The Protector (22 page)

She was conflicted.  What did she see for her future?  As crazy as it seemed, I was hoping she saw me in that future. But right now I was pretty sure those thoughts were one sided. “How do you see your future?” I took another sip of my coffee and again looked away from her and out the window. I didn’t want her to see my face or the concern I now had.   

“I don’t know. I just have a hard time imagining it with him. As sad as it seems. He’s a nice guy and all but he wants the house with the white picket fence, the minivan and the perfect little family. And it’s not that I don’t.”

I didn’t let her finis her sentence before I began to throw a barrage of questions at her. “So why string him on? Why give him something to believe in when it’s not what you want.”  I could feel the anger rise in me. Why in the hell was she struggling with it? I didn’t understand her reluctance to answer or rebuke someone if she didn’t love them in the same manner.  He didn’t matter unless she wanted him to matter.  “Do you love him?” I was surprised when the words came out of my mouth. It wasn’t something I intended on asking her as I was almost afraid of the answer I was going to get back. I wanted so desperately for her to deny it. But she only stared at her coffee cup.  She needed to look at me, but she wouldn’t. If I could just see into her eyes, I knew I could see the answer I was waiting for.

Finally, after a long moment of silence, that seemed like eternity to me she spoke, “Do I love him? Yes.  Am I in love with him? No.”  Her answer was straightforward.  “I know though that if I go and see him as he is asking me to do, he is going to propose to me and I don’t want to break his heart. But then again, I am almost 26 and there aren’t many prospects out there for me at this point.”

All in the same moment my heart leapt for joy at her words of telling him no and my jaw fell open. I could feel my anger level rise once again. She always seemed to be infuriating me with these little comments. She lacked
self-esteem
and it bothered me. “You sell yourself short Alison,” I muttered through my clenched teeth. “You have men falling over you, yet you fail to see it. Hell Lieutenant Thompson was waiting at the coffee shop to ask you out.  How can Eric be your last prospect. You are still young, last time I checked the definition of a spinster was somewhere around thirty-five.”

She sat there breathing in every word.  Her eyes were intense and she knew she couldn’t argue my point.  “I guess, I have been with him like this for so long, I don’t see it the same way you do.”

The reality of it all began to sink in as I realized that I didn’t need some long distance stalker hunting all over the country looking for her. I didn’t need her parents getting upset at their daughter missing. If I was going to protect her for as long as she would let me, we had to do some things on her terms. 
             

“You said he lives in Oregon? Where?”  An idea began to form in my head and I knew right off the bat it was NOT going to go over well with her.  It swirled around and around coming to fruition. This just might work, I thought. 

“Grants Pass, Oregon. He’s a cop there. Why?” She asked staring at me with a strange look.

I walked around the table to the window and stared outside at the dessert scenery that surrounded the condo. A cop, even better. Although I knew these guys would go to great lengths to keep their secret from getting out, I knew they wouldn’t openly murder Alison or I until they had the processor. The coffee place shooting was meant to scare her into turning it over, not kill her. If they had wanted her dead they would have had ample opportunity in Tel Aviv and in Albuquerque. They wanted the processor more than they wanted her. But she knew as well as I did that giving it to them would mean her death. I wasn’t going to leave her alone. I had to make sure that when she handed it over to the feds, she would be safe.  She had two choices at the present, die or run like hell. I voted she run like hell.

“I think you should go see him in Oregon.” I said aloud shocking both her and I. There really was a method to my madness.  Even though he would have no clue, we could both keep her safe. I might also be able to figure a little more out on my own with her in his company.  But I still needed to think it all through.  

She still sat on the couch. She had curled her legs underneath her and sat with the coffee cup in hand. She almost dropped the cup on the white carpet when I had said those words.  “What,” she stuttered, not sure where I was going with the suggestion. 

“You heard me. I think you should call him up and tell him you are coming up there.” I returned to the couch and sat next to her. “No don’t do that, surprise him.”

“You are insane you know that?” She looked at me in total disbelief. But what really got to me was how tired she looked. I had hoped she had gotten a good
night’s
rest, but she hadn’t and here we were having this conversation.  From experience I knew that when a woman was tired, the emotions were in over drive. “Not many people know of Eric but come on, but it wouldn’t be hard for them to find out where I am?”  I had vaguely remembered Stacy mentioning him and Sonny saying how much both she and Tom disliked Eric.

“No one is going to touch you up there. No one is going to touch you until they have the processor. And frankly, they aren’t getting it until I find out who “they” are.  And even then.” The plan was still forming in my head.  Believe it or not, this thing is detrimental to Middle East Security.  They need the processor; otherwise they look bad and lose credibility. The longer we hang onto it, the more likelihood we have of finding these Yahoo’s.” 

“And once again, how am I supposed to explain you? Gee Eric I am being followed around by my own personal body guard. But don’t be alarmed!”  Her frustration level was rising as she too absorbed the situation.

Thoughts were racing through my head now as I went through several scenarios’ to explain my presence. “You can’t just necessarily show up with another man there when he is going to propose to you.” I chuckled at the thought of this man’s face when he saw me walk up with her, a strange new man in her life. I could picture, what I hoped would be pure jealousy in his eyes. And I was sure he would see the same in mine.  “And as far as anyone else looking for you is concerned, they are going to think we left the country and we are going to give them that impression. But we are going to hide in Oregon for a
while. At least until I can work out a deal with Seth for your safety.”

She stood up and stalked around the room. She didn’t quite know what to say to me, but I could tell she was stewing on it. She walked to the window and crossed her arms in front of her chest. She did this a lot when she was thinking something through or when she was trying to figure out what to say.  I couldn’t make out her thoughts and once again I wished I could read her mind.
             
“I can make it look like we are going to Me
xico, then on to Brazil or some
place like that. I can send them in several different directions and they would never know where we were at least for a
while.”   Reality of it was, they would eventually find us, but before that happened I hoped desperately we would have the situation resolved.   I watched her intently as she stood in front of the window and I could tell my enthusiasm for the plan was not exciting her in the least. 

Alison turned to look at me from across the room. She started to say something and stopped. She turned back to the window and said nothing. Finally she turned to look at me.  “I don’t want to hurt him Jack and you still have not solved how I will explain your presence.  I will not lie to him, he doesn’t deserve it. Nor do I want him to think I am up there to accept his proposal. I don’t want to give him the wrong idea either.” Her loving and caring nature was surprisingly annoying to me at that moment. I wasn’t used to it. As far as I was concerned, she could tell him I was some crazy man, as long as she was safe I didn’t care.  But she did have a point. If I was going to show up with her to see this man who was supposedly in love with her, we had to have a good cover story. And honestly, I really was trying to work that part out.  I wasn’t sure how she was going to take to the idea.  “Would you go, if I could give you a way out of his proposal?” I asked her quietly.

“What do you mean? I’m going to have to answer it at some point in time. He’s set on it. Tell me how I would get to avoid it?”  Her tone was full of sarcasm and she stared at me her head slightly tilted, her arms under her breasts. 

Even in the baggiest of grey sweats, she looked amazing. “You said it might be your last chance?” It rolled off of my tongue before I realized it was out.  I was validating why she had to accept his proposal. I could have kicked myself but instead, I only stood there. I did want to know what her intentions were. Although she had said she wasn’t interested in that, would she accept his proposal just to make him happy? She was the type of person who made others happy at her expense.

I was pretty sure that if she had the coffee cup in her hands at the time my words came out, she would have slung it at me and probably hit me.   Her face was red with fury and she began to tremble. Tears began to roll down her face.  An ache in my chest appeared as I realized once again my words hurt her.  I rose from my seat and walked to where she stood. She immediately turned away from me.

“That isn’t what I meant. Tell him you are there to talk to him. You need to find out what your true feelings are for him as another man has entered your life. I go with you, and if he asks, I am that other man. We hide out for a week or two until I know I can guarantee your safety, and you leave with me.”

She looked at me exasperated. “Great let’s just stab the guy with a knife right through the heart Jack. And tell me what happens when I leave with you, everything is fine and meaning you and I go our separate ways when this is over? How am I going to explain that one? He’s going to be hurt Jack and how is that fair? Seriously, what if this is my last chance?”

Did fair really matter when you didn’t want to be with someone? Why should she sacrifice her happiness to make him happy. I didn’t understand her rationale or why she would ever think this would be her last chance. But one thing was for sure, I didn’t want us to go our separate ways. I just wasn’t sure if that was wise.   I watched as she thought about my proposal.  She really was confused and maybe this was a bad idea. Curiosity got to me though, “Last chance at what Sonny – marriage? You
cannot
be serious?” I was completely exasperated with her. Why was she settling? “Alison, what do you want?” 

She turned once again to the window and contemplated my question. “I don’t know,” she shook her head. “I don’t know what I want. I know I don’t want to die alone Jack.”

Her words hit me with such force I was speechless. She, of all people, was afraid of dying alone. This was the last thing in the world she had to worry about.  Thoughts of Paige’s last days drifted through my head as I remembered our conversations about death.  She waited patiently for it to come. And she was at peace with going.  She kept reassuring me that I should not be scared for her, as she was not alone on her journey.  She had even made me promise to find a
way not to die alone.  Both Paige’s words and Alison’s struck me to the very core. I had never been worried about dying alone. But if I kept on the path I was on, I would die alone.

I shook the thoughts out of my mind and returned my focus on the woman who still stood in front of the window.   This was going to kill me, but I had to put her at ease. “If you want and we do
n’t end up dead,” I smiled half
heartedly, “You can make up some wild story that I cheated on you. I’m sure he would take you back in a heartbeat.”  I hoped this made her feel better about hurting Eric’s feelings.  I hoped desperately she would not need this way out.  I wasn’t sure what the future held for her but I wanted desperately to be in that future.

I wanted the conversation to end. I was pretty sure I had not convinced her that the idea was a sound one and once I had brought it up to her I had my doubts as well.

A

Jack hadn’t completely convinced me that the plan was going to work. But if he could throw everyone off course that would was fine by me. The longer, I could live, the better. No one would truly expect me to go up to Oregon to see him. I had avoided it for so long, that I was shocked I was even considering it. Eric was a nice, loving man, who wanted everything life had to offer, wife, kids and family.  I wanted those things as well but I wasn’t sure it was with him.  I wasn’t ready to give up my career, all that I had built for him.  But I knew given the pressure he would put on my and the guilt I would feel I would eventually accept. 

It was almost ten by the time we finished our conversation and made our plans. He purchased two tickets to Buenas Aires and then two more tickets onto Rio de Janeiro.  I wondered where all the money was coming from but I figured not knowing was probably better in the long run. I felt bad he was buying tickets we would not use. And buying at the last minute was not cheap.

I realized as we talked about our plans, I had nothing, absolutely nothing to take with me to Oregon. Only the sweats I wore and those were Jack’s and my backpack with Tom’s laptop. And the contents of that weren’t much use as far as I was concerned.  Jack must have noticed the disgust on my face.  It was either that or he couldn’t stand the look of me in his sweats any longer. They were kind of huge on my little frame.  I think the sleeves hung down to my ankles.