The Ultimate Guide to Fellatio (25 page)

It’s important to keep in mind that fantasies don’t necessarily bear any relationship to reality. The realm of fantasy is the sanctuary in your mind where you are free to enjoy things that you would never do in real life. And fantasy is not only where we can court the forbidden; it is also a powerful sex toy that can be used for arousal, heightening pleasure, and achieving climax.

Think about your fantasies for a moment, whether they are vivid, vague, seemingly mundane, or a little scary. Don’t try to look deeply into their meanings, just pick out their main themes. What you’re doing is isolating what it is that makes them a peak erotic experience for you. Keep your mind open, and don’t pass judgment on yourself—this isn’t about “good” and “bad,” it’s about understanding what turns you on. Note what stands out, and the important differences between what is possible in fantasy and what is possible in reality.

Think about what your favorite themes are, or try on new ideas that appeal to you. Try to feel comfortable with tapping into what these fantasies trigger when you want to become aroused. Remember that if you fantasize about something shocking, like being forced to perform sex, it doesn’t mean that you want this to happen or that you are a bad person. But by identifying it in the realm of your fantasies, you can find a safe space where imagination fuels desire. By learning how to turn yourself on with fantasy, you can do extraordinary things—for instance, you can make yourself really aroused and teach yourself a new masturbation technique. Or you can fantasize while you go down on your partner, and turn yourself on with the combination of stimuli; the reverse works when your lover fantasizes as you go down on him. Or if you have established trust and sexual communication with your lover, you can share your fantasies—you can even make some of them come true.

Illustration 13. Strap-On

Once you know what your favorite fantasy elements are, you can take steps to use them in fantasy scenarios that you cook up with your partner. Here are some ideas for inspiration:

• Firsts: you experience a first time engaging in a sexual act such as penetration, oral sex, or anal sex.

• Loss of control: someone has sexual power over you, “makes” you do things.

• Having control: you exert sexual power, have people “service” you.

• Taboo: you have sex with a forbidden person such as a clergyman or family member, an animal, or someone of the same gender. You can also incorporate inappropriate urges or timing, or even rape.

• Multiple partners: you experience a gang-bang, sex with the football team, a sex party, an orgy, a threesome.

• Casual or anonymous partners: you have sex with strangers, a waitress, the UPS guy.

• Your partner: you relive a memory of them, they engage in different behavior such as dominance or submission, or you have a peak experience with them.

• Public spaces: you have sex in the office, movie theater, park, dressing room.

• Being “used”: you are a slave or a fuck toy, or get passed around among many people.

• Role-play: you and/or your partner can be an icon, such as a cop, schoolgirl, hooker, doctor, nurse, dog, dog owner.

• Romance: you can imagine yourself in dreamy situations, such as being seduced by a rock star or actor, or making love tenderly to the girl at the office.

• Objectification/fetish: you can focus on anything—breasts, butts, dicks, mouths, panties, shoes…

• Gender play: you trade genders, one of you is a different gender, he becomes a woman you’re going down on, you become a gay man who “cruises” him.

Tips for Fellatio Threesomes

Adding a friend to an oral sex encounter can be fun. Be sure that you and your lover (or the partners you are joining) genuinely feel comfortable mixing sex with the relationships involved. It’s highly recommended that you all talk before you get down to business. State your intentions clearly. Discuss your expectations—find out who just wants to have fun and if anyone sees the experience as a way of deepening a relationship. Ask if anyone might be jealous for any reason, and tell everyone that they can stop the action at any point if they feel weird or uncomfortable, and that it’s okay. If you don’t get a chance to talk about it—because these things sometimes just happen—make sure you’re okay with what’s going on, and if it’s your first time, see it as an experiment that you can walk away from, mystery solved. And do it for you—because it turns you on, or because it makes you hot to fulfill your lover’s fantasy.

Here are some ideas about what you might do in a threesome:

• Team up with a friend to go down on him. Take turns with his cock, passing it back and forth like a treat.

• Have your friend jack him off into your mouth. Try jacking him off into your friend’s mouth.

• Lick his balls, perineum, or ass while your friend fellates him, or vice-versa.

• Fuck him with a strap-on while the other person fellates him.

• Have someone go down on (or penetrate) you while you suck him off, or vice-versa.

• Sit on his face while the other person gives him head, or turn around while you are giving him head and have your friend lick you in a “daisy chain.”

• Play around with roles and control. Both of you can order him around, tell him he’s your love slave or suck toy. You can order your friend to suck him, or reverse roles, and so on. He could be the one in charge, with both of you his oral sex slaves. Have fun!

Tips for Public Fellatio

She sat me down in this big blue chair in the room. She faced the chair toward the computer, so the back was facing the door and blocking it a little. She crawled under the desk. She quickly undid my shorts and boxers. She started giving me an incredible blow job. It was fucking amazing. At one point, somebody even knocked on the door and opened it. She stopped. I turned a little. I was asked a question, quickly gave an answer, the guy never came inside the room, and she continued to give me, without question, the best head ever.

Illustration 14. Fellatio at the Beach

Fellatio can happen virtually anywhere, and the sexual tension that stems from possible discovery is what gives a public encounter its heat. Just remember that when someone sees you having sex in public, not only is it illegal, but you are essentially forcing someone to watch a sex act—they don’t have any choice, even if it’s an accident. So don’t throw caution totally to the wind and involve someone without their consent in your steamy fantasy-come-true: think it through and get away with it, clean! Visit the spot you have in mind before you attempt a sexual encounter. Make sure you know the area well enough that you can avoid being seen, or avoid any possible dangers.

• Seek out reliably secluded spots, such as a remote place to park the car, a deserted beach, a vacant warehouse, an empty movie theater.

• Some places in large cities are notorious for being public sex spots. Use these places only if you are a local and are familiar with the area. If you must cruise, proceed with streetwise caution.

• Rooftops can seem public but still be private. Look around first, before you’re horny.

• If you plan on using safer-sex gear, make sure you have it in your pocket.

• Think ahead about places to duck for cover, ways to camouflage your activity, or a story to tell a possible authority figure.

• Make it as hot and fun as you can—public fellatio is a thrilling encounter that can never be exactly duplicated. Don’t hold back.

Power Exchange

You can add an extra dimension to oral sex when you play around with power balance, or rather, power imbalance. When you both arrive to the sexual table on equal footing in terms of who is in control, it can be an exchange on very pleasant and pleasurable terms. But when someone has a little—or a lot more—of the upper hand, make sure your perishables are refrigerated, because it’s a sure bet that temperature will rise.

Power exchange and fellatio can come in a variety of flavors. First, the power tipping can come from either side of the fellatio equation. The person getting head can be the one in control, “using” the mouth (and any other part he likes) to achieve his satisfaction. Conversely, the person giving him head can be the one calling the shots, “making” him submit to any whim, pain, or pleasure you choose to dole out. He has to do what you say to get what he wants, and you don’t have to let him come until you’re satisfied.

She sat there for a second with my cock in her mouth, then began moving up and down on it just a tiny bit. I put my hand on the back of her head, wanting to move it up and down more, wanting to fuck her mouth, and she slapped it down. Instead, she just kept her mouth there, barely moving it…

Your fellatio power play can be subtle, sneaky, extreme—anything that turns you both on. It can be as easy as giving him a knowing look, a push back against a wall to say “I’m in control,” and then making your way downward. You can be a little more quick and forceful, especially in a public or semipublic place (like a car), pushing and pulling him whichever way you want him. Blindfold him and you’re in total control. In the exchange of power, the reverse can be just as fun; he can be the one pushing, pulling, commanding you to suck, swallow. And your scenes can become more carefully orchestrated, planned with roles, sex toys, or costumes—or all three. Let your fantasies guide you.

Gender Play

Just as tipping the scales of power can be fun with fellatio, so can playing around with the boundaries of gender. I like to think of what we’ve got when we’re born (in terms of gender) as the medium we have to work with; however we want to bend it to our pleasure and to fit our fantasies is all part of the fun of sex and sexual fantasy. Having or even acting out opposite-gender fantasies can be titillating as all get-out, but these fantasies don’t change our identity. If it turns you on, it’s a great way to get off, but it doesn’t mean that you’re a different person or that you don’t like who you are—actually, it’s a signifier that you’re very secure with who you are, so secure that you can articulate your fantasies and desires.

Gender play can also be used to help flesh out emerging identities. Someone who knows that they are transgender might find that gender play in sex reinforces who they really feel themselves to be, whether through fantasy or with sex toys. A transgender woman could find that she really feels good and gets off when she fantasizes that her cock being sucked is her pussy being licked; a man in a woman’s body can be sent over the edge into orgasm when his clit is fellated as if it were his cock.

Straight, bi, lesbian, gay male, and trans couples get a lot of mileage out of gender swapping in fellatio. Straight folks have reinvented sex with the overwhelmingly popular recent addition of the strap-on to their frolics. Not only are women enjoying penetrating men with their silicone dicks, but we’re also discovering how hot it is to get our new cocks sucked by our boyfriends—and they’re finding that it drives them wild. Lesbians and dykes have been bending gender along the fellatio continuum for a while now, role-playing as dykes with dicks, straight couples, or even pairs of gay men.