Authors: Iva Kenaz
The Witch Within (16 page)
*
I wake up before the dawn, lying in a strange position. My legs have created a diamond-like shape and so do my hands that rest upon my lower abdomen. It reminds me of one of the sacred letters - the void. I yearn for my newly found lover. We made love three times before I fell asleep, but I keep craving more, whetted by the explosion of my previously suppressed desires. He is nowhere near me though, and I catch myself feeling jealous when I think of the possibility that I was not good enough for him, that he went to seek another woman’s body. I observe that he has left his cape here for me to use as a blanket. I inhale his smell and it makes me remember the moments of last night. I dress up, cover myself in the cape and set off to look for my man, but can’t find him anywhere. He must be back at the camp or on his way back home. That would break my heart, if he left me behind without even saying goodbye.
I reach the cave and realise how dreadfully silent and dull the area is, compared to when I left. I think to myself that everyone must be still sleeping, resting after the exhausting night. But as soon as I have a better view of the camp, I notice that almost all the women stand over the four naked men, watching them sleep. An odd atmosphere fills the air and I don't comprehend why they are so concerned with them. I can’t see my man anywhere; he must have gone home after all. A sharp pain clasps my heart and cannot be suppressed. I walk closer to Halla and am about to ask her what is going on. When I catch the expression on her face, she looks completely aghast. I look back at the four men and realise that they are not asleep; their faces are rigid and pale. As soon as the shock eases, I look around for my man once more, sensing that this was not just an unfortunate mistake. Edana’s left brow furrows when she spots my frightened face.
“Where is your man, Talitha?”
I can’t bring myself to answer or react in any way, I'm completely numb.
“You let him go?!”
Rita stands up for me.
“None of you told us what this was about! You have tricked us!”
Aesa kneels before Edana, pleading for mercy.
“I’m so sorry! It’s my fault! I should have checked on them, it’s just that... I thought he would come back for more himself, I assumed that Talitha would not handle more than one round...”
Aesa is disturbed by Yrsa’s feverish behaviour.
“This is not your fault, sister, so don't blame yourself! He simply didn’t drink enough of that potion!”
Otama takes it as a personal attack.
“Don’t try to put this on me. I told you to let them drink enough, you claim to be the experts on men!”
And soon they all start quarrelling. I stand in the middle of the madness, completely stern. Edana’s rigid voice overpowers them all.
“Stop it! All of you!”
They calm down instantly and Edana continues in a lower tone.
“Let us just hope that he did not witness anything and left simply because he wanted to.”
She turns my way.
“Did he say anything before he left?”
I shake my head. I’ve become speechless, not fully comprehending the situation in which I have found myself. I stare at the dead naked bodies, which were so full of life before, and start to feel sick. I'm not able to digest the notion that hovers over me. They killed them. They actually brought them here to be killed! Their bodies are not hurt, so this could not have been just an ordinary murder. The potion they mentioned. Oh yes, I remember now. Otama precisely warned us that the herbs may easily provoke an extreme passion. She said that men in particular should be aware when they drink it. And now I can understand why. I noticed that my man was tired after the second time we made love and could hardly handle the third time. We both agreed that we hadn’t had a sip of the tea and were just taken with each other naturally. There was no need for a potion; we were each other’s potion. Is it awful of me to feel relieved in this horrid situation? Relieved that he is alive, although he is far away and his four friends became the innocent victims of… I look at the faces that surround me, the cruel selfish faces. I can tell that they are ashamed, because they avoid my gaze, only Edana does not seem to care. Her eyes flare up as she pronounces:
“We have failed, dear sisters!”
I've been dreading to even look towards the Cursed Mount since I returned to my cave. It only makes me remember the shock, the heartbreak, the anger. I have forsaken any minuscule connection I’d had to those women. I despise their ways, although they have tried to explain their intentions to me, blaming their behaviour on some prophecy which shall bring them salvation one day. I simply could not forgive and forget that they willingly killed four men and attempted to kill the one I had laid with. The disappointment in people that I have faced this year slowly spins me in its bitter web.
I have withdrawn to the well-known solitude of my cave. I feel safer hidden between the walls, trying to make peace with all that happened. I'm trying to rid myself of anger at Edana and the man who seduced me and then abandoned me without even letting me explain myself. But mostly, I have been trying to make peace with myself. I need to forgive myself for ever accepting Edana’s invitations. I should have known she was the spider lurking in the dark.
When I woke up this morning, I started to contemplate the token pendant that my grandmother used to wear. I wonder why each time I think of it, I receive the word “key” or “lock and unlock” in my inner mind. I’ve decided that I shall carve the symbol into the small piece of bone I have been wearing around my neck. Now, as I'm finishing the second triangle and thus make the two equal yet opposing shapes merge into one, I remember how my body became one with my lover’s. Could it perhaps mean that this star symbolises the unity of the two opposites?
“That and much more, dear child.”
I can hear my grandmother’s voice through the thin wall that separates us from the world beyond and I listen, fully aware.
“Contemplate some more about this heavenly star,
For it truly is the key to all the other sacred letters around.
It may unlock your fears and unlock your heart
But it may also lock up anything you do not wish to be found.
Use it when the darkness descends upon your soul
For it will defeat the menace of the woman with the mole.
The triangles and their kin will unlock heaven’s door
And as they coalesce, they finally free us once and for all.”
*
“Talitha!”
I turn, still busy washing my clothes in the river.
“Here! I’m here, Talitha!”
I spot Rita waving at me from the opposite side of the river. She looks terrified.
“I must talk to you!”
I turn away from her and keep on washing my dress. There is nothing I have to talk about with her and so I pretend not to care about her pleas.
“Talitha, listen to me! Don’t you think that I also feel awfully guilty about what we have done? I was not aware of that horrid plan, I promise you! I had nothing to do with it. Yrsa was the one who lay with my man after I fell asleep. I wish we had gone further away into the forest, like you did. I’m so sorry about it all.”
The despair in her voice stings my heart. She is being honest, I can feel it.
“Please come with me to the mount! Otherwise, they will kill another man.”
That captures my attention utterly. I look up with a warning glance.
“Who would they kill?”
“I don’t know. Edana has stumbled upon a man below the mount this morning. He claimed that he came for you. She wanted to kill him nonetheless, but I begged her to spare his life and let him talk to you first. He refuses to talk to anyone but you. He’d rather die than disclose why he has come.”
Nathaniel! A thrill of joy and fear runs through me. Nathaniel, in Edana’s hands. I panic. I hesitate over what to do with the dress and in the end I decide to leave it on the shore beneath the heavy stones that I've hastily picked, and stay dressed in my underskirt and vest. I follow Rita’s pace and align with her at a place where the stream can be easily crossed. I jump onto the big rock that separates the two shores and hurry towards the Cursed Mount.
*
All sweaty and distressed, I reach the mount to find…
Nathaniel, tied to a tree the same way he had tied me before. His eyes eagerly lock with mine and for some incomprehensible reason I can sense that he actually trusts me. The shock from seeing him again makes me speechless. Edana presses a dagger against his neck and judging from his bleeding forehead; he has most probably been assaulted and ensnared by her.
“Do you know this man, sister?”
Her voice is menacing. I turn to her and my worried expression wanes. I want her to see that I still disagree with her ways. That I have disentangled her manipulative games and am not going to let her wrap me into her sweet webs any more.
“Who gave you permission to call me sister?”
The roughness in my voice surprises me, but Nathaniel seems elated by it, for a faint smile has crossed his face.
“Why have you captured this man?”
She hisses at me.
“Who is he?”
I turn back to Nathaniel, unsure what to say. Now he is the frightened victim depending solely on my choice. How odd. We have exchanged our roles, the parts we play, and the dark side of me actually enjoys the moment. However, I like him too much to see him suffer the same lot as the men before him.
“He is from my village. We hardly know each other.”
I suppose that I'm not lying - only withdrawing some parts of our back story. His eyes show me gratitude.
“So, you don’t know why he has come?”
“I honestly have no idea and even if I knew, it would be none of your concern. If I'm not mistaken, I'm not part of this group. I never have been.”
I remain firm. I'm done being the naive girl who lets others trample all over her. I'm strong in my position and won’t fear someone like Edana, a woman who finds pleasure in manipulating others. I have no respect for her. Not anymore. Edana senses my animosity and seems to be amused by it.
“Alright, have your talk.”
She tickles Nathaniel’s throat with the dagger threateningly.
“But be aware that whatever you have to say will not spare your life.”
Finally, she waves at the other women to come along with her and thus gives us some privacy. I notice that even Geira has joined us this time, and seems to be fully aware of what is going on around her. Perhaps she has finally recovered from the trauma? Nonetheless, her strained face still withholds a terrible grief, a grief that I have never encountered in my life. As soon as they all leave, I become more timid, and turn to Nathaniel rather hesitantly. After all, I'm not sure why he has come or if I can trust him. The first thing that comes to mind is how he found us. Luckily he starts talking without me having to ask anything first.
“I know what you have done, Talitha. Our village is familiar with the rumour that goes around, the one about the devious rituals. The survivor is outraged; he wants to see you dead.”
I can’t force a word out, although I wish to vindicate myself. I feel both ashamed and furious. I don’t understand why I'm repeatedly being misunderstood. And mainly by people I care about...
“Listen to me, Talitha, I don't care about these women, I care only about you.”
His words make me recover from the shock, but then distrust washes over me. I'm not going to let anyone fool me again, not even him.
“Why? Why would you care about me?”
He takes a deep breath and seems disappointed as he contemplates his answer.
“I owe you a life. Not only because I have done you so much harm and misread you so severely, but also... if I were in your shoes, I would have never spared the life of my captor.”
He sounds guileless, yet I remain cautious, lest he has some devious plan after all.
“You don’t owe me anything, Nathaniel. We all do what we have to do.”
I sound very cold, I'm aware of it, but I simply can’t help myself. I have felt cold inside since the incident with the men, and even more so now, knowing that everybody blames me for it. I pause for a while, contemplating whether or not to ask what I dread the most.
“Is there still a price on my neck?”
“Yes, but don’t worry about that. I couldn’t care less. My father is dead and the promise I was given was fraud anyway. I can’t explain how sorry I am for what I have done to you and how I have behaved…“
I don't wish to reconcile, the memories cause me only pain.
“What is it you wanted to tell me?”
“I came to warn you. The man you lay with believes that you attempted to murder him, but did not succeed like the other women. He described you in detail and now they know that you're still alive and even worse – they think that YOU established this camp on this mount, or as they call it: “The Camp of the Cursed Witches.”
“You see, I lied about what happened here in the forest to save myself. I lied that you killed Daniel and I killed you instead. They don't care about my life though; I mean nothing to them, although they might plot how to get rid of me later. What I'm trying to say is that there is a price for all of you. They are going to arrest or slay you all very soon, most likely tomorrow morning.”
He pauses before he continues speaking. It seems that he needs to gather up some courage first. He looks down and the scar on his forehead wrinkles.
“I have a horse, some savings too. We could escape together, somewhere far, far away from this God-forsaken land.”
I can tell that he is nervous.
“I would like to repay you, somehow...”
I'm touched by his offer, but can’t be sure if he is being sincere.
“How can I trust you after all that has happened?”
“I suppose you can’t. At least not until they arrive.”
The last words he utters make my heart ache. I touch my chest, since it starts to harden, not only because of the ghastly news, but also because I have just pictured the face of the man to whom I gave my virginity just a few days ago, the man who wants me dead now. I lock my eyes with Nathaniel’s and give him a quiet warning: