The Weight of Small Things (14 page)

With that, he stalked into the hallway, nearly bumping into Bryn before he saw her. Taking her hand, he dragged her down the hallway into the guest room and closed the door behind them.

“Did they sleep together?” His voice was soft but firm.

Bryn started to lie, to deny it. Then she looked into his eyes and simply nodded.

Bob sank onto the bed and buried his face in his hands.

“Corrie is really sick about it,” Bryn whispered, taking one of his hands in hers. “She knows she messed up, and she just wants to forget about it.”

“God,” Bob groaned. “What a mess.”

They sat side by side on the bed, holding hands.

“Try not to hate her, okay?” Bryn said, squeezing his hand.

“I don’t hate Corrie. I could never hate Corrie. I’m just really sorry she slept with Daniel.”

“Me too,” Bryn agreed.

“Has she told Mark?”

“No!”

Bob looked up in surprise.

“I mean, she was going to, but I told her not to.”

Bob said nothing.

“She wanted to,” Bryn said. “She was going to. But I told her it would only hurt him. And it would wreck their marriage. And . . . and she’s not Wendy, Bob. She’s not going to leave Mark for Daniel or for anyone. You know Corrie. She always does the right thing. So she messed up, big-time. But she shouldn’t wreck her whole life, and Mark’s whole life, because of one mistake. Right?”

Bob sighed heavily. “I guess not.”

“Don’t tell her you know, okay? She’d die if she thought you knew.”

Bob rose and kissed the top of Bryn’s head.

“When did life get so screwed up?”

“I don’t know,” she replied. “But it’s not all bad.”

He simply stared down at her.

“I mean, you’ve still got the boys, and they’re great. And I’ve got . . .” She patted her stomach and smiled.

Bob smiled back at her then. “Yeah,” he said. “It’s not all bad.”

He kissed her head again and left, closing the door behind him.

24

C
orrie sat at her desk the next morning, a cup of cold coffee before her, wondering if Daniel had, indeed, gone back to California. What if he showed up at the house again? What if Mark was there next time?

“Please, God,” she whispered. “Please just let him go away.”

A knock on her office door roused her from her thoughts.

“Hey,” Kenetha said softly. “You okay?”

“Yeah,” Corrie said. “I’m fine.”

“Well, there’s a guy here who wants to see you. He says you’re old friends.”

Daniel’s face appeared over Kenetha’s shoulder.

Corrie’s stomach fell.

“What do you want?” she demanded.

Daniel walked into the office and smiled.

“Don’t worry,” he said. “I’m going back to L.A. today. I just wanted to see you before I left.”

Kenetha looked from him to Corrie, eyebrows raised.

“It’s okay, Kenetha.” Corrie forced a small smile.

Kenetha left, closing the door behind her.

Daniel sat in a chair opposite Corrie and smiled again. “I’m not going to bite, I promise.”

Corrie simply sat, waiting.

“I know,” Daniel said, leaning forward. “I shouldn’t have come. I shouldn’t have come to your house.”

“No,” she said. “You shouldn’t have.”

“I just had to make sure you’re okay.”

“I’m fine.”

“Are you? Because you don’t seem fine.”

Corrie sighed. “Okay, I’m not fine. I’m angry with myself and I hate what I did to Mark. I feel like the worst person in the world. And I just want to forget it.”

“I don’t,” Daniel said, smiling again. “I won’t ever forget how it felt to have you in my bed again.”

“Stop it!” Corrie stood, holding the desk for support. “Just go back to California, Daniel. For God’s sake, please just go away.”

“I’m going,” he said softly. “I have to be at a board meeting tomorrow. We have a potential donor coming. But I won’t just forget about you. You know that, right? I won’t ever forget, and I won’t stop hoping. And I won’t stop trying to convince you to come back. We belong together, Corrie. We always have, we always will.”

Corrie shook her head, settling back into her chair, gripping the armrests. “No, we don’t,” she said firmly. “I belong with Mark. I love him. He’s my husband. What I felt for you, that’s over, Daniel. I didn’t know it until now, but I don’t love you anymore. All those years, I wondered if I still did. And now I know I don’t.”

“Look, Corrie. I know you’re upset about Jenny, my . . . friend. I wish to hell you hadn’t heard that message. I wish to hell I could make you believe that what we have, what you and I have, is totally different. Jenny is just . . . she’s a friend and sometimes we sleep together. That’s all. But you, God, Corrie—you’re you! You’re the one I fell in love with all those years ago. You’re the one I never stopped thinking about. You’re the one I love. It feels like my life has just been on hold, and now I know why. I love you. I want you back.”

“Daniel, I’m sorry. I’m sorry you’re unhappy, I am. But . . . but I left because I realized I don’t belong with you. I never did, really. My life is here. My family, my friends, my husband—my whole world is here. And it’s a good life. I like my life. I love my husband. And I’m sorry. I don’t want to hurt you. But I don’t love you anymore.”

“I don’t believe you.” He gazed at her, not blinking.

“Well, that’s too bad,” Corrie said, rising from her chair and walking to the door of the office. “Because it’s the truth.”

She opened the door and held it, willing him to leave.

Daniel stared at her in silence for a long moment, then rose and walked to the door. He touched Corrie’s hair with one finger, before she pulled away.

“I’m not giving up,” he said softly. “I love you, Corrie. There’s nothing you can do about it.”

“Go home, Daniel. Please just go home.”

He leaned forward, kissed her cheek, and left.

Corrie sat back down at her desk, leaned her face into her hands, and cried.

The phone rang, and she sniffled to a stop to pick up the receiver.

“Corrie Philips,” she said.

“Corrie? It’s Paul.”

Shit! Just what she didn’t need right now.

“What do you want, Paul?”

“I want you to tell me where Bryn is!” Paul’s voice shook. “Look, I know she’s pregnant. And I know she thinks I can’t handle it. But I love her. I love her, and I want to do the right thing. Please, Corrie, just tell me where she is.”

Corrie hung up the phone and immediately began dialing.

“Hello?”

“Bryn, it’s Corrie.”

“Hey! I was just going to call you. How are you?”

“Can you do lunch?”

“Um, sure, I guess so.”

“Can you meet me at the Reverie in half an hour?”

“Corrie? Are you okay?”

“No,” Corrie said softly. “I’m not.”

 

They sat at their usual table. The waiter, noting Corrie’s red eyes, laid a small stack of napkins on the table beside her plate.

“What happened?” Bryn leaned across the table and took Corrie’s hands.

“He came to the office today. He said he’s not giving up, that we belong together. All the stuff he said yesterday.”

Corrie reached for a napkin.

“Well, he’s not staying at Bob’s anymore,” Bryn said. “Bob told him he can’t.”

“Oh my God!” Corrie’s face blanched. “Does Bob know?”

“Not that you slept with him.” Bryn felt vaguely guilty lying to her friend, but she knew it would only upset Corrie more to know the truth.

“But Daniel told him last night that he still loves you and that he wants you back.”

“Oh God,” Corrie whispered. “Jesus Christ!”

“It’s okay,” Bryn said, patting Corrie’s hand. “Bob read him the riot act. Told him you were happily married, and that he needed to leave you the hell alone.”

“Poor Bob,” Corrie murmured. “That’s just what he needed.”

Bryn nodded. “He was pretty upset. But not with you! Just with Daniel, for being such a prick.”

“It’s not just Daniel’s fault,” Corrie said, shredding the napkin into a small pile on the table. “I’m the one who cheated on my husband.”

The waiter appeared to take their orders. When he left, Bryn leaned across the table and touched Corrie’s cheek, her fingers gentle.

“Yeah, you did. But it’s done. Done is done. It’s over and it’s time to move on.”

Corrie said nothing.

“I wonder where he’s going to stay?” Bryn asked.

“He’s going back to California today.”

“Thank God!”

“He has a board meeting with a donor tomorrow. . . .”

“Whatever,” Bryn said. “I’m just glad he’s going.”

“He said he’ll be back.” Corrie raised teary eyes to Bryn. “What if Mark finds out?”

“He won’t! Not unless you tell him. Does Daniel have your cell number?”

Corrie nodded. “I called him to get directions.”

“Give me the phone.”

Bryn found the number and punched a few buttons.

“There,” she said, handing the phone back. “He’s blocked. He can’t call you on your cell.”

“Thanks.” Corrie put the phone back into her purse.

The waiter appeared with their drinks, silently pushed the pile of shredded paper into his hand, and left.

“Do you think we come here too often?” Bryn grinned at her friend.

Corrie smiled wanly.

“Paul called me again this morning,” she said, reaching for yet another napkin.

“Oh lord,” Bryn groaned. “What did he want?”

“He wants to know where you are.”

“Screw him!”

Corrie smiled. “I know,” she said. “But honestly, he did sound worried. He said he loves you and he wants to do the right thing.”

“Paul wouldn’t know the right thing if it bit him in the ass.”

“You’re going to have to talk to him sometime,” Corrie said. “It is his baby, too. He’s the father, and he has some rights . . . legally, I mean.”

Bryn simply shrugged.

“Well,” Corrie said, “it’s up to you. I just thought you should know he called.”

The waiter returned with their plates and they ate in silence.

“What are you up to this afternoon?” Corrie finally asked.

“Actually, I have my first appointment with the ob-gyn.”

“Wow!” Corrie smiled. “Who are you seeing?”

“Dr. Reynolds,” Bryn said. “Bob recommended her.”

“Are you nervous?”

“A little bit.” Bryn took a bite of her sandwich and chewed slowly. “I kind of hate the prospect of going alone, you know?”

“Do you want me to go with you?”

“No, that’s okay.” She smiled at Corrie. “If I’m going to be a single mom, I’m going to have to get used to doing things on my own.”

“Well, just remember, you don’t have to do everything by yourself.” Corrie took her hand. “I’m always here, if you need me.”

25

B
ryn sat on the exam table, smoothing out the paper gown she wore. The room was cheerful, with yellow-and-blue wallpaper and a bright white border. Posters of babies covered the walls. She resisted the urge to don her sunglasses.

“Hello, Bryn.” A young woman offered her hand. “I’m Dr. Reynolds.”

“Hi,” Bryn said, smiling.

“So, we ran your urine sample, and you are pregnant. Congratulations.”

Bryn took a deep breath.
Now it’s real,
she thought.

“From the date of your last period, it looks like you’re about six weeks along,” the doctor said. “That puts your due date in the second week of May. Let’s call it May twelfth. That’s a rough guess, of course. Most babies don’t come on their due dates, especially first babies.”

“May,” Bryn whispered. “That’s a good time to be born, right?”

“It’s a great time to be born,” Dr. Reynolds agreed. “Perfect month for birthday parties.”

“Do you know if it’s a boy or a girl?” Bryn asked.

“No, we can’t tell that until at least sixteen weeks. We’ll do an ultrasound at twenty weeks, and that should let us know. Assuming Baby cooperates.”

“What does that mean?”

“Well”—the doctor smiled—“sometimes a baby keeps its knees drawn up during the ultrasound. That makes it hard to tell. What we’re going to concentrate on now is just having a healthy baby, okay?”

Bryn nodded.

“I’m going to start you on some prenatal vitamins.” The doctor wrote a prescription. “I want you to eat a healthy diet, get some exercise every day, get plenty of sleep, and avoid alcohol and tobacco.”

“Okay.” Bryn nodded again.

“I see you didn’t include your husband’s information on your form.” Dr. Reynolds’s brow furrowed.

“I’m not married.”

“Ah.” She made another mark on the form. “Will the baby’s father be involved?”

“No.” Bryn shook her head firmly.

“Well then, you’re going to need a support system. Pregnancy is not something you want to do all on your own. Do you have family close by?”

Bryn shook her head again. “But I have good friends,” she said. “I’ll be fine.”

The doctor smiled sympathetically.

“All right, I’ll see you back here in a month.”

Bryn thought about that smile later, as she washed dishes in Bob’s kitchen. Clearly, the doctor thought she was going to need help.
Hmph!
she snorted.
She doesn’t know me very well
.

The doorbell rang and she set aside the dishrag and, wiping her hands on a towel, walked to the living room and opened the front door.

“Bryn!” Paul held a huge bouquet of daisies, her favorite flowers. Bryn’s knees began to shake.

“God, baby, I’ve been worried sick about you. Are you okay?”

Paul pulled her into a tight embrace. Bryn stood, her arms hanging limp at her sides, and allowed herself to be hugged.

“Hey!” Paul released her and took her face in his hands. “You are okay, aren’t you?”

“I’m fine,” she said. “Just . . . I’m fine.”

“Can I come in?”

Bryn closed the door behind her. “How about we just stay out here?”

“Oh.” Paul looked around the porch, strewn with bicycles and sports equipment. “Okay.”

He sat down on the old metal glider and patted the seat beside him. Bryn simply stood still.

“So . . . you’re sure you’re all right? You look kind of pale.”

“I’m fine,” she repeated.

“Have you been to see the doctor yet?”

She nodded.

“And . . . ?”

“And I’m pregnant.”

Paul grinned up at her. “When are you due?”

“In May.”

“Wow, that’s such a trip. May . . . wow.”

“What are you doing here, Paul?”

Paul sat a moment before responding.

“I just wanted to see you, babe. I mean, I know I didn’t react the way you wanted me to. But you hit me out of left field. It’s a lot to take in.”

“I know.” She leaned against the porch rail, her hand protective on her stomach.

“But I’ve been thinking. I mean, I’ve been thinking a lot. And . . . and I want you to come home. I want us to do this together.”

Bryn stared at him, open-mouthed.

“I mean it, baby. We can totally do this.”

“You never wanted kids,” she said.

“Neither did you,” he pointed out. “But now, well, now it’s here. And I realized I do want this kid. And I really want you.”

He smiled at her, the crooked smile that used to break her heart.

“I don’t know, Paul.” She finally sat down on the glider beside him. “We’ve tried it for so long, and it never changes. You never change.”

“I can, though. I mean, I never had a reason to before.”

“You had me.”

That stumped him for a minute.

“I know, I’ve been a real shit,” he said finally. “But I can change. I’ve already gone to the university and told them if they aren’t going to put me on the tenure track, I’m leaving.”

“You didn’t.” Bryn stared at him again.

“I did.” He smiled. “I don’t know if they’ll do it or not. Probably not. But there are other universities. I can get a better job. I’ll take care of you and the baby. I promise, Bryn. I can change.”

A small corner of her heart thawed as she sat there beside him, wanting to believe him.

“Please, baby. Just come home. Come home and you’ll see.”

“I don’t know,” she said softly.

“We’ll make the office into a nursery. Or if you want, we’ll look for another place with more room. Would you like that?”

He smiled that crooked smile again.

“Maybe,” she whispered.

“That’s my kitten!” He wrapped his arms tight around her tiny frame, pulling her closer, kissing her cheeks, her nose, her mouth.

“Hey!” Bob’s voice rang from the steps. “What’s up?”

“Oh, hey, Bob.” Paul stood and extended his hand. “I’m just telling Bryn we can find a bigger apartment if she wants.”

“You okay?” Bob ignored the offered hand and looked at Bryn, still sitting silently on the glider.

She nodded.

“You sure?”

“Yeah,” she said. “I’m fine.”

“Okay.” Bob walked past Paul and into the house. “Let me know if you need me.”

“What’s with him?” Paul asked.

“He’s just feeling protective, I guess.” Bryn watched the door close behind Bob.

“What’s he got to protect you from? In fact, why does he think he needs to protect you at all?” Paul’s eyebrows raised.

“He’s my friend and he worries. That’s all.”

“If you say so.” Paul sat down beside her again.

“So, how about you get your things and come home?”

Bryn sat quietly for a minute, then rose.

“Let me think about it, okay?”

His disappointment was clear.

“Oh . . . fine. Sure, you think about it. Just remember that I’m waiting, babe. Don’t take too long, okay?”

She nodded, allowed him to kiss her again, then watched him walk to his old Saab and drive away.

She walked into the house and flopped down on the couch.

“Are you going back?” Bob emerged from the kitchen with two big glasses of iced tea.

“I don’t know,” she said. “I mean, part of me says, ‘No.’ In fact, most of me is screaming, ‘NO!’ ”

“And the other part?”

He handed her a glass of tea and sat down beside her.

“Do you want to go back?”

“It’s just that I’ve put so much time into him. And he says he can change. And . . . and it would be so much easier not to do this alone, you know? I mean, a kid needs two parents, right? You said so yourself before.”

“It depends on the parents,” Bob said. “If Paul can change, if he can be a good dad, then yeah, it would be a hell of a lot easier. But that’s a big if. I guess the bigger question is, do you still love him?” He watched her carefully.

Bryn took a long drink of tea and sighed.

“It’s weird,” she said finally. “An hour ago I would have said no. But now, I don’t know. I mean, what if he really can change? He’s not all bad, you know. He has some good qualities.”

“Yeah?” Bob smiled at her. “Like what?”

“Like, he’s funny. And he’s really smart. And he doesn’t ever judge.”

Bryn paused.

“Okay, he’s funny and smart and he doesn’t judge. But is he responsible? Is he thoughtful? Is he reliable? I’m not attacking him,” he added. “I’m just asking.”

“I don’t know.” She sighed again. “I really don’t know.”

“Well.” Bob squeezed her shoulder. “You don’t have to make up your mind right this minute. It’s your choice and you’re the only one who can make it. And you should take your time making it, okay? Give yourself a few days to think about it.”

She smiled at him, leaned forward, and kissed his cheek.

“You really are a good guy, Bob.”

“Yeah, old Saint Bob, that’s me.”

“Would you take Wendy back again?”

“No.”

The firmness of his voice surprised her.

“Really?” she said. “I guess I thought . . .”

“A few weeks ago I probably would have said yes. But now it’s a whole different ball game.”

“I’m glad.”

“Well, you’re partly responsible, you know.”

She stared at him in surprise.

“Having you here has been a good thing, Bryn. You make me see things differently.”

She laughed, her cheeks reddening.

“Seriously, you’ve been a big help with the boys. And you’ve helped me feel stronger, too. So thank you.”

“I should be the one thanking you,” she said.

“Well, let’s call it even then.” He grinned at her.

“If I move back in with Paul, it will make your life less complicated, that’s for sure.” Bryn took another drink of tea.

“Don’t worry about that,” Bob said firmly. “You can stay with me and the boys for as long as you want.”

“Thanks, Bob. You’re a real friend.”

“Back atcha,” he said. “Now, what should we make for dinner?”