The Rocker That Holds Me (10 page)

His head snapped around and he moved quicker than I ha
d ever seen him as he entered the store and pulled me against his chest. His entire body was shaking, his fingers trembling as they knotted in my hair and jerked my head back to meet his blue eyes. “Don’t you ever fucking do that to me again!”

Most of my anger had faded while I was shopping, so I stood and gave him a peck on the cheek.
“Figured you were having so much fun with the fan club that you wouldn’t even miss me.”

His eyes narrowed.
“Where you jealous?”

I pulled away from him and turned to the girl behind the counter who was gazing at Nik in wonder. It didn’t bother me this time. I knew that this girl was a true fan of th
e band, not just of the way the guys looked. I saw her name tag and gave her an appreciative smile. “Thanks for all the help Beth. Nik, Beth has been so much help today. I spent three grand without even realizing it.”

Nik raised a brow but offered the girl a grin. “Thank you
, Beth.”

I pulled out one of the tops that I had just bought, a gray one, and reached for the marker on the counter beside of the computer.
I wrote my name across the back and then handed the marker to Nik without looking at him. “Write down your address for me and I will send you that poster you like so much with the guys autographs on it.”

“That…” She shook her head
. “That would be awesome. Thank you!”

I shrugged
watching her scribble across a small piece of paper. “It’s nothing. I like meeting real Demon’s Wings fans. Thanks again.” Nik snatched up the eight bags and followed me out of the store with a wink at the girl.

I slept alone that night. Call me childish and immature, I don’t care. I call it protection. After the episode at the mall and my battle with my jealousy I couldn’t handle spending another night in Nik’s arms without giving my feelings away.

So I locked my door when I went to bed that night and didn’t move when I heard Nik’s knock. “Em, please don’t do this.” He had called, but I had just set on my bed.

This morning I was already showered and dressed, but I wasn’t ready to go down and be nice to everyone. So I set on my bed with my hair still damp and my laptop open. There were a few emails that I had to handle from Rich. He wasn’t happy about the guys not going on tour in September and I wasn’t surprised. I didn’t know how much Nik had told his manager, but I was aware that the asshole was blaming me.

After handling the business end of the emails I grabbed my phone, snapped a picture of me giving the middle finger and texted it to Rich Branson. Yeah, I really gave a shit about what he thought of me. Whatever.

I was surfing the net looking for reviews on local O
B/GYNs when I got a text back.
Pregnancy has really calmed down your bitchiness, princess. NOT.

Instead of calling to scream at him for calling me ‘princess’
, I just resent the picture of me giving him the finger and tossed my phone aside. An hour later I was out of my room and downstairs. Jesse was watching some disgusting zombie movie on the flat screen in the living room and I wished I had time to sit and watch it with him.

“Where you going?”
He asked when I picked up the keys to the SUV.

“I was able to get an appointment with a really good doctor.” I called over my shoulder. “They had a cancelation this afternoon and were able to squeeze me in. I have to get going or I’m going to be late.”

He followed me out the door. “Where’s Nik? Don’t you think he should go with you?”

I shrugged. “He wasn’t in his room and I don’t have time to worry about it.” I climbed into the driver’s seat and started punching in the address for the medical complex
into the GPS.

Jesse jumped in beside of me. “Someone should go with you.” He gave me a hard look that told me not to argue. Not that I would have. I was glad to have his company and the support of someone who loved me.

With a smile I backed out of the driveway and turned toward Panama City.

The staff was friendly and professional. I had to fill out countless forms when I arrived.
Insurance, family and personal medical history. There was an entire page on my period. When was my first period? How many days did my flow last? How often is my cycle? On the back there were even more personal questions. How many sexual partners have you had? Have you had/currently have an STD?

Jesse sat patiently beside of me while I filled out everything and went back with me when the nurse called my name. It wasn’t lost on me that Nik should have been with me today. And I was feeling the need for his presence as the visit wore on. I tried calling him twice while we waited for the doctor to come in, but he wasn’t picking up. I figured he was paying me back for not letting him in my room last night.

When Dr. Morgan stepped into the room I was surprised by how pretty she was. In her late thirties, she had an ageless beauty about her. I figured she would be this beautiful when she was eighty. She gave me a kind smile and shook my hand. “Hello Ember. It’s nice to meet you.” She offered her hand to Jesse. “Are you dad?”

“No, ma’am.
Just a friend.”

Dr. Morgan raised a brow but didn’t comment as she took a seat and laid her iPad on the little table beside of her chair. “Well, Ember, tell me a little about your pregnancy.”

“I’m nineteen weeks and it’s a girl.” I wasn’t sure what the doctor wanted, but that was all I really knew about my pregnancy.

“And you just recently found out?” I nodded. “
Okay. Well, let me tell you about a few things that we need to do. We have to get some blood work and I need to do a Pap smear. These are all routine tests to make sure that you and the baby are healthy. Since you are already so far along in your pregnancy I would like to do another ultrasound to get some measurements and to confirm your due date.”

“Okay.”

“Good.” She pulled a small device from her coat pocket. “First I would like to take a listen to the baby’s heartbeat if that’s okay?”

I sat back and the doctor pulled my tee shirt up.
A little gel on the end of the device and she was pushing it against my lower abdomen. She moved it around a few times and then the room was filled with the noise that could not be mistaken for anything but the heartbeat of my baby.

“That’s amazing.” Jesse whispered from his chair against the wall.

I sent him a watery smile. “I know.”

“Fuck, Em. This is real, huh? You’re really having a baby.” He rubbed his hands over his bald head.

The doctor laughed softly. “There is undeniably a baby in there. Sounds good. A strong heartbeat.” She took the device away and used a paper towel to wipe the gel from my skin. “Now for the unpleasant part, Ember.” She pulled out a gown and a paper blanket from the cabinet under the table where her iPad was. “Everything off. I’ll step outside while you get undressed. The gown opens in the front.”

I waited until she was gone before reaching for my shirt. Jesse stood and turned his back until I had the gown on and the paper blanket covered me. I wasn’t embarrassed to have Jesse there. We were comfortable with our bodies and the nature of our relationship that he had seen me naked more than a few times.

When I had my first period it was Jesse who bought me tampons and then showed me how to us them. That might sound inappropriate, but there hadn’t been anyone else to help me. My mom had been passed out after a night of booze, crack, and men and I had been terrified of what was going on with my body.

A minute later the doctor returned and I had my first experience with the torture that was called a Pap smear. “This is just to check for cervical cancers and STDs.” Dr. Morgan explained as she did something that made me whimper. In the next second it was all over.
“Looks good, Ember. Your cervices are nice and closed.” She pulled off her gloves and tossed them in the trash before washing her hands.

“My nurse is going to come in and take some blood. Don’t freak out because she is going to take several vials.” She glanced at Jesse. “Make sure she eats soon.” He nodded. “I want to do an ultrasound but my tech is out sick today. Can you come back in the morning?”

I was glad for the delay in the ultrasound. I wanted Nik with me for that. He was the father, the man I loved. He should be with me to see something that magical. My first one had left me in love with a being that I hadn’t known existed. I was sure that the experience would leave him just as moved.

After we left I felt just a little light headed from the blood work and Jesse helped me out to the SUV. I was more than happy to hand over the keys so that he could drive. A quick stop at a McDonalds because I wanted a Big Mac with bacon and we were headed back to the beach house.

I was happy to get home. I couldn’t wait to talk to Nik about going to the doctor with me the next morning. The rush of seeing our child while it moved inside of me was going to be something that will be one of the biggest moments in his life. I was sure of it.

--

As soon as Jesse had the SUV put in park I jumped out of the vehicle and practically skipped inside. “Nik?” I called out his name, but there wasn’t anyone in the house. Movement out on the beach caught my attention and I turned to see Nik, Drake, and Shane out on the beach with a group of girls in bikinis.

My excitement evaporated.

As I moved closer to the French doors that lead outside to the beach my heart cracked open. Nik had two of the five girls wrapped around him. He was laughing and shaking his head at something that Shane was saying. Boobs that had to be three sizes bigger than my own rubbed against his chest as it shook with laughter.

“Are we having a party?” Jesse asked behind me.

I swallowed around the lump in my throat. “Looks like it. But I don’t think we were invited.” Disgusted I turned and headed for the stairs. “So, are you going to go with me in the morning?”

“I thought you wanted Nik to go with you.”

“I don’t want anything from Nik!” I assured him as I climbed the stairs.

Pregnancy hormones are a scary thing. They leave you in a piling heap of snotty tissues and damp pillows. They make you think things that you never normally would think about. Like running away from the only life you have ever known, from the people who have always protected you and loved you. They make you mad at the world.

I locked myself in my room and turned on my computer. We have only been on this stupid vacation for less than a week and I was ready for it to be over with. I wanted Nik and the others gone. I wanted them to leave. I wanted…

I didn’t know what I wanted, okay!

Ever since I was five my guys have been in my life. When I went to live with them at the age of fifteen I knew that I was finally home. They were my safe haven. I always thought that as long as I had those four men with me I would never have to worry about anything every again. But now I’m contemplating living them behind! That was the scariest thought that has ever run through my brain.

I spent three hours searching for exactly what I wanted and then pulled up my checking account to see what I had to play with. I had three million dollars in my savings and a little over one in my checking. Yes, Rich paid me very well.

Call me a coward. I don’t care. But I wasn’t going to stick around and be subjected to more of what I had witnessed when I came back from the doctor. I wasn’t emotionally stable enough to keep hiding my feelings for that stupid man and I would be damned if I would let him have that kind of power over my emotions once he realized that I was in love with him.

Packing my things is something I have become an expert with. It took me less than an hour to get everything I needed into my cases. After a shower I sat on the edge of my bed and waited for the house to grow quiet. There had been music playing down on the beach but I hadn’t left my room to check out what was happening. From the giggling females and the deep male laughter it didn’t take much to figure out that they were having a hell of a good time.

Around two the music stopped.
A while later there were doors slamming shut and I finally went out to check on everything. The house was dark. Everyone was in bed, or had left since they had all decided that women would not be staying in the house. I refused to check Nik’s room to find out what category he was in. If I found him not in bed then I was sure that I wouldn’t survive.

Back in my room I used my cell to call for a taxi and then wheeled my luggage down stairs as quietly as I could. The driver was just pulling up in the driveway when I saw a light turn on upstairs.

My heart stopped when I realized that it was Nik’s room. The curtain twitched and I saw his face appear in the window. I turned away and started throwing my things into the back of the cab before the driver could get out.

There was only my big case left. I was frantic to leave. The driver picked it up just as the front door opened and Nik came running.
“Em!”

“Please hurry.” I begged the little old man.

“Stop!” Nik shouted. “What the fuck are you doing?” I reached for the door to the back of the taxi but he reached me before I could get it open. His fingers locked around my arms and jerked me around to face him. “Where are you going?”