The Ultimate Guide to Sexual Fantasy (17 page)

CHAPTER
8

Public Sex

Public sex happens when you just can't wait, when your sex is a secret, when you can't get enough of each other and it “just happens”—or when the danger and excitement of being seen, watched, or caught in the act turns you on like a light switch. For some, the attraction to public sex comes from vivid memories and a desire to revisit an exciting, urgent, and focused sexual experience.

You may have seen movies depicting deliciously taboo sex in public places or read about it in erotica collections. You even may have had sex in a bar or movie theater, hands busy under or a cocktail table or hidden by a coat tossed over a lap. Many people are turned on by the idea of public sex. They find that clandestine sex in a public setting makes them feel like horny teenagers,
and the possibility of being discovered only increases their arousal. Others are titillated by the prospect of simply being observed having sex.

This is sex on the sly, in situations involving varying degrees of tangible risk and the thrill that comes with it.

What's on the Menu

Public encounters are best suited for oral sex, because one partner can be the lookout while the other gets busy, oral sex can be performed relatively quickly, and a minimum of clothing is shed. Mutual masturbation is a discreet and delightfully dirty way to have public sex, with no need to remove clothes and simultaneous pleasure for both of you. Vaginal intercourse is next on the list of good choices for public spaces, because skirts and trousers fit together discreetly, hiding the real action. It's possible to appear as though you are merely standing very close when in fact you are engaging in penetration. Anal sex is last on the list, because it requires lots of extra lubrication, may not be a quick process, and if you are both wearing pants it will be pretty obvious to anyone who discovers you.

If possible, wear clothing that facilitates your sex act
du jour
. Skip the underwear altogether—or men can wear boxers with a wide-open fly and women can wear crotchless panties, or crotchless (or ripped open—yum!) tights or pantyhose under a skirt or dress. Go without a bra and wear a button-down shirt if you want to offer easy access to your breasts. Bring any safer-sex gear such as condoms, gloves, and dental dams, accessories such as lube and finger vibrators, and “pack” your strap-on under your clothing so that you are ready when the time comes. Condoms, dental dams, gloves, and lube all can
be purchased in small, flat, discreet foil packets that slip easily into a shirt pocket—see the Resources chapter for ordering, and look for Slicks, a dental dam that comes in a single sterile foil packet.

Make absolutely sure that no one will see you. Yes, the threat of discovery is part of the thrill, but if someone sees you, you are involving that person in a sex act without his or her consent. This is not a good thing, not only because you could be apprehended by the police but because you might offend others or—even worse—unintentionally expose yourself to kids. Scope out your location before you actually do the deed. Pay a visit (or several) around the time of day or night you think you might have your adventure, and look around. If it seems possible that a passerby might chance upon the two of you locked in a sweaty tango, choose a different time or location. Think ahead about places to duck for cover, ways to camouflage your activity, or a story to tell an authority figure. But once you have taken these precautions, make your encounter as hot and fun as you can—public sex is a thrilling experience that can't be duplicated. Don't hold back!

Where to Do It

Seek out reliably secluded spots, such as a remote “parking” spot, a deserted natural area like a beach or forest, a vacant warehouse, or an empty movie theater. The days of joining the “mile high club” on airplanes are over—don't even consider it, because the consequences are now severe. Look around first, before you're horny:

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The backseat of a car (can be parked in any secluded spot)

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A quiet alley

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Public bathrooms (lock the door and choose a low-traffic time)

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Your backyard

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A public park at night

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An abandoned warehouse or waterfront

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A parking garage

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An empty movie theater

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Peep show booths

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A rooftop

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A boat

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A hotel balcony late at night

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A drive-in theater

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A stairwell

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Your workplace after hours—but have keys and a damn good excuse (and risk expulsion or even being fired)

Some alleys and parks in large cities are notorious as public sex spots. Use these places only if you are a local and are familiar with the area. If you must cruise, proceed with streetwise caution.

Role-Playing in Public

Sexual role-playing in public offers a multitude of delicious possibilities. In fact, you don't even have to engage in sex to add a charge to your role play if you wear a costume or enact your roles in public. Taking your roles into the big world outside the bedroom lends realism to your scene. You can speak to each other in character while sitting in a café, in a club, while walking down the
street, or in the car on the way home. You might only be flirting, as a prelude to a scene waiting for you at home. Or you might intend your entire scene to take place at a bar—and the alley behind it.

Wearing outfits in public that can pass as everyday clothing, such as uniforms or workwear, can be electrifying when only the two of you know that you're dressed that way for sex. Everybody else simply takes you at face value. This works well with typical adult roles such as construction worker, secretary, corporate executive, teacher, biker, repairman, deliveryman, sleazy photographer, or “stranger.” You can make delivery calls, “cruise” your lover, go on a field trip, or drive off to your sexual rendezvous.

While it's possible in San Francisco to leave the house dressed as an adult schoolgirl and have no one bat a false eyelash—even if you're male—you'll want to exercise caution with certain roles in cities less accustomed to sexual variety. Doctors and nurses are sexy, but you don't want to have someone ask you for needed medical help. Police officers and firefighters don't take kindly to impersonators, and it goes without saying that pimps, human dogs, and adult babies shouldn't go out in public. You might be able to play a call girl or hooker at night, but err on the side of caution. Fake sex workers run all the same risks as real ones, and besides encountering police, hoodlums, and johns you might be confronted by real sex workers who don't want a new girl on their turf. Instead, find a hotel where you can discretely play the part of a callgirl, or pick up your “john” in a safe place, such as a restaurant.

Swinging

So many couples get turned on by the idea of being observed having sex that memberships in sex clubs and swingers' clubs are growing exponentially. While these clubs are predominantly venues where couples can swap partners and engage in multiple-partner sex, they also feature nonprivate rooms and thematic public spaces where members can observe and engage in all sorts of Bacchanalian sexual revelries. For anyone seeking a less risky public sexual encounter, sex clubs are just the ticket.

Swinging or “lifestyle” parties provide the safest way to try out public sex and multiple-partner fantasies. At these parties, you and your lover can have a sexual encounter while others watch, and you can be the voyeur for others engaging in a variety of sexual activities including orgies and the use of “love swings.” Unlike a blow job in an alleyway or a quickie in a stairwell, swing parties give you an opportunity to flaunt your hot shared sex life to one or many appreciative voyeurs, at little risk—and you don't need to hurry or worry about being caught.

The world of swinging is vast, and it's growing every year. According to the North American Swing Club Association (NASCA), weekend events can pack in as many as 4,000 attendees. Open to heterosexual couples and single females, swinging is like a candy store for big kids who want to try a wide variety of sexual activities in environments that range from orgiastic house parties to “adult Disneyland” retreats with elaborate theme rooms. While in small suburban swing clubs you still might find 1970s-era throwbacks with mustaches and gold chains, most of the couples who make up the estimated ten
million swingers in North America are in their 30s and 40s, are culturally hip and connected, have plenty of disposable income, and are quite comfortable with open and frank sexual displays.

Swinging, also called “the lifestyle,” has been documented in America since the 1950s. The lifestyle finds expression in clubs geared toward couples. They welcome single women but generally discourage single men and are not at all open to male bisexuality—the rules vary from club to club. You can make a wide array of multipartner connections within the swinging community and its networks, for encounters that range from immediate sexual exchanges to ongoing relationships. You might find a few forms of light kink such as blindfolds at a swing party, but you'll seldom see alternative or S/M activities (or actual lesbian couples, for that matter)—this is an emphatically
vanilla
orgiastic crowd. You'll find websites for swinging clubs with schedules of parties and events, and magazines and newspapers catering to various swinging groups that consist largely of advertising space. National swinging organizations such as Lifestyles hold conventions, seminars, and classes on a range of sexual topics and organize swinging vacations, retreats, and cruises.

Swingers are typically middle-class folks who consider the openness and honesty of the lifestyle to be a healthy way of expressing sexuality. They hold certain traits and behaviors in high esteem, most notably respect, openness, tolerance, courtesy, and an outgoing personality—but the most important prerequisite is stability within an established relationship. Many find it refreshing to behave sexually in environments where there is an acceptance of different body shapes, ages, and sizes, and though male bisexuality is not considered part of
swinging culture (or is forbidden outright), many women find this a safe, comforting, and relaxing milieu for exploring their bisexual urges.

Swing Parties

Swing events can be held as “on premises” parties, where sex happens at the gathering—usually a rented hotel, private mansion, rented resort, or cruise ship—or “off premises,” where couples retreat to a hotel room or other locations away from the event for sex. In the U.S., most types of on premises parties are considered illegal, though some are legal in some states.

Most swing clubs carefully screen prospective couples and require an orientation session before new couples may attend their first party. The screening process can be as simple as a telephone conversation and a reservation/orientation requirement, or can be as intense as at one Bay Area club that requires an email describing yourselves and your interests, photos of the two of you, a phone conversation, and
then
a reservation/orientation. Screening ensures that the hosts get a crowd that gels well, that partygoers will be respectful of each other and serious about the rules, and generally that single men are barred. At the orientation session, you'll be given a tour and briefed on the rules and etiquette of the party. On premises clubs that allow single men may admit them at higher fees and with a firm reservation requirement. Such events usually turn into parties where the men outnumber the women, but they can be a good place to fulfill “gang bang” fantasies with genuine strangers, in safety.

On premises swing parties held in private homes have a relaxed atmosphere and are hosted graciously by the homeowners. At these parties you'll find
refreshments and spaces to meet and have sex with other couples, and the settings can range from spartan to decadent. The hosts may offer wine from their private cellars, lavish feasts, sex rooms bedecked with satin and gloss, a hot tub, porn viewing rooms, outdoor fire pits, and more—or the setting can be someone's suburban house with sheets on the windows and mattresses in every room. Off premises parties are usually held in dance clubs or bars that are closed to the public for the evening. Guests must apply for entrance and are interviewed prior to admission. These parties, held regularly in many areas, may have a theme to help break the ice, such as “naughty schoolgirl night.” Off premises parties do not involve sexual participation (though the flirting can get explicit); rather, they serve as places where couples can hook up to meet for sex away from the club.

Swinging Etiquette

Making reservations is the typical protocol for attending swing events, and it is proper to cancel your reservation if you can't make it. Etiquette and rules vary (your orientation will give you the real lowdown). The following are some general rules that should never be broken—breaking the rules at swing parties will get you blacklisted.

Rule number one is never to discuss your experiences or involvement in the clubs with anyone outside the lifestyle, and never “out” anyone you see at the parties. Second, there is no pressure on anyone to participate, ever—do not press, and expect that no will always mean no. Three, all couples arrive as a couple, participate as a couple, and leave as a couple. Four, don't do or bring drugs. Some smaller private (noncommercial) parties may look the other way at pot smoking. And five,
it is generally considered rude to drink to excess, have arguments in public spaces, or talk while people are having sex.