The Secret to Success (4 page)

I'm not sure why I didn't think to call Tim when the whole thing first went down. I guess I was trying to work things out on my own. It didn't take long before I realized I was in trouble and needed some help. I called Tim to see if I could stay with him until I got on my feet. “Tim, what up, it's E.T. I know I haven't hollered at you in a minute, but I am in a bind and I need you.” He didn't hesitate, “What you need bro?' “I need a place to lay my head for a while until I get on my feet.” “What happened? You and your father got into it again?” he said in a disappointed tone. “Yeah, but this time I am not going back, I can't deal with that mess anymore!” “Where are you now, I am on my way.” Tim lived in his own two-bedroom apartment off Woodward Avenue in the Palmer Park area. Talk about a dream becoming a reality, it was the perfect scenario. Total freedom. I could come and go as I pleased and I wouldn't have to worry about doing any chores. However, I think Tim envisioned things a bit differently. I remember our first conversation a few days after I moved in. Tim said, “Lil bro, you are a grown ass man now, so I am going to treat you like one. I am going to say this one time and one time only, if you handle your business everything between us will be fine, but if not....” He gave me the look. “Number one, you will finish school and you better not miss one day of school unless you are deathly ill. This is a no skipping zone. Two, I work and I don't have time to run back and forth to your school because of your behavior. If you get in trouble, you are on your own. Three, I'll pay the rent, I'll pay the phone bill, I'll pay the electricity, but E, I cannot feed you bro. You are going to have to get a part time job so you can take care of your own personal needs. Oh and I am going to need you to find somewhere else to crash from time to time. I can't have you in the crib when I bring my chicks through. I know it's a two bedroom, but it's also a bachelor pad. When you see a red shoestring hanging on the door outside, come back in the morning so you can shower before school.”

Not two months after the conversation, Tim kicked me out. Tim was a police officer, so he was hardly home. With no adult supervision, I reverted back to the old E.T. I had no interest in school so it was a challenge to get up every morning at 5:30 a.m. and getting dressed in time to catch the 6:30 a.m. bus. Some days I pretended I went to school. I got up, got dressed, and hung out in the hood until it was time to come home. I had far less discipline than I did when I lived in my parents' house and my interest in school was hitting an all time low.

Principle 3
: You can change environments, but until you change yourself nothing else will ever change
.

I had the fresh start I dreamed of when I moved in with Tim. Somehow I thought that shifting addresses would magically change my situation. I ended up taking Tim for granted in much the same way I took my parents for granted. I never washed the dishes or cleaned up after myself. When Tim brought women home the house always smelled like trash and dirty dishes. I was being classic Eric Thomas. Same process—same exact outcome. I got kicked out my parent's house; I got kicked out of Tim's house.

Summary: Principles 1-3

•   Principle 1: Don't make a habit out of choosing what feels good over what's actually good for you.

•   Principle 2: Avoid being your own enemy.

•   Principle 3: You can change environments, but until you change yourself nothing else will ever change.

“Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.”
- Carl Bard

As we go into the next few chapters, we're going to talk about change for obvious reasons. If there is one lesson we can take away so far it's that change doesn't happen by osmosis. However, I want to demystify the concept of change. Too often I hear individuals speak about change as if it's not something that can be attained and that it's extremely complex. The truth is that change is simple, but it's not easy. So let me be the first to encourage you. If I can do it, anybody can do it. But remember, the first thing we have to do is stop comparing change to some complex coordinates in the theory of atomic and molecular structure and dynamics. It's not that deep. As a matter of fact, change is so simple that even a child can do it.

Principle 4
: Learn to be curious
.

Symbolically, when I look at change and think about the initial process, I think about the genie in the bottle story. The story begins with a scared, angry young man walking up and down the beach. While walking, he notices a beautiful golden bottle. His curiosity drives him to move closer. He bends down and picks up the bottle. Once in his grasp he begins to rub it. To his surprise, “BOOM!” the genie appears. “Thank you for setting me free. For thousands of years I have been trapped inside this bottle waiting to be released to share with someone the secrets to success. And to show you my appreciation, you may ask me for anything, and your wish is my command.”

Don't miss the message. For many of us our change has been bottled up. I believe within every person is the capacity for change. Furthermore, I believe every individual at some point in his or her life has had multiple opportunities to change. The reality is, many of us do not recognize the need for change or understand the principles needed to create change in our lives. One group of individuals think that they do not need to change and that everybody else needs to change. The second group believes that change is connected to location. If only they could relocate. If only they could move to another city, state, or even country, life would be so much better. We will use the story of the genie to reveal some of the most vital secrets to unleashing the power of change in each of our lives.

Principle 5
: Don't be afraid to explore your curiosity
.

What if I told you that the first step in experiencing real success does not require any painstaking effort at all? That's right; the first step in the process only requires a little exploration of your curiosity. Webster defines curiosity as “a strong desire to know or learn something.” I know it sounds too good to be good to be true, but honestly, the day my luck and my life changed for the better had absolutely nothing to do with effort. Before I left home, I was minding my own business, living life the best way I knew how to live it when all of a sudden, I found myself sleeping in abandoned buildings, eating out of trashcans, and stealing food from the local grocery stores. I remember thinking to myself, “I don't know how I got here, and I damn sure don't know how to get myself out.” In my distress, a thought popped in my head,
“What would have to happen in order for you to get out of this mess?”
I spent the next few days thinking just that, trying to figure out in my mind what it would take to get from this point in my life to where I knew I was destined to be.

Follow the story carefully, it was curiosity and curiosity alone that drove that scared, angry young man toward the beautiful bottle, and it was the exploration of that desire that caused him to rub it. As a result, the genie was set free and the scared, angry, young man was thrust into his new season. Pay attention to the initial exchange between the young man and the genie. Nowhere in the story does the genie ask for a large sum of money or even a small down payment to activate the change process. Let's be honest, that is not our experience. Everything costs money. You need money to buy the home you have been dreaming about. It will take money as well to drive that car that you have been wanting off the lot. All the genie asked of him was to make a wish. The genie's job was not to paint a picture of what the young man's life should look like for him. The genie understood that the young man's destiny was already inside of him. He didn't need a handout; he needed someone to challenge him—to get out of him that which was already inside of him. Everything you need, to get everywhere you need to be, is already inside of you. But without a strong desire, and I stress a strong desire, to know or learn something we will never experience the change we so desperately say we want!

Principle 6
: You have to saddle your dreams before you can ride them
.

I got so excited I sort of gave away the next point, which is my favorite. Ask—
ask for anything you desire and your wish is my command
. This principle is one of my favorite success principles because it single handedly placed me in a position of greatness. Through this principle I was able to go from rock bottom; sleeping in abandoned buildings and eating out of trashcans to making all my dreams become a reality. The thing I love most about this principle is that all it requires is a healthy imagination. You don't have to be a genius or intellectually advanced to experience change. In fact, when I began this process over 25 years ago, it was the worst academic year of my life. Remember what I shared? Change requires desire. Once you get to a place in your life where you really want change to take place, guess what?
“BOOM!”
your genie will appear and say, “Ask of me anything and your wish is my command.”

And that's exactly what I did; I made a wish. I remember that day like it was yesterday. Without a dime in my pocket or a place to go, I just sat there and used my imagination. I imagined what my life would be like and what type of things I would have. And even today, I recall those moments as some of the most amazing moments of my life. In those few precious minutes I was no longer homeless. Instead, I lived in a beautiful ranch style home with a loving family, a red picket fence, and it was near a gorgeous body of water. I couldn't figure out what I was doing professionally, but in some capacity I was helping people help themselves. My life was peaceful and drama free.

With desire and imagination alone you can begin to live the life you have dreamt of living. Let me explain how the concept works. Your imagination is like a GPS system. In order for a GPS to work, you must first power it on. I don't care how basic of a model or complex your GPS system is; it does not work if you don' turn the power switch to the on position. Once you have powered it up; get ready, get ready, get ready. The only thing left to do before your GPS takes you where your heart desires, is to select a POI (Point of Interest) or provide an address. Bottom line, I used my imagination to rewrite the script of my life and began heading in a new direction.

Let's stop and do an imagination exercise I call, “Can You See What I See?” First, I want you to ask yourself a very important question. What do you want your life to look like? The operative question is what do you want? The question is not, what does your life currently look like? I am not interested in that answer because it has absolutely nothing to do with the price of tea in China.

For this exercise, I need you to focus solely on what you want your life to look like in the future. The key to this exercise is for you to use all of your creative energy on the rest of your life instead of wasting it focusing on things you cannot change.
Note: There are no guidelines or rule to this exercise; it is your life and your imagination. You have the power to be as creative as possible
. Remember, this is your life. You are the CEO, CFO, CIO and whatever other O's I might have overlooked. You are the executive director and the screenwriter of your life, so let's begin. Here are a few questions to help you start the process.

•   Write your role in the movie. Who and what do you wish to be?

•   What are your goals and dreams? What time frame do you have for them?

•   What would your average day, week or month look like if you were living out your dreams?

•   What would be your major accomplishments in 1 year, 5 years, 10 years or more?

•   What type of legacy do you wish to leave behind for your family, friends, and society as a whole?

•   What type of wealth will you need to accomplish all your dreams?

•   What type of information or knowledge would you need to acquire to support your dream?

There are a million other questions you or I could have generated that would get our imaginations racing. The questions in and of themselves are not as important as your responses. What you envision in your mind, how you see yourself, and how you envision the world around you is of great importance because those things become your focus. They become the reason why you go to bed at 10:00 pm and wake up at 4:00 am. They become the reason why you work two jobs during the day and attend class at night. They become the reason you make the sacrifices you make. In short, the things you desire to do, to have, and to be will provide you with the passion, the purpose, and the drive you need to succeed.

This is why I say change is not complex. You can have good credit, bad credit, or NO CREDIT at all, and the change you so desperately need in your life can be as real as the sun is bright. The best part of it all is that you do not need a cosigner for change. I don't care what people say about your breakthrough or what they think about your breakthrough. The only thing you need to get your breakthrough is a strong desire. It starts with you, and it can start as soon as you are ready for it to start. You can activate the process this very moment if you have enough curiosity to ask yourself one simple question, “What would it take to get from where I am now to where I want to be?” Or you can continue to live a life of lack and be envious of those around you who are enjoying every minute of their lives. You don't need to go to a beach to find the genie in a bottle. Your change is the bottle and all you need to do is be daring enough to rub your bottle and your wishes can become your reality

Summary: Principles 4-6

•   Principle 4: Learn to be curious.

•   Principle 5: Don't be afraid to explore your curiosity.