Authors: Justine Elvira
Tags: #Literature & Fiction, #Genre Fiction, #Coming of Age, #Romance, #Contemporary, #New Adult & College
Would we stay in
Miami? Would I still work for him? Would he want kids?
Kids.
I really hadn’t
thought about that. I couldn’t have a kid with Sebastian. I lost my son. I’ll
never have another child again. I will never be able to replace my beautiful
little boy. I would have to tell Sebastian. He needs to know that I never plan
on having kids.
Whoa, I am jumping
way ahead of myself here. Sebastian and I haven’t even discussed what kind of
relationship we want, or even if we want to be in a relationship. Plus, I’m
sure he is in no rush to have kids. We can keep using protection and I’ll
discuss with him my feelings on children when the time-
OH SHIT!
Oh my God… Oh my
God… What the hell was I thinking? Well that’s pretty obvious, I wasn’t. I let
my lust for that man control my body and my brain shut off. We didn’t use
protection and he came in me, twice.
My heart started beating
faster, I felt my throat closing up, my mouth is dry, and I think I’m going to
pass out.
I rush over to the
refrigerator and open it looking for something to drink. I grab a bottle of
water, open it, and start chugging the contents of the bottle.
“Thirsty,” I hear
from behind me.
I jump back into
the refrigerator door and turn to see Sebastian staring at me amused. I lower
the bottle from my lips and swallow. Taking a deep breath I say, “We need to
talk.”
His smile grows
wider, “I know. Isn’t that the whole purpose of tonight?” He looks me up and
down with a smirk on his face. “You look absolutely breathtaking tonight.”
Sebastian leans in to kiss my cheek but I back away further into the fridge.
“Yes that was the
purpose of tonight but something new has come up. I just realized it a few
minutes ago and I am freaking the fuck out.” I say louder than I planned on.
Sebastian comes
closer to me again and this time I have no place to move. I am completely
backed into the shelves of the refrigerator. His hand reaches out to touch my
arm and he smiles at me compassionately. “Whatever it is, it will be okay. Lets
talk about it over dinner.”
He goes to pull me
away with him when I decide just to shout it out.
”You didn’t wear a
condom last night or this morning, I’m not on birth control, and you came
inside me twice.” I suck in a breath of air as that statement took all the air
out of me.
Sebastian slowly
turns around to face me with a look of horror on his face. I have to say
something.
“I’m sorry
Sebastian. I was so caught up in you that I wasn’t even thinking about asking
you to wear a condom. Now everything is a mess and-“
“Stop, “ Sebastian
interrupts me and I look up into his eyes and stop talking. “This is not your
fault. We were both careless. Plus, there is nothing to worry about yet. So we
forgot, do you know how slim the odds are that you actually got pregnant after
a few hours with me? We should be okay.” He seemed confident in his words.
What. An. Idiot.
“Do you know the
odds of someone getting pregnant after being rapped? Those odds are pretty damn
low too but guess what? It happened to me, so screw your odds and start taking
the shit I say seriously.” I was fuming at this point.
“Mia, I know
you’re pissed but can you minimize the cussing, it doesn’t sound good on you.”
I nod my head and he continues, “First, the odds are small but if you are
pregnant then we will deal with that when it happens.”
He slowly walks to
me and grabs my shoulders with both his hands. Then he leans down and kisses me
gently on the lips before pulling away.
“Second, if you
like everything I have to say tonight then I plan on continuing to have sex
with you. You will need to make an appointment and get on birth control because
I want nothing between us.”
His hands start
caressing me, they moved up and down my arms. He brings his lips to my ear, “I
want you to feel me come inside you. I want to go to work knowing a part of me
is always inside you. When you decide to be with me Mia, then I’m going to own
you, all of you, and especially your pussy. That will be all mine. I won’t let
anything get between my dick and what is mine. That includes a condom.”
I felt tingles
shoot down my body at his words. I could feel his breath, hot on my ear. He was
making me incredibly hot for him. I didn’t want dinner anymore because all I
wanted was Sebastian. I wanted the words he spoke to be true.
They were true.
Whether I knew it or not, my body did. My pussy was his and the throbbing below
was telling me he needed to claim it.
I threw my arms
around his neck and pulled him into my body. My mouth connected with his and I
instantly relaxed into him. My body felt like it was home.
He kissed me hard
and fast. His hands moved to my ass and lifted me, urging my legs to wrap
around his waste. I wrapped them around him tightly and I could feel his
erection pressing against my core. My head went back and my mouth released a
long moan. I needed him now.
He moved me
backwards until I was pressed against the wall next to the refrigerator.
Sebastian’s mouth moved from my mouth, planting kisses up my jaw to my ear,
“I’m going to fuck you now, Honey. It’s been too long since I’ve been inside
you.”
His mouth stayed
on my neck, getting me so incredibly turned on, as I felt one of his hands
leave my ass to unzip his pants.
It all happened so
fast. One minute he is whispering in my ear, the next he is pushing my
underwear to the side and slamming into to me. I let out a scream as he filled
me to the brim. “Fuck you’re so wet for me. You’re pussy missed me,” he said
nibbling on my earlobe.
I couldn’t speak.
Coherent thoughts were not capable as he thrust hard inside me. I arched my
back, my head falling to the side so he has better access to my neck. My moment
was building and building fast. My entire body was on fire.
Sebastian’s mouth
lowered down my neck leaving opened mouth kisses down my shoulder and to my
chest. He reached my breasts and sucked and bit my nipple through the cloth of
my dress. It was my undoing.
My moaning got
louder and louder, I gripped his shoulders so hard as I screamed out in
ecstasy. His mouth clamped down on my breast as he came a second later. We rode
out our orgasms together and slowly regained our self-control.
Sebastian kissed
up my body until he reached my mouth. He licked my bottom lip and then sucked
it into his mouth.
Damn, it was sexy.
He released my
lips to give me a soft peck. “I love the strawberry lip gloss Honey, but you
taste better,” he said while slowly pulling out of me.
It was then I
realized our mistake, again.
“Crap! Sebastian
we didn’t use a condom again.” I was still against the wall and his body was
pressed into mine. He looked unapologetic as he took in my words.
“I told you, your
pussy is mine. I will not use a condom when I’m having sex with you and I definitely
will not apologize. You’ll see a doctor tomorrow and we can get this squared
away. If you want to refrain from having sex until the birth control kicks in
then that’s fine but if you want to have sex with me before then, you will have
to deal with me coming inside you.” His words were definite; he wasn’t going to
back down.
“Sebastian, I
don’t want to have kids. I had a son and he is gone now and I have no desire to
have more. You need to know that before this continues. If you want kids then I
am not the one for you and unlike you, I can’t take the risk of possibly
getting pregnant.” I hope he understood where I was coming from.
It was quite for a
few moments. Neither of us spoke as we continued to stare intensely into each
other’s eyes. Sebastian lowered his arms from me and took a step back. My dress
was bunched around my waste so I took this moment to lower it over my hips and
adjust it. When I looked back up at Sebastian he was studying my face.
“Never. You never
want kids?”
It was too soon to
be discussing this kind of topic but I was the one who brought it up.
“I had a kid, and
I loved him but I never want another one,” I said to him. He needed to know
this wasn’t changing.
“Did you not like
being a mother? I mean,” he paused to think about what he was going to say, ”I
know your situation wasn’t… ideal, but you chose to have your son. You chose to
be a mother. How could you not want that anymore?”
My eyes started to
water as my thoughts were instantly flooded with Miles. Sebastian had no idea
what kind of mother I was. How much I loved Miles and would do anything for
him. How when Miles was younger I dreamed of him having siblings to play with.
But dreams change
and when Miles died, so did my dreams.
I was not having
this discussion with him tonight. Somehow our night had completely derailed
from the original plan. I needed to get us back on course.
“Sebastian, I’m
not discussing this with you. I came over to have dinner and discuss your wife.
If you no longer want to I understand and I will go back to my room. But I am,
under no circumstances, talking about this with you. Not tonight.”
I walked over to
the counter to grab a tissue from the tissue holder. I dabbed the tears that
had fallen from my eyes and took in a deep breath. I needed to calm myself
down. I need another distraction.
I felt Sebastian’s
hands on my shoulders from behind me. He spoke softly in my ear, “Hey I’m
sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you. Let’s go over to the dining room and enjoy
the dinner Rachel has made for us. I promise no more serious discussions that
weren’t pre-planned.”
I turned around to
face him and nodding my head replied, “okay.” We walked in silence over to the
dining room to enjoy our dinner together.
*****
My mood was somber
throughout dinner. I couldn’t shake all the emotions that were running through
my body. I wanted to scream, I wanted to cry, I wanted to go back to my room
and just lay in the dark until I fell asleep. Mostly, I wanted anything that
would help me numb the pain I was feeling.
This is exactly
why I never wanted him, or anyone else, to know about Miles. I was fine when I
could bury all thoughts of him. It was almost like he never existed, like it
was a dream. It was when someone brought him up that I completely broke down.
I had barely touched
any of my food and Sebastian noticed. He didn’t say anything; in fact, he was
silent most of the meal. The only time he spoke was when Rachel entered the
room to check on our courses.
She had just
brought out desert when Sebastian suddenly tossed his napkin on his plate. I
heard the screeching of the legs on his chair as he pulled it out and stood up
abruptly.
“Rachel, can you
have this sent up to my room? Mia and I are going to head up to bed.” His voice
sounded stern. It was a voice that was not to be questioned. Rachel noticed
this too because she nodded shyly before leaving the room.
“Come with me,”
Sebastian said as he reached out for me from across the table.
I stood up from my
chair and placed my napkin down. I had no desire to go with him but his mood
told me this wasn’t a time to argue.
I walked over to
meet him and he took my hand in his. We walked to his room in silence. I wasn’t
sure if he was going to tell me about his wife now, yell at me, or ask for sex.
It really could go any way.
I stepped into his
bedroom after him and he closed the doors, locking them this time. Sebastian
started to remove his clothing and I followed his lead.
I guess we were
having sex.
Standing in his
boxers, me in my bra and panties, Sebastian did something unexpected. He moved
over to his bed and pulled back his bedding. He sat down with his back against
the headboard; legs opened, and called me over to sit in between them.
Searching for some
kind of comfort, I eagerly went to him and sat in between his legs, my back to
his front.
Sebastian leaned
over to grab his comforter and pulled it until it was draped over our bodies.
Then he wrapped his arms around my stomach, my head immediately fell back on
his chest. I felt safe. Being in his arms gave me so much comfort and peace. It
was something I had never felt before.
We laid like this
for what felt like hours, neither of us saying a word. We didn’t address what
happened earlier, we didn’t talk about his marriage, and we didn’t have sex.
Every couple
minutes Sebastian would show me some little form of affection. He would squeeze
me a little tighter, or run the tips of his fingers up and down my arms, or
leave lingering kisses on the back of my head.
The affection he
was showing me made me want to cry. I never knew a man could be so tender…
thoughtful… loving. I had never seen that before.
I was slowly
starting to drift off to sleep. The rising and falling of his chest was the
most comforting thing in the world and I knew when I fell asleep tonight, I
would be safe.
7 months earlier
“Rise and shine,”
I said brightly as I placed a kiss on his forehead.
Miles was slowly
starting to stir from his deep sleep. His rocket ship bedding was pushed to the
foot of the bed, where his head currently was. He had one leg hanging over the
side of his twin bed and the other leg bent to his stomach.
From the day I
brought him home from the hospital he could never stay still in his sleep. It
was one of the reasons I insisted on him not sleeping in my bed. It wasn’t because
I didn’t want him in there; it was because I never was able to sleep with his
body constantly moving around.
Miles would come
home from kindergarten telling me how his friends got to sleep in their
parent’s beds at night. It was a constant battle in our house, a battle I was
going to win. Sure I felt bad telling him no all the time but what Miles
doesn’t realize is Mommy needs sleep too!