The Makeover (38 page)

Jesus, help
me. 
Phoenix couldn’t stop her hand from reaching up and running
through Paulo’s salt-and-pepper curls.

Paulo’s eyes
closed.  “I love when you do that.  It relaxes me.”

“Oh yeah?”
Phoenix said, getting a bit more courage.   This time she leaned
forward to kiss him back.  “And that relaxes me.”  She immediately
cringed. 
I am such a corny fool!

But Paulo’s
lips landed yet another kiss that wiped the stain of those thoughts away. 
They smiled at each other just drinking in each other’s eyes for a time.

Phoenix’s eyes
lingered on each part of his face.  “You are so handsome.  It’s
unbelievable.”

“Yeah?” Paulo
asked, before his grin spread slowly across his lips.

“Yeah,” Phoenix
murmured, watching his golden hazel eyes turn to a translucent gray.  She
ran her fingertips across the five o’clock shadow Paulo had allowed to grow in
for the day.  She loved it. “You remind me of a young actor I’ve had a
crush on for a while.  You could be his tanned twin brother…or older
brother.  It’s uncanny how much you both look like, even though you are a
good twelve years older.”

Paulo
chuckled.  “Who is this boy you dare to compare to me?  I hope, for
your sake, he’s half-way decent-looking.”

Phoenix rolled
her eyes.  “Of course.  His name is Tyler
Hoechlin
. 
He played—”

Paulo burst
into laughter.  “Didn’t I see him on television once?  I think I was
watching him on
The View. 
He was in that movie
Road to
Perdition
as a teenager, correct? I don’t think we look alike though.”

Phoenix pulled
out her I-phone and quickly uploaded the actor’s picture.  “Tell me I’m
just bugging out.”

Paulo glanced
down at the man’s picture for a second and shrugged.  “Yeah, I guess we do
resemble each other. 
Kinda
.  I mean, he’s
much more handsome than I am, though.”

Phoenix shook
her head.  “Uh uh, Mr. Humble.  No way.”

“Uh huh. 
And younger.  Richer.  More talented.  Has your heart. 
Hmmm, I could never compete against him.”

Phoenix
wrinkled her nose and pretended to mull it over.  “Yeah, you’re
right.  There is no competition.”

Paulo gave her
a shrug and a tight smile. 
Am I feeling…jealous about this actor kid?

Phoenix gave
him a dazzling smile.  “How can there be?  You’re taller, got a
better body, have a relationship with God, live here in Harlem, actually care
about me, and have a sexy Brazilian accent that drives me bananas.  You’re
right.  No competition at all.”

Paulo couldn’t
have stopped the blush if he had paid the blush police to arrest it.

And Phoenix
couldn’t have stopped the fluttering in her heart if she had keeled over and
died.

Paulo dragged
his eyes from hers to get a paper plate.   “Miss, what can I get
you?”

Phoenix grabbed
the plate from him.  “No, let me serve you.  You were so nice to do
this.”

After cleansing
her hands with sanitizing wipes that Paulo had supplied, Phoenix fixed a
sandwich of honey mustard, turkey-salami, provolone, lettuce, and tomatoes on
the French bread for Paulo.  She made herself a tuna salad sandwich with
tortilla chips.  She made lemonade for them both. 

They ate in
silence, enjoying the soothing, Indian summer breeze from the Hudson. 
Paulo asked, “Did you enjoy the service?”

Phoenix chewed
and swallowed.  “Um, yes.  It felt like the pastor was talking
directly to me.  And the fact that she brought up the same scripture you
did?  Man, that was unreal!”

“It was
awesome, right?” Paulo smiled.  “I can’t get over how God is constantly
answering questions before they are even asked.  No matter how many times
I’ve seen stuff like that happen, it is just like the first time for me.”

“I guess that’s
why you never lose your salt,” Phoenix said quietly, as she toyed with the
remainder of her sandwich.

Paulo regarded
her for a moment.  “Maybe.  But what made you lose yours, Phoenix?”

Phoenix was
startled.  “What makes you think I was ever ‘salty’—she made the quotation
marks—to begin with?”

Paulo shrugged
as he took the last bite of his sandwich.  “When we left Plata Forma, when
we were talking in the car, you gave me the impression that Christianity is not
completely new to you.  Based on things you’ve said and things
He’s
revealed,
I guess.”

Phoenix stared
at two people on jet skis crossing the river from New Jersey.  She finally
spoke again when they sped off out of her line of vision.  “I am not
completely new to it…”

“Tell me about
your journey with God, Baby.”

“Did I mention
I love when you call me that?” Phoenix swallowed, almost shocked that she had
said the words out loud. 

Paulo’s thumb
caressed her cheek.  “Did I mention that I love how you’re becoming that?”

Jesus help
me. 
Phoenix watched his eyes turn from calm gray to liquid vivid
green. 

Paulo leaned
over and kissed Phoenix’s cheek before whispering, “Baby, please tell me about
your journey with the Lord.”

“What?” Phoenix
blinked.  “Oh, yeah.  I was raised Catholic.   I never
really got too much out of that religion.  I was so bored every Sunday
during mass.  I found it strange how we are taught to believe in God and
Jesus, but are also taught we don’t have to pray to them, you know?”

Paulo
nodded.  “I know. There’s Saint Christopher for travel, Saint Agnes for
childbirth.”

“Right.  I
went to Catholic school all of my life,” Phoenix sighed, “and those nuns were
some of the meanest people I’ve ever met.  I am not trying to put down
Catholicism or Catholics.  I am just speaking from my own personal experience
as a Catholic.”

Paulo leaned
back.  “Babe, you don’t need to be politically correct with me.  It’s
just me and you here.  I’m not going to call the Anti-Deformation League
or something.”

Phoenix
laughed.  “I feel you.  It must be all those cultural sensitivity
workshops I have to take yearly for my job.  Anyway, I’ve never really
jived well with the church I grew up in.  I hated how we had to do
confession.  And most of all, I hated how I felt like a robot whenever I
went to church.  Stand, sit down, kneel.  Sign of the cross. 
‘Lord hear our prayer.’ Stand. Sit down.  Kneel.  Communion.  It
was ritualistic and repetitive.  I got nothing from it.  The church
felt…I don’t know,
dead
to me.  Only I didn’t know any different.”

Paulo was
nodding.  “Every single member of my family was Catholic growing up, and I
felt so out of place in that church as well.  My mother would slap me when
I would try to talk to her about my feelings.  Then she would put holy
water on my head, and pray the rosary for me.”

Phoenix
snorted.  “Mine too!  One day, when I was about thirteen, I
accidently turned to one of those gospel networks and watched a preacher. 
They sang and worshipped God in a way I had never seen before.  They sat
down and listened.  And the preacher actually spoke about something I
could relate to.  They even asked the congregation to open up their Bibles
to read from, rather than those strange booklets.  I was like, ‘man! 
That is a church!’” 

Paulo
nodded.  “Yeah, seemed like something was going on there, right?”

“Yeah. 
So, for the next few years, I would hound my mom to let me visit other
churches, but she refused.  Finally when I was about sixteen, I went to
church with my friend San’s family ‘cause I stayed with her when my mom had to
go out of town.  I loved it.  It was a Baptist church and it was so
great—just like the church on television that I had seen.  I begged my
mother to let me go back, but she refused.  I thought I would find a
church like that as soon as I was old enough to go out on my own.  By the
time I was eighteen, though, and moved out to attend college upstate, I kind of
forgot about it.  I got into college life and all the partying, sex,
drinking, and foolishness that went along with it.  Coming from a strict
Haitian home, I was happy to be free.  I was not thinking about God.”

“I know what
you mean,” Paulo smiled.  “Went to my mother’s church in Bahia until we
moved here when I was twelve.  When we got here, I was so excited to
escape that church, but we ended up in one just like it right in East Harlem,
where we lived.  By the time I was eighteen, I wanted no parts of
it.  That’s why I chose to move to Brooklyn, instead of just going to City
College.  I wanted freedom from
Mae’s
rules and freedom from her
church!”

“I know.
 I did have to go to church with my mother whenever I came home on
breaks.  After I graduated and moved out fully on my own, I didn’t go to
any church for about eight years.  But when I was about twenty-nine, about
four years ago, I went to church with a coworker after she had been inviting me
for months.  Again, it was a church just like my friend San’s, also a
Baptist Church.  I loved being in that environment again after so many
years.  I felt so uplifted I decided to go back and kept doing so for about
a month.  One day, accepted Christ as my Savior, and began to live that
lifestyle.  I was doing it for about two years…” she trailed off.

“So you
have
accepted Christ?” Paulo asked in a shaky voice.

Phoenix
nodded.  “I did.”

“What happened,
Baby?” Paulo prodded.

“I really don’t
know.  I went for about two years, then all of a sudden, I started to feel
really lonely.  I asked God to send me a Christian man to marry but none
of those men were looking at me.  Christian or not, men are men. 
They didn’t give my big behind the time of day.  I started to feel strange
about the fact that my best friends and I were not spending as much time
together, either.  I didn’t have a man, but at least my old friends and I
used to go out partying.  Suddenly I wasn’t into all that and found myself
feeling left out.  I had no man and no friends.”

“What about
your new Christian friends in the church?”

“They were
nice, but most of the women I met, plus the coworker who brought me, were
married and had kids.  I couldn’t just call them and make plans so easily,
you know? They had families to tend to and could rarely agree to just go out to
eat or see a play.  We had to plan well in advance.  Sometimes I just
wanted to get out the house or unwind after a hard day of counseling.  But
they weren’t always available.  I felt guilty calling my old friends
because I didn’t fit into their lifestyle anymore either.” 

“The changes in
our lifestyle can shock you if you don’t have the right support system,” Paulo
added.

Phoenix
shrugged.  “I guess so.  By the time I met Cedric, I was already
becoming…I don’t know, weary maybe?  I wanted to be with him so much that
I gave up what I knew to be true about God and Christianity and traded it in
for the boyfriend.” Phoenix looked away as she thought,
that’s another thing
he stole from me.

“Don’t feel
bad.  It’s not the first time that has happened.”

Phoenix
sighed.  “I get it but I literally decided that having a man was more
important than going to church.  At first, I would try to get him to go
with me.  We were sinning, I know, but thought maybe I could get him to go
and he would change…we both would.  I didn’t have to courage to stand for
what I believed was true about God and His stance on relationships because I
didn’t want to lose my chance with Cedric.  But instead of getting Cedric
to go to church, I allowed him to become my excuse for not going.  I
couldn’t face the church knowing what I was doing was wrong, but I couldn’t
give Cedric up. When was a woman like me ever going to find another man like him? 
How could a woman like me, who was lucky to have Cedric’s attention in the
first place, ever ask him to wait for marriage?  I was lucky Cedric gave
me the time of day.  I started avoiding my friend, and the other church
members, making excuses when they called to check up on me.  Next thing
you know, I was out of church for two years.”

“But you did
give your heart to Christ before?” Paulo said, stroking his chin.

“Yes! 
Yes, Paulo.  I asked Him to be my Savior. I was living for Him for two
years.   I know it doesn’t sound like I was serious, but I was,”
Phoenix’s voice rose as her defenses did.

Paulo touched
her arm.  “I don’t doubt that.  Sometimes His children
backslide.  I just wanted to make sure you truly asked Christ into your
heart.”

“Paulo, for the
last time, yes.  I did.  I admitted to being a sinner and repented
and asked Him to be my Lord and Savior at my old church’s altar.  God must
have agreed because I became fully committed to Him.  I read the Bible—not
as much as I should have, I admit.  I did go to church every week for
service, took classes, and got baptized.  I even volunteered with the
Homeless Ministry.  I was changing, but I lost the new me in what I
thought I wanted.”

“Do you think
that is still an issue for you, that you can lose yourself in your desires and
not in the One who can supply them?”

Phoenix again
thought of Cedric and how she lost her chance at the altar because of her
plans.  “I could,” she answered, evenly.  “But I have to think about
that some more, I guess.”

Paulo grabbed
Phoenix’s hand.  “Baby, you don’t have to clean yourself up or fix
yourself before coming to Christ.  He just wants you to come back to
Him.  He will do the rest through the Holy Spirit.  That is why I was
praying you would go to the altar.  It looked like you really wanted to as
well.”

“Yeah I know,
but I have plans that I need to work out before I can commit that way to God in
truth and sincerity.”

The warm relief
that had begun to flow over Paulo chilled.  “Plans like what?”