The Makeover (16 page)

“But my ways
have helped me achieve all my other goals!” Phoenix’s voice rose.  Right
away, she was in a struggle against Pride, which was trying to speak through
her again.  “I’m sorry.  I didn’t mean to yell.  It’s just that
I don’t get what you mean ‘cause I have achieved my other goals.”

“Like
what?  Is everything the way you want it in your life?”  Paulo stared
in her eyes unblinkingly.  “Now think carefully, Phoenix. 
Have
you
achieved all the goals in your heart?”

So Phoenix sat
quietly with her thoughts as Paulo waited for an answer he already knew. 
Pride tried to remind her of how she was so close to finishing her
doctorate.  How she lived in a nice apartment and had friends and took
care of her family with no help from anyone.  Her finances were in order,
even though she despised her current job.  But was she really able to say
that her desires and goals had been achieved?

Silencing the
voices that rose up within her, Phoenix breathed the words, “No, not in the way
I had hoped.”

“How so?” Paulo
leaned in and gave her his attention.

“I am still
trying to finish the degree I just
knew
I would have obtained at least
two years ago.  I am struggling with my research and I don’t know
why.  Still, I’ve known people to get their doctorate in ten years so I
still gave myself credit.”  Phoenix looked away.  “I hate the way my
mother and I relate to each other.  I want to be closer to her, respect
her more, honor her more.  But sometimes I lash out at her because I just
hate how she thinks.  I want friends I can depend on who love me
unconditionally.  I want love from a good man, a man who will be my
husband and give me children to raise.  I want to help people for a
living, really help people get over depression and low self-esteem and
addictions.  I want to live a good life and go to Heaven when I
die.   I want to return to a church one day, but I’ve been so busy…”

“What else?”
Paulo leaned even closer. 

Phoenix paused
as she breathed in Paulo’s minty cologne.  “Um, I guess I just want to
stop
failing
at everything I am involved in or try to do.  I have
been telling myself that I’ve done alright, but it seems like every time I get
close to the finish line, I stop short, unable to make that last leap to cross
over.  I don’t have to finish first in the race.  I just want to
finish the
durn
race in the first place.  I
never quite finish whatever I’m racing for.”

“I know what
you mean.  I used to feel that way all the time, Hun.  Trust
me.  You’re not alone in that.”  Paulo chuckled.  “I used to
feel like everything I touched turned to a pile of manure…something that
started out to be so nourishing and delicious going into it, like a wonderful
meal I’ve spent time and preparation cooking, becomes nothing more than
decaying waste when it comes back out.” 

“Oh yeah!”
Phoenix’s jaw dropped as she regarding this gorgeous man seated on her
right.  “Exactly, man!  It tastes so good going into it like the best
meal you’ve ever had and ends up nothing but rotting, stinking
sh
—, uh, mess coming back out of us.” 

“Yeah,” Paulo
laughed.  “Mess.  That’s the perfect word.  Stinking, rotting
mess.  And it’s because, Phoenix, we’re not eating at the Lord’s
table.  It’s because we’re eating our own food rather than the meal that
God has already prepared for us to eat.  That meal could be a
relationship, a career, a home we want to buy, or any other aspect of our
lives.  We’re not eating at His table, not eating God’s solid food. 
Instead, we’re choosing to eat what we prepare with our own hands.  And it
becomes just like we already said.”

“Yeah?” 

“Yeah.” 
 Paulo laughed again.  “But praise God anyway, Phoenix, because there
is good news.”

“There
is?”  Phoenix resisted the urge to roll her eyes and tell him that church
folk always claim there is good news coming from the worst things that happen
in life. 

“Oh yeah,
Miss.  There is. The Bible says that God can take the most rotting,
stinking mess—the most putrid pound of manure that comes out of us—and create
new life from it.”

Phoenix pursed
her lips.  “Yeah, right.  And how is that, Paulo?”

“Listen, I
don’t want to preach to you…

Phoenix flashed
a grin. 
Ha!  He doesn’t want to preach to me. 
“Tell
me.”

  Okay,
but before I answer that, answer me this:  what do farmers all over the
world use to grow new crops?”

“Um…” 
Phoenix shrugged, unable to admit she was at a loss.

“Fertilizer…which
is nothing more than a rotting, stinking pound of manure.”  Paulo sat
back, arms folded as he let his words sink in, struggling not to flash a
satisfied smile.  “God can take a pound of manure that comes out of us
from the meal we insisted on preparing.  God plants the seeds and uses
those messes to create new crops.  Jesus is the Living Water that helps
those new crops grow and the Holy Spirit makes those growing crops bear
fruit.  But first, we have to let God have complete control over the
things in our lives that we hope will bear fruit.”

Phoenix was
aghast at just how much his complicated words made sense.  “Man, what did
I even bother going into school for anyway?”

Paulo
laughed.  “Hey, I am a licensed counselor too!  I am not saying your
education is useless, but God’s ways are not our ways.  And His ways
always,
always
work.  Even when we fail and create a pound of
manure in our lives, His power and His ways can still take that mess and turn
it into new life.  That is why I said He wants us to commit everything to
Him and His ways before we attempt to achieve our goals.  Sometimes, He
changes the goals themselves according to His plan.  Any other way causes
some level of chaos and stress in our lives.”

“Sounds about
right.”

“So again, that
is why I asked about you about managing stress.  We must first cast our
cares upon God before making any move towards any goals we hope to
achieve.  We must first invite Him into our lives then invite Him to take
control.  And He’ll invite us to begin eating from His table.  And
the thing that will come out of us will be nothing short of miraculous. 
Even in the areas of losing weight or getting a long-sought after
doctorate.  And that stress that causes you to smoke cigarettes or overeat
will no longer have control of your life.”

Phoenix stared
at a group of children playing tag several feet away as she processed Paulo’s
words.  She strived to make her ways line up with how Paulo had described
God’s ways. 

She had no idea
how to do that.

“What are you
thinking, Phoenix?” Paulo asked, his voice low.  “Did I scare you with my
mini-sermon?”

“No.  It
sounds right, and makes sense.  I used to, but I just don’t know how to
use that sense in my own life anymore.  I just don’t want to fail again.”

“Do you believe
what I am saying?  Before trying to make it fit into perfectly carved
corners in your already analytical mind, ask yourself if you can believe
it.  Even before you even fully understand how it all works, and how it
will work for you, examine your heart.  Can you believe it?”

“Yes, Paulo, I
can.  I don’t know how it works, and don’t understand
why
it makes
sense.  I just know that it does.  I hope I can one day see the how
and why of it all in my own life and goals.  But for now, I will believe
without all the details.”

“And that’s all
God wants, Girl.  For you to take a risk and believe without all the
details of how He’ll work it out and why it will suddenly make perfect
sense.  He just wants you to believe…to have faith.  Can you have
faith?”

“I want it,”
Phoenix answered.  She sighed.  “I thought I had it.  But
frankly, after all these years of feeling like a failure, an outcast, an ugly
duckling that never got to transform into the beautiful swan, I started to lose
it.  But yes, I want to have faith again.”

“Then we’ll
believe God to restore your faith.  Are you willing to let Him do that
whatever way He chooses?”

Phoenix looked
around and cackled.  “I’m here, ain’t I?  I’m sitting, yet again on
this park bench, baring my soul, trusting your story, and believing that you
can help me, right?’

“Lady,” Paulo
frowned, and shook his head before continuing.  “I’m not asking you to
trust me or put your faith in
me.
  I’m nothing.  God
chose to use me but could have easily used a rabid dog to do His work if He
wanted.  I’m encouraging you to put your faith in God Himself and to let
God decide how He will build your faith, and bring you through.  I am
asking you to rely on God instead of yourself…or me for that matter.  Stop
eating from your own table, and please don’t try to eat from mine. 
Instead let us join God at His table and eat His food.  The first step is
to have a tiny bit of faith.  Can you trust Him to do the rest?”

Phoenix wanted
to readily agree, but a part of her held back. 
It sounds too easy
,
the devil whispered. 
And he’ll probably try to get something from you
just like everyone else
. 

And for a
second, she believed the voice that spoke into her mind.  But she looked
into the light in Paulo’s eyes and just as quickly, it smothered the voice of
darkness.   

“Yeah,” she whispered,
barely loud enough for Paolo to hear.  “I’ll give God a little faith and
see what happens.”

Even though her
words were barely loud enough for Paulo to hear, God had heard.  It was
those words that caused the Lord to issue his next commands.

And Paulo
waited, with a smile on his face, as His Spirit guided him on what was
next.  Paulo knew the battle was not with Phoenix’s weight or skin
problems or loneliness or broken relationships.  Paulo knew that the
battle was for her soul and her heart.  And even as the merciful Father
would use Paulo to grant His daughter a major desire of her heart, Paulo knew
God’s ultimate plan was to win her soul.  Paulo felt it was God’s desire
to have Jesus right in the middle of Phoenix’s heart, in His rightful place. 
Paulo knew, because His Spirit, had told him about Phoenix.  And Paulo
knew that Phoenix was in the middle of a battle that had nothing to do with her
appearance, but everything to do with her place in the Father’s Kingdom. 
And Paulo would be careful, this time, to listen to God.  Because the last
time he did things his own way, He had failed to do his work, and one of God’s
own children had nearly been lost in the battle.  This time, God would
lead the way and Paulo would do his part as instructed by the Spirit of the
Lord.

As he and
Phoenix watched life happening around them in the park, he let the Spirit of
the Lord instruct him on how to proceed.  Not hearing a voice like one
would on a telephone call, but rather a quiet, still voice within, Paulo saw the
next few steps of the plan laid out.  Paulo wanted to know the entire plan
but knew better to demand that God show him more than God felt he was ready to
know.  So he heeded the Lord’s instructions and waited until the Lord gave
him the release to present it to Phoenix.

Father,
guide my words.  Please continue to reveal Your plan in Your timing. 
But for now, Lord, cause me to do what You’re calling me to do.  Step by
step.  In Jesus’ Name, thank You, amen.

“What are
you
thinking about?” Phoenix asked suddenly, as soon as the prayer in Paulo’s
heart had ended.  It was as if God reopened the pathway of communication
between them, after commanding the silence to hand out His directives to His
servant.  Paulo smiled to himself, again amazed at the power of his God.

“I was
thinking, and praying, about how we will proceed.  I would like to meet
you five days a week, in the mornings to exercise at my fitness center on West
One Forty-Third Street and Broadway.  It’s called the Lord’s Table Fitness
Center—and no, I didn’t plan our conversation around the theme of my fitness
center!  I know what you must be thinking, but it happened that way on its
own!”

Phoenix
laughed.  “Yeah, right, I’ll bet.  You were probably just reciting
from one of your ads.”

“Sounded like it. 
Honestly, when we started talking, I can tell you I wasn’t thinking about the
name of my business at all.  God has a funny sense of humor.”

“He sure
does.  I wasn’t thinking about you bringing up the Lord’s table either,
even though I have your business card!”  After they shared a good laugh,
Phoenix thought of something.  “Do you live near your center on
one-forty-third?”

“I live on One
Forty-Eighth between Broadway and Amsterdam.”

“Oh my! 
You have got to be lying to me!  I live on One Forty-Ninth!”

Paulo
laughed.  “I know!  God covers all the bases, doesn’t He?  Now
you can’t get away from me, even if you tried.  You’re right around the
corner, so I can pick you up and literally walk you to the center five days a
week, practically dragging you by the hand if need be.”

Tears of
amazement sprang to Phoenix’s eyes.  “And that’s exactly what I’ve been
asking my friends to do for me all these years, just like I’ve done for them
when they needed it.  That’s what I was praying for when you spoke to me
in the park.  Oh my goodness…” Phoenix wiped her eyes.  “That is
exactly what I prayed for...”

“Praise
God!  We can meet every Saturday morning too, here, to jog.  And we
have to meet for prayer and Bible study.  We can do that twice a week in
the evenings.”

“At…your
apartment…?”
Alone?
 The thought of being alone with Paulo both
frightened and excited her.

Paulo gasped,
startled at the sudden joyful look on Phoenix’s face.  Her eyes were wide
and her smile was bright.  He looked deeply into her eyes and felt warmth
spread in the pit of his stomach.