings of the human mind?  I know it doesn’t seem like it, seeing how on
the outside I look such a mess, and all.  But there is nothing you can
teach me about stress.  Have you forgotten that I am a few steps shy of
getting a doctorate in psychology?  What can you teach me about stress?”
Phoenix scoffed as she began to walk away.

“Phoenix,”
Paulo held her shoulder gently, causing Phoenix to pause and shut her eyes as
she savored the feel of his hand.  It was the second time that she could
feel his touch radiating through her entire being. 

“Yeah?” she
trembled, dismayed that he had pulled his hand away.

“Please
sit.  We’re not done.  Don’t let the devil and your pride keep you
from even getting started.” 

Phoenix whirled
around.  Paulo gestured to the vacated place on the bench.  “What
does the devil have to do with it?”

Paulo refused
to sit until Phoenix sat first.  “More than you think.  But let’s get
into that later.  I apologize for starting things off on the wrong
foot.  I know the right order of things and I skipped the most important
part.” 

Phoenix
flinched when Paulo grabbed her hand, causing sparks to shoot from her fingers,
up her arm, to her ringing ear, to her brain.  She exhaled at the warmth
that coursed through her from her palm, where her skin met fully against
his. 

Wasting no
time, Paulo clasped their entwined hands with his other one.  “Father,
thank You for bringing us here to work on the tasks You have set before
us.  We ask for forgiveness for all of our sins.  Lord, have Your way
in this initial meeting and every meeting between us from this day
forward.  Lead us both, Holy Spirit, to where You want us to go. 
Please achieve what only You can achieve in Phoenix and I working together, in
our new friendship, and whatever will come of it.  Let Your will alone be
done in our lives as individuals and in our new relationship.  Help us to
build each other up.  Use me in Phoenix’s life as You intended,
Lord.  Cause me to be a light to her, Lord Jesus, as You use me, a broken
vessel, to minister to Phoenix and to help her achieve her goals. 
Minister to me as well, Lord, and use Phoenix in my life as You intended. 
God, bring us close to You and continue to lead us.  Let Your divine
inheritance in Christ, through the works of salvation, and for abundance here
on earth, as Your Word promises come forth.  And please, let us speak to
each other in loving truth, and open communication, that would not cause us to
quarrel, get defensive, or hurt each other.  Rather, Lord, let every
conversation, revelation, or constructive advice be used in the building up of
one another in Jesus.  In Christ
Jesus’s
Name we
pray, amen.  Thank You, God!”

Phoenix’s mind
was swirling.  Again she felt peace and power pulsing around them in the
wide open spaces surrounding their little area on the park bench. 
 She became relaxed as she let the feeling wash over her.  Paulo
continued to clasp her hand in both of his, still not uttering a word.

After a few
minutes, Phoenix found herself missing his voice and wanting to ask him so many
things.  “Paulo?” she asked, quietly, afraid to jar the tiny space of
quiet they had in a noisy, filled park. 

“
Hmmmm
?” Paulo turned his sleepy eyes to hers and instantly,
they became alert, ready.  He looked down at their clasped hands.  He
chuckled.  “I’ll give you back your hand now.”

“Oh, it’s
alright,” Phoenix answered quickly, already feeling lonely when her hand was
removed from the security of his palms.  “I just had a question.”

“Yes,” Paulo
breathed.  With his eyes a luminous gold and his eyebrows raised, he
asked, “What it is?”

“Do you always
pray before doing things?”

Paulo
chuckled.  “Yes,” he answered.

Phoenix waited
for further explanation.  After several seconds, she added, “Uh, care to
elaborate?”

“Oh, sure.”
Paulo looked at the sky.  “The Word says that we ought to commit our plans
to the Lord and He will cause them to succeed.  So I pray on every single
thing in my life.  Nothing is too small or too big for God.  He cares
about our quick conversations, just like He cares about life-altering
endeavors.  He’ll even care about my finding a parking space in Harlem
late at night if I ask Him to.” Paulo smiled with the tenderness of a man
admiring his Dad.  “I can go to my God about anything and He’ll answer if
it pleases Him.”

“Oh.”  And
Phoenix let his words speak to her.  She tried to reach out the memory of
the time she had felt the same way, but could not quite grasp it.  The
words were still beautiful to hear and filled her with hope.  “So when you
asked Him to help me do in your life, just as you do in mine, what did you
mean?”

“Um….” 
Paulo nudged her shoulder with his own before turning to look at her
again.  “I know I said He told me to approach you and offer help, which I
am ready to give, but who knows?  There may be something God will use you
to teach me.  Maybe this…partnership will bear fruit in my life, just as
much as I pray it will in yours.  That’s what I meant.  We’ll just
have to see.  Now about what I was saying to you earlier, Phoenix?”

Phoenix’s face
grew hot.  “Yeah, so sorry about my outburst.”

Paulo raised a
hand.  “No worries.  I just want you to understand that just because
you have all this training and education doesn’t mean there aren’t new things
God may use me, or other means, to teach you. God desires to give us His wisdom
and that is not often taught in doctoral programs in psychology.  If it
was, so many people who have been under the care of mental health experts would
not still be lost…or have been lost.  I know someone who killed herself
after years of being in and out of mental hospitals.  So don’t take it
personal if I bring something up for you to consider.  Who knows what the
Holy Spirit will lead me to share?  And like I said, just as you may learn
new things from me, I can learn a heap of things from you.  Maybe God will
use us to help each other.”

Phoenix
smiled.  “I like the sound of that.  Me and someone else helping each
other, and not just me helping someone and that person refusing to help me.”

“Exactly. 
We, as God’s children, should be helpful to each other.  Even when God
sends someone to help someone, He always finds a way to bring increase to the
person He sent as well.  Sometimes while we’re helping someone else, we
are getting ministered to, or experience healing, as well.”

“Wow, I’ve
never thought of it that way.”  Phoenix chewed on Paulo’s words for a few
more minutes.  “But speaking of helping me.  How
are
you going
to help me?  I’ve been doing this, fighting this thing, back and forth for
years.  I’ve tried every diet, joined about fifteen health clubs and
activities, even lost weight only to gain it back again.  It has never
worked.  I never know how to carry myself with style.  I never have
the confidence to continue the effort.”

“Which leads me
back to the first question.  How
do
you deal with stress?  Or,
rather, how do you deal with the stress of trying to achieve a goal that is
within reach but seems so out of
your
reach?  How do you deal with
the stress of wanting to achieve what seems impossible, Phoenix?”

“I
guess…”  Phoenix searched her mind to get a better understanding of her
methods.  “I’ve tried various tools, I guess.  I have tried to use
tools that I’ve been taught to teach others.  I am, after all, a firm
believer of practicing what you preach.  I’ve tried keeping a journal of
my written goals and recording my progress daily.  I’ve tried
therapy.  I’ve done the self-help book thing, you know, reading up on what
the experts have to say.  I’ve tried everything to get myself motivated
and it works…for a while, but I have trouble sticking to it.  I’ve tried to
pray, but—”

“Prayer? 
Have you really tried to pray about these goals of yours that have always
seemed to slip through your fingers?”

“Of
course.  I have asked God so many times to change my lifestyle, to help me
eat right and exercise, to help me become beautiful.  I’ve asked Him to
change my food cravings and cause me to crave healthy foods instead.”

“Sounds like a
good start, Phoenix, it really does.  But, honestly— and please don’t get
upset—it also sounds like you tried prayer
after
trying all your tools
and methods and kits and therapy.  See, the Word of God teaches us to cast
our cares upon God and God will renew our strength.  He cares about what
you care about, Phoenix.  He does. And he wants you to be healthy. 
But He cares about what’s in your heart more than He cares about your looks or
weight.  He wants You to try His way first, before you try man’s
ways.  I believe it’s why you haven’t had success in this area of your
life.”