The Rocker That Holds Me (9 page)

How was it that I had no clothes to wear?

I have jeans, and shirts, and underwear. But I have nothing that I would deem sexy, or date worthy. The jeans were expensive but old, with tears that were not supposed to be there, and frayed from so many washes. My shirts were all tee shirts and nine out of ten of them had Demon’s Wings logos on them. My bras and panties are all cotton and the least sexy things I have ever seen.

With a sob I flop on my bed and stare at my now disaster of a room. All my clothes have been tossed from my cases around the room. There is even a bra hanging from the head of my bed.

I can’t go out on my first date with Nik, fuck my first date EVER in jeans and a tee shirt!

There was a sharp tap on my closed bedroom door before it opened and N
ik stuck his head in. “Hey babe, you ready..?” His voice trailed off and his eyes got huge when he saw the mess I had made of my room in the last fifteen minutes. “Em?”

Another sob escaped me. “I have nothing to wear.”

His brows rose in that adorable way I love so much and he walked fully into the room. “Your room suggests differently, baby. What’s the matter?”

“All I have is stupid jeans and most of my shirts have Demon’s Wings logos on them. I don’t own one freaking dress! Not even a skirt. All my panties are made of cotton and my bras are boring.” I grabbed my pillow and hugged it against my chest.

He cocked his head to the side. “And you want a dress and skirts, and underwear that aren’t boring? Although to tell you the truth that bra hanging from your bed post is pretty fucking hot.”

I shot him a glare. “
I want something I can wear on our date that you will want to tear off of me with your teeth. I want to be sexy!”

His nostrils flared and he turned away. Before I could even think about what he was doing he had locked the door behind him and was suddenly in front of me. “Stand up, Em.” When I didn’t move he took hold of my hands and pulled me to my feet. Gentle fingers lifted my chin, forcing me to meet that intense ice blue gaze of his.
“Have I ever lied to you, baby girl?”

Biting my lip I shook my head. Nik has always told me the truth. Maybe he ha
d kept things from me, but he has never lied to me. Ever.

“Then listen to me, because I don’t want to repeat myself, okay?” I
nodded, captivated by the way he was looking down at me from his six foot three height. “You are the sexiest woman I have ever met. You don’t need more than a pair of ripped jeans, tattered shirt, and ragged underwear and I want to strip you with my teeth. Fuck girl, you make me hard just by being in the same room. If I smell your perfume, or whatever it is that you wear that makes you smell so amazing, I can’t walk straight.”

I forgot how to breathe. All my brain power was focused on his lips as they formed those deeply, insanely endearing words. “If you want those things then we will get them.
Tonight, tomorrow. Whenever you want. But don’t get them unless you want them, because I want you more now standing there in that too big shirt and those cutoff jeans than I ever would in some dress or lingerie.”

“R-really?”
My voice came out all breathy.

“Really.”
He traced the waist band of my jeans, making my head swim with desire. “So what do you want, Em? Want me to take you shopping?”

“Yes.” Because I still didn’t
feel
sexy despite his words. My tongue licked my parched lips. “But…tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow?”
His voice lowered, took on that seductive quality I remembered from our stolen night together. “So our date is off?”

I shook my head. “No, I just want to skip dinner and fast forward to the kiss goodnight.” And this time I wanted to bask in the fact that he really knew it was me that he was kissing. “And maybe see how talented you are
at stripping me with those teeth of yours.”

H
e grinned predatorily, causing me to shiver deliciously. “I think I can oblige the lady.”

--

Alright, I will be the first one to say that having sex with Nik was not a smart idea. But damn if it wasn’t the best idea I have ever had. That man has talent, this I knew from our first night together. Man can use his tongue in a way that makes me beg for mercy.

Our first night together had nothing on last night. Maybe it was because I didn’t have to feel guilty for taking advantage. Or having to hide
how I really felt about him. Perhaps it was because this time he was sober and cried out my name when he came, instead of ‘baby’. Or maybe it was because afterwards, instead of passing out on me he instead turned me so that my back was against his chest and cuddled me until I fell asleep in his arms.

Whatever the reason it was magical and I woke the next morning feeling like I could float. He was still pressed up against my back, with one hand cupping my breast and the other laying protectively over where our daughter grew in
my belly. It was the perfect way to wake up and I wanted that every morning for the rest of my life.

Warm lips caressed my neck.
“Morning, baby.” He breathed at my ear. “How did you sleep?”

“If I said that it was the best night’s sleep I’ve ever had would you believe me?”

I felt his smile against my shoulder. “Yes, because it was one of the best night’s sleep I’ve ever had too.”

I wasn’t exactly happy about his answer. Turning in his arms I grasped his chin and met his smiling eyes.
“
One
of the best?”

He nodded.
“Yep.”

My green eyes narrowed. “What were the other ones?”

He grinned. “Let me see…A few weeks ago when you crawled in beside of me on the bus. When you couldn’t sleep last year and spent the night in my hotel room talking to me until I fell asleep…” He shrugged. “All of them seem to involve you sleeping in my arms.”

Okay, so I was decisively happier with that answer.
Not many women wouldn’t be, especially when someone as sinfully sexy as Nikolas Armstrong said those things to her! “I don’t know why I keep you around sometimes mister.”

He batted those thick eye lashes at me and I was transfixed for a moment by the s
heer beauty of them as they curtained his ice blue eyes. God, I would kill for eye lashes like that! Several shades darker than his hair, they were magnificent. It wasn’t fair that his eyes were so beautiful. “Let’s grab a shower, baby. I’m starving.”

At the suggestion of getting up and eating my stomach grumbled. Nik grinned down at me.
“How about some bacon?”

I laughed. “I’m going to end up hating bacon before this is all over.”

“Probably.” He kissed me, quick and hard, but no less potently. “Now get that sexy ass up so that we can eat. I need food, woman. Food.”

I don’t have any female friends. I was practically raised by four rockers. It is little wonder that I have no interest in shopping. Last night was the first time I have ever wanted to own a dress. This baby is so making me lose my mind!

All I want is to feel pretty, sexy. But I don’t want to lose who I am. I don’t want designer dresses. I would probably throw up if I spent more than a hundred dollars on an outfit. So I ended up at the mall.

At a mall on a Wednesday in a touristy city
? Yeah, that was a good idea. Not!

Do you have any idea how many teenaged girls are at a mall on a Wednesday during the summer? Well I sure as hell didn’t, and I was positive that Nik hadn’t had a clue either. So when we walked into American
Eagle and the sales girl standing with a half folded shirt in her hands screamed I nearly jumped out of my skin because I hadn’t been expecting it.

“
Ohmygod. Ohmygod. Ohmygod!” The girl was in front of Nik before I could even figure where the scream had come from. “You’re Nik Armstrong.” She screamed again, causing everyone in the store and outside to stop and see what was going on. “I am like your biggest fan ever. I’m Meg.”

I knew then and there that I was not going to get any shopping done that day. It seemed like as soon as Meg said his name aloud he was surrounded by panting girls. One actually pushed me out of the way so that she could get to him. Hands were all over him, wanting to have the memory of touching the rocker who probably stared in their immature wet dreams.

I have had to hide my feelings for Nik for years now. Even when it was killing me inside I never let anyone see how much having skanks touch him—or worse, sleep with him—bothered me. But today I was not able to hide behind those walls that I had built for times like this. I was pregnant with his baby, for fucks sake! He had spent hours making me come apart in his arms just the night before.

So while he grinned, and laughed, and let them touch him I turned and walked away. Jealousy ate at me like a disease and I was so fucking mad at him for letting them touch him, that he let them push me out like I was insignificant. A more rational part of my brain tried to excuse it.
Attempted to make me see that he was just playing the part, hamming it up for his fans. But when it came to most of the females that were Demon’s Wings fans I wondered if they even listened to their music. Or was it just about getting in a hot rocker’s bed? From what I have witnessed over the years the latter was more along the lines of truth than the former.

My phone started playing
Ashes
by Demon’s Wings and I glared down at the damn thing in my hand seeing Nik’s face smiling back at me on the screen of the iPhone. Instead of answering I got on the escalator and went up to the second floor. I couldn’t face him right now. There was no telling what I would have done if I saw him right at that moment.

Slap his overly handsome face? Knee him in the balls?
Confess that I was obsessively in love with him? No way would I do that. It was bad enough that he knew how much I wanted him, the lengths that I had stooped to just to get in his pants.

“Em?”
I didn’t look over the rail when I heard him frantically calling my name from the ground level. Let him worry. Give it five minutes and he would be surrounded by girls again and I would just be an afterthought. Fuck that, and fuck him!

A store caught my attention and I went in without thinking about it. Now this was my kind of store!
Black lace, chains, silk and mesh. Oh, fuck yeah! There was a moody girl behind the counter who raised her head to frown at me when I walked in. She had some kind of rock magazine on the counter in front of her and after deciding that I wasn’t worth her time went back to the article in front of her.

I got lost in buying clothes.
Sexy black panties, matching bras. Thigh highs and garters.  A black dress that screamed that it was made for me. A skirt with chains holding the sides together. Tops that showed off my new assets. Shoes, shoes, and more shoes that went with all my darkly sexy outfits.

I made sure to get everything a size bigger so that I would have a little room to grow since my pregnancy was going to start showing soon. And when I tried on shoes I found that a size bigger and wider were needed, but that didn’t surprise me
. I had read about some women’s feet growing like that when they were pregnant. It was weird but true.

The girl behind the counter gave me a long look as I tossed my stuff up on the counter top. “Did you find what you were looking for?” She asked.

I took in her dyed black hair, the piercings in her nose and eyebrow, the tattoo of a demon on her right forearm and felt like I had found a kindred spirit. Had I known this girl growing up she would have most likely ended up my best friend. “All I have are jeans and stupid Demon’s Wings shirt. It was time for a change.”

The girl’s eyes narrowed on me. “Demon’s Wings shirts are not stupid. I have six of them.”

“Then you have exceptionally good taste in music. But I needed something that screams sexy, not rocker girl next door.” She started ringing up my clothes and I turned to the jewelry rack behind me. There were cheap little things, some of them only twenty dollars at the most. But they were beautiful. A sexy demon with her wings and horns in a tarnished silver hanging from a chain caught my attention and I tossed it on the counter with the rest of my things. The side with the belly button rings was next and I found several that I liked. Some nose studs and I was done.

There were eight bags full by the time the girl was finished scanning my things into the computer. I handed over the credit card and watched the girls eyes bulge when she saw the name on the card. “Nikolas Armstrong?” She sputtered and gave me a closer look. “It is you. I thought you looked familiar. You’re Ember Jameson!”

I smiled at the girl. “Yes.”

“You have to be the coolest girl in the fucking world.” She swiped the card before giving it back. “I love that poster of Demon’s Wings with you clinging to Jesse Thornton. Damn I would kill to be you.”

That made the smile disappear. “No. No you wouldn’t.” I assured her. My life might look perfect now, but no one would ever wish for the life that I had had growing up. No one deserved that kind of nightmare filled childhood.

There was a commotion outside the store and I turned to find three security guards standing outside with a pale and frantic looking Nik. I glanced down at my phone and saw that I had been in the store for more than an hour. Crap!
“Nik!” I called out as he started to pass the store.