The Manual: What Women Want and How to Give It to Them (31 page)

If she reacts well to your approach but
still
says that she has a boyfriend, she is only doing it to unload the responsibility on you, not to reject you. You have to be able to tell the difference so that you can cut your losses and move on when you have already made too many mistakes early on or accept the responsibility and keep on seducing her when you still have a good chance to succeed.

Formality

Once you have gotten the formal introduction out of the way, you should proceed to get to know each other a bit, as it is the first time that the two of you meet and you have to be comfortable with each other. This will be similar to most introductions, except that you will be flirting with the woman as well and you have a clear purpose in your approach. You are looking for a date so that you can spend more time with her, either right away or later.

You have to make her comfortable enough to give you her phone number so that you can spend more time together later, or you have to make her comfortable enough to spend even more time together right away by turning the first meeting into a spontaneous date. A spontaneous date is obviously best since you are in less control of what happens once the two of you part ways, and it is the fastest way of getting girls, but it is not always possible.

If you approached her somewhere it is hard to hold a regular conversation, such as a loud bar or a busy street, you should lead her away as quickly as possible so it is easier to talk. You will basically be isolating her very early on.

If she is not by herself, you should consider doing the same thing if you think that other people might interfere or if she seems
more reserved in her friends’ company, but otherwise it will not be necessary to do so
right away
, and you can pretty much ignore them. Do not
waste
any time with her friends, family, or colleagues. When you are confident, you appear to deem yourself and your desires more important than others’; you would not spend time to make friends with whomever she is with or try to make friends with such people to get closer to her. However, this does not mean that it is a good idea to be rude to her friends, but it does mean that it is a good idea to keep the time spent talking to others to a minimum. You can give her friends a smile, a compliment, and tell your woman to introduce you to them (do not introduce yourself), but nothing more is ever necessary. Two good rules to follow are (1) not to speak to them unless spoken to and (2) not to allow anyone to distract you from your woman and your attempt to get her. If a friend is interfering, but not really trying to stop you, be friendly but
brief
, and just turn every topic the friend brings up to be about you or the woman you want. Others will be bored by this type of conversation, except you and your woman.

Do not try to win over a woman’s friends
before
you have made a good connection with her. You should be more interested in your woman than her friends. However, if things are going well and she says she has to get back to her friends or find them again, tell her you would like to meet them, join her, and then have
her
introduce you to them (by telling her to, rather than introducing yourself). Give her a few minutes so she is comfortable knowing where her friends are and what they are doing, but then isolate her again and make another advance.

If one of you is in a hurry, you have no choice but to end the conversation prematurely; otherwise, you should never try to end the conversation quickly. The more eager you seem to want to end it, the less genuinely interested in the woman you will appear and
the less attractive she will feel. If a prolonged conversation makes you uncomfortable, stick with it to expand your comfort zone. And if you enjoy her company and are looking for a way to spend even more time with her, it makes sense to make it last as long as possible while making advances along the way, rather than trying to end it quickly to be cool or to make it short because you are afraid you will mess it up when things are going well.

If you are the one who is in a hurry, seriously consider whether the woman you just met is not
more
important than your other engagement. Your manager or teacher will not give you a hard time if your reason for being late is stopping a sexy girl on your way to work or school, instead of some excuse they have heard a thousand times, not even if they are female.

If the woman is the one in a hurry, you should attempt to join her by gently pushing her in the direction she was already going and start walking along with her while keeping the conversation going. This is not always possible, though it is always worth to try.

Ideally, you should keep talking to your woman until you notice she is comfortable enough to be smiling, maintaining eye contact, and asking you questions about yourself. Then you have two options: Either take her phone number with the intention of being able to meet her again and spend more time with her on a date, or go on a spontaneous date right away and take her number just in case after a couple of minutes.

A spontaneous date on the spot is definitely the best option if both of you can manage it; otherwise, her phone number will have to do. For example, you could take a walk in a park or go to a café right then and there, or if you met in a club or at a party you might sit down or walk out on the balcony and consider that as the first date. If you just met her in the street or in a mall, act like the idea just popped into your head during a high note of the conversation,
such as when she laughs, and tell her to have a seat or that you will join her wherever she is going. If she says that she cannot, then take her number. It is as simple as that.

Even if you manage to get a date right away and everything is going more smoothly than you ever thought possible, you should still always take her number after a couple of minutes. There is always the risk that you could lose her in a crowd, friends show up and drag her away, or her husband appears.

Chapter Thirteen

THE NUMBER

Before we discuss
how
to ask a woman for her phone number, let us first consider what you need to have done before that and what your real goal is.

You need to have shown your true intentions, a romantic or sexual interest in her, by talking to and flirting with her for a while before you ask for her number. During that time, you also need to have made her feel comfortable with you, as a woman does not want to give her
real
number to someone she does not trust. You need to have established rapport with her, at least strong mutual attraction, and have been charming enough to make her smile so she does not mind seeing you again — and seeing her again is your real goal.

The number itself is not important, the woman is. Keep this in mind when you stand in front of her. If all you wanted was a woman’s number, you could just ask her for her name and then go look it up in the phone book.

One of the big mistakes that lots of males and so-called
advanced seduction methods make is to place the focus on the number itself and on techniques to get those digits as quickly as possible, rather than focusing on how to get
the girl
as quickly as possible. That is why males who do get girls’ numbers end up with fake phone numbers, the woman does not answer her phone, she does answer but appears to be a completely different person and blows them off when they call, or they have to spend a lot of time on the phone to convince the woman to meet them again.

When you do things right and focus on the
woman
instead, most women will be happy to give you their number, and those who are not interested in you will politely tell you so because they respect you for the way you approached them.

The days of getting fake numbers will be long gone when you are doing things right. That is also why I am not going to go into how to test if the number you received was real or what to do if it is not. First, if you were not confident, charming, or responsible enough, then your focus should be to deal with
that
problem instead of the symptom. Second, if you try to test the number, you will not appear very confident in your own attractiveness or very charming if you do not trust the woman, which can in turn make her change her mind about you — which would be a shame if the number
is
real.

So what is the right way to get a girl’s number? The right way to do it is to incorporate everything we have talked about so far. After your bold approach and some small talk that includes flirting, you should restate your intentions while keeping in mind her desires; you say what you want while telling her what she wants to hear.

What do you want? Her phone number.

Why do you want it? Because you want to see her again.

Why do you want to do that? You know this best, but it is probably
because she is very attractive and you enjoyed talking to her.

Therefore,
that
is what you should tell her while at the same time handing her your cell phone or a piece of paper and a pen — still smiling, full of confidence while maintaining eye contact, and assuming that she will give you her number the same way you always assume positive outcomes for your every advance.

It is not complicated. You are not
asking
for a woman’s number, you are telling her to give it to you by thinking aloud, and you do it after effectively convincing her that she would not mind meeting you again by the way you handle yourself and her.

If you did not bring your phone, tell her to write her number down. And if you did not bring your own pen, she probably has a makeup pen or a lipstick in her purse that she can write with. Otherwise, ask someone in the vicinity without hesitation.

Do not act surprised or
overly
excited when you get her number, even if you are. Males who are surprised or overly excited about getting a woman’s number do not know what they are doing. Showing the woman you are happy to get her number is perfectly fine if you made it clear that you wanted it to meet
her
again, as it is charming, but to show her that you are surprised or overly excited looks unconfident.

After you get a woman’s number, you should ideally transition into a spontaneous date right away, assuming both of you can manage it. Keep talking to her, take her for a walk, sit down somewhere, or join her if she is on her way somewhere. If you have to leave, tell her how glad you are to have met her (if that is how you feel), give her a time when you will call her (if you will), and say goodbye. However, do not leave as soon as you get a woman’s number. Remember that it is the woman you are interested in, not just her number. It is not enough to say it the first moment that you meet her; you should
act
like it too.

You should always make the first meeting last as long as possible. The last thing you want to do is end the conversation with the woman if things are actually going
well
; instead, you want to ride the wave and take it as far as you can, which in some cases will result in a first date right away, a kiss, or even sex, depending on how good you are.

But if things are not going well, nothing magical is going to happen that changes a woman’s opinion of you if you rush to get her number and then leave. When you call a woman, she will be
as
interested (or less) as she was feeling when she first met you, not more. And since communicating over the phone is such an unnatural process, you would have to make ten times the effort to show a woman what a great guy you are compared to the chance you
already
had when you first met her.

Males who lack confidence and knowledge of women might use a technique to create a sense of urgency for the woman to make a decision more quickly, such as by giving her an excuse like, “I am running late so I have to go now” before they ask for her number. It actually does work and will increase your chances of getting the number, but unfortunately, it does not increase your chances of getting the girl. A woman will not become more interested in you because you are a very busy guy, especially when you have the opportunity to keep flirting with her but decide that something else is more important than she is. A male’s lack of charm will make him lose more women in the long run than his imaginary busy schedule will get him.

Now, if you actually are running late, and it actually is more important than being with the new woman, you could have a spontaneous date by telling her to join you. Just say, “I am on my way somewhere. You should join me, because I would love to keep talking to you!” if that is how you feel. Remember to think aloud.

If she refuses to give you her number or insists that you give her yours instead, you have done something wrong already. Give her your number as a last resort, but do not expect her to call you; she most likely never will. Figure out what you messed up, learn from it, swear to never repeat the same mistake again, and then go find an even more attractive female. In the highly unlikely event that she
does
call you, though, you must not act surprised or expect her to keep taking such initiatives. Thank your lucky stars and jump to the next chapter on what to do on the phone.

You should not give women your business card for the same reason you don’t give them your phone number, since you should not expect them to call you as you should take full responsibility. In addition, you should not rely on your business title and occupation to make yourself seem like a more interesting or impressive person; you are looking for a girlfriend after all, not a business contact or sales lead.

However, before you get some experience seducing women and get rid of all your unattractive behavior, you might get a fake number or two. Do not worry about it, but make sure you learn from it, and take each failure upon yourself, never the woman. Remember that by giving you her number, she is reacting to your action. If you want a different reaction, you need to adjust your action.

Every time you make an advance, such as approach or ask for a woman’s number, her reaction and response will be affected by what you did
prior
to making that move. Even if you ask for a woman’s number in a perfect way, she might still say no because you acted insecure or inadequate when you approached her earlier. And she might blow you off even if you make a perfect approach if she saw you hovering awkwardly or hesitating around the corner while looking at her for a long time before that.