The Mammoth Book of Tasteless Jokes (10 page)
Read The Mammoth Book of Tasteless Jokes Online
Authors: E. Henry Thripshaw
Tags: #Jokes & Riddles, #Humor, #Form, #General
I was in the shopping centre this morning when a man approached me, collecting for Alzheimer’s. I told him, “Piss off, I’ve already given, don’t you remember?”
“It’s bad news, I’m afraid,” the doctor tells his patient. “You have cancer and Alzheimer’s.”
“Thank you, doctor. Oh well, it could be worse. At least I don’t have cancer.”
Did you hear about the Alzheimer’s protest march?
“What do we want?”
“We don’t know!”
“When do we want it?”
“Want what?”
The Alzheimer’s Society is doing its bit for Comic Relief. It will be known as Fuck Nose Day.
My side of the family has a history of Alzheimer’s. Or was it my wife’s side?
An elderly man walks into a bar and sees a gorgeous much younger woman sitting on her own. He walks over, sits next to her and says: “Do I come here often?”
The old man suffering from Alzheimer’s who lives just down the road groped my wife this morning. I’m going to go down there later and give him a hiding he will never remember.
How does every Alzheimer’s joke end?
No, sorry, it’s gone.
Apparently about 60 per cent of Americans don’t own a passport. It’s not that they don’t want to leave their country they’re just too fat to fit into a photo booth.
Recent studies have shown that 60 per cent of Americans suffer from obesity.
The other 40 per cent couldn’t care less.
What do you say to a thin American?
“How’s the chemotherapy going?”
I was driving along when I saw a big fat American standing in the middle of the road. I ran straight over him: I could have gone around him but I wasn’t sure if I had enough petrol.
Why is American beer always served very cold?