Through Lies and Heartache (3 page)

“
How dare you doubt me, Ryan
Angelo DeLuca don’t you know my cooking better than
that!”

“
Sorry mama but not only
does it look weird but I’ve never seen it like that. I wasn’t sure
what to expect.”

Mama looks at me and sees I haven’t
touched mine yet and all she does is cock her brow at me so I
quickly pick up my fork and scoop up a bite and quickly put it in
my mouth and I begin to chew finding that it’s very good, with wide
eyes I look at Ryan as mama says “better get to eating kids or
you’ll be late for your first day of school.” So we sit in silence
as we finish breakfast. Were headed to school and I start to fidget
I don’t know why but this year I seem to be nervous, more than ever
before.

Chapter Four

Ryan

O
ut
if the corner of
my eye I watch her as she
fidgets and I can’t understand why she’s so nervous, she’s been
going to school with all of these kids for most of her life, yeah
there have been a few new students over the years but for the most
part we all know each other. With one final glance I can’t take it
anymore. “Gracie what’s wrong?”

She looks out the window avoiding me
“I’ve known you most of my life and over this summer I’ve gotten to
know you a lot better. We ran almost every day and ate after our
runs, you were also there for me when my Nonna passed away, so I
know when something’s really bothering you. Right now I don’t know
what it is and I can’t figure out why you’re so on edge today.
Please talk to me, you know I’m here for you.”

Thank god, I’m pulling into the school
parking lot, maybe I can get her to look at me. I park in the back
of the lot in the furthest corner, throw it into park, “Please talk
to me.” I whisper to her. She unbuckles and climbs in to my lap.
Taking a deep breath to get my bearings, trying to keep my emotions
in check as I envelope her in my arms the smell of her coconut body
spray graces me.

I have my hand in her hair holding her
head to my chest. Having her in my arms causes my heart to skip a
beat, letting out a small sigh, I want this forever. I don’t ever
want to let her go, but I know that once she pulls herself together
I’m going to have to let her go.

I’m going to have to stop with this
shit because if I’m not carful I won’t ever be able to let her go.
With a deep breath she starts to pull away but I instinctively pull
her closer to me and hold her tighter and all she does is snuggle
back into me and hold on tighter, like if she lets go she will
never see me again. Turning her face into my chest she takes a deep
breath and lets it out slowly when she starts to do it again I hold
her tighter still.

“
Come on Piccolina, out with
it.” I say as I kiss the top of her head. Squeezing her arms
tighter she finally starts to talk just above a whisper.

“
I feel like I’m slowly
slipping beneath the surface and I’m never able to break through. I
know I freaked you out but please don’t say anything. I know a
small part of me wants Papa in my life more, but a big part of it
is that I’m going to be leaving you after this year. I just got you
back into my life.”

She never pulls away from my chest,
it’s like she’s afraid of what shell see in my eyes. Kissing the
top of her head one last time I take a deep breath and pull her
away from my chest to look into her eyes, only when I do she has
her eyes closed. I whisper “Gracie.” She clinches them tighter. I
don’t move or say another word, I know she can’t hold out forever
and I know her curiosity will get the better of her, it always
does.

She finally starts to open her eyes. I
hold my breath for fear of what she may see in my eyes. I take a
deep breath and slowly let it out and pray that what she sees
doesn’t make her run from me. “You may be going to college but I’m
not leaving you and you’re not leaving me it will just be a little
distance, we’ll see each other at holidays and breaks. I know that
not having your dad in your life full time is very hard but you
have to know that if you ever called him because you were in
trouble, he would come for you and help you anyway he could.”
Little does she know, her father and I would move mountains or try
our damnedest, just to keep her safe.

With a sigh she looks down for a brief
second then back into my eyes with so much pain and anguish and
what she says just breaks my heart even more. “Why Ryan, why should
I ever call him when I’m in trouble? He wasn’t there when I fell
off my bike countless times trying to learn to ride without
training wheels; he wasn’t there when I broke my arm jumping on a
trampoline. Daddy was never there when I wanted him to be there,
why should I allow him to be there when I need someone?”

“
Gracie.” With that one word
she has tears spilling down her face again. In that moment I’ve
made my choice, she has to know “Piccolina you have to know that
your dad loves you.” She puts her finger on my lips stopping what I
have to say. “I know Papa loves me and yes I love him but Ryan but
he’s hurt me in so many ways and I’m not sure if they can be
forgiven. I know you want to say so many things about what he did
and why he did it. Can we please leave it for another
day?”

I take in a deep breath and am once
again enveloped in her coconut smell and slowly letting it out I
finally tell her, “Ok Piccolina for today and today alone will I
let it go. Just know this, I will always be here. If you ever need
me even if it’s just so that you’re not alone you can call me and I
will be here or where ever you are please don’t lock me out. You’re
my best friend and I’ll do anything I can to help and protect you.”
The sadness in her eyes breaks my heart just a little more. “Ok
Ryan. I promise that if I ever get in trouble I’ll call you.” With
a sigh she climbs back into the passenger seat, throwing her
sweater on, grabbing her backpack from the floor, grabbing the
handle with one last look and a weak smile she’s gone. I’m so
stunned by that look of heartbreak that I can’t even say anything
to stop her, not even move to go after her. Hanging my head in
defeat, taking a deep breath I grab my bag from the back seat of my
truck and think of how I’m going to tell her all of the things that
I have to say to her.

Gracie

Walking away from Ryan is probably the
hardest thing I’ve ever done, I don’t have as much heart ache when
I’m wrapped in his arms. With a sigh I trudge up the steps to the
doors of Saints High School and since I already have my locker
number I head straight there.

We got some of our books when we
registered for classes, grabbing the few books that I won’t need
and put them in there along with the extra notebooks. I grabbed a
few pictures to hang in my locker, quickly hanging them in the
locker before grabbing my calculus book and head to Mr. Anderson’s
class. Walking into class I see a lot of my friends and say hi
while taking my seat, I pull my math book out, setting it on my
desk. I’m feeling lost again I wish I could still be sitting in
Ryan’s truck, wrapped in his arms.

Startling when someone kicks
my seat but I don’t look back, I’m not in the mood to deal with
someone wanting to start something with me. I’m flipping through
the pages of my book and reach down to grab my notebook out of my
backpack, when I catch site of black boots
I’m pretty sure Ryan’s wearing a pair.
I shake my head at that thought. I need to stop that shit, I
know we won’t ever be what I want. He treats me like a little
sister, I also don’t look anything like the girls he’s ever seen
with. Just as I shake my head someone kicks my seat again. So I
finally turn around and look at who’s kicking my seat and I’m
shocked to find Ryan sitting there, with a smug smile on his
face.

Chapter Five

Ryan

W
alking into my first class
I see
Gracie sitting there looking at her book. Walking towards the desk
behind her the kid sitting behind her gets up and moves before I
even make it to the desk, taking the seat I notice that she hasn’t
even moved she must be lost in thought. Kicking her seat to get her
attention startling her but never looking back at me. After a few
moments she bends over to grab something out of her backpack
freezing for a second she quickly sits up. Kicking her seat again
she finally looks back at me, seeming speechless I can’t help but
smirk at her.

“
Well, hello Piccolina.” I
hear a couple of the nitwit jocks snicker at my comment so I shoot
them scathing looks and they quickly stop.

“
Ry…” She whispers and
quickly turns around, when she doesn’t turn back around or say
another word I just tap my foot on her chair instead of kicking it
knowing it’ll driver her nuts and she’ll turn around to tell me to
stop. I start the count down when I see her start to flinch every
time I tap my foot and 3… 2… 1…

“
Damn it Ry, what do you
want?” She snaps at me. “Come on don’t be like that.” I tell her
using the sad face, I know she has a hard time saying no. “I need a
pencil I can’t seem to find mine. Must have dropped it in the
hall.” I shrug. With a sigh “We can talk at the end of the day.”
Reaching down in her bag and tossing one on my desk then she turns
around. Refusing to talk to me the rest of class even when Mr.
Anderson gives us a group assignment and pairs me with her. As I
get up to leave class I happen to look up at Gracie and see and odd
look on her face, “Hey what’s wrong?” When she doesn’t answer and
just looks down causing me to stiffen.

Just then I feel someone tap my
shoulder. Gracie’s shoulders slump as she turns around throwing her
bag over her shoulder and walking out of class. I slowly turn
around to see who it is, when I finally see who it is, it all makes
sense because lo and behold standing in front of me is Jessica
McRay. With a sigh I ask “What do you want Jessica?”

“
Oh come on Ry, why do you
say it like that?”

“
Jessica only my friends
call me Ry. We aren’t friends, please stick to Ryan.” I ask
her.

I really can’t stand her. She seems to
think that’s me playing hard to get. Yeah not so much.

“
What do you want
Jessica?”

“
Well Ryan, I was going to
see if we could be math partners after this assignment?”

With an almost gleeful smile in place,
I now see what her end game is. That will never happen and not just
because the two are sworn enemies, for reasons only they know.
“Well you see, I want to pass this class, so I’ll pass.” With that
I turn and leave.

Gracie

Seeing that skank put her hands on Ryan
makes me want to throw up. I don’t think he would ever do anything
with her, but I know she wants him but every female with eyes wants
him. When we were younger she wanted me to convince him to go out
with her and I wouldn’t do it, if he wanted her he would go after
her like he did with all the others. Ever since then she has hated
me, starts rumors about me, all stupid. I don’t know if she does it
in hopes of getting Ryan to turn against me or just because she
thinks it fun but it makes me glad this is our last year at the
same school.

Just before I close my locker I look at
the picture of Liam, Ryan and I that was taken a few months before
everything happened when we were 15, it was taken at a family
dinner. We used to do them every Sunday but that summer everything
changed. I shut my locker and find Ryan leaning against the locker
behind my door, turning and walking away from him, I miss Liam and
I hate that he’s so close but I’m not allowed to be around him, my
dad, Ryan well everyone wants me to stay away from him.

I see Mrs. White sitting at her desk as
I walk in tucking my chin to my chest and walk to a seat in the
back corner. I hear her get up, refusing to look up, opening my
book I start flipping through the pages as she passes me she puts
her hand on my shoulder and tells me to turn it to page 292. I feel
someone touch my shoulder a second time thinking Mrs. White called
on me, looking down to see that I have no clue what we’re talking
about so I look up I see the class has left. Looking to Mrs. White
for guidance, just as I get ready to ask what I missed, she beats
me to it,

“
Its ok Gracie don’t worry
we just did a review today. Want to talk about it?” As much as I
want to, I don’t know if I can handle another come to Jesus moment
today. So I just shake my head no. with a sigh she backs away but
nods in understanding and tells me

“
I’m always here if you need
anything or just want to talk.”

“
Thank you Mrs. White that
means a lot to me, and I’m sorry for not being all here during
class.”

As she walks to her desk I put my book
in my backpack and start heading to the door, she calls me back
“Gracie come here, I’ll give you a pass for being late just this
once so let’s not make this a habit.” With a smile I head towards
her “Thanks again Mrs. White.”

I’m walking out of the class when I
slam into a wall of steel, stumbling I start to fall but I feel
someone grab me by the waist pulling me to them. Taking a sharp
breath the cologne is familiar, my breath hitches as I realize who
I ran into. I don’t have to look up to know who is. I’m not sure
what to do,